gorepump Reviews

Don't Breathe (2016)

Suspenseful and surprisingly brutal horror film...

[8/10 · 20 December 2016]

There definitely seems to be a resurgence of higher quality American horror films hitting the theaters lately. "Don't Breathe" is a fantastic flick that's rife with suspense and throws in a pretty f- cked up 'twist'...

Three petty Detroit thieves break into upscale homes and take just enough sh*t to avoid what would amount to a felony. Not scoring nearly enough cash to make it out of the God-forsaken, derelict city, they get word of a blind war vet who is sitting on a 300-grand settlement so they figure it'd be a cinch to break into his house and lift it. Turns out, what this guy lacks in sight he makes up for, ten fold, in stomping mud-holes in the asses of intruders. Once trapped inside his domicile, the petrified criminals are forced to take the film's title to heart and not let the gun-toting blind badass hear them breathe as they look for a way out.

I honestly can't find a whole lot wrong with "Don't Breathe". This is one suspenseful, well-structured and excellently paced horror movie. One of the best I've seen in a long time. The blind man character is terrifically merciless toward his trespassers and - during an unexpected turn of events - it becomes much more open-to- question as to whether or not he is totally the 'victim' or not. Definitely did NOT see that sh*t coming! I'll never touch a turkey baster again... Gotta hand it to Fede Alvarez as "Don't Breathe" knocks his previous "Evil Dead" remake out of the water. Hopefully he sticks with his own concepts from now on and keeps turning out sh*t of this caliber, cuz I'm certainly impressed. Along with "The Witch", I had two surprisingly enjoyable trips to the theater this year.

More horror/exploit reviews at http://swinesewage.blogspot.com/

Human Experiments (1979)

Lame 'women-in-prison' movie...

[3/10 · 30 November 2016]

Going into this, I guess I was expecting "Human Experiments" to be a little more of a 'sleazy' WIP exploiter, but it turned out to be more along the lines of a standard horror/thriller flick. Could've still been fine but unfortunately it wasn't...

Passing through a hick sh*thole town, a struggling singer winds up in a car wreck and, while searching for a phone to call for help, comes across the grisly remains of a murdered family that she is subsequently blamed for and sentenced to life. While locked away in a prison/loony bin, she comes to find that some suspicious sh*t is going on with the resident head-shrinker who happens to be conducting experiments on the female inmates' psyches as a way to rehabilitate/brainwash them.

There's really nothing "graphic" or interesting to speak of as to this movie. It's slow, shoddily written, contains a few off-screen deaths and an extremely anticlimactic ending. Nudity and sexual material is also drastically minimal. In all, "Human Experiments" seemed like a film with a premise that those involved had no idea how to properly execute. It fails as a horror flick and DEFINITELY fails as a WIP movie. Check out "Ilsa" "Sadomania" or "Last Orgy of the Third Reich" instead.

More horror/exploitation reviews at http://swinesewage.blogspot.com/

Spookies (1986)

This was like a Frankenstein's monster of terrible, incomplete ideas...

[3/10 · 30 May 2016]

What "Spookies" was - based on my non-extensive, post-viewing research - initially, a completely different movie that I guess got scrapped along the way after some financiers backed out. So a new director was brought in to finish the production by coming up with a whole new premise and just cobbled the sh*t together based on the footage they had. So what it ended up being was basically three or so different stories clumsily mashed together. And it definitely shows...

It starts off with a 13-year old boy running away from home because his parents forgot his birthday. He comes across some shady adult man in the woods, whom he exchanges brief dialog with before leaving the man to be killed by some kind of cat-man creature wearing a pirate shirt. The kid shows up at secluded mansion where he finds a birthday party set-up (cake, presents, etc...) but no people. After opening a present to find a talking human head inside, he runs from the house where he is chased and killed by cat-pirate. The movie then shifts to a group of people who show up at the mansion to party. However, things go awry when the house's primary inhabitant (whose head was in the box...) starts playing a deadly game of 'chess', using his new visitors as the pawns... Oh, and he has some chick he loves preserved in a coffin...

So, of course, the direction and editing are beyond horrible and nonsensical. What "Spookies" is more or less known for is its multitude of make-up and creature FX - the vivacity of which is actually pretty spotty. Some of the FX are decent while others look like dollar store Halloween costumes. I think the effects work was suppose to act as the redeeming factor of this flick, but, in the end that really couldn't save it. In all, "Spookies" is just a slapped together mess that should have just been aborted the first time production funds were pulled. This outcome just doesn't work...

More reviews @ http://swinesewage.blogspot.com/

The VVitch: A New-England Folktale (2015)

Very grim and unsettling horror flick...

[8/10 · 30 May 2016]

I caught this one in the theater a few months ago and, while VERY impressed, was just too damn busy at the time to muster up a review for it so I figured I'd give it another watch upon a good ol' home media release before I added in my two cents. Lately, here and there, some very decent horror flicks seem to have been slipping through the Marvel-saturated Hollywood sewer system of wider theatrical releases and I gotta say, I really f*cking loved "The Witch"! Maybe a demand is growing. Hell, I'm game. Give me a reason to go to the theater and I'll f*cking bite.

So, we're back in New England, circa 1630, where a family is banished from their plantation for their kooky, ultra religious bullsh*t and are carted out into the woods to start anew, ensconced in gloomy, righteous solitude. Right off the bat, their baby is swiped by an evil forest-dwelling hag and more run-ins with sinister presences ensue - showing that the family's devout, god-fearing lifestyle is no match for one of the evilest f*cking goats and rabbits you'll ever see...

