marcotiero Reviews

Fantastic Four (2015)

The fantastically boring 4!

[2/10 · 23 May 2023]

I love Superhero movies, I grew up watching The Christopher Reeve Superman movies before Michael Keaton even put on a cowl, but this one took me 8 years to get around to watching. I decided to download it to my tablet to watch on flight on my holiday. I wish I hadn't!

This is one of the worst movies ever, and I think it's even worse for a movie like this when you know the characters.

This was a very dark take on something that's supposed to be light hearted and it just doesn't work. Whilst the previous 2 movies were far from perfect, they are far superior in every way. With the exception of Miles Teller, the rest of the characters are mis-cast (Thankfully Michael B Jordan went on to bigger and better things!). There is a real lack of chemistry among the characters, and when they finally try to have some bonding between the boys, it just feels forced.

The story is very generic and the dialogue is very stilted and seems to take forever to get going. There's also a lot of on the nose writing also, with so many things that happen conveniently.

The CGI seems very low quality as well, and even though they made the Thing look more like he's made from Bricks than the previous version, somehow the other one looked more realistic.

There is very little in the way of action in this one, and when Ben fights for the army, we don't even really get to see him do anything other than via small monitors, whereas they had an opportunity to do looks the Hulk movies and really see him in action, to give a real idea of his powers. The same with Johnny Storm, who literally hardly does anything at all. There's just no excitement in this movie.

When we finally get Doom, I'm not even sure what his powers are, he just makes people's heads exploded.

Finally, when the 4 eventually fight Doom, it's over and done with in less than 5 minutes and you're left with an anticlimactic end, with the 4 thinking of a name for themselves (again, a very boring scene).

I'm glad I didn't waste my money on this and just watched it on Disney Plus.

Transformers: The Last Knight (2017)

The final nail in the coffin

[4/10 · 10 May 2023]

Thankfully after this one, we got a franchise reboot with the Bumblebee movie.

As usual, this has fantastic visuals and action, but not much else.

Transformers fighting alongside Merlin and killing Hitler is just jumping the shark.

The story is incoherent, the dialogue is poor, there are a ridiculous amount of pot holes which make for very poor viewing.

Another big gripe is the lack of use of the Transformers themselves. There are huge chunks of the near 3 hour movie which don't even involve neither faction of the Cybertronians, even though the movie is supposed to be about them!

This could have been a strong finish to the series, instead it was the final nail in the coffin and put an end to the "Bayverse" (thankfully).

Roll on Rise of the Beasts, which I've got tickets to see next month as it actually looks like it might do the Transformers justice at last!

Transformers: Age of Extinction (2014)

Decent entry

[6/10 · 9 May 2023]

This is a better movie than Revenge of the fallen and Dark of the moon, but still not a great movie.

It's good that this has a darker tone, and whilst I don't mind decision references or innuendo in a movie, they felt far too forced and out of place in the previous entries (remember this is based on toys and cartoons!), a lot of that is toned down in this movie, without eradicating the humour completely.

This is a decent yet lengthy popcorn movie, yet I felt that a couple of scenes were cut out, for example when the Dinobots appear, it seems very sudden even though they'd been hinted at. They just happened to appear and it was as if Prime knew of their existence all along, instead of being surprised to learn of them. There's also a scene shortly after when Tessa and Shane are in hiding, crouched next to each other, but then in the next scene they've suddenly been separated and struggling to reach each other.

Also, how do the Dinobots distinguish friend from foe when they've never met before?

Another thing that bothered me was that both Su and Darcy are supposed to be intelligent characters but then when they're in the car together and the seed starts to beep, the pair come across as idiots.

All in all, a mixed bag which is far from perfect, but still an enjoyable movie.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009)

A wasted opportunity!

[5/10 · 5 May 2023]

This has the potential to be as good as the first live action movie, if not, better but instead we got quite a stinker of a movie.

Between the basis of the story and the score, it seemed like this was being setup as having a darker tone, but the end product is the opposite.

Firstly, there are lots of annoying characters. Judy is just annoying, Leo is worse. Then there are the twins added for comic relief but they're just idiotic and not funny. They also bring in Jetfire but he's now a geriatric who's lost his marbles, again probably to serve comic relief.

It also annoys me that Bay's Starscream is a sniveling, grovelling coward instead of a sneaky back-stabber out to usurp Megatron. Then there's Soundwave, voiced by the great Frank Welker, but doesn't sound anything like Soundwave and just sounds terrible.

Then there's the Constructacons, who could have been fleshed out, but instead they're just soulless beings who combine to make a soulless Devastator (and why do we need to see his testicles?).

