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Reviews
Chasing the Devil (2014)
I never realized how boring the devil is
Chasing the Devil is yet another film in the "found footage" horror genre, but instead of being content with telling a simple ghost story, it tries to combine elements from several other successful films. There's bump-in-the-night spooky stuff caught on camera AND paranormal investigators AND possessed teenage girls AND the possessions are like a virus that can jump from person to person AND anybody who's ever watched the video has died horribly.
Sounds pretty exciting! Sounds like an action-packed adventure! Well, it's not. Incredibly, despite jamming all these ideas into one film, Chasing the Devil is an amazingly boring movie. The best hand-held cam/found footage movies are the ones that show us enough to be freaked out, but not so much that it looks like the low-budget production it actually is. Unfortunately, Chasing the Devil shows us too much of what little they had to work with. For example, there's a lot more blood in this movie than one usually sees in "paranormal investigation" type films, but this only serves to make the film ridiculous. One character gouges out his own eyes with his fingers and then instantly dies, blood spurting as though he also nicked his carotid artery while digging around in his sockets.
The characters are flat, completely forgettable and basically interchangeable. The only one who makes even a slight impact is the typical "chubby comic relief" guy, whose "jokes" are loud sarcastic comments about things we just saw and about how the hot girl will never have sex with him. Nothing in the film is genuinely scary at all, and there aren't even many cheap scares like sudden loud noises to make us pay attention. The effects are bad and simply lazy. We're supposed to believe that the DEVIL, not a simple demon or naughty spirit, but Satan HIMSELF is running the show - and the worst he can do is make people have deep voices, flicker the lights, and make the cameras go a bit fuzzy. He doesn't even throw any furniture around or make the possessed people twist into freaky positions! I refuse to believe that Mephistopheles is that unimaginative.
There are numerous problems within the film that make the premise extremely unbelievable, and it never lets us forget for even a second that we are watching a cheap horror film. The worst example of this is when characters broke the fourth wall, which happened several times.
Overall, a very dull movie. Not even much good as a guilty pleasure afternoon time-waster.
The Sacred (2012)
Am I Watching the Right Movie??
When I came across the synopsis for this movie, I was into it. Sure, it didn't sound original, but I was looking a comfort movie - something I could settle into and enjoy without too much effort. I mean, we've got all kinds of classic elements at work here - vulnerable young person alone in a creepy cabin? Weird small-town residents? Some unspoken secret horror just beneath the surface of a wholesome pastoral setting? Yes, please!
Maybe If I had fully realized what a joke this film is instead of giving it even a modicum of respect, I could have had more fun while watching it. Dear reader, don't be as foolish as I.
First of all, the summary for the movie is not accurate. I spent the first 15 minutes wondering if I was watching the right film. "Marie" is actually Jessie, the "young writer" in question in the summary (there IS in fact a Marie, a throwaway character who doesn't show up until the last 10 minutes of the movie - but I could see how the synopsis writer could be easily confused). We know she is a "young writer" because she calls herself this, however she is actually a 40-something MILF straight from the set of All My Children. It is painful to watch her try to act the babe-in-the-woods character. I grant you, she does have a hot bod, but cut-off jean short-shorts do not a young person make. Any attempts at creating a tense or eerie atmosphere are instantly ruined by "young" Jessie's mom-like behaviour and person.
Anyway the point is, Jessie, who at some point wrote a successful horror novel, is trying to follow up with another, but has serious writer's block. She decides to go up to the cabin that her dead aunt (who she can't remember of course) left her, to hopefully spark some inspiration. But the town residents aren't telling her something, and weird things start to happen........ like a door opening on its own when she's washing her naked boobs in the shower omg!!
And, that's basically how it goes. You know this is a Serious and Gritty Horror Film not only because boobs, but also the characters - including children!- use Bad Curse Words.
This movie is bad, but it's not even fun bad. It's like watching a Lifetime Network production of "A Scary Movie starring Your Friend's Hot Mom". Half the time it's boring and entirely lacking in any atmosphere (the scary cabin is scary and derelict because there are dishes left in the sink, and cobwebs! Cue the sexy-dancing housework montage with some Rock n' Roll!), and yet also, there are boobies, and naked lesbian make-out scenes put in because of course there is. The lesbian stuff could have been interesting rather than pointless - if, say, Jessie and Boyfriend were having troubles because she's bi or, hell, even a closeted lesbian who feels she must repress her sexuality, but no, silly, they have a perfect relationship and there are just sexy girls making out and it's really hot okay??
If you are a 13 year old boy of any age, I think you will really enjoy this film, because it has the F-word, someone Smokes a Doobie, and someone Even Has Sex.