Make no mistake about it, "The Witch" is pretty slow and for the most part might as well be in another language, given the thick dialect taken straight from legit sources (diaries, letters, etc...), so if you're a stickler for knowing precisely what's being said at all times in a movie you'll want to have your English subs on. Frankly, I didn't really see it as being too crucial to the comprehension of the story since a good portion of the dialog seems to be just quoting scripture while the rest is intelligible enough, I'd say. The authentic period vernacular is the icing on the cake, however, of what makes "The Witch" a very unsettling flick. Bleak tones and eerie, evil moodiness on top of infanticide, devil goats, apple regurgitation, pedophilic witches and zero hackneyed jump scares! This movie is full of uncomfortable sh*t. The acting is phenomenal across the board. Remembering and reciting all of the f*cking "doth hath's" and "hither's" while actually putting forth an intensive performance is f*cking grandiose, if you ask me. All believable performances that really 'strike' you if you're like me and are disturbed by deeply religious jargon - most notably, when a dying child is 'ascended into Christ's loving embrace'... Yeesh. If you're hankering for something creepy and a bit f*cked up that won't insult your intelligence with clichés, check out "The Witch"! I look forward to director Robert Eggers' take on "Nosferatu".

More horror reviews @ http://swinesewage.blogspot.com/

Black Metal Veins (2012 Video)

A step above the 'vomit gore' stuff, but still a pretty ham handed doc from Valentine...

[3/10 · 14 April 2016]

When his first film, "Slaughtered Vomit Dolls", came out I was admittedly impressed, somewhat, with Lucifer Valentine's 'experimental' and nightmarish style. Then came a few tiresome sequels that led to the "Vomit Gore Trilogy", as well as his cultivation of a ubiquitous cyber-fan base, consisting primarily of impressionable teenage goth girls. His repetitive and palaverous interest in indulging unenlightened online message-board kids with soulless 'shock value' quickly tainted my initial approach to his chaotic indie style. That said, I had heard a while back that he had a new, non-vomit gore project in the works about a clan of heroin addicted metal heads so I figured I'd give it a look...

For an undisclosed, but seemingly extensive, amount of time, Valentine hung out in an apartment full of junkies and documented their pathetic lifestyle. There's plenty of candid back story divulgement and drug life lowdown as the miserable group of degenerates inject, ingest and snort every substance they can possibly get their self-obsessed mitts on while whining about their anguished existences.

"Black Metal Veins" encompasses Valentine's familiar traits, such as distorted gutturals as background noise, jump-cuts and, of course, his fetish for rock bottom dope fiends. Aside from the latter, these elements of production are far less prevalent here, so the film plays out as more of a straight-forward documentary on addiction. This allows his signature characteristics such as those to add a touch of singularity to the harrowing material being presented. It's a pretty strong and effective doc that give you a truly lamentable first hand look at the result hopeless addiction and dissoluteness. It should also be noted that Valentine's need to exploit drug-addled losers for his reprobate 'freak show' effect isn't lost in his departure from "vomit gore". There are several "liberties" Mr. Valentine undoubtedly took whilst filming his crack head subjects, like staging the rape of a pregnant prostitute and even the death of one of his female "stars". I wouldn't doubt there being a few other specious elements within "Black Metal Veins", but I can't be 100% positive...

Also, if you're a black metal fan don't cream your leather studded shorts too quickly. Black metal plays a very insignificant part in this flick, aside from allowing these brain dead schmeckers something else to coldly babble about here n' there. There are also several instances (used as transitional cut-aways, mostly) where they are shown performing in a band, though it's never truly touched upon so I'm assuming it was just for show.

Overall, "Black Metal Veins" is easily Lucifer Valentine's most provocative film as far as I'm concerned, although it's not a total deviation from his puke flicks in terms of content, production and general tone. I actually saw a bit more 'merit' to this one and it bored me FAR less than his previous films. If you loved those then you'll certainly like this since it's got all of his familiar earmarks, minus the constant puking. So those of you who are SHOCKED by vomiting might be disappointed. Otherwise, I'd give it a moderate recommendation as a fairly interesting 'doc-sploitation'.

More reviews at http://swinesewage.blogspot.com/

Crimson Peak (2015)

Stylish and colorful in typical Del Toro fashion, but suffers from sloppy script and abysmal CGI...

[3/10 · 14 April 2016]

I can't say I'm a huge fan of Guillermo del Toro's films across the board, but I did dig "Pan's Labyrinth" and I vaguely remember "The Devil's Backbone" being alright, but it's been years since I saw it. The rest of his most recent credits are attached to all sorts of "Pacific Rim" and "Hobbit" sh*t that I could give a rat's ass about. "Crimson Peak" was one I figured I'd watch eventually, seeing as how, again, I enjoyed "Pan's Labyrinth", and was moderately interested in seeing how the self-professed horror fanatic would 'spin' the ever-dwindling mainstream approach to the genre. In all, I wasn't all that impressed...

The daughter of a wealthy capitalist falls in love with an English inventor and the two move to England's countryside after her father's mysterious murder. While waiting for dead daddy's money to arrive, they move into her new husband and his nutty sister's childhood mansion where he's attempting to break into the clay mining business. While there, his new bride starts seeing ghoulish apparitions lurking around the halls and rooms, giving way to a violent background involving the strange siblings.