If they made this a more serious movie with a sprinkling of humour, this could have been great. Instead the only saving grace really are the special effects and Jennifer's body... Sorry, Megan Fox looking attractive, Shia LaBouef doing a decent job and John Turturro still stealing the show in every scene as the over the top but likeable Simmons.

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 (2023)

A worthy send off for the Guardians

[9/10 · 4 May 2023]

First things last: One reviewer scored this low because he "casually went one afternoon" on release day to see this, he claimed to have not seen the first 2 then wonders why he didn't know who any of the characters etc. What did you expect?

There's also the guy who gave it 1 star "temporarily" because he's not seen it yet but all the reviews must be fake. The movie has a May 5th release date in the US but countries like the UK and New Zealand it was released on the third, so maybe you should take these things into account.

Anyway, on with the review!

This was a fantastic movie, and the positive reviews reflect this. It had everything you could want from a "Guardians" movie - Heart & soul, comedy, catchy tunes, fantastic action and visually stunning. It was a thrilling ride from start to finish and it was beautiful in IMAX 3D.

One thing to add, though, is that it has more profanity than you'd usually expect in an MCU movie, which doesn't bother me but parents might want to be aware before taking their kids if this is an issue for them.

Ten Tigers of Kwangtung (1980)

One big mess!

[3/10 · 2 April 2023]

I bought this movie as part of the "Shaw brothers Volume 2" Blu-ray boxset. I hadn't heard of any of these movies before, but I really enjoyed the "36th chamber" movies (well, the first 2) and thought it was worth it just for these 2 movies, and the reviews on Amazon spoke highly of the other movies.

Until now, I've enjoyed all of the movies, even more than I expected to, but this one is a big let down. It could be because I'm watching it in Mandarin with English subtitles (I always feel the English dubbing is laughable and can take away from the tone of a movie, especially if it's supposed to be more serious), yet that wasn't an issue with the previous movies in the set, only this one. The plot is all over the place. I'm an hour into the movie and I still don't have a clue what the story is about, and there's no clear distinction between protagonists and antagonists. I've just watched a scene that seems to be set further in time, and until now it's been a flash back to the formation of the Ten Tigers? Far too convoluted and the characters are all 2 dimensional, I have zero investment in any of the characters and don't care what happens one way or another to any of them. Completely missed opportunity and I'll definitely skip this one when I revisit this box set.

The Mandalorian: Chapter 19: The Convert (2023) Season 3, Episode 3

Mind numbingly boring!

[3/10 · 16 March 2023]

I'm all about great story telling leading up to a big pay off, but what the hell was this episode? Why are these boring secondary characters getting so much screen time? I'm surprised so many people rated this 10 out of 10. I'm dumbfounded.

The storytelling in Andor was terrific even when there was no action, the prison episodes were truly masterful, but the difference is that Andor the focus was on the main character and occasionally cutting to the sub plots, whereas here the subplot has taken focus from the main plot. It's annoying really as the episode starts and ends well but we're treated to 40 minutes of fluff. This was the first time I stopped an episode mid way and returned to it later just to finish it, instead of watching it in one sitting as normal.

Here's hoping things return to normal in the following episode!

Mortal Kombat (1995)

Mortal boring!

[3/10 · 26 January 2023]

Finally getting around to watching this even though it was released when I was 14. Even though I played the first game, I want much of a fan, I much preferred Street Fighter. Just looked the games, I prefer the cheesy Street Fighter movie to this.

Atrocious dialogue, weak story, poor acting, boring fight scenes and nauseating music. The only thing that saves this from a 1 star for me is Christopher Lambert's delivery of his lines and Bridget Wilson looking stunning in the dress.

This is an absolute poor man's Enter the Dragon, with nothing between the fight scenes to show character development and to show the characters bond grow over time.

Willow (2022–2023)

Absolute crap

[2/10 · 21 December 2022]

Firstly, I'll start by saying that even though I watched it as a kid in the 80s, I wasn't much of a fan, however, when Disney plus arrived, I have it a chance and thoroughly enjoyed it. It's a great fantasy story, and as an adult I appreciated it more.

However, this is absolute crap. I've wanted to like it and have continued to watch it but episode 5 is the last straw. It's bad enough having the terrible pop music playing at the end of each episode, but now it's playing during the show. Definite no. Why would some screaming, angsty girl be fitting for a fantasy movie?

Also, the show is called "Willow" yet he seems more like a secondary character, and he's got slightly more magical powers than he had 20 years prior. Surely he'd have improved over time?

