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Bodies (2023)
like ITV tried to make a "mindbending" time travel drama
This is poor. Shame as the initial premise showed promise, but it's done SO badly. For a start - Stephen Graham, who only really plays the one character, is DREADFUL here, trying to put on his MARSTERFUL creepy dictator accent (but keeps going scouse), and even worse when he's trying to be cockerney (but keeps going scouse). Just stick to grimy dramas set on an estate Stephen.
And then it kept trying to be all emo, with that "know you are loved" nonsense, which tried to be Orwellian but coming from some deep sadness insiiiiide. Not convincing or even particularly coherent.
'Dark' it is not. Don't waste your 8 hours when you could spend those 8 hours starting 'Dark' for the 23rd time instead. Or even watching paint dry.
Ahsoka (2023)
I thought Ahsoka was a crusty
I thought Ahsoka was basically a custy Jedi, or possibly a relative of Binks, so i was very not at all excited for this, especially after the last season of Mando.....but I was so wrong - Ahsoka has been absolutely incredible on so many levels, great balance of fighting and thrills with politics and philosophy and soul, the comic relief isn't naff at all (As SW can be - see also: BINKS), and we're really rooting for the good guys, whilst the bad guys.....does anyone else think that one or both of the mercenaries are going to go Han? Just the right amount of fan service with threeps and also loved the stuff with Anakin, which was absolutely one of the many MANY massive fails of episodes 1-3!!
Music's Greatest Mysteries (2020)
Pure Fried Gold
This show doesn't really do fact or opinion so well (sorry, pal, 'Never Learn Not To Love' isn't a "forgettable" Beach Boys track, it's an absolute MONSTER!) but it DOES bring to light some obscure, mystifying, funny, and sometimes even sad aspects of music. The Carly Simon thing had me in bits, so funny, and Jimmy Nichols? Never heard of him until now. What a truly tragic story. Amazing show, and done in that truly excreble american mystery-docu-tainment style....chef's kiss!
Again Pure Fried Gold.
For some reason i'm having to add this extra sentence to my pithy review, which is a bit annoying.
1899 (2022)
NEXT LEVEL OF THE NEXT LEVEL
Firstly i have to say just how predictably horrified i am by the all the negative reviews on here, the same people saying "this isn't Dark" are the same people that were trying to claim that The Return "just isn't Twin Peaks". How easily you forgot that Dark was slow, convoluted, and excruciatingly mysterious, a puzzle inside another inside another. What the creators of Dark did for ruining timey wimey for everyone else, they're now at for reality itself. They're like what Keith Richards did with all the drugs!!! Except of course they celebrate the human capacity for imagination, so there's always plenty for everyone else, but good luck doing it better :) At the end of Season one we're left with the feeling that we're still only in the shallows of possibility, and we all know from 'Dark's' - let's face it - narrative PERFECTION - that Jantje and Baran aren't going to tie off with so many dangly ends. They aren't trying to attract kittens, they're doing nothing less than rewriting the rules for how reality might work, and doing it brilliantly.
So here i sit, like one of the aforementioned kittens, waiting for Jantje Friese and Baran bo Odar to open the door again please, and when they do i'll just sit and blink.
Friday Night Dinner: Dad's Birthday (2020)
The last 30 seconds is a true comedy moment
On a rewatch (again!) of this wonderful show Not kidding, I've just watched it the end 6 times in a row! It really is an absolute classic comedy moment.
We really lost a treasure when Paul Ritter left us 😭
Don't Look Up (2021)
WATCH IT WHILST YOU CAN - 35 Harvests left
Very much loved the way this slides from all goof to all sorrow. Beautifully put. And i'll bet that 'Moonfall' does 10x better at box office, where the guy saves the day :(
Infinite (2021)
7.6? Sounds like the production company are paying for stars
That was utterly wack. I can't even begin. The worst generic endless fight scene car chase twaddle. Terrible acting. Awful direction. Tasteless. Thoughtless. This is so weak.
Clarice (2021)
Everyone hates her. This is unwatchable
Everybody hates her. It's preposterous. Her bosses hate her, the press hate her, her shrink hates her, her colleagues hate her, the girl she saved hates her. It's just horrible, and no way would a person that had done this good thing be untrusted and hated by so almost everyone in her life. It's toss
Jacob's Ladder (1990)
KETAMINE CLASSIC!!