Visually, "Crimson Peak" is as lavish looking as you would expect from del Toro, but as it turns out, this only goes so far in keeping the movie engaging. Being a supernatural period piece gave it potential, I thought, and a slower pace CAN add to a tense build, but this flick gives in to the same overuse of CGI that almost all these types of ghost/haunting-themed films do these days. And every effect is so up front and in-your-face that all you can do is laugh at the cartoonish, digitized obnoxiousness. One scene contains a homage to "The Shining" that has all the subtlety of a Mack truck barrel rolling through an artillery range and the creepiness of a Saturday morning cartoon (which it looked like...). That, on top of the characters being extremely dull and the story feeling somewhat disjointed made "Crimson Peak" just hard to get 'into'.

The film comes across as exactly what it is: a horror flick made by a guy long marred by studio influence and giant robot movies whom everyone seems to mistake for a visionary.

More reviews at http://swinesewage.blogspot.com/

The Green Inferno (2013)

Roth's best film to date, but unfortunately tops out with only one stand-out scene...

[4/10 · 24 October 2015]

Despite his status as an implicit 'one-trick-pony', relying predominantly on the pandering of low rent, fan boy-run social media- based horror "news" outlets who have continually publicized his plethora of ill-fated projects over the better part of a decade, Eli Roth actually managed to complete something and get it released. And, I'll be damned, I was actually somewhat interested in this latest work as it was a departure from the infantile, jump-scare laden, supernatural toilet waste that passes as 'horror' these days, as far as more 'mainstream' releases go. The idea of a NEW tribal cannibal flick hitting the big screen was inherently appealing to me, regardless of the smug douche hackster gracing the director's chair...

A wanna-be activist chick joins up with some environmentalists who travel to the amazon to ambush a crew of corporate loggers with a live-streaming "cyber" protest. Sh*t doesn't totally go according to plan (or does it?), yet they still manage to avoid getting their heads blown off by the militia. Their victory celebration on board their little plane is cut short by a crash that kills about half of them, leaving the rest to be kidnapped by a tribe of people-eating savages who mistake the do-gooders for the "evil" tree choppers. From there, you pretty much just watch the remaining captives get killed and eaten.

So, once you make it through the slow start, involving inane college kid babble and the botched protest, things actually start looking promising. The petrified group of Americans being herded into the tribal village made for a pretty strong and dire looking scene and the first guy to be gruesomely dismembered alive (after having his eyes and tongue yanked from his head and devoured...) was a delectably brutal bit of carnage, courtesy of some convincing and bloody practical FX work. Then, unfortunately, it's pretty much downhill from there with the remainder of the human livestock sitting in their bamboo cell and hatching their hair brained escape attempts in between idiotic scenes that only a frat boy-minded tard like Eli Roth would think fits into this type of movie. Sh*t like: a guy whacking off amidst bloodshed in order to "keep his mind clear", a chick with cartoonishly explosive diarrhea and getting the tribe high by jamming a bag of weed down the throat of a soon-to-be cooked corpse.

Aside from all this unfunny and out-of-place bullsh*t, the death scenes following the initial dismemberment are quite weak and ineffective. One of them kills herself in the cage. One demise is entirely off-screen and another involves lousy looking CGI bullet ants. That, on top of Roth's insufferable writing and one of the sh*ttiest 'payoffs' I can recall in quite some time, "The Green Inferno" disintegrates quickly into a tragically unremarkable and all-too 'traditional' looking horror flick, encompassing a cast of genre stereotypes. I guess I was hoping for a few less punches pulled in the long-run. Granted, it was a safe bet that animal killing and rape-sprees weren't going to 'fly' as far as a studio film in this day n' age goes, but there was ample opportunity for some dick chopping that never played out! And the topic of female genital mutilation is prevalent, but still never comes to fruition... Again, it all comes down to that one stand-out death scene.

On the flip side, is it better than all the other "Poltergeist/Paranormal Activity" sh*t coming out? Absolutely. Without a doubt. Hell, it's way better than the "Hostel" movies by a long shot and props go out to Roth for at least attempting something like this and pushing as hard as he did to get it released in theaters so I can't bitch too much. I only wish it was more worth the effort and the wait. It's worth checking out for those who appreciate the top dogs of the 'cannibal exploitation' sub-genre, such as "Cannibal Ferox", "Man from Deep River" and, of course, "Cannibal Holocaust". It's nowhere near as raw and visceral as those, but when is the last time you saw a NEW jungle cannibal flick?

On a side note of bonus douchebaggery, Roth decided to include the Twitter handles of the main cast and select crew members along with their credit at the end. Good idea since the popularity of social media sites has never been known to dwindle and accounts are never suspended or deactivated. Way to incorporate that timelessness into your movie, as*hole. Twitter will surely remain eternally relevant.

More of my reviews @ http://swinesewage.blogspot.com/

Zombeavers (2014)

Stupid, mildly enjoyable zombie-comedy...

[4/10 · 19 October 2015]

Just because it's a movie called "Zombeavers" and I may or may not have been in an alcohol-clouded state of mind a few nights ago that may or may not have required a viewing choice of a rather undemanding nature. Either way, I watched this. Did it exceed my incredibly low expectations? No. Is it at least enjoyable? Barely.

A container of toxic waste rolls off a truck driven by a pair of idiots and it floats into a beaver dam, turning the little critters into vicious, glowing-eyed zombeavers. More clichés are piled on as a trio of babes arrive at a remote cabin to help get their friend's mind off her cheating boyfriend - who later shows up with the other girls' dimwitted boyfriends to party. Then the zombeavers show up...