The story is weak, the dialogue is atrocious and non of the characters are remotely likeable. The only tolerable one is performed by Tony Revolori.

2 minutes into the 5th episode and I'm switching off. I don't even care to see how it ends and sweetheart happens to Eric (Airk but the all pronounce it "Eh-rick")

Black Adam (2022)

Entertaining

[7/10 · 26 October 2022]

This movie is entertaining over the 2 hour run time, and whilst there are a couple of surprises, there's nothing really new year. I kind of predicted that as this movie was 15 years in the making, it would be epically worth the wait like the first Deadpool movie, or it would be another Chinese democracy not worth the wait (closer to the latter).

Firstly, there's plenty of action, which is always a joy to watch on the IMAX, however, a lot of the CGI is really poor (on a par with "Ghost rider: spirit of vengeance") and the story is really weak. In typical DC fashion, me characters are shoe horned in with little to no back story and we're just expected to accept things. Lots of the story is convoluted, because DC want to seem like they make smarter comic book movies than Marvel (but have the opposite effect).

Finally, so many things seem to be lifted from elsewhere. We have Danny Madigan from "Last action hero" "The Mummy" Princess Jasmine in the market Place (Aladdin), Wakanda (complete with Shuri) and Wakanda/Tesseract weaponry. The 2 versions of Ant-Man complete with hand me down suit (though the mask is from Deathstroke/Deadpool), Dr Strange, The Falcon, Surtur (from Ragnarok) and for good measure, some Deadites (Army of Darkness), oh and floating in the water half dead like "Man of steel"

At least we got a very nice Easter egg at the end!

She-Hulk: Attorney at Law: Whose Show Is This? (2022) Season 1, Episode 9

A show of 2 halves

[6/10 · 13 October 2022]

This episode started off with a fun throwback to the 70s TV show and brought back a lot of childhood nostalgia. The episode itself seemed to be a much better by episode than most, but just as it seemed to be building up to a great finale it took a sharp turn.

Jen steps through the 4th wall, the tone of the episode completely changes, and instead of getting a really thrilling climax with a big fight and a culmination of the story threads, it's all skipped over and comes to a very unsatisfactory ending. You're left thinking "is that it?" When really wet should have been thinking "ah, that's what we've been building up to!" Which would have made the weaker episodes a bit more worthwhile if it was actually leading us somewhere and we had a satisfactory ending.

I would like to see more of Jen, and seeing She-Hulk working more with other heroes, but if they decide on a second season they really need to do better as this has been one of the weaker MCU entries (Moon Knight was also pretty weak but had it's my merits, Werewolf by night was just dull).

She-Hulk: Attorney at Law: Ribbit and Rip It (2022) Season 1, Episode 8

That's more like it!

[9/10 · 7 October 2022]

This episode was much better than the previous ones (especially the last one). This was definitely closer to what was probably the fans expectations for the entire series to begin with.

Granted it was carried by Matt Murdoch/Daredevil but we also got to see more from Jen/She-Hulk.

This episode had a longer run time, lots more action, more tension and just more enjoyable all around, leading up to a very exciting finale. Hopefully, the creators can build on this episode and finish off the season on a high, especially if they plan on a second season. It'll also be interesting to see where She-Hulk can fit in the MCU out with her own show!

She-Hulk: Attorney at Law: The Retreat (2022) Season 1, Episode 7

Progressively worse

[3/10 · 29 September 2022]

Unfortunately, this show is getting progressively worse. This episode was so unbelievably bland, nothing happened until the last 3 seconds.

Like Ms Marvel, this show is clearly aimed at girls under the age of 16, but She Hulk doesn't even have any action in the slightest, and they've taken a great character like Blonsky and just made him a boring hippie living in his sanctuary, helping boring guys with powers.

There are 2 episodes left to tie everything together, yet it still feels like they've not even got traction yet and still trying to figure out what kind of story they want to tell. I hope that it improves but I've got a feeling that it won't pick up.

She-Hulk: Attorney at Law: Superhuman Law (2022) Season 1, Episode 2

Where's the action?

[6/10 · 25 August 2022]

Whilst I loved the fun, opening episode, I didn't like this one as much.

The only scenes that save it are those with Blonsky and Banner, though I did appreciate the Easter eggs.

I still have hope for this series, but let's bring back the fun from the first episode and try having a bit of action, too! (It is She-Hulk after all, not Ally McBeal)

Obi-Wan Kenobi: Part VI (2022) Season 1, Episode 6

Wow!

