helghast-1337 Reviews

The Machine (I) (2023)

Meh... 5 is probably generous

[5/10 · 27 May 2023]

Only went because my SO likes him. Saw him on tour without knowing a thing about him and knowing now that the Russian story was a big part of his act, the crowd at the show went wild when it came up. Now it's turned into a feature film.

Went at 1pm on Friday and we were the only two people in the theater. Maybe because it's rated R and my area isn't known for doing well with rated R movies or maybe because it's a 1pm show, but two people for a show doesn't bode well for its popularity.

Moving on to the movie... it was too long... way too long. Frankly I looked at my watch and it was only about 80 minutes in and it was already dragging. My SO laughed a lot and I had a chuckle here and there. If I were watching it alone I would have probably walked out and given it one star but because my SO was happy, it earned extra stars. I wouldn't recommend it and frankly seeing some of the reviews of people that love Bert say it wasn't good is somewhat sad.

AEW: All Access (2023– )

Call it AEW: all access of Britt, Adam, Sammy and Tay

[6/10 · 5 May 2023]

Title says it all. Seems like the brunt of this show revolves around those 4, which is odd for a couple of reasons. First, there's a huge roster and in the 5 episodes at the time of this review, we haven't seen most of the roster other than the match vignettes. There are some wrestlers that talk behind the scenes but it's mostly these 4. Another reason why it's odd is because they are two couples where one is mostly universally liked and the other couple is despised. While this is supposed to be behind the scenes where, I'm assuming it's not supposed to be scripted like actual wrestling, it feels like a lot of it is. There are some parts where Tay comes off as a complete selfish person and it would be unfortunate for Sammy if that wasn't kayfabe. I get they're unlikeable but Sammy comes off as a nice guy away from the ring and tay is just... someone I imagine tay really being. Again, I hope that part is part of a script because Sammy is in for a world of hurt otherwise.

I've seen every episode of dynamite, bought every single ppv, and have been to shows so I do have some experience with this company. I just don't know if this is show is beneficial or detrimental to the overall aew lineage.

Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania (2023)

Awful, and I liked the first two

[2/10 · 23 April 2023]

Let's be honest. Comic book movies are turning into cookie cutter movies. Bad guys defeated by good guys. It's getting harder and harder for marvel to make good movies with unique dialogue and interesting plots. I liked the first two ant man movies but this one was a dud. One or two memorable moments and an hour and a half of nonsense. The daughter grows up to be an annoying teenager that looks confused most of the time, almost like Bella from Twilight.

The multiverse just added a whole bunch of nonsensical things to the already watered down marvel franchise movies and this is just going to get worse. Unfortunately these movies basically print money so there's no reason for them to do anything unique anymore. Shame.

Jesus Camp (2006)

The beginning of what we're seeing now after the craziness of the previous administration

[5/10 · 22 April 2023]

Radical religion has been around forever but the spike into it becoming in the spotlight has only happened within the last 10 years or so and this shows the insanity at the beginning of what would culminate into what we see here in 2023. They're literally brainwashing kids to believe certain things, just like the lady that accuses other religions of doing, says.

Obviously there's probably some belief of this nonsense but I'm sure the brunt of it is the massive money involved. They take trips, build churches, buy lavish things, all things Jesus didn't care for nor is it said in the Bible, quite opposite in fact.

This particular documentary, as stated previously, just shows how crazy the people have become in such a short amount of time and I'm wondering what these kids grew up to be. Hopefully their minds changed to become more open to ideas instead of being stubborn and saying there's only one way things go. Somehow I seriously doubt it and they're probably raising kids in the same brainwashing manner they were brought up.

Hannibal (2013–2015)

Fantastic, undervalued TV show

[9/10 · 28 October 2022]

I just binge watched the series, and first thing, I can't believe this was broadcast on network television. Nudity, unadulterated violence and an unhealthy amount of gore.