As for it's strengths - the cheezy hand puppet beaver effects were kind of enjoyable; there's a nice pair of tits as well as the stand- out scene in which a little dog is sacrificed to the zombeavers. Other than that, it's got gore but it seemed considerably scant seeing as how this is a movie that had very little going for it, overall. Any off- screen zombeaver attack (of which this movie has several...) is unacceptable, as far as I'm concerned. Also, the point in the movie where people begin turning into anthropomorphic zombeavers was just too imbecilic for me, I'm afraid. The stupidity of this film's concept 'jumped the shark' with that sh*t, but thankfully the end was near.

"Zombeavers" isn't worth a DAM and needed more bloody beaver carnage!

More of my reviews @ http://swinesewage.blogspot.com/

Clown (2014)

Better than I expected, despite how silly it is...

[5/10 · 8 August 2015]

I was a bit more entertained by this one than I expected. I guess it's due, mainly, to the fact that it takes the concept of demon clown transformations completely serious. Does that mean it's GOOD? Nah, not really. But a killer clown flick not being totally played for laughs isn't too common. Plus, you thrown in a handful of splattery kid murders and, hell, I'll accept whatever ridiculous clown lore bullsh*t you can toss my way.

A guy fills in as a last minute clown for his kids birthday party, wearing an old clown suit he found at a dead dude's house. The next day, panic begins setting in when he finds it virtually impossible to remove the articles of his clown ensemble (rainbow wig, red nose, makeup, suit...) as they have adhered, seemingly permanently, to his body. He seeks the help of the former owner of the costume who explains that the only way to intercept the demonic metamorphosis that is taking place is to either decapitate him or feed him the proper number of children...

"Clown" offers up a fairly unique (though seemingly unintentionally goofy...) 'body horror' premise that contains a nice amount of practical effects - many of which are pretty decent - and the crème de la crème: a bloodbath at Chuck E. Cheese! I must say, the kid killing in this one is on par with another psycho clown film, "Sloppy the Psychotic".

So, while I can't say "Clown" is anything all that groundbreaking, but I'll give it props for keeping with a more serious 'tone' in the midst of horror-comedies being the familiar go-to these days - even through all of the silliness and retarded 'clown mythos' - and for having the balls to slaughter little kids. I'm being generous, here, but I'm giving it a moderate rec. Also check out "Stitches" if you dig f*cked up clowns.

More of my reviews @ http://swinesewage.blogspot.com/

Under the Skin (I) (2013)

Interesting fantasy/'art film'...

[9/10 · 19 June 2015]

"Under the Skin" is a bigger budget sci-fi 'art film' with some pretty striking, phantasmagorical imagery and a hefty helping of a nude Scarlett Johansson. Oh, you heard right! You'll need a drool bib for quite a bit of this flick, guys.

Scarlett plays an extraterrestrial femme fatale who preys upon douchebag Scotsmen she finds on the street while cruising around in her van. She takes them back to her lair - which is disguised as a rundown hovel - where she draws them into an ectoplasmic fluid where their entire body is gradually dissolved except for their skin. Her routine of flesh-preserving seduction comes to a decided halt when she opts out of submerging and de-fleshing a horribly disfigured young man and sets out to explore the world. Along the way, she is pursued by a guy on a crotch rocket whose job is apparently to keep tabs on the condition of her body and it's upkeep and eventually starts up a relationship with a solitary 'bloke'...

Visually, "Under the Skin" is beautiful and uses the dreary Scotland countryside to it's utmost in ameliorating it's reposed and unsettlingly quiet atmosphere. The setting is fantastic and the more surreal scenes are pretty damn memorable and 'trippy'. There's definitely a hypnotic quality to this film that held me, despite very little "action", overall, though mood and atmosphere take center stage here and it works very well in keeping a steady pace. Along with some more nightmarish elements, there's a bizarre 'eroticism' at the forefront that grants us plenty of delectable full-frontal from Scarlett that only enriches the film's aesthetic merit further. The 'artistic' flair that carries this one may not be everyone's cup-o- tea, but if you're looking for a more ornate spin on science-fiction then give "Under the Skin" a shot.

More reviews @ http://swinesewage.blogspot.com/

Seed 2 (2014)

Damn near unwatchable...

[2/10 · 8 March 2015]

As with a few of his more recent, non-video game adapted films, I enjoyed Uwe Boll's serial killer flick, "Seed", more than most. As far as Boll's body of work goes, the BAD definitely outweighs the good, overall, but I've dug a few of the more mean-spirited movies he's done in the past few years (Postal, Rampage). He only served as an executive producer on this sequel which, regardless of how much you hate the first, makes THAT look like "Citizen Kane". "Blood Valley: Seed's Revenge" - aka. "Seed 2: The New Breed" - is a new level of sh*ttiness.

A group of bimbos are on an RV trip from Vegas, back to Chicago, when they experience some engine trouble in the desert. They end up falling into the clutches of Max Seed and his sadistic family who live in the desert and partake in religious, sacrificial rituals for some reason...