[10/10 · 22 June 2022]

Now THAT'S how you do Star Wars. From now on, THAT'S how you do Star Wars!

Wow, this was an epic finale to the series. What a confrontation! This reminded me of watching Luke Vs Vader in Empire as a kid. So tense yet so fun and exhilarating to watch!

Ms. Marvel: Crushed (2022) Season 1, Episode 2

Not so good

[6/10 · 15 June 2022]

Whilst the first episode was juvenile and cheesy yet fun, for the most part, this episode was pretty mundane and I struggled to keep focus, with only the last 5 minutes saving it.

Let's see what episode 3 brings.

Top Gun: Maverick (2022)

A worthy sequel

[8/10 · 3 June 2022]

In many ways, this was a really good movie (Jennifer Connelly is a better lead), but the one thing I feel it lacks is that machismo camaraderie that made the original great. Granted, this isn't the 80s and times have changed, but back then they actually talked like they were 'Top Gun' pilots, whereas now they all just feel like every day people.

None of the new characters stood out for me, with the except of Rooster due to his history. The rest of them could have floated in and out of the movie and I wouldn't have noticed.

However, I did enjoy seeing Val Kilmar on the screen again in what I imagine is probably his final movie.

Overall, an entertaining, worthy sequel, almost as much fun as the original.

Air Force One (1997)

Watchable but could have been better

[6/10 · 16 April 2022]

Harrison Ford is great as the President, and whilst I think Gary Oldman is a terrific actor, his character lacked any sort of charm and it feels like he didn't have a proper plan in place.

The story is okay, but nothing that hadn't already been seen in a James Bond movie already.

Also, why give 3 or 4 endings instead of just one big finale? Why did one of the Secret Service guys betray the President, no motive given for his actions left me confused with the ending.

Alien 3 (1992)

Watchable, but a weak entry.

[5/10 · 23 March 2022]

Worth a watch if you have a couple of hours to kill (I'm self isolating, so plenty of time on my hands).

This isn't a patch on the original as a sci-fi horror slasher, and pales in comparison to Aliens for action. The cgi for the alien is pretty atrocious (should have stuck to a guy in a suit or puppet), the story isn't much but does enough, and I didn't feel anything for any of the characters other than Ripley.

Also, why are all of the prisoners English? Was it written by an angry Scotsman?

Ghost Rider (2007)

An old favourite

[6/10 · 25 February 2022]

I used to love this when it came out, I enjoy a good antihero and I thought this was so bad-ass.

I still think the character Ghost Rider is cool, but the dialogue is pretty weak and predictable, and a movie is only as good as its antagonist. Unfortunately, Blackheart is nothing more than an irritating Emo and doesn't seem a real threat in the slightest, and his sidekicks are eliminated in a matter of seconds.

Here's hoping Feige can do better when the character is added to the MCU.

Metro (1997)

Decent but could have been better

[6/10 · 25 January 2022]

This was a decent watch but nothing new here. Everything is predictable and they don't attempt anything different. Paint by numbers effort.

But of a waste to put Eddie Murphy in a movie and not have any humour in the movie (some reviewers say there's too much, yet I felt there was zero humour).

I also feel that Michael Rapaport was under used and could have has more to do.

Eternals (2021)

Flat

[6/10 · 18 January 2022]

I watched this at the cinema, and now watched it again on Disney plus.

This movie is quite beautiful to look at but it's very flat. There was more thought put into the inclusion of diversity instead of fleshing out the characters, and it's hard to connect to them. The story is flat and pretty unemotional.

The movie feels more like they were trying to copy Justice League.

The best part of the movie is the first post credit scene (not sure about the casting though).

What If...?: What If... Thor Were an Only Child? (2021) Season 1, Episode 7

Let down

[5/10 · 22 September 2021]

The choice of characters meant for great potential here, but instead it was dull, juvenile nonsense.

Speed Zone (1989)

Complete turd of a movie!

[3/10 · 16 September 2021]

Only John Candy's charm saved this movie from a 1 star rating.

This movie has a decent cast and that's it. The main plot is the same as the other "race across the States while chased by the police" but you feel nothing for any of the characters (I just finished watching it and forgot the names already), the mini stories make no sense, sub plots fade in and out and the whole thing is just a great big mess.

Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves (1991)

Die Hard in the forest

[9/10 · 27 August 2021]

First time around, I was 10 years old and I remember it was fun. I think I'd seen it maybe a couple of times after, but I've not seen it since my teens and must admit it's better than I remember, and also has many similarities to Die Hard.

Very well written, good performances all round, Rickman terrific as usual and a nice 60s cameo at the end.