Lots of Ket doing the rounds in 80's Hollywood, and it was first used in Vietnam as a battlefield painkiller! Anyone who has taken ketamine will instantly see how this all fits together!!
Antebellum (2020)
ABSOLUTELY "CRACKING"!
By turns both depressing and hilarious reading many of the reviewers on here trying to disguise their blatant racism as film critique. Not original? There were at least three genuine "WHAT THE....??!?" moments in this fantastic edge of the seat thriller / polemic, all brilliantly executed and beautifully shot. And of course Janelle Monae is a WONDER!
Lodge 49 (2018)
So sorry this was cancelled
This show could potentially have run for years, or at least until it's creators felt they had told the full story. Makes me so sad and angry that the network had to sack it off as it clearly would have slowly and surely attracted new visitors to this wonder-filled little universe. It's destined to be a (lost) classic. Funny, heartwarming, a great and down to earth exposition of the occult, fantastic performances from all concerned and such a great soundtrack to top it all.
Watch it once a year, trying not to cry over it's sad loss :)
The Haunting of Bly Manor (2020)
I usually hate haunted house films
Genre films are always so bloody predictable - trees rattling against the window, shadows waking up the kids, don't go in the basement you moron!!! Blah blah blah. I love horror films, but this is one sub genre that, with the obvious exceptions, leaves me cold. Not so with Mike Flanagan's latest masterpiece. What I loved most about this was that it wasn't about yawn-tastic jump scares or even a stomach churning gang raped witch origin story, but about human beings and the emotional resonances which their sorrows, betrayals, and distant memories turn into what we might call "ghosts".
And that last episode....I continued bawling my eyes out for about half an hour after it had finished, cuddling the cat, because I feel the same as the bride to be says she feels about her fiance when I do - become acutely aware that nothing lasts forever, so try and return to the present, and the beautiful ball of fur in my arms <3
Spiral (2019)
Not bad not great
This could have been loads better with a decent, and less confused script.
I'm Thinking of Ending Things (2020)
Televisual Marmite!
Is it just me or are all the ratings either zero or ten?! Anyone that rated this film zero really needs to avoid filmmakers like Kaufman!! Stick with "Ow My Balls", yeah?
For me it was a ten, although like many of the more disgruntled reviewers here I don't have a clue what just happened either! Wonderful. T I N Y (i.e. massively) bit sad, but, again, Kaufman does this brilliantly. The first half of this film is like if Mike Leigh were less cheery. Then it goes full Kaufman. Will be watching this over, remembering to only ever do so when I have something really fun planned right afterwards, lest I start thinking of ending things!! Which is fully how I recommend anyone watch this.
Last and First Men (2020)
INSTANT PSYCHEDELIC CLASSIC OF THE HIGHEST ORDER!
Just wow. Immediately watching it a second time. A truly awe inspiring film and a hypnotic mantra to eternity
Normal People (2020)
Does this get any better?
I've seen two episodes so far, and it's just middle class rubbish.
Avenue 5 (2020)
God Americans bring out my inner bigot
This is absolutely fantastic. The only people not on board are, surprise,surprise, Americans, who seemingly only understand humour if it's EVERYBODY HERE IS A JOKE!
Anyway, if you like your humour smart, sarcastic, subtle, dry, satirical, surreal, and extremely cutting without ever being outright nasty, then, as ever, ARM'S YA MAN! Every bit as good as all the other 100 percent classic comedies that Arm has been partly or wholly responsible for. I would say that as I think that that absurdist little Scotsman is easily of the greatest comic geniuses to ever come from The UK.
ALSO: I would love this to drag on for several series, getting worse and worse and worse and worse....until it ends up like the finale of Aguirre, Wrath Of God, with only Judd left
Succession: This Is Not for Tears (2019)
What a heartstopping season finale!
So glad there's going to be a season three, but the series could have ended there and it would have been perfect anyway. I was fully hoping for what happened but fully surprised that it actually did. GO KEN!
High Life (2018)
Nothing makes any sense
Which is why I like it. This is a really strange little epic. It FEELS like a Phillip K Dick novel done properly - nobody is really very likeable, the tech is arcane, and you have to just accept the gaping plot and science holes and suspend all disbelief and wonder at the world she has created. Magic.
