criticman2000 Reviews

On the Edge of Black and White (2008)

Good And Interesting; But What's Interesting Isn't Good And What's Good Isn't Interesting

[5/10 · 5 December 2008]

Measured, deliberately paced, slow-moving documentary about television in the late 50s and 60s. Very well-produced, it runs smoothly and looks really good, but production values can't save it from being basically a rehash of pleasant reminiscences by child stars. Filled with child stars from shows like "Father Knows Best", "Timmy And Lassie" and "Lost In Space", you've heard what they're going to tell you, before. Scenes of them tinkering in their gardens and workshops or playing music in the studio, isn't all that interesting. What is interesting, is seeing what they look like NOW, especially if you're only familiar with their early work. While watching this I made mental notes to buy moisturizer, and that made me sad. But if you're hankering for some formerly famous talking heads insisting that 'television just didn't mirror reality back then!!" you've found the mother-lode, with this. "On The Edge Of Black And White" is far too polite. Some of these guys have lead "colorful" lives, but you'll get none of that, here. Lisa Loring (Wednesday of "The Addams Family") has been involved with the porn industry in some capacity, for awhile; Ken Weatherwax (Pugsley, "The Addams Family") has been building movie sets for a lot of years, but he has very little to say about that or really anything. Don Grady ("My Three Sons") was an Italian American kid (nee Agrati) who was made to change his name to get roles, but there's nothing about that. And yeah, some of these actors are peeved, but those that are, are given limited screen time. This is an "affectionate" look back, and as phony as the shows these guys came from. Paul Petersen, for instance (Jeff Stone, the son on "The Donna Reed Show"), has spent most of his life fighting for residuals for child actors to be paid into escrow accounts so that an actor's parents can't squander their kids' income before they reach adulthood, but he's not even here at all. So, nice effort, but not anything I didn't already either know, or could have figured out, for myself.

Mr. Terrific (1967)

Stephen Strimpell Was NOT The Problem.

[7/10 · 6 October 2008]

They had a fine concept, good writers and a fine cast. The shows were crazy-popular, both, "Mr. Terrific" and "Captain Nice". This one was conceived FIRST, and if somebody hadn't leaked the concept to another network, it would have run at least a few seasons. Mr. Strimpell's work, in the title role (Mr. Terrific), is more than adequate, he does what he needs to do, within the confines of the script. "Captain Nice", was a carbon copy, except not as funny, and since they were on at the same time, on the same day, the public got worn out on the idea, pretty quickly. Lines became blurry as to which show was, "the funny one". Both series were very formulaic. This is the superhero version of, "Get Smart". Blaming Mr. Strimpell for the show's failure (and frankly, I believe the networks came to an agreement to pull the plugs of both series together and prematurely), is absurd. I, as everyone else here has said, was a kid when they were on, I loved them both, and they were the rage. Kids didn't count, back then, however, as the networks hadn't yet done the math on the amount of dollars children pulled in. It should also be noted, that although Buck Henry was the creator and head writer of the other show, the experience was such a negative one, that he seems to have expunged his name from the records.

Leisurama (2005 TV Movie)

Sweet, Funny, Evocative Documentary About The Sixties.

[10/10 · 16 August 2008]

"Leisurama" is the story of a little pre-fabricated house, stocked with everything a person could need (except light bulbs)to walk in and begin a happy life, which started out at the 1964 NY World's Fair, and was eventually sold at Macy's! Along the way, you'll find out about the cold war, the World's Fair, the struggles of architects to have their project taken seriously and the fates of those homeowners who invested in a Leisurama home. This is fascinating stuff-- it includes lots of vintage footage and tidbit such as the tale of a woman who went to Macy's to buy a bra and came back with a house. There's plenty to learn here, and if you already knew about this stuff, the film is still breezy, fast-paced and amusing. It's being shown currently on PBS, and I think it's terrific viewing.

Simply Ming (2003– )

What bearing does this have on real life?

[4/10 · 13 August 2007]

I love Chinese food. I grew up in Brooklyn, NY and have eaten the best Chinese food in the world. I have great respect for the good people who fed me all that delicious stuff. I wish I could still get cuisine that good today. And then, along comes Ming Tsai. This is an intelligent, talented, well-educated chef, who presents dishes which have little to do with real Chinese cooking most of the time. He began the series by presenting lazy haute cuisine recipes, most of which were impossible to reproduce in the home. He's evolved to an even lazier program now, which offers only a "master sauce", also impossible to reproduce, served over many impossible to obtain ingredients. Don't get me wrong, in theory, it all seems swell, but in watching the show, you've got to notice even Ming can't get his dishes made. He works sloppily and presents a finished dish obviously put together by some unnamed off-screen sous chef, somewhere. Halfway through, he brings out some quasi-super-chef or another, and they glad-hand and support each others' theories of fusion cooking, which, frankly, for me, the jury is still out on. The best shows are the ones with his likable parents, themselves past restaurant owners. They mug for the camera, embarrass their son and pull the most delicious-looking traditional Chinese fare seemingly out of thin air. The rest of the series is well-produced, but not all that interesting. If I ever get back to Boston, I'll give Ming's Blue Ginger restaurant a try. Until then though, this show just isn't convincing me, and it's a static view of mythic cooking.