The major problem with this one is that the "story" is constantly jumping all over the f*cking place - starting with the ending, then transitioning out of NOWHERE to the beginning... then somewhere in the middle, then PRE-trip, then back to the end and so on and so forth. Why did they do this? Who the f*ck knows, but it's beyond annoying and kills any kind of fluidity this sh*t-pile could've had. Not that a completely linear 'timeline' of events would've made this GOOD, but it would have made it at least a tad more watchable. Every actor sucks - except, maybe for Seed, who is just a big guy in a mask who is given only one guttural line - and the violence/gore factor is surprisingly 'light', aside from a gun barrel rape/murder which was nothing special (and is shown twice...). "Seed 2" is a completely worthless and amateurish sh*tfest.

Many more of my reviews @ http://swinesewage.blogspot.com/

The Town That Dreaded Sundown (2014)

Starts off with promise, but is ultimately bogged down by heavy clichés...

[4/10 · 5 February 2015]

Going into this, I was expecting a remake, but it actually plays out as more of a sequel/follow-up to the 1976 original. I'm getting kinda tired of non-remakes being given the same title as their predecessor just because some time has gone by - i.e. "The Thing" prequel from a few years back. It's just a confusing and stupid way to cash in. Anyways... This flick is just heap of wasted potential - dragged down by the 'modern' teen-horror influence.

According to this movie, the small town of Texarkana - famous for the real-life unsolved series of slayings from 1946, known as The Texarkana Moonlight Murders - has since embraced the legendary case of the Phantom Killer. They even have an annual screening of the original film, which, after 66 years, sparks a presumed copycat killer who is taking to lover's lanes and brutally killing local teens. One girl survives her attack and decides to investigate the mysterious Phantom Killer and the main suspects, as well as certain information that was apparently dug up for the making of the '76 film...

Early on, it looked like this one was gonna be decent enough with some pretty strong kill scenes and creative camera work. Also, the whole set-up showed some promise - particularly, the movie-within-a- movie angle, which was somewhat interesting. These 'positives' are virtually obliterated by the exhausting abundance of clichés and painfully boring characters. Seriously, the male and female leads seemed to purposely be cast for their ungodly deadpan demeanor's and inability/refusal to captivate an audience. And the icing on the cake of sh*t that killed this flick was the p*ss-poor conclusion that goes out of it's way to be a random, over-explained 'whodunnit' reveal. The dreaded "Scream"-influence rears it's ugly head again and really just extinguished any flicker of aptitude this movie had going for it, as far as I'm concerned. I'm not even a huge fan of the original "Town That Dreaded Sundown", but you should definitely stick with that film (cuz Mary Ann is in it, of course...) and don't bother with this.

More of my reviews at http://swinesewage.blogspot.com/

Deliver Us from Evil (I) (2014)

More bland, 'mainstream' possession crap...

[3/10 · 15 January 2015]

Can't say I needed another example of just how stagnant 'mainstream' American horror is these days, but it looks like I got one with "Deliver Us From Evil". This was another one that I had no intention of ever viewing, but it was around - via Redbox rental, as well as some fine Tennessee bourbon - so I figured "what the hell". Yeah, it pretty much epitomizes everything wrong with this kind of bland, Hollywood horror sh*t of recent years...

A Bronx cop and his partner begin uncovering a demonic entity brought back from Iraq by a couple of G.I.'s. One is a professional painter, the other a wife beater and the third turns up dead. They end up possessing a woman into tossing her young child over the wall of a lion's den and there's something to do with The Doors' music, which was lost on me...

It's basically the same sh*t you've seen a million times. I've never really been a fan of movies about demonic possession - having always found flicks like "The Exorcist" to be highly overrated. I'm not able to buy into the concept enough to find it 'scary' or 'disturbing'. And like everything else these days, it's "based on a true events"; apparently found in a book written by the now retired New York cop portrayed in the film. I'm sure no 'cinematic liberties' were taken... Ha. Overall, "Deliver Us From Evil" is more supernatural-horror fodder for the 'popcorn crowd', featuring an abundance of clichés, such as the seasoned NYPD cop who doesn't spend enough time with his family, the overly hip priest, and a chick with chapped lips crawling around on all fours and speaking Latin. It also must be said that this movie is 90% close-ups of Sony technology. It actually gets distracting! Boring, WAY too long and WAY too typical. Avoid.

More of my reviews @ http://swinesewage.blogspot.com/

Terror Circus (1973)

Decent 'backwoods' B-horror trash...

[5/10 · 15 January 2015]

aka. "The Barn of the Naked Dead". There were quite a few interesting ideas at play in "The Barn of the Naked Dead", only their execution seemed a bit too clumsy and misdirected to completely "grab" me. That said, considering it's mean, misogynistic and just plain weird content, I can't chalk it up to a total loss.

Three young showgirls are on their way to Vegas. They make the mistake of turning off onto a dirt road "shortcut" where their car breaks down in the middle of the desert. The next morning, a seemingly helpful guy shows up to take them to his isolated place to use his phone. It doesn't take long before the gals notice that his barn is full of chained women that he ends up using as the "animals" in his deranged circus act, for which he plays the sadistic ringmaster. While this is going on, the girls' agent is trying his damnedest to track them down...

There's some back story involving the guy's mommy issues and there's some kind of Anthropophagus-looking freak tucked away - a result of the military's H-bomb testing years ago. That part - while making for a reasonably gruesome ending - seemed kind of awkwardly wedged into the film, while I thought the whole circus angle was an amusing concept. Andrew Prine (from "The Town That Dreaded Sundown") pulls off his role very well and the movie doesn't shy away from astringent cruelty towards women. That f*cker LOVED his bull whip! It's an entertaining enough 'exploit'/B-horror flick, but, like I said, it could have used a little more direction and 'flow' with some of it's elements. Still giving it a rec.