It was tastefully done though. First, the first two seasons were fantastic. The third was meh, and while I won't spoil it, it was repetitive if you've seen the movies, although there are some subtle (and not so subtle) differences. Still worth a watch, but in my opinion this is why it didn't get a perfect 10. I enjoyed most of the series and highly recommend it to anyone that was interested in the Hannibal Lecter series of movies. I was a fan for a long time and honestly I didn't give this show a shot for a long time because I didn't think the cast of characters would hold a candle to the original cast, but wow. Everything from the actors to the setting to the editing and effects were top notch.

Terrifier 2 (2022)

Great movie, not sure if better than the first

[8/10 · 22 October 2022]

This was a really great horror/gore flick. Comparing it to terrifier 1 and part 2 is scores better as far as production. It's almost like a completely different movie series in comparison, and I'm not sure if that's a good thing. I never knew about terrifier, and I only watched part 1 maybe a week ago, and I really enjoyed part 1 due to it looking low budget and set in one confined area, which made it a lot more scarier than how expanded the locations are in part 2. Again, not bad, but if you saw part 1 and expect part 2 to be similar, it's not, but the basics are there. Art, gore that's even more gruesome than the first one and a couple of twists at the end.

Is this movie super long? In comparison to the first one, yes, almost an hour longer, however I think this is setting up to be a great horror franchise and perfectly timed to pick up the slack of most mainstream horror series like the awful Halloween, that thankfully saw it's last iteration.

Clerks III (2022)

Not a 10, certainly not a 3.

[7/10 · 14 October 2022]

I like all of Kevin smiths movies. Some more than some and this would rank toward the bottom, but it's not that its bad, it's just that his other movies are that good. If you go into this movie with zero expectation of it being his best yet, you'll enjoy it along with the homage from the previous clerk movies.

As my title says, it's not a 10, but it's definitely not a 3. Some of the reviews (both 10's and 3's) have missed the mark of what this movie is supposed to be. A closing film of the clerks franchise.

Granted the first 45 minutes or so weren't that great, which is why my rating is only a 7, but the second half makes up for it in a big way.

I recommend watching it, just make sure you know clerks 1&2 inside and out or watch them both, in succession, prior to watching 3 so you have everything fresh in your mind.

Titletown High (2021– )

Fast forwarding through the HS drama helped

[4/10 · 18 September 2022]

Was recommended this after qb1. Watched the first full episode and was unimpressed. Watched the rest of the episodes by fast forwarding through all the teenage drama garbage. It all seemed so manufactured. There was some real drama at the end so I guess the series is worth a watch for that, but I couldn't imagine watching this without fast forwarding. I like behind the scenes football shows but this one wasn't exactly as good as something like qb1 or last chance u. I would say out of the 30-ish minutes of an episode, maybe 13 minutes of them were actually about football and the rest was about who was taking who to prom and typical high school nonsense.

Fall (I) (2022)

Headache inducing, sweaty palms throughout

[8/10 · 5 September 2022]

I hate heights. My biggest phobia by far. I hate getting on ladders to go up 6 feet. Regardless of anything going on in my life I could never imagine wanting to climb a mountain or an abandoned TV tower but I know there are people out there that do it for a thrill. Not me.

This movie made my head hurt and I had sweaty palms throughout because of the heights the film was set at. If you're like me and have even the smallest fear of heights, this movie will do for you what the exorcist does for people afraid of scary movies.

For me this is worse than any horror movie. I jumped, my head hurts, my heart hurts. I'll never watch it again. Just ignore the pretentious reviews saying it's not realistic. Of course it isn't but it's still a thrilling film.

They/Them (2022)

Wasn't terrible but not horror

[4/10 · 10 August 2022]

I do like the somewhat subtle message about accepting others but this wasn't a horror movie, nor scary. Movie and plot wise it was okay. Worth a watch but that's about it. Wouldn't recommend it to anyone but I like Kevin bacon so that's why I watched it. It was meh at best.

All of Us Are Dead (2022– )

Better than squid game and I loved squid game

[10/10 · 6 March 2022]

I put off watching this and eventually started the first episode and binged it and finished it as fast I could. I binged squid game in a day but couldn't with this for various reasons, none of it being my lack of interest.

It definitely gets some things from train of busan but that isn't bad because that's a great movie itself. I thought 12 episodes was going to be too long but would have liked another episode rather than a subtle hint that could lead to another season. It should end with the last episode.