Scars of Dracula (1970)

Terrible....

[1/10 · 18 June 2007]

I was about 12 when I saw "Taste The Blood Of Dracula" at the late, lamented, Century's Brook theater in Brooklyn. It scared me so badly, I had to leave the place (albeit, looking over my shoulder all the while). Two short years later, Hammer studios (which, the more I read about, the more I dislike) executives forced both Roy Ward Baker (director) and Christopher Lee (who looks really annoyed here in the few scenes he does show up as Dracula) to make this, and just to be jerks about it, they gave them the slimmest of budgets with which to work. That meant, digging up Bram Stoker's original novel for material and slightly rewriting it; hilarious jumbo rubber bats; illogical nudity, tossed in just to make it watchable, and lots of shtick that flies in the face of the studio's own, stated, vampire legend. Few scenes have anything to do with anything else. Very short on dialog, much of the film involves climbing out of castle windows and down a wall, preparing to do so, failing to do so and/or being caught doing so. It's like a Dracula movie directed by Bob Vila. It never opened in New York (believe me, I would have known about it) and probably nowhere else in the US, either (one of the few Christopher Lee/ Dracula movies, Hammer or not, that didn't). It took until 1985 for me to even find out about it. Anyway.... it's a dud.

The Young Racers (1963)

Grade Z Porno Flicks?!?!!

[13 June 2007]

This is one of only a handful of this director's films that I haven't seen. I've had more than enough experience, however, with those that heap great praise over Mr. Corman's work, most of which is junk, and all of which is flawed, at best. Take for example a home movie called "Little Shop Of Horrors", the original, not the musical (which came later). Although it is remembered with saccharine fondness by many, the movie, which was entirely created in 3 days, on a set which was leftover by another project that wrapped early, is possibly the worst film ever made. As for 1963's "The Young Racers", I stopped in and managed to read a comment on it, under the title, "a great little film". First of all, I seriously doubt it. But everyone's entitled to their opinion. Where the writer of the comment lost me was towards the end, where they bemoaned Corman's having had to resort to making, 'grade Z porno flicks' in the 70's. I don't know what Roger Corman this person is talking about, but it wasn't the one that directed this movie. Roger Corman, despite my limited taste for his output, NEVER made a grade Z porno flick, EVER. Seriously, if you're going to make a comment, do the bloody legwork and research what the hell you're talking about! How many clicks would it have taken to correct your ignorant statement? Your love or hate of his films are your own affair, but get the facts straight.

The Day After Halloween (1979)

A Big Snore

[4/10 · 3 June 2007]

If you're Australian and this flick means something to you, i.e. you and the future love of your life enjoyed it together on a first date, forgive what I'm about to say. "Snapshot" is a huge snore. It should have been better, Simon Wincer is a director of talent and taste and Anthony Giname is an excellent producer. But the script was obviously written by a moron. Besides scenes like the usually wonderful Chantal Contouri explaining her lesbianism to the main character by telling her, "I bang a different gong", which you can at least laugh about, it has a totally confusing and ridiculous ending, preceded by about 90 minutes of snoozy dialog and cartoon cutout antagonists, none of which have anything to do with reality. Even the beautiful Sigrid Thornton being topless can't save it. She plays Angela, a hairdresser-cum-model who, the opening would have us believe, has been incinerated by someone. The remainder is a flashback. If the pacing and script don't reveal, after about 10 minutes, that she's not truly a corpse after all, then you may be able to actually get into this. I could not. It's a mess of 70's clichés, which, since it came out in 1981 (although it might have been on the shelf for a while), you've got to believe were stale, even then. The ending is a disagreeable mess. The person you were supposed to believe is a stalker, is not. The killer isn't the stalker either (or maybe he's a different stalker entirely). Contouri and Thornton happily wind up driving down the street in the ice cream truck owned by the stalker's (who isn't the stalker) ice cream truck, after running him over. Confused? Welcome to the club. At any rate, it's all wearing, inconsequential and ultimately anti-climactic. No scares, no thrills at all.

Big City Comedy (1980– )

Short-lived Candy vehicle

[4/10 · 11 January 2007]

This half hour sketch comedy show was a 'family hour' syndicated entry in 1980, and lasted less than a season. Conceived as a breakout starring vehicle for SCTV's John Candy, the cast featured well-known comedians such as Tino Insana and SNL's Tim Kazurinsky. It was written, in part, by Martin Short's brother, Michael (supposedly also looking for a hit of his own). With all the talent and hype, it should have been a smash, except that being specifically created for 'family viewing', it had no edge whatsoever, and became a wasted effort. Candy returned to SCTV right after its demise. Insana continued doing stand-up, eventually becoming an extremely successful sitcom writer and producer. Tim Kazurinsky went back to Second City in Chicago for a time, running it, then directed some very successful features for Adam Sandler. He also turns up in ads and on television regularly. None of their careers were enhanced by their involvement with "Big City Comedy".

