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Reviews
Dice Rules (1991)
The Worst Stand Up Comedy Film Ever Made
Dice Rules- Zero Stars I was about to write my review of Dice Rules, I couldn't come up with anything to write. This movies was very ugly and terrible. What was Andrew Dice Clay thinking when he decided to film this inexcusable piece of garbage. The first thirty minutes of the film is nothing but pointless "comedy" sketches which makes Eddie Murphy's Raw opening sketch look like Casablanca and thats a good thing. There is nothing funny about viewing women as sexual objects. Fear of women is common for Clay. Word of advice, keep it secret and don't exploit are minds with it. Now the MPAA gives the NC-17 rating to movies that don't deserve them like Last Tango In Paris and Y Tu Mama Tambien but Dice Rules deserves that rating and I hope the MPAA doesn't change their minds about it. This movie is sick twisted and one of the worst movies of the 1990's.
The Departed (2006)
Not Just The Best Picture Of 2006, But The Best Picture Of The Decade, So Far!
The Departed **** The Departed is one of those movies where you really get into the story. Now I have to admit, Interal Affairs, the original, was a good movie with a good story but I was amazed that Hollywood came through and made a great movie with a great story. It may not be original but it's a lot more interesting than Interal Affairs. Like many other people, nobody thought much of Leonardo DiCaprio's acting when he made Titanic and The Beach, (I was one of the few males who though Titanic was a great film), but DiCaprio has turned out to be a class A actor, not like he wasn't before. He's not Robert De Niro, Al Pacino, or Marlon Brando of his generation, he's Leonardo DiCaprio, a stand alone actor and if he continues getting great roles in great films, he'll be an Academy Award winner, if not, then he'll get an Honorary Oscar. Matt Damon does a fantastic job of playing a villain for once. Jack Nicholson is veteran actor in The Departed. Some veteran actors can't match up their Academy Award winning roles over and over again. However Nicholson does. His performance as criminal Frank Costello equals up to his performance in One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest, Terms Of Endearment, & As Good As It Gets, which he all won an Oscar for. He may not have won the Oscar for About Schmidt, but he might win it for this performance.
Thats all I'm going to say. Just watch the movie and enjoy.
Pinocchio (2002)
A nice but savage attempt!
The original Disney version of Pinocchio was a great film with great characters and scenery. Sadly Roberto Benigni's Pinocchio doesn't have great character and the scenery gives me a bit of a headache. Roberto Benigni plays Pinocchio like, well, like Roberto Benigni would play Pinocchio. I like the ideas that Roberto Benigni brings to Pinocchio but it goes nowhere. It's like Pinocchio is trapped in a world that attempts to be surreal but the images are more circus like then surreal like. Just imagine if David Lynch would have gotten his hands on this project, now there would be something interesting to watch. Plus, Roberto Benigni focuses relies way to much of the Pinocchio character to which is why the movie loses itself the first time Pinocchio speaks.
Chaos (2005)
The worst movie ever made!
There hasn't been a movie that has never wanted me to go to the bathroom and kill myself. Chaos, however, did! Now is it fair to call Chaos the worst movie ever made, perhaps not but if you thought that this movie was any where good, then you are nothing but a sadist who likes to get off of watching people getting tortured. Now the plot summary states that this "the most brutal film ever made." For a film to be brutal, it has to be honest. Chaos lies and spits in your face when you watch it. Why would anyone want to make a movie like this? I have to say that I needed several showers after watching this film. I hope the production company buries this film!
Strangeland (1998)
Here's a depressing little picture!
Sometimes I wonder if today's horror movies rely on human torturing to make people scared. If so, then there's a sad future for horror movies. Dee Snyder tries to make you feel scared and terrified, this movie does exactly this but not in a good way. Now there are some moments in the film where that there is a chance that Snyder is saving this film from falling into a hole but let's be frank, this movie didn't fall into a hole, it was already in a hole and Synder makes no attempt whatsoever to bring itself out of it. When you finish watching this movie, you are left sick, depressed, dirty, and insane. I have a feeling that was the intention of this movie. What is lower than dirt?
Aliens (1986)
***1/2
***1/2 Aliens proceeds where the first Alien movie left off. It's good sequel but not a great one. Aliens is filled with action sequences which is OK if Alien was intended for an action movie. But it wasn't. The first Alien movie was a Sci-Fi Horror film with lots of terrifying scenes. Don't get me wrong, Aliens is also a Sci-Fi Horror film in some way, but the action smothers the science fiction and the horror. However though, it's a good action movie with a plot which a liked a lot. Plus it doesn't try to rush any scenes whatsoever. That's what makes a good film, not rushing any scenes, except if the subject is very boring. The subject is not boring and fascinating but I just can't give that extra half star.
Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines (2003)
If you are a Terminator fan, then this movie might be for you, if you are a hardcore Terminator fan, then you might want to stay away from this movie!
**1/2 Minor fan might think that this is a nice stand off for a trilogy but hardcore fans might take it as an insult. I am however a hardcore fan but I don't consider this movie as an insult. For me the problem was that this film basically ignores the first two films. It's like the The Exorcist: The Heretic, it completely ignores the main events of the first part. If you are going to make a sequel, make sure that you include the events in the first part. Aliens did but again it was an action movie, not a Sci-Fi horror film like the first part was. Plus I think it was a good idea to have a female antagonist but it doesn't mean anything if she does the same thing over & over again. T-1000 from Judgement Day didn't do the same thing like T-800 did in the first Terminator film. All in all though, it might be a good film for some others but not hardcore fan.
Saw II (2005)
I didn't like the first one, what made you think I was going to like this one
SAW (Zero Stars) POSSIBLE SPOILER A group of people are trapped in a room with lethal gas, or something, and if they breathe to much of it, they'll die.
Personally, I was hoping that they all die because their acting was awful. This movie is no different than the first Saw movie. The only difference is that this movie is about 9 minutes shorter than the original and the ending of this Saw movie is not as dumb ans stupid than the original. The fact that this movie is not in fact reality but pure fiction doesn't help whatsoever either. Your better off watching the first Saw movie because this movie is the same. And of course there is a cop.