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Battle: Los Angeles (2011)
Minute here
55:52 or so. Seriously?
Script is crap. I was in the army, nobody does what they do. Script writer, heloooooo, quit. Get a janitor job!
1. Invasion. First thing you do, attack the source, do not let them deploy. Attack first. Makes sense? ACTION against invaders. Instead, they had the helicopters flying on opposite direction. WRONG!! And who the hell was shooting anti air missiles? Against who?
2. DUH! Plain stupid the rest of it. My brothers in arms know what I am talking about.
Merlin (2008)
Entertaining? Yes. But...
Did anyone noticed that in every single episode, Merlin and the old dude, his mentor, keep telling the dumb king and his dumber son, that blah blah blah is evil?
Did anyone noticed that the dumbs don't believe them? In every single episode.
Is only one writer on this series that keeps repeating the story but with different evils on each episode?
Seriously?
Space Cop (2016)
Greatest "B" movie wanna be
If you are watching this movie and not like it, you must not have your sense of humor developed well.
At first, after I saw the super bad '60's incredibly, horribly made "special effects", I said to myself, "Oh noooooo, not another one! And made in 2016???"
But I am glad I gave it a shot.
The movie IS intended to be bad. But it is so bad, it is actually very good.
The script and the acting is what make the movie funny. I laughed throughout the whole of it.
The Mandalorian (2019)
Not what I expected
I had high hopes for this series, however, I am very disappointed. It may be happening in a galaxy, far, far away, but some common sense should still be around.
The acting is horrible, but is probably because the script is puerile. Disney is probably aiming for a children audience.
For everyone that is familiar with the saga, why did they have to change things like "We do not show our face." ?
And whomever is the script writer, should do some research. If you have a heat seeking scope and you can be seen daytime, you do not write lines like "We are going in at night." At night, you are even more visible.
Great special effects, of course. With a budget of 100 million dollars, I was expecting a good story. Sorry, another sorry failure. At least they didn't bring Jar Jar back. I hope...
Star Raiders: The Adventures of Saber Raine (2017)
Awesome B movie! They still exist!
1. Bad acting. Check!
2. Bad special effects. Check!
3. Will become a classic? Check!
4. Fun to watch if you want to get away from your chatty wife/girlfriend? Check!
5. Bad script? Hell yes! Check!
6. Have time to waste and watch this flick? Check!
7. Casper not aging too well? Check!
Most B movie actors are millionaires. Fact!
Lost in Space (2018)
Award winner for:
And the Academy Award goes to ...
Pause for opening the envelope
Lost in Space!!!
Humongous audience applause roar. Hats thrown in the air. Hugs among the winners, happy tears rolling down their cheeks. Dirty looks from the losers aimed at the winners. More tears for different reasons.
The announcer continues.
For:
Worst script by amateurs that need to be fired.
Worst acting because of the worst script written by wanna be writers.
Worst plot because acting from a bad script is just bad.
Worst director because he cannot direct actors that act bad because of poorly written scripts by amateurs that need new jobs.
Worst story because the director hired bad script writers and this is the crap that comes out.
Worst scientific research EVER done for a flick!
Worst "serious" lines in a movie that made me laugh so hard, I had to take a smoke break!
Yes, I know it is Sci-Fi, but there is no "Sci" in this movie. I am into Episode 7 (and the last one I will watch), and I LOST all interest in this series.
Come on! It was so cold, the water froze with lightning speed (from the bottom up - really?), but the survivors on the surface uncovered their faces. Bu ha ha! The water freezes at the surface first, MORONS!
These explorers have so much bad luck, it seems that at every corner one system after another fails and one of them will die.
Best one: The planet will die in a few weeks, maybe two months. And they just got there. Yea ...
Puts the real explorers of Apollo 13 to shame!
1. Eels eating fuel but attack humans? Check
2. Insubordinate crew members that do not listen to the captain? Check
3. Idiot captain that does not know simple laws of physics? Check
4. Stupid alien robot that looks cool and says nothing except "Danger"? Check
5. Parker Posey is not hot anymore! Check
:)
Passengers (2016)
$110 million to make this movie? Better not ignore the bad reviews!
For a movie that has to do with "humanity", I do not understand why it cost $110 million to produce this. How much does CGI cost these days? It has been around for a few decades now. Hell, my 8 core home computer can do what they do.
Hollywood, please put your money into better crap, seriously. How many people could've been fed with the amount of money you spent on this?
As another reviewer said, some of us do know some facts, and no CGI in the world would change the fact that a spaceship traveling at 149.5 km/sec (half the speed of light), would take some 1240 years to reach Antares (and they were not going there, they were going beyond that).
In 1977, I smiled when Han Solo said he made the Kessel run in 12 parsecs. Parsecs is distance, not time. After all these years, Holywooooo' still doesn't get it right.
And the acting? What acting? At the very end, watch out for Andy Garcia (anyone remembers him?)
All About Anna (2005)
Stupidest script ever
So, I have to write at least 1000 words. Well, here it goes: Contains a little spoiler!
Minute 6 into the movie and I decided to fast forward to the "good" scenes. Guy: "Mom, I have a friend staying over and she has a headache. What do I do?" ... "Oh, give her an aspirin?"
Who wrote this stuff? What grown man doesn't know what to take for a headache and has to call his mom? Dumb!
Then it jumps to a sex scene. All one minute and a half of it!!! Because that is all the guy lasts! Must've been the paint fumes (they were painting the apartment).