The thing that intrigued me the most is the zombie and the sets and how hard it must have been to put makeup on all of them and dress them accordingly and the effort of rehearsal to get some of these scenes done right. This absolutely deserves many awards. The acting from the kids is meh but everything else is top notch.

Dances with Wolves (1990)

Excellent movie that ends abruptly

[8/10 · 11 February 2022]

I enjoyed this film seeing it for the first time in 2022. It's really a masterpiece in my opinion and should be required watching to see the duality between native Americans and the people that came to rule the land. My only gripe is that it ends somewhat abruptly. I don't blame them though because 3 hours is a hefty movie but frankly I wouldn't have minded an extra 30 minutes but after reading the reluctance of the studios to fund I see why they needed to tone it down. Anyway, a must watch. Probably top 100 movies I've seen.

National Champions (2021)

Surprisingly good movie

[8/10 · 12 January 2022]

There's a lot of unfair hate in the reviews about it not showing a football game thus missing the point of the movie.

There are a couple side plots that are unnecessary which is why I subtracted a couple of stars but I highly recommend this movie to anyone that's interested in the debate whether student-athletes (or at least those playing football) deserve more than just an education and small stipend for playing at a collegiate level while the NC 2 A rakes in more dough than they need to subsidize scholarships for all student-athletes in all sports nationwide.

Personally I did more than a couple of papers on this subject in college and while I don't have an expert level of knowledge I do have more than zero and I'll leave it at that. The acting was actually really good, save one female actor, and the script writing was really good. Overall go in with zero expectations and you'll be entertained.

Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991)

The best sequel and one of the best movies ever

[10/10 · 24 December 2021]

30+ Years later and it still holds up. I'm talking about the original theatrical version not just the newest version with updated cgi. I mean when I see Arnold's face on the body when the bike is flying into the wash I laugh because we all know the stunt rider was a short stocky dude when it was slowed down.

Domina (2021–2023)

Really liked it then it became a mess

[6/10 · 1 December 2021]

I liked the first couple of episodes a lot (with the "younger" versions of the characters). In the third episode where it fast forwards more than a decade and the adult versions of characters came to fruition is where it went down for me. It became bland, boring (mostly, with some decent parts) and drawn out. Wish they would have stuck with the younger cast and went the adult version in season 2.

The Masked Singer (2019–2024)

I watch but skip 80% of the show

[2/10 · 13 November 2021]

The judges are absolutely incredibly daft and are by far the worst part of the show. The way they feign being surprised and their phony reactions to everything make the show borderline unwatchable.

I DVR it and only watch the clues and performances with my family and we guess who it is. Makes the show about a 20 minute show instead of a 45 minute bore fest. It makes the show way more enjoyable.

Squid Game (2021– )

A great binge watch. Have to agree with the VIPs

[9/10 · 6 October 2021]

The show is a must watch. Would have made it a 10 were it not for the VIPs. I don't understand why they came into the show so late. You figure they would have liked to see it from the beginning to quench their thirst for seeing people suffer but they didn't. They should have just cut them out of the script. Otherwise an excellent series.

The Many Saints of Newark (2021)

Unlike most people here I don't have to use "wokeness" in my review

[3/10 · 3 October 2021]

Forget about the people talking about "wokeness". This movie is horrible for a lot more than trying to pander to a certain type or culture but certain types (you can imagine the type) always want to drag politics into things

This movie isn't good because. A. It's a movie, and 2. ITS A MOVIE.

THe great thing about the sopranos is that it was very fluid and had a lot of time to develop characters and the storyline. When you try to tap into the sopranos storyline, it's, in my opinion, impossible to get through in a 2 hour movie. No development of anything, storyline all over the place and it felt rushed, like they couldn't wait to get to the next scene.

Some scenes, frankly, didn't make a whole lot of sense now that I'm looking back at it. Hollywood is running out of ideas which is why we're not seeing a lot of original ideas and a bunch of remakes and prequels.