Sports Action Team (2006– )

For Sports Haters: The Antidote

[8/10 · 8 October 2006]

Stupid, silly, funny mockumentary about the Sports Action Team, their clueless producer and their dopey jock hosts. Bright cast, sharp writing, you'll definitely be able to put one of their jocks to a jock you know, no matter where you live or who you (or a loved one) watch. I, for one, easily found the Beesley Reese character and I'm not even into sports. At one point, the producer, who used to produce soap operas, insists the host ask a football player about tryouts, but she wants him to call them 'auditions' instead. She eventually winds up in a pool. The one problem the show has is that it's a little stiff and sometimes a little over the top. Personally, I believe these are growing pains, and eventually the kinks will get worked out. At it's best, it sometimes catches a "Mary Tyler Moore Show" vibe (that was another show that took a while to find it's groove). Not really about sports, it's about showbiz personalities wallowing in "the business", and if you're a football widow, you're bound to get more than a few laughs out it.

Going Berserk (1983)

Remarkably Stupid, On Purpose!

[9/10 · 2 September 2006]

You should not take what I am about to say lightly. I've seen many, many films and have reviewed a great deal of them, in print. So when I tell you that this film has the single funniest scene I have ever seen in a movie, you might want to listen to me. There's a lot of diversity of opinion as to what makes this INCREDIBLY stupid movie as funny as it is. And to those who just didn't get, well, I can't blame them, too much. The scene I speak of, comes at about the 30 minute mark and involves a dead convict shackled to John Candy. Up until that point, I had found the film dumb, confusing and it was beginning to lose me. When this scene came up, I laughed so hard, I peed my pants. No movie has ever done that to me before. When the project began, "Going Berserk" was supposed to be the SCTV movie. I remember it being announced. As time went on, the cast was whittled down To John Candy, Joe Flaherty & Eugene Levy. There also must have been a regime change at Universal, while it was being shot, because upon being released, it was shown in nearly ZERO theaters. When watching this a second time, I listened to the theme song (which actually flaunts how incomprehensible the plot is, in the lyrics), relaxed my logic nerve and figured out what was going on. Aside from the aforementioned routine, "Going Berserk" has many other hilarious scenes to recommend it. This is almost a 3 Stooges flick, except it's much funnier. Director David Steinberg has razor sharp timing, and he must have been laughing all through this. As for Candy, who's basically in charge here, he has NEVER been funnier. With all the plot devices and explanatory scenes thrown out the window, he absolutely runs wild. Flaherty and Levy follow him effortlessly. There is a plot, but it's a plot like "Animal House" had a plot, and yeah, the script is uneven, and a little slow to start. Once you know this, however, you can well appreciate the full SCTV style craziness that transpires. It IS stupid, but it's stupid on purpose, and you need to remember that when you see it. DO see it, and discover for yourself, if it has the funniest scene of all time in it.

Night Stalker (2005–2006)

Not great, but a work in progress

[5/10 · 20 August 2006]

Producer/writer/creator Frank Spotnitz ("The X Files") should have been in the business long enough by now, to realize that you don't put a show on before you've worked out the kinks. He should also know that you don't mess with a beloved original's recipe. But those are not the only problems I had with his retread of 1974's "Night Stalker". Here are a few more: The music is terrible. This matters more than you think. How many times will you find yourself humming the theme to one show or another? It makes it memorable. Talk about Shatner's "Star Trek" and watch as people remember the opening. You can say whatever you want about Spotnitz' series being "a different show" than the Darren McGavin chestnut, that's fine; but a different show should have had a different name, period and different characters. Another thing is Stuart Townsend. Watching this guy sleepwalk through every episode is agony, regardless of my fond memories of McGavin in the same role. Townsend is TERRIBLE. If you bought the DVD and heard Spotnitz talk about getting him for the series, you'd think he'd have found the holy grail. Listen man, there are plenty of wonderful, out-of-work actors in Hollywood, NY, all over the country. Importing one from Ireland, to play a character as American as Carl Kolchak, was not merely stupid, it was an insult. The actor's humorless takes on everything reminded me of a guy behind the counter at a 7-11. Carl Kolchak was changed from a focused, hard-nosed HUMAN reporter desperately trying to prove himself, into something of a misanthrope. He's no longer likable, is guilty of SOMETHING, we never know quite what, and always, always, always knows more than he's saying. Not a hero. How did Spotnitz expect the audience to relate, especially considering Townsend's disconnected performances? If this is what's considered "an update", it's a sad commentary on the current state of the entertainment industry. The rest of the cast is fine, especially Cotter Smith, surprisingly memorable as DiVincenzo, given the miniscule amount of screen time he has, but so what? Also, this was supposed to be a show about the supernatural, yet episodes 3 and 4 are psychological thrillers. How many viewers do you think they lost because of that? Coupled with ABC's well-known itchy trigger finger, what you get is a canceled series. If you buy the DVD (and you really should, the 4 non-aired episodes reflective the original program like none of the ones that were shown, do) you become aware of the network's fine handiwork in the failure of "The Night Stalker", by (amongst other things, I'm certain) messing with the flow of the series, shuffling the episode order about and such. For instance, the material that was never shown must have been shot earlier. Kolchak's relationship with his female partner is still new and tenuous. The ones that aired, showed them getting closer, trusting each other more. Another reason for failure. In the outtakes on the DVD, there's a scene from the pilot, in which we actually see the monsters attack Kolchak and his friends. It's very exciting, yet, was not edited into the final cut. This is more stupidity. So, YEAH, there are a lot of reasons why this isn't on anymore. On the plus side, the production was sumptuous and the direction, mostly pretty stylish and well-paced. The producers should never have expected to get a whole season to tinker with a flawed formula. Did they really think it escaped ABC that they were the same network who axed the first version of this, after less than a season?