More of my horror/exploitation reviews @ http://swinesewage.blogspot.com/

Twisted Issues (1988 Video)

Tedious shot-on-video splatter flick...

[3/10 · 9 November 2014]

I typically don't have a problem with a little experimental diversion to what would otherwise be a rather run-of-the-mill slasher/gore flick, as long as it can hold my interest. Can't say that "Twisted Issues" really did it for me, unfortunately...

The "plot" here is a complete mess, but from what I could make out - a karate student/skateboarder gets into an altercation with a gang of drunken a-holes on his way home from a party. They kick his board out into the street, he chases it, resulting in him getting hit by a car and killed. His body is eventually found by two Frankenstein-ish mad doctors who bring him back to life, only to be killed by him before he takes to the streets wearing a fencing mask and wielding a sword, seeking revenge. Apparently, some of the characters are aliens or something - two of which keep trying to kill each other with household appliances and there's another one who is obsessed with raspberry soda...

A lot of this movie is padded out with quickly edited sequences of stock footage of political figures, Nazis and other random sh*t as well as sh*tty punk band performances. That, on top of the terrible, shot-on-video production value and absolutely terrible sound mixing (it's almost impossible to hear any of the dialog over the constant thrash-hardcore soundtrack), the movie really feels much longer than it is. Overall, "Twisted Issues" is a pretty lacking 'splatter punk' entry.

More of my horror/exploitation reviews @ swinesewage.blogspot.com

Oculus (2013)

Surprisingly decent 'mainstream' horror...

[6/10 · 9 November 2014]

"Oculus" wasn't as bad as I expected, though it's far from anything I would consider great. At least it took a slightly different approach than most other 'supernatural'-themed American horror films of late.

An auction house worker comes across a mirror that she suspects caused her father to torture and kill her mother when she was a child. After her brother gets out of the nut-house where he had been since that incident, she takes him to their childhood home where she has rigged a series of surveillance cameras and other such props in order to prove her suspicions and destroy the evil mirror once and for all. The movie switches back and forth between present time and their childhood and what led up to all the craziness that unfolded amongst their family's devastating outcome...

What makes "Oculus" stand out from a lot of the other 'mainstream' ghost/possession movies these days is that it goes for a more 'slow-burn' type of advent, as opposed to the million jump-scares and CGI ghost method that is popular now. I guess my main problem would be that it really feels like two-movies-in-one with the frequent flashbacks, which actually makes a lot of the present day stuff seem a bit pointless in the long-run. The childhood stuff is MUCH more interesting and could maybe have worked on it's own, I'd say, without all the present day drama sh*t getting in the way. All that could have worked, I thought, but it ends up kinda getting buried beneath the much more engaging flashback B-story. I that way, the movie as a whole felt a bit 'clunky' to me and not as well thought out as it could have been. Overall, "Oculus" is a fine one to put on if you got nothing else to watch some night...

More of my horror reviews @ swinesewage.blogspot.com

Violated Angels (1967)

Early 'pinku' classic...

[8/10 · 3 November 2014]

Though it's not my favorite of his works, pinku pioneer Koji Wakamatsu's "Violated Angels" is another example of the film-maker's groundbreaking proficiency for misogynistic sleaze. That said, this film just so happens to 'flow' with an undeniable artistry, as seen in his other earlier films, such as "The Embryo Hunts in Secret" and "Go Go Second Time Virgin".

The idea here is obviously modeled after the Richard Speck murders - a dorm full of nurses find a guy lurking around outside at night and decide to drag him in to peep on two of the lesbian girls going at it. This is a strange and implausible decision, but who am I to judge the questionable generosity of a bunch of young, naive bitches... Unfortunately for the girls, seeing sensual lesbian passion pushes him over the edge, so he snuffs off the rug-munchers and tortures the rest of the terrified girls for the rest of the night...

If you're cool with an 'arthouse' approach to violent exploitation, then I don't think you'll have any problems with this one. It's pretty damn mean for it's time - featuring some relatively 'disturbing' depictions of rape and some torture and mutilation (though mostly implied, but we're given a shot of the aftermath). The most 'graphic' moment being a scene in which a luger is jammed in a chick's ass and fired. "Violated Angels" is not Wakamatsu's best or most 'offensive' film, as far as I'm concerned, but for those into pinku cinema it definitely helped to lay the foundation for this type of genre. It's a very bleak and harsh film, especially by 60s standards.

More Gorepump reviews @ swinesewage.blogspot.com

Serial Killer Culture (2014)

Lends some entertaining insight into serial killer fandom...

[7/10 · 16 October 2014]

"Serial Killer Culture" is a pretty decent documentary that explores certain people's fascination with this particular sub-culture of memorabilia collecting and various forms of artistic expression.

The first guy was an interesting collector whose gig was acting as an art dealer for incarcerated murderers, such as John Wayne Gacy (one of the main ones...), Richard Ramirez and Elmer Wayne Henley. He also possessed an extensive array of Ed Gein artifacts and other interesting sh*t. The film also covers a few bands that specialize in 'graphic' lyrical themes pertaining to serial killers, a guy who got in some 'hot water' for a Dahmer comic book he put out, as well as some people who give Dahmer tours around Milwaukee. They also talk to David Van Gough who breaks down some of his Manson paintings and their cryptic detail and the famous Joe Coleman who brings it all home by telling of a meaningful exchange between him and Gacy...