Midnight Mass (2021)

A slow burn but worth the watch

[8/10 · 29 September 2021]

If there's something I don't like are slow burn tv and movies and anything to do with religion. This series has both and I highly recommend watching it. A good story, memorable characters and honestly it's really not horror. There are a couple of jump scare scenes (maybe 5 during the whole series) but it's more like a fantasy drama.

Jesus Christ Superstar (1973)

I'm the least religious, least musical loving person

[10/10 · 27 September 2021]

I don't like musicals and I'm not religious at all. This is one of my favorite movies/musicals ever. The music , the characters, everything about it is 10/10. I even bought the soundtrack a decade ago and still listen to it.

I have seen musicals after this on broadway and the west end so I'm not totally against musicals but this sets the bar.

Free Guy (2021)

It was okay , kind of boring

[5/10 · 25 September 2021]

Premise seemed interesting. Execution was not that great. Uninteresting more times than entertaining. Surprised at the high rating but with the pandemic I think a lot of people want something to celebrate and give poor movies high scores.

Stillwater (2021)

Still not sure what I watched, probably 30-45 minutes too long

[5/10 · 24 September 2021]

IMDb definitely gives the best synopsis although it should be called Marseille and not Stillwater considering 95% of the movie is in Marseilles.

Matt Damon's character obviously is a right wing Jesus freak with a record and is a dead beat dad. He tries to make up for his past transgressions by being friendly with a local woman and her daughter. Naturally he messes that up as well. The daughter he's trying to save eventually is released because he did some of his own vigilantism but it turns out she was a part of it after all.

The movie was really long for what it was and trying to mix the Midwest US culture with French Riviera culture is just really weird. I'll never watch it again but I guess I would recommend watching the first 20 minutes. If you can make it past that then keep watching. Definitely not for everyone.

The Suicide Squad (2021)

Complete opposite of the awful first suicide squad movie

[8/10 · 7 August 2021]

I think most sane people agree the first suicide squad movie was terrible and frankly due to how awful it was I was apprehensive to watching the second one but I'm glad I did.

If I had to compare it to a movie I would say it's along the lines of Deadpool with violence and swearing. Not enough nudity but a ton of awesome violence. Superhero movies need to be rated R to be a proper movie. Pg-13 movies are too hard to pull off but in some cases it does with Spider-Man.

Spoilers below.

Pete Davidson is in it for some reason. He dies in 5 minutes and is never back again thankfully. What a terrible choice or cast. That's a deduction for me.

John cena is alive at the end. With superhero movies always fast forward through the credits. The scene at the end of the credits shows cena is still alive and possibly doing a spin-off or the bad guy in the next suicide squad movie. That's unfortunate and worth another deduction because there are 100 other actors (hate to call him one. The marine was dreadful) that would have been better suited. He probably came cheap though.

Jungle Cruise (2021)

It's decent. Worth a watch.

[6/10 · 1 August 2021]

Seemed a little long at times but overall it was a fun movie. Not gonna win awards (or at least it shouldn't. Who knows these days ?) but it's still worth a watch.

I'm at a crossroads here. And it's not really a spoiler but one of the characters enjoys members of the same persuasion and I don't get where it fits in the story other than trying to be progressive (they do explain but other than a 20 second story it has nothing else to do with anything). I really don't mind and I'm a proponent of anyone being themselves but when it feels forced for the sake of posterity I don't particularly like it. I'm sure it will get more harsh criticism from certain types out there.

The Tomorrow War (2021)

Boring, an hour too long and predictable

[4/10 · 12 July 2021]

People these days will take whatever Hollywood gives them and say something like "it's not that bad" so they don't feel like they wasted their time. This is one of those scenarios after reading reviews, seeing the average score, and viewing this film myself.

Plot was boring and took way too long to get to the point. Once the action started it was pretty bland but the CGI was pretty good, but I'm sick of CGI. Acting was pretty bad too. How Chris Pratt is a leading person is beyond me. I personally don't like anything he's in from any of the marvel stuff to Jurassic park.

I wouldn't watch this again and I would advise against watching it. I gave it 4 stars because the CGI was good and the sound was excellent on my surround sound system. Other than that, a forgettable movie that is over rated.