Invasion (2005–2006)

ABC Needs To Start Selling Socks

[10/10 · 5 August 2006]

You don't often hear me say this, but this was a fine program from the get-go. Producer/ writer Shaun Cassidy did a wonderful job here. It was a series that was balanced and interesting from the start, and the tension never let up. ABC, however, messed with the scheduling, ignored ratings then finally, in what I'm assuming HAD TO BE a close decision, canceled this little gem. ABC needs to get out of television and sell socks. Last night I watched a horrendous episode of their "Primetime" which is running a special series detailing 'medical mysteries' and FEATURING a segment where the audience is encouraged to make a diagnosis. Now what end does this serve? Aren't there already enough morons out there that think they can diagnose themselves and others? Not to mention that the "medical mysteries" segments themselves are an embarrassment. Reporter John Quinones needs to quit being a sideshow barker. I mention this only because this garbage is flameproof. "20/ 20" & "Primetime"- they've been on for decades, simply because they're cheap to produce. This is what motivates television schedules, now: money. Now, a lot of people yak about how sci-fi gets no respect, how shows that are great get tossed out too quickly, but seriously, where? "Star Trek: Enterprise" was flawed from the start. They had four seasons to work the kinks out and in the last 3 shows, they were still making the same mistakes. "Threshold", on CBS was another one that got the boot after 8 airings. To the extent that it was bounced around the schedule they've got a point, but in reality, the series took a long time to get started and the cast needed to be comfortable with each other. It didn't gel. The last few episodes, which CBS refused to air, were better, but hey, you snooze, you lose. Same with ABC horror series "The Night Stalker". For some reason, the producers thought that reviving this old chestnut with no humor whatsoever, was the way to go. And again, the cast were gnashing gears for the first 4 episodes. By the time the right people figured this out and moved on it, ABC refused to air the series' best 3 episodes. "Invasion" didn't have problems. It was a complete thought when it began. This should have meant something. They just didn't give it a fair shot, simple as that. At the end, the fledgling CW Network was interested, but balked at the production costs; money again. Go sell socks, or door-to-door toilet brushes, but get out of television.

Messiah of Evil (1974)

Amateur time

[2/10 · 19 July 2006]

If you're interested in tracking down the beginnings of famous Hollywood poseurs, you could do worse than to begin here. Writer/director Gloria Katz went on to write some famous scripts and head a major studio for a time. Willard Hyuck was never far behind her. "Dead People" is bursting at the seams with the kind of early 70's "beautiful people" of which Woody Allen frequently and accurately lampoons. Joy Bang, Marianna Hill, Anitra Ford and Michael Greer are all gorgeous. They're also sticks of wood. Greer, in particular, seems to have no idea what to do with the 3 beautiful women he's supposed to be having sex with. The only two real actors here are seasoned pros, Royal Dano (who turns in the scariest performance of the film) and amazing, ageless Elisha Cook, Jr. giving his all, in a too short scene. But, I'm getting ahead of myself. For starters, this was obviously a student project that went unfinished, but which must have been picked up by some distributor and tossed into theaters. For starters, somebody tacked on the completely inappropriate, "Hold On to Love"; a draggy snorer with strings, warbled by hypertensive soprano and John Prine back-up singer, Raun McKinnon. We hear this stupidity over shots of a victim being viciously murdered by an innocent-looking teen-aged girl. When I say, "inappropriate", I mean that sounds of your grandmother farting would have been better. So, right off the bat, you know you're in trouble. The film has been butchered in the editing, obviously by a third party, because I cannot believe that first time filmmakers would have allowed their final product, which would represent their talents, to look like this. How bad is it? There is a scene where the word, "fuck", is bleeped out, so the film can retain a PG rating (which, ultimately, it didn't). The original score is no great shakes, either. Some computer nerd supplies oscillator shrieks instead of real music, which might have cost somebody some cash. The script is absurd. This, however is due, in part to the hatchet job done in the cutting room. But let's face it, Katz and Hyuck's original vision is no great shakes, either, they couldn't even scrounge up an ending. So here's what it's about, as far as I can tell: a woman is summoned to a town by her estranged father, an artist, already missing when she gets there. His house is beautiful, filled with fabulous paintings on the walls. She wanders around for a time, trying to find out where Dad is, and somehow finds her way to a motel room, where Greer and his two girlfriends are interviewing a drunken and crazy Elisha Cook, seamlessly reprising his famous role from "House On Haunted Hill", and loving every minute of it. Why Greer is there, you never really find out, but he's tape recording stuff. Even though Hill does not know the trio, they break into her father's house, where she finds them enjoying Hill's father's food, water, bed, etc. Greer says they were thrown out of the motel for 'moral reasons'. Hill sleepwalks through all of this, and lets them stay. Confused? Good. Somewhere along the line, townsfolk show up and begin eating raw meat and each other. One minute, they're scary white-faced zombies, the next, they look like tourists that just got off the bus from Fresno. Not exactly going to make you have nightmares. A killing in a supermarket, however, is particularly well done. Along the way, things get murkier and murkier. Greer wanders through the now deserted town, looking for Joy Bang. Although this is supposed to be a tiny coastal town, there's a huge J.C. Penney and plenty of lit neon signs advertising hotels and motels, banks, bakeries, the works. When Bang goes into a theater to watch a movie ("Kiss Tomorrow Goodbye", oooo heavy irony!) and finds herself surrounded by hungry zombies, it never occurs to Katz and Hyuck, that if she's sitting there, munching on popcorn she BOUGHT in the theater, there's somebody ALIVE somewhere. Royal Dano, as Hill's errant father, returns to his home and flips out. Dano easily takes command of this demanding and strenuous scene. Things wind down, there's running, some kind of a stupid "legend" is rolled out, explaining how the Donner party got all this started, and the whole mess ends with a whimper, rather than an explosion. In between, there's some atmospheric camera-work and the women are easy on the eyes. I would love to see what Katz and Hyuck were really trying to do, because as it stands, this is junk. Not worth your time, or mine.

