Change Your Image
wan2bbrucelee
Reviews
9 1/2 Ninjas! (1991)
I seriously could not sit through this entire movie. I had to stop half way for an hour.
I wouldn't call myself a movie buff. I mean, I watch a lot of movies, I play six degrees of separation using actors/directors, and I've been accused on more than one occasion of cheating during games of scene-it, the DVD trivia game, though I never have, I just happen to know more about movies than members of my family. But I will say this: I have seen a film that I would call a desecration of cinema. I have seen a film that I believe no one could justify. Some people would say that there is warrant for existence in all things, they would say that any expression of creativity contains some type of merit. I can prove them wrong. With what you ask? Well, if you actually have to ask that, I'm sorry for you, because you are on the 9 1/2 ninjas board on IMDb, so odds are I'm talking about that tragedy that some would call a movie.
Spoofs are often dangerous waters to try and tread. The spoof requires the craftsmanship of a real satirist, or at least someone with some kind of sense of humor. Typically, a spoof correlates somewhat with the plot of the film it is trying to spoof. Supposedly (but I don't believe it) this film is a spoof of 9 1/2 weeks. When I learned this, it begged a certain question: "What?" Yes, ladies and gentlemen, this film is supposed to be a spoof? Don't ask me how, though, I'm just the messenger. This is my biggest problem with the film: its a facade! There is no "spoof," only minor and hardly noticeable references to the film it's trying to spoof. And secondly, there is no real kung-fu. I am an avid Kung-fu film fan. And when I see the word ninja, I expect to see at least some form of semi-skilled combat. Though this film is a comedy, the often sophomoric attempts at fighting are just plain frustrating.
In short, I strongly recommend you don't see this movie. That's pretty much all there is to it.
Despiser (2003)
Just a terrible, terrible film.
I imagine that if your looking at the IMDb site for this film, you've either already seen it (I'm so sorry) or you saw it at Blockbuster, and came here to see if it was worth the 2$ or whatever. This movie is AWFUL! As you can imagine, the acting is sub-par, childish even. I mean really, its like watching a play at an elementary school. The "special effects" are truly embarrassing. Literally, I got embarrassed when I saw the little crab like creature running around. But the worst part of the film, the aspect that makes it entirely unwatchable, is the plot. An alien caught in Limbo? COME ON! I still can't believe it. Who would be so stupid as to make a sci-fi film with this low of a budget that included, what I guess was an attempt at, a religious message? The creators of this film apparently were. Just don't see this film. Really, don't waste the time. Spend some time doing something more fun, like throwing rocks at something.