Counterpart: In from the Cold (2019)
stopped watching
Apart from the all too brief episode showing the origins of the crossing, this series has gone gradually downhill to the point where it's just an overcomplicated and not very tense thriller, and after two dull as a puddle episodes in a row i've made the decision to top watching. Shame.
True Detective: The Great War and Modern Memory (2019)
Promising start
Whilst getting excited for this new season I ended rewatched season one AGAIN - Easily in the Top three of the greatest TV shows of all time - and one of the biggest reasons why season two suffered so much. It's interesting to see some of the creative decisions that have been made here, obviously some of th
Inside No. 9: Dead Line (2018)
A Brexit Metaphor?!
What a wild ride! Some true experimentalism on the BBC, harking back to shows like Sapphire And Steel and perhaps scaring an audience not pissing themselves laughing at the audacity of it all. If anyone was actually taken in by this glorious art (why would they be watching in the first place?) they were probably vulnerable older people - leave voters incapable of seeing the difference between transparent confection and "reality".
Did the BBC get any complaints?
Lucifer: Pops (2016)
Banging punchline
This is the first time i have failed to suspend disbelief during this series - epic fail as it's central conceit is so silly in the first place, (not to mention the notion of a nightclub owner being encouraged to help solve crimes), but much more could have been made from that dinner party disaster, it just seemed rushed to it's conclusion and seemed unbelievable, which was a pity. The show runner should have asked Mike Leigh along, that kind of thing.
However the glorious punchline at the end of this episode made it an absolute pleasure to watch, as usual, just total comedy gold. I nearly did a little wee with joy!
Narcopolis (2015)
Shark Sandwich
SPOILER ALERT! Eh? How in hell would you spoil this film? It's doing fine on it's own. It would be like taking a pooh on a pooh. (not bear on bear action there, just trying to sideswipe the no swearing rule)
SO: Last weekend me and a few friends listened to:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fAmQ7RsNAE4
23 times in a row, laughing our tits off, and wondering "why?"
My guess is this film is a low rent version of that record, and without it's wit or humour
Somebody somewhere had a love of science fiction, a lot of bad drugs, too much money, and decided to build this folly. Unlike Ringo the result wasn't pleasurable in any way (i'm being over dramatic for effect - the camera is occasionally lovely, that's why this review isn't merely a complaint about why IMDb doesn't offer a drop down 0 out of 10) but still the same question remains; "why?"
Did you see my last sentence? Did you see how it didn't quite work? Maybe it was because the brackets were too long, maybe it was irrelevant, maybe it was a smelling error, maybe it was just time travel or i've been a terrible father messing things up for no reason, maybe it was that I'M NOT A WRITER
That's this film. It doesn't work on any level at all. it's a bit like someone with too much money and drugs just went "i've got this bag of half-erst science fiction thriller memes, let's just place them artfully in this vase", but the vase was made of Ketamine so when they opened the bag the memes just went EVERYWHERE at random, and the money would have been better spent on a flower arranging course.
WHY? You can work the equipment, but as my friend Gregory always said "musicians should make music, plumbers should do plumbing" Whoever made this: Film- making is not your skill. Well done for trying, but maybe take that flower arranging course.
House of Last Things (2013)
sad reviews
Not sure how i came across this particular film, whether it was recommended by a friend or found on an IMDb list, but I would like to point out that i am NOT a friend or family member of the film maker, and just spent nearly two hours watching a great film, quite by chance.
Then i came here and read all these terrible reviews, probably from people that think that Die Hard is the pinnacle of intelligent film making. Calling it Lynchian would be unfair to the film maker - only David Lynch is allowed to be Lynchian, anyone else getting that description is usually a pile of crap! Having said that there were definite Lynch moments, although more often than not it reminded me very much of Luis Buñuel more than anyone.
The main thing i found interesting about this was the editing and the way it wafted in between characters / scenarios / continents with the help of a little light classical. These tricks have occasionally been done before, but like i said, not so much since the days of surrealism. They were certainly refreshing for a modern flick, and were effective and occasionally disturbing.
To all the people who talked this interesting film down - there is more than one way to tell a story, it doesn't always have to be literal, and i guess that you're perhaps too stupid to appreciate something more impressionistic? Good luck with the next intallment of Harry Potter.
And thanks to the film maker, can't wait for your next one, or the one after - am fairly sure you have at least one masterpiece in you, maybe more.