One thing about each of the 'subjects' here was that they all appear to have a firm grasp on reality and moral decency, despite their rabid interest in the macabre subject matter. There's really no straight-up WEIRDOS in this doc. Everyone is pretty likable and is able to explain their morbid fixation in an articulate, down-to-earth kinda way, which I was honestly happy to see. The former-serial killer art dealer, at one point, has such a casual stance on this type of hobby, to which he states, "... when I die I don't care what happens to all this sh*t...". However, the dime museum guy seemed a little crazy-eyed and disturbingly obsessive, but not too bad. Lot of eccentrics, for sure, but they all tend to keep it in check more so than I expected.

Pretty enlightening doc that's well worth checking out.

More of my reviews @ http://swinesewage.blogspot.com/

Night of the Howling Beast (1975)

Disjointed 'Video Nasty'...

[4/10 · 9 October 2014]

This is another one of those I can't understand being labeled a "Video Nasty", though I think many would concur that the VN list doesn't make any f*cking sense anyway. So apart from that discomfiting detail, "The Werewolf and the Yeti" (aka. Night of the Howling Beast) is a relatively disjointed cluster-f*ck 'exploitation' flick among a series of related Spanish werewolf films that I have not seen...

A couple of yeti-hunting explorers are attacked by a vicious, furry creature in the mountains of Tibet so a party heads out to look for them. One of the guys from earlier is seen trudging through the snow and stumbles across a pair of cave-dwelling cannibal-vampire-wolf-nymphs who get freaky and bite him - thus, transforming him into a lycanthrope during a full moon... The search party is eventually ambushed by a gang of bandits who like torturing people, so by the end there's a big-ass showdown between the surviving explorers and the bandits and "the wolfman" and a yeti...

I guess my main gripe with this one is that it just looks sh*tty. Terrible day-for-night shots and werewolf transformations that cheaply mimic the primitive effects utilized in the 1941 Lon Chaney Jr. classic as well as subsequent 'wolfy' films (stationary shot as they stick fur to a guy's face and fade between 'em). There's a little bit of nudity but not nearly enough to matter all that much and the gore was weak. Plus, there was just too much going on here and it kinda lost me at times. They should've just focused more on the werewolf/yeti and those cave-sluts. That would've kept my ass entertained. In all, this one is just forgettable.

More of my reviews @ http://swinesewage.blogspot.com/

Estou com AIDS (1986)

Sleazy, anti-gay AIDS doc...

[4/10 · 23 September 2014]

I'm not really sure what to make of "I Am with AIDS" (aka. "Estou com AIDS"), mainly because it's in Portuguese - one of many languages I am not fluent in. It appeared to be a very 'campy' and sleazy anti-homo documentary/mockumentary concerning the forefront of the AIDS crisis...

From the looks of it, some gay dudes are giving women AIDS and everyone is dying. One dude is even about to bone a chick when he gets the call that he is infected (of course, that's what I assume happened since he looked less than happy and she couldn't get out of there fast enough...). The film really just attempts to show the contemptible degeneracy of the ultra-sleazy gay lifestyle of the mid-80s through porn and drug addiction causing the spread of disease.

In that regard, "I Am with AIDS" obviously comes across as very dated and laughably bizarre. At times, I couldn't help but question whether this was meant to be taken seriously or not, but considering the year it was made, I can only assume that it was definitely meant to spread some outrage. I just wish I could've followed along with the dialog and interviews, cuz I'm sure it would've made this flick even more of a hoot as people are writhing in their AIDS scabs and puking their guts out. Pretty strange, sleazy film...

More horror/exploitation reviews by me at http://swinesewage.blogspot.com/

Extra Terrestrian: Die Ausserirdische (1996 Video)

Bizarre German porn...

[4/10 · 29 August 2014]

I have no qualms calling this THE most odious, cockamamie porn-parody ever made. Not to mention, one of the least arousing...

First, the "plot": A female E.T. lands on Earth with hopes of learning our customs. She happens to go looking around a Victorian-style mansion where the residents do nothing but bang each other. After peeping in a few doorways, E.T. decides that she wants to get involved... And these people are more than accommodating...

First off, E.T. looks like a mound of sun-baked dog sh|t that was crudely sculpted into a human-esque shape and fitted around an anorexic porn actress. The costume looks like it was constructed out of garbage bags that had once been filled with excrement then, at the last minute, they ripped a hole around her vagina and nipples so these limp-dicked German guys in top hats could f*ck this friendly alien. Speaking of E.T. getting f*cked - the visual alone is as unappealing as watching your grandmother gape her p*ssy and talk about the "good ol' days" - but the sounds it makes are beyond disturbing. It moans like an old, wounded cat being f*cked to death. The other sex scenes - the ones NOT involving E.T. - are easier to stomach, but still not all that 'erotic'. They refuse to shed their wardrobe so you've got a lot of awkward, fluffy, Victorian era dresses getting hiked up and creepy, German groaning.

That's basically all I got on "E.T. - The Porno". It's terrible and there is NO reason for it's existence, though if curiosity gets the better of you, like it did with me, than by all means; hunt it down.

More reviews at http://swinesewage.blogspot.com/

The Snowtown Murders (2011)

Incredibly 'powerful' serial killer film...