How I Met Your Mother (2005–2014)

Why this show isn't more popular....

[2/10 · 10 July 2006]

This show isn't more popular, because "Seinfeld" exists. If somehow Jerry had opened a bagel shop, rather than becoming a comedian, this would still not have existed, or would be a crummy ripoff of some other show, say "Night Court", or "Gidget". Such an absurd revision is this, that they even steal lines DIRECTLY from Jerry's series, i.e. in one episode, Ted drunkenly claims that he is "Vomit free since '93!". Jerry Seinfeld claimed he was "Vomit free since '83!". It doesn't end there, but it should. Neal Patrick Harris needs to be read the riot act. He is completely unfunny, totally predictable and damages ever scene they insert him into. Josh Radnor, although he tries, is terrible. Nobody is that naive, not in NYC. There have been times I would have strangled the two of them if only I could have gotten my hands into the TV screen. Cobie Smulders is very beautiful, but she has nothing to do. Her character, as well, is one of the most annoying ever on a sitcom. "I don't love Ted! Or do I?? Maybe I do! NOOOO.... I could never love Ted, I have a career! Or DO I....?" Enough already! I get the idea! You can't make up your mind and Ted is a MORON!! The only thing that works on the series, is the relationship between wonderful Alyson Hannigan and Jason Segel, who actually seem well suited to each other. Naturally the producers turn their characters into a target at every turn, making their relationship look stupid, their devotion seem hopeless... it is beyond belief. I also hate the openings, where an older Ted tells his kids, who obviously are waiting for their allowances, "How I Met Your Mother". It's a one note gimmick and it keeps the show from going anywhere whatsoever (not that this sad trash has a destination). Despicable junk, CBS needs to surgically remove it from it's schedule.

Bruiser (2000)

Strange, strange, strange.....

[6/10 · 4 July 2006]

I'm a fan of few artists' work. Being a fan involves a level of naiveté which I no longer possess. I do admire George Romero, though, and feel a little sorry for him, too. This man should have been doing better than horror films and he knows it. All of which brings us to "Bruiser"; a strange, strange, strange film if ever there was one. Try as you might to pigeonhole this into some horror genre, it really owes much more to Ingmar Bergman than John Carpenter. I also have NO DOUBT whatsoever, that the movie you will see is exactly what the director wanted you to see, the way he wanted you to see it. This is a satirical morality play. Henry is a nice guy who wakes up one morning at the crossroads. The jury has come back in, he knows he's been getting screwed and suddenly it's time to get even; with everybody. His face goes white with a mask which cannot be removed, and the killing begins. There is much metaphor here, disguised as action; some sex scenes and many in-jokes. As always, Romero has written lots and lots of dialog, but he's good at it and yeah, he's does have a lot to say. If you know anything about how Romero has lived you can't escape the autobiographical parallels, either. It's all very well thought out, to the point of being glib, actually, and the observations it makes about ethics are ultimately sour. But this is George Romero's thing. It's extremely well done, as are most of his films. He's always deserved more attention than he's gotten.

Out of Practice (2005–2006)

I am the voice of reason

[1/10 · 20 June 2006]

Wow. I cannot believe the glad-handing love fest that I just witnessed over this awful, awful show whilst browsing through the reviews. I was going to pass on this one, but seriously-- NOBODY HATED THIS EXCEPT ME???? My God.... . I'll be brief. Boring, pedantic, UNFUNNY; plots, gags and characters stolen from 60's and 70's sitcoms (like "The Mary Tyler Moore Show") that were actual entertainment, performances that are either acts of desperation, or just bland and faceless. This is another show with nobody to root for! 6 people that are total stereotypes of their kind and not a hero among them. Henry Winkler is as dull and uninspired in this role as he's been trying to convince us he is in real life since he was the Fonz. ENOUGH already, Winkler! You're a nebbish! I'm convinced! Stockard Channing (who consistently seems on the verge of a nervous breakdown), is shrewish here and well aware that she is, but has nothing to work with. I'd give her the sympathy vote, if I didn't dislike the character so much! Both struggle to swim against the tide of these poorly written scripts. So glad this has gone (probably). Next, CBS needs to dump the terrible "How I Met Your Mother" and "The New Adventures Of Old Christine".

