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Reviews
Ex Machina (2014)
One hell of a slooow movie
I gave this 7 out of 10 because I liked the idea behind it. However, if you are looking for some Sci-Fi entertainment, this movie is not for you. It is very slow and I literally fell asleep several times while I was watching it.
The visual effects are decent and the acting is good, but the lethargic plot development is counterbalancing all of this. If you are a patient person with a lot of spare time to waste, you may give Ex Machina a go. Soon after you put it on, you will find yourself fast-forwarding the majority of the scenes.
Ex Machina is a 102 min. large screen movie that can easily fit in 30 minutes of TV time.
AVPR: Aliens vs Predator - Requiem (2007)
Worse than a teen movie
This is the funniest mix between a cheap teen movie and a really cheap B-movie. Hell, it doesn't even qualify for a semi-good teen movie, it's just so messed up. I do realize that the makers of this horrible mockery only wanted to make a couple of easy millions but they could have at least tried to make the movie a little bit more watchable for the average viewer who doesn't give a damn about quality cinema. It can't do that for sure. This movie will fail to entertain even a guy in a wifebeater who's trying to kill some time while getting drunk and asleep in front of the TV. I will not go in detail but the aliens and the predator in this movie are beyond ridiculous. The CGI sucks and so do the analogue effects. The plot is the biggest joke ever and there are lots of scenes that will make even a easily amused teenager lift their eyebrow. Thumns down.
The X Files: I Want to Believe (2008)
Beyond average
The movie feels like yet another TV episode of the "X-Files". No "big screen" feel to it, no huge plot, no conspiracies, no nothing. Just a small story about yet another weird case. And that's it. The only difference is that Mulder and Scully are no longer FBI agents. So they have to investigate the case as civilians... Pretty boring, I must say. Oh... and yeah, it's the good old, worn out "Scully isn't buying it" thing going on again.
The first movie got that huge feeling to it, this one is no better than your average X-Files TV show.
I know that many people will rate "I Want to Believe" high on the scale. And they will do it out of fandom. "Common, man, it's the X-Files - you just can't rate it below 10 stars, no matter how bad it is..." Well, I will give it 4 stars. Out of... fandom!
Ginger Snaps (2000)
Yeah, teen girls are much more violent than teen boys. So, what's new?
This is a movie that tells the story of two young sisters who are growing up and are undergoing the changes of becoming young women together.
It's all about puberty and its affects on teenagers, especially girls. The movie shows how violent girls become during the puberty, how they start to mess around with different boys and how badly they fight for their right to be on the top of the teenage social ladder.
It also addresses some issues of modern society such as the impotence to keep the children safe and away from trouble.
The Werewolf theme is just a tool here. Do not expect your typical WW movie. No fog, no woods, no good looking werewolves (the one in this movie looks like a joke).
Anyway, the move is good for what it is - a story about girl's growing up and the lessons she learns about her future life - how to fight for what you consider yours and blah, blah, blah... It's a slow going and boring flick but still worth watching.
Wrong Turn 2: Dead End (2007)
Trash can, anyone?
Holy cow, this is pathetic.
And what sucks even more is that this film got lots of 10/10 ratings from hordes of teens which shows how bloody retarded modern kids are.
OK, in brief: It's a teen movie. Cheap. Childish. Stupid. Not fun as old school cheap B-movies. Internet-ish. Lame.
If you're 10-12 years old, you may find some sense in the script. Yes, the first Wrong Turn was pretty lame but still relatively watchable. It had suspense, it had some old-school B moments in it.
But hey, this second piece is beyond your worst expextations. I fell asleep several times while watching it and I owe it to my girlfriend's laughter that I woke up for the final moments and actually saw the ending.
A piece of trash for sure and definitely NOT the kind of enjoyable trash B-movie we all expected from this one.
Regenerated Man (1994)
Crappiest movie on Earth
Watch this movie! It is the most laughable thing made by human beings. Every Friday the thirteenth me and the guys rent this movie and watch it. You want to become a member of out gang? No problemo, all you have to do is watch "The Regenerated Man" and still be alive after the movie is over. It is THAT bad - it can kill a man. Love this movie. I voted and I gave it 1 point (alas, there was no Zero). The film makers would appreciate my vote. It does deserve such a high score because of the good laugh it impacts on viewers.
There is that scene in the movie where the main character is watching a horror flick on TV. Mind the monster! There is another ridiculous monster at the end of the movie that must be the crappiest CGI ever produced. The script is trash and hey, they have Pete DeLorenzo in the cast! Holy Cow, this movie is such a torture to watch and is highly laughable at the same time.
Dumbest joke on Earth. Love it!
Dog Soldiers (2002)
Old School entertainment
A good and entertaining movie. It could have been a lot better (read "scarier") if it was not full of lame and unclear stuff. The plot is good but the director kind of messed it up by trying to show off how tough and devoted British soldiers are. Good thing is that it is an Old School hardcore horror film and a nice refreshment on the werewolf flick market. And yes, this review contains a spoiler, so you've been warned.
A small platoon of soldiers is fighting a werewolf family in the deep woods of Scotland. After they get attacked in the woods, they have to flee and fortify themselves in a house. Pretty soon they would find out that it actually was that werewolf family's residence.
A lot of things remain unclear in this movie. You won't be able to actually figure out most of the background stuff, especially the relation between the female character and the bad guy in uniform who turns into a werewolf just in the right moment. He did it pretty well and on purpose which supposes that he's been an werewolf for at least a freaking decade which, in turn, raised 666 other questions... The script is lame at several points but director's work is worse. No one of the soldiers ever asked the werewolf expert "How do we kill those things?". The soldiers all acted like they were careless of what's going on - no one of them got really scared because they were British soldiers, they were defending their country against the invasion of bad, bad creatures and not a pack of freaking werewolves could have done a darn thing to change this. The propaganda in this movie is annoying, the military macho stuff and the passionate final speech of the Seargant the about him being a soldier to the very end were just ridiculous, the calmness of the soldiers chewing gums and shooting jokes didn't help much too.
Good fun over all, European horror films cannot disappoint you. This film is highly recommended to those of you, kids, thinking that "I know what you did last summer" is a horror movie.
The Descent (2005)
Slow, Boring and Unscary
Been there, done that. It's one hell of a boring movie that feels like you've watched LOTR several times in a raw. Man, I fell asleep the moment I started watching it and when I woke up an hour later, hoping that while I was asleep something has actually happened in the movie, I found out that I was wrong. One full hour and a half of complete boredom. At the VERY end it starts getting interesting, though. We have a pack of cave creatures attacking a crew of young women. Funny thing is that one could easily kill the creatures by smashing their heads against the cave wall. Man, they cracked like water melons, no effort at all. Another way is stabbing them with a tiny swiss army knife Ain't that funny? The women are trapped in the cave forever because its roof collapsed, they are tired, injured, unarmed and screaming. That's like all about it. Lots of "stalking behind the back" and "sudden jump on the chair" cliché scenes. Oh, and the only cool moment is when a guy gets his head pierced in a car accident in the beginning of the movie. Use this movie instead of a lullaby.