[8/10 · 11 August 2014]

Based on Australia's worst serial killer, "The Snowtown Murders" - aka. The Bodies in Barrels Murders - is the story of John Bunting, a vicious and highly manipulative psychopath who preyed upon and murdered 11 young men around a Southern Australian suburb throughout the 90s. Bunting ended up marrying the mother of a teenager whom he convinced to assist him and his sleazy crew in exterminating those he deemed as gay, pedophiles or junkies. Many of Bunting's victims were found mutilated, usually with signs of rectal torture, and stuffed into barrels inside of an unused bank he had rented.

This film does a phenomenal job of portraying these events in a very dark and unsettling, yet highly character driven mien. All of the performances are tremendous and the desolate locale makes for a very bleak and tragic backdrop. The movie doesn't rely too heavily on all-out on screen violence, although the few scenes of torture and murder depicted are truly harsh and gritty, as well as it's rather brash depictions of pedophilia and incest. There's also some animal butchering on tap.

"The Snowtown Murders" definitely ranks high on my list of strongest serial killer biopics of all time. It's one of those films that will stick with you for a bit. Gotta say, though, it's not for everyone, but if you're cool with "rougher" types of cinema, "Snowtown" comes highly recommended.

More Gorepump reviews at http://swinesewage.blogspot.com/

Fetish Dolls Die Laughing (2012)

Unwatchable garbage...

[1/10 · 9 August 2014]

I don't even know what to say. The title sounded alright, but when all was said and done, "Fetish Dolls Die Laughing" sucked a colossal pile of rancid warthog balls. This flick pretty much did every conceivable thing wrong that one could do when making a meager-budgeted horror movie...

Some small, bearded, bald guy runs around kidnapping and tying up various women who provoke his rabid foot fetish. He likes to tickle them (while referring to himself as "The Tickle Monster") until they bleed out and die... Ugh. There's also a pair of detectives looking for him.

The biggest problem with this thing is that it's TOO f*cking LONG without enough plot or interesting material to support or justify it's length. It's really just the same thing over and over again and I started getting annoyed watching this guy sucking on the toes of average to unattractive-looking chicks in a greatly redundant sequence of pointless scenes. There's basically no gore to speak of, aside from the usual, half-assed squirt-bottle of fake blood just off screen. Clearly, this movie was going for the 'intentionally campy', look how crazy we're being, Herschell Gordon Lewis-influenced appeal, but it all just sucks and looks like countless other digitally shot, DIY horror flicks out there. And the "silliness" of the fetish killer didn't mesh too well with the equally boring scenes of the two cops adding the 'serious' element to the "story". One thing I would like for you indie horror hack film-makers to quit doing is trying to incorporate detectives and crime-solving motifs into your already sh|ttily structured low-budget bore-fest. You're not David Fincher, you imbeciles! Stop it!

So, yeah... There's nothing about "Fetish Dolls Die Laughing" that's worth checking out. It's total sh|t.

More Gorepump reviews at http://swinesewage.blogspot.com/

Devil Fetus (1983)

Not quite 'feeling' this supernatural HK horror flick...

[2/10 · 8 August 2014]

I had heard a few good things about "Devil Fetus", but unfortunately it didn't live up to any of the hype for me. Pretty much Dullsville without all the gore people had mentioned in the reviews I had read a while back.

There's something to do with a vase that is bought at some Chinese auction. The chick who buys it starts getting all horned up and when her businessman hubby comes home to find her getting boned by a demon, he smashes the vase and his face gets all rotted and maggot-covered. Then he jumps out the window. Cut to years later, there's some spells, a couple of brothers who were around when the sh|t at the beginning went down and a love interest. One of the brothers becomes possessed by the malevolent demon from before and some random sh|t happens...

The plot of this thing was SO f*cking arbitrary and disjointed. Definitely a weak example of CATIII cinema that did nothing for me. You got a worm-filled birthday cake, a dude munching on the guts of his dead German Shepherd and some ridiculous 'showdown' between the possessed guy and a samurai wizard - complete with laser-beams shot from eyeballs. It's all just so stupid and boring. Avoid.

More Gorepump reviews at http://swinesewage.blogspot.com/

Stitches (I) (2012)

Entertaining clown slasher...

[7/10 · 8 August 2014]

I really wasn't expecting anything from "Stitches", but to my surprise, it actually turned out to be an immensely entertaining slasher joint out of Ireland.

While putting on a half-assed show for a bunch of misbehaving brats at a birthday party, Stitches the Clown has an unfortunate mishap that results in his bloody accidental demise. Cut to six years later, those same kids are in high school and the birthday boy from the ill-fated party is still haunted by the death of Stitches, especially after having stumbled across a strange clown ritual going on in the cemetery following Stitches' funeral. While the teenage friends are throwing a big drunken house bash, Stitches rises from his grave for revenge...

As far as slasher-comedies go, I rarely see any true effort put into them - especially these days. "Stitches" is actually a pretty refreshing entry in the genre - being clearly of modest budget, yet still managing to come across as a professional looking flick with an unusually likable cast of characters, a reasonably memorable villain and a few instances where the humor actually worked. There's also a few decent and relatively gory deaths, cleverly themed after traditional clown tricks (one guy gets his head inflated like a balloon and popped). The one thing I feel like it could've done without, however, was the clown cult/painted egg thing that I felt didn't quite work and takes ya out of it a little toward the end. Otherwise, this one is definitely a fun way to blow an hour-and-a-half.

More Gorepump horror reviews at http://swinesewage.blogspot.com/