The New Adventures of Old Christine (2006–2023)

Who is the real beneficiary of "Seinfeld" curse?

[2/10 · 31 May 2006]

There's been a lot of yada yada yada about the "Seinfeld" curse, so-called, because none of the cast of that beloved show have found successful vehicles since it ended. There are reasons for this. The most obvious is that much of what they've produced has just been crap. Look at Jason Alexander. Aside from the wonderful "Duckman" cartoon, his two live action series, "Bob Patterson" and the recently canceled "Listen Up" (which was unwatchable, formula treacle), were both ratings duds. This is a guy who, on Broadway, was practically George M. Cohan! Same with Michael Richards (Kramer). His lone attempt at solo fame ("The Michael Richards Show") was mystifyingly terrible. It seems that all of the "Seinfeld" cast have made bad career moves since the show ended. At least, Julia Louis-Dreyfus has tried to be conscientious. She's been in some duds, sure, but her previous attempt, "Watching Ellie", was a good show, that just needed a little retooling. The cast was sharp, it was well-written and she was bubbly and easy to watch. The major problem it had, was that it felt like some of the later Laurel and Hardy movies, the plotting was a little trite. I understand she had a lot invested in that program, her husband wrote it, they both produced it. So when the nincompoops at NBC decided they weren't going to give it a fair shot, it must have been a bitter pill to swallow. She's been on hiatus for a few years; I suppose, just to let the smoke clear. Now, she's back with "The New Adventures Of Old Christine", and believe me, this one is complete junk. For starters, she looks terrible; wan and sickly, with circles under her eyes and primarily, she plays a punching bag. If Elaine Benis was rife with insecurities, Christine's insecurities are eating her alive. Here's the premise: her husband (a lackluster milquetoast of a man) and her were having marital difficulties, so they went to a therapist, who, we find out, episodes in, is a nasty incompetent who was having sex with the guy. Like everything on this program, the shrink is a broadly drawn cartoon. If this woman were your marriage counselor, you'd be looking for a new one mid-way through your first 45 minutes. But, okay. So, when the series begins, Christine's spouse has already walked out on her, for a younger, NICER woman, who is also named Christine; hence, NEW Christine. Brutal. She's moved into a not so great apartment, has trouble making ends meet, nobody likes her... . I mean, how do the producers think that anybody who's EVER lived through a divorce (what- 75% of the USA now?)could find humor in this? Mostly, Old Christine doesn't even have suitable responses to the group of sharks around her. The supporting cast either doesn't care, doesn't have any use for her or they simply want her gone. None of this is even mildly amusing, let alone witty but worst of all, there's simply nobody to root for. Hamish Linklater, as her odd, clueless, immature brother, is the closest thing here to funny, but his part is written in such a peculiar way, that I wouldn't be surprised if, in a future episode, we all find out he's a serial killer. Her ex-husband is a shadow, her young son is one of these kids who was hired on cute quotient, not ability. The 3 rich, snobby mothers at her son's school are beyond contempt, but compared to Dreyfus' mewling, neurotic, battered, apologetic Christine, I almost feel sorry for them; at least they can stand on their own two feet. This is a show about how a decent woman who's made some mistakes, gets smacked down by life at every conceivable turn. It's painful to watch and it needs to go. As for that "Seinfeld" curse, I'm beginning to think it's on us.

Boston Legal (2004–2008)

A not precisely "guilty" pleasure, but it's a close call

[8/10 · 18 May 2006]

It starts out with, unquestionably, the cheesiest television score I've heard, since maybe, the "Mister Ed" theme song, which was at least pithy; this is just clowny and really really annoying. And I don't know what the HELL happened to David E. Kelley's production skills; the whole quasi-documentary approach with hand-held cameras wracking focus out of nowhere, is beyond passé. When you believe the audience needs jerky camera movements to provide impetus in a series, that's a worrisome vote of no-contest from the executive office. Some of the cast, as well, is just bland window dressing. I speak primarily of Mark Valley, who lately, has made a much needed burlesque out of his woodenness, but before that was as much a doorstop as anything else. Nor do I like the women on the show. They're heavy-handed and unconvincing; for the most part, 60's soap opera actors. Even Candice Bergen doesn't seem to know what she's there for. They hand her character new situations, even a lurid past, and she marches through her scenes like a Victorian schoolmarm. So what's the deal here? The DEAL, friend reader, is James Spader and William Shatner, their chemistry, their superb acting skills, the way they plug into and feed off of each other with increasingly effortless skill and almost revolutionary invention. There's ALWAYS something new to see, ALWAYS. And when you drop them into the slot with the lesser cast members, they get them going, too, pushing them into areas they might never have gone into otherwise. A prime example is Mark Valley; great looking, but certainly not one of the most inspiring of actors. So what did they do? Somewhere along the line they forced this guy to confront his blandness, quadruple it, and push it back into the face of the audience, where it belongs. Blandness has become his character's DISEASE. A prime example is when, during a perfectly wonderful office romance with a beautiful partner, he becomes knocked out of joint upon hearing the word, "vagina", used by this adorable female. He takes the ball and absolutely RUNS with it. And don't think for a moment, Spader and Shatner had nothing to do with that. The shtick between straight-laced Bergen and Shatner, where, upon hearing her whisper his own name in his ear, he is brought almost to orgasm, is amazingly funny. But Shatner wasn't always like this. For years, even though a beloved actor, he had a reputation as a snob, a jock and the worst victim of the 'star mentality'. He became incensed when his LP, a horrendous piece of crap, was savaged in the press. But something happened; he grew up. He took the time to figure out what life was all about and what do you know? He really IS an actor with superb chops! And he laughs WITH us, now! As for Spader, he can do no wrong. He's always been a remarkable performer, he's just getting better and better and better. He loses himself in his characters. Spader is as much like Alan Shore as Daws Butler was Yogi Bear. Additionally, there's the writing, which, if not continually top notch, is at least trippy and fascinating. But "Boston Legal" needs to be less of a sequel (to "The Practice", if you weren't aware) and more of a daring original. It needs some tightening, because once you remove the cheese factor (and sadly, it's probably too late for that, now), you've got something really brilliant and it needs to be better than the sum of it's parts.

I Spy: Chrysanthemum (1965) Season 1, Episode 4

Really captures the essence of the show

[10/10 · 15 May 2006]

The thing about "I Spy", a show of which I am often very fond, is that it was a kissing cousin of "Star Trek", filmed using the same Paramount tactics that are so familiar to fans of that other show. At times they are so similar, you wouldn't believe it. Also like "Star Trek" (moreso, actually) it wanders in and out of quality. This is because, at the time, there was a lot of ongoing friction on the set, and you can see why, these actors are really put through their paces. Word was, the show was canceled in a salary dispute with one of the stars, who also wanted greater creative freedom, then finally decided he could do better in movies. In any event, certain episodes capture the real flavor the show better than others. These usually feature Cosby as much as Culp and are story driven, as opposed to having them wandering around some Greek isle muttering to themselves. This is one of those shows. It features the incredible Marcel Hillaire (sort of a French Jimmy Durante), this rubber-faced comic actor is fearless and fascinating to watch; one of those entertainers, the like of which will never come around again. It's a shame he's not better remembered. Here, Hillaire plays a clueless, aging French secret agent who has been assigned to Cosby and Culp as their boss for a special assignment. It quickly becomes clear that he doesn't know what he's doing and they're mostly on a babysitting detail. It's funny, breezy and hip in that 1965 way that always makes "I Spy" such interesting viewing. This was a very, very stylish show when it was on. The clothes alone, set trends afire. At any rate, you count on this being a first rate episode.

Unan1mous (I) (2006– )

Is this what society's come to? Sickening....

[1/10 · 8 May 2006]

I can't believe people are reviewing this for it's "entertainment value". It simply hasn't any, but the really striking thing about "Unan1mous" is the sheer, unvarnished cruelty it so proudly parades. Here's the premise: You put a group of contestants together, flaunting the fact that these people are in real dire straits, mind you; they've all been through monumental personal loss and they look like life has simply smacked the snot out of them. Then, you make these poor souls dance like papier mache marionettes, while dangling a gradually diminishing $1,500,000 prize, forcing them to negotiate with each other and the producers, until they can choose which one of the whole group of 9, will take home the entire amount (whatever's left of it, that is). You have them do this in a bleak concrete underground bunker while a smug, pernicious host watches and comments about the 'action' over television monitors set high in the ceiling, to reflect, I would imagine, the godlike power of the money. I saw Sidney Lumet's classic satire "Network" again last week, and believe me, Paddy Cheyefsky couldn't have made anything like this up. They simply wouldn't have believed it. So the question would be, what kind of values are the executives at FOX using to put garbage like this on, anyway? What moral center are they working with? This filth is a disgrace to everything good Americans have stood for over the course of 230 years. I'm sickened by it and host J.D. Roth at least, should be ashamed of himself for being involved in this travesty. He certainly looks like he's sold his soul to the devil. FOX has put some real trash on over the years, but "Unan1mous" is a certifiable new low.

Inserts (1975)

The fascinating oddity that nearly killed Richard Dreyfuss' career

[2/10 · 7 May 2006]

This is trash, pure and simple. Richard Dreyfuss, who, at the time, was just about the hottest property in the business, was also having well-documented personal problems of his own. Purportedly, that is why he decided to make this one set, cheap-jack, piece of crap. I waited decades to see this, being a bit too young when it was released and then not being able to find it when I finally WAS old enough. The tantalizing thought of it stuck with me for all those years. It had the reputation of being a train wreck, and I'm a collector of legitimate X-rated movies; the ones with big budgets, like, "The Killing Of Sister George" and "Midnight Cowboy". "Rosemary's Baby", missed the ratings system by about 4 months, or it, too, would have been certified X (Rosemary's a married woman whom Satan impregnates, in a scene which was trimmed shortly after release). When I finally found an ultra rare copy of the VHS tape, I was plenty excited to finally screen this notorious oddity. The result was very disappointing, even by my low expectations. "Inserts" is a lame, almost slapstick comedy fueled by substance abuse, yelling and a script so poorly written that even the sex can't redeem it. It's a stinker, for sure. But if you're into Dreyfuss (he really is a superb American talent) and you can track this down, you may want to spend some time with this weird little movie.

He & She (1967–1968)

Super, super show

[1 May 2006]

What an amazing show. I was 11 when this was on and I had to pull every con game imaginable to get to stay up late enough to watch it. Prentiss and Benjamin were great together, having the real chemistry of actual married people (they were and still are, wed). They were funny and a pleasure to watch. Hamilton Camp was hilarious, too, but best of all was Jack Cassidy (father of David and Shaun) as the ultimate Hollywood schnorrer. I loved this and was really upset when it got axed, basically because the show that came on before it was a completely dud. For a while there was talk about reviving it, but it never happened. Produced by David Davis who was one of the geniuses who created the first "Mary Tyler Moore Show", this had much the same flavor. One of the funniest episodes of the latter series was where Jack Cassidy appeared as Ted Knight's ultra-competitive brother. If you ever get the opportunity to see episodes of "He & She", don't pass it up.

The Twilight Zone: Night Call (1964) Season 5, Episode 19

Still scary from a master director

[13 March 2006]

It's really hard for me to claim this or that as the best ever, or my favorite, simply because it's so limiting and something always pops up sooner or later, to prove me a liar. In this case, however, I MUST say, I have seen all of the "Twilight Zone" episodes, half and full hour-long and of any of them, this is the one I always recommend. Directed by the vastly underrated Jacques Tourneur (whose "Cat People" revolutionized horror films as we know them, and has resonance even today), this is a story which simply plays on our fears and messes with our minds. A crippled old woman sits in her lovely cottage home, aided only by a nurse. Alone and miserable, she begins getting strange nightly phone calls from somebody who makes odd sounds and leaves her terrified. Is she senile? Her maid seems to think so, but as you might expect, there's much more here than meets the eye. I won't go into details more than to say that the ending won't disappoint and Martine Bartlett, as the old woman, is likable and sympathetic. I saw this recently and yeah, it's still scary. Is it the best "Twilight Zone" episode, though? Well, if you like creepy irony, then yeah, this one is the best, ever.

Great Romances of the 20th Century: Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton (1997 TV Movie)

Interesting, Workmanlike British Take On Great Romances

[7/10 · 2 March 2006]

Actor Robert Powell narrates this series of 30 minute programs dealing with great romances of the 20th century, which must have originally been done for a British audience, but have recently been turning up as late night PBS filler. It's a bit lurid, kind of dry, but ultimately entertaining, due to to Powell's excellent voice work and wonderful, glitzy, leftover background music by De Wolfe Music Limited. This stuff has been used umpteen times in countless films and television series. If you grew up in the sixties, you'll recognize it immediately. It is at once familiar and well-suited to the material. The shows take on lots of Hollywood legends, including Elizabeth Taylor & Richard Burton, Howard Hughes and any of his many women, plus historical and political figures, i.e. British and Russian royalty and others. It's the kind of thing which you'll neither turn off, nor seek out. There's lots of fine rare photos and footage throughout, as well as some famous shots. You could do a lot worse. What takes it down a notch, is the feeling that all of this is a retread of an earlier series with added narration, the same music and scant new visuals. The bottom line is, if you run across it, it might be worth your time to check out, but I wouldn't fall over myself to find it. It's a tame entertainment and I believe, was meant to be exactly that.

Session 9 (2001)

Yeah, but so what?

[6/10 · 26 February 2006]

A group of 5 broke H.A.S.M.A.T. workers get the low-ball bid to take the asbestos out of a huge, creepy, isolated CLOSED mental hospital in half the needed time, in this atmospheric and moody horror film which makes great promises, then doesn't deliver. You'll watch with interest as the characters get freakier and freakier, doing odd things seemingly for no reason, finding odd objects that shouldn't be there, and stressing, stressing, stressing. This is where the intrigue starts and ultimately where the problems lie. Gordon, owner of the asbestos removal company, kills his wife and baby. A disenfranchised attorney, moonlighting with the crew to pay the bills, decides to become an amateur psychiatrist and sleuth, ripping open boxes, pulling a tape recorder and files out of nowhere, and listening to tapes from a small buried box marked "evidence". Why does he do that? If he were SO interested in the law, he'd still be practicing it, no? Another guy is mysteriously lead to a cache of treasure, hanging out of a crumbling brick wall, but why? You'll be on the edge of your seat, anticipating the answers to these and many other intrigues. While you're watching this it's all very interesting, well-paced and exciting, directed by the talented Brad Anderson, with a crisp Kubrick-like style. You wait for the big conclusion to pull all of this stuff together, but it sadly, does not arrive; what happens, happens. You never find out why, or what the real motivations of the characters were. The only explanation seems to be that insanity is some sort of resonating force which hangs out and soaks into the sane. The fact that the character doing all of the killing was already nuts before he began working in this horror house, seemingly meant nothing to the screenwriter. Frankly, it's not enough. It is lame. Direction is strong. The film looks great, using a new video system that shoots at 24FPS and allows the filmmaker to work without extensive lighting tricks. The result is that the abandoned hospital (apparently, a real one, although I know not where it is), is incredibly spooked-out. The cast, including CSI's David Caruso, is edgy, sharp and brimming over with method-acting tension. They clash and interact nicely. The whole film is very well paced and directed. The script needed to be more than a 'great idea', however. It needed a slam-bang conclusion to suit to what leads up to it.