Next, after the whole super hot mini-scene, the chick goes to the door naked, opens it and some dudes come in while she is "busy" getting dressed. Guess who's one of the dudes?! Her old flame that dumped her, now moving in! At this point, I am like the chick from "Legally blonde". As if!
After all these years, how did the old flame know her NEW address?
Yea, real life stuff. Very credible! Stupid beyond belief!
Waste of time folks. Whoever wrote that the main actress is a good actress, must've been on some good stuff.
You will be better off watching some real porn with way more action and way better acting!
Spectral (2016)
How much does it cost to hire a decent translator?
I am about 43 minutes into the movie, where they find some children in a factory. And they start speaking a very bad Romanian with Moldavian accent.
I had to rewind, I must've heard wrong. No, I was right.
I do not know if it was an editing error or the translator was on crack. Must be both, since one of the "translators" asks the kids some questions, the children answer, the Sargent asks the "translator" to ask them what she already asked, and she replies with total opposite what the children already answered.
Being that was filmed in Hungary, while the action is supposed to happen in Moldavia (the old Russian Moldova), it is understandable.
The cast, I know quite a few of them. Free trip to Europe was the motivation for this ? I wasn't looking for an Oscar nomination performance, but come on!
And since when Moldavia has the resources to create "super" dung? Sri Lanka would've been more plausible.
If it wasn't on Netflix, I'd ask for my money back. How much does a translator make a year?
Independence Day: Resurgence (2016)
We waited 20 years for this?
I have to stop going to the movies and wait for these abominable Hollywood productions until they get on Netflix. With the price of movie tickets nowadays (not to mention $5 drinks and $10 popcorn), and folks, please save your money. The script is beyond dumb, the acting is horrible, CGI's are ... CGI's. I don't think the movie was ever edited, the only thing they had in mind was cash, cash, cash. Put it out as fast as we can and maybe they will not notice how stupid, boring and senseless the whole story is.
1. To the Hollywood dumb asses: the first thing we'd steal from aliens would be SHIELDS and put them around our asses. You forgot that one. 2. Sure, we have a woman running for president, but you had to put one in the movie. Hint to what Hollywood hopes to install in our brain? 3. Billions people die but we have time for bad jokes. Do we need comic relief in all the apocalyptic movies?
Dumbest lines I've ever head: Data joke (who doesn't remember Data from STNG?): "Let me take you to the sickbay". Really? The joke with the mosquito that flew outta cow's ass is funnier. Bushman to paper pushing pansy: "You have the heart of a warrior". Spank me sideways and send me to bed! Horrible! "You are a primitive species". Well, not all of us, just the ones that put out crap movies like this and the actors that get paid for this crap.
And for the ones that claim that "this flick was not so bad", a few words: go read an f-ing book instead of writing good reviews for bad movies. Gizas! We need to be annihilated!
London Has Fallen (2016)
London Impossible
As an American, I am very upset when I hear in movies "God Bless America", especially when it is stated by a very prestigious actor. As an atheist, I am impartial to such statements but in this case, I have a question for the Hollywood industry, that has to do with morality: Does this invisible God blesses only America? He, in his wisdom and knowledge, does he not see the rest of the countries? Blah! The movie is atrocious to watch. I am a big fan of action movies, but this abomination, full of same old propaganda, is beyond any stupidity the Hollywood creators managed to produce so far.
So Merkel dies on the street. The Japanese folk dies, in an Infiniti no less. The French dude also dies, in style. He decided to take a boat. Somehow, the bad guys knew where they'd all be, at all times, with the precision of a Swiss clock.
But, you guessed right - the American cowboy escapes, although scathed.
Just as in the first movie, Olympus Has Fallen, the Secret Service (this time the Brits), fails to do its homework and again, hires a traitor who's fed up with the system. Nothing new here.
And oh! The propaganda ...
San Andreas (2015)
Hollywoo', again...
Independence Day. 2012. San Andreas. Lets review all three of them:
In the aftermath of some catastrophic event, the heroes (all divorced), save the day and guess what? They happily take back the old hags that dumped them for other men.
Really? Are all the Hollywood writers out of ideas? Or there is only one guy that keeps the story and creates a different cataclysm? Personally, I'd rather be eaten by alien invaders, drown or be dead in an earthquake than returning to the x-wife.
As the CGI goes, of course, top notch. Acting is overdone, and the Oscar goes to Paul Giamatti. Dwayne should stick to comedies. Carla Gugino should be on the cover of Playboy. Wait! Playboy doesn't do nudes anymore ...
Star Wars: Episode VII - The Force Awakens (2015)
What happened?
As a die hard fan I had high hopes for the sequels, specially after the incredibly dumb prequels. J.J. did an amazing job reviving Star Trek saga. With Star Wars, he managed to sell a complete garbage. I wonder if the movie was ever edited.
The story is a joke. Was it about a chick who has no idea about The Force (but she uses it better than a trained dude) , no idea where she's from (but after 20 some years she still thinks that her no good parents are going to come after her), never piloted a ship (but she's damn good at it), or was it about Han Solo ... wait! General Solo who after 30 years still owes money to dubious individuals and allows his precious ship to be stolen?
The acting is horrible. The droid is the best actor in this flick. Was it a drama? Was it a comedy? "You changed your hair." "Same jacket." Seriously? Who wrote this stuff? The poor attempt at comedy with expired lines, managed to literally put my girlfriend to sleep.
The bad guy was nothing more than a spoiled brat, running around the galaxy throwing fits. Finn, a coward. Same old Solo, as cocky as he can be. Character development? None.
If you ask me what the movie is about, I would not know what to tell you, since there is no beginning and no end.
Dracula Untold (2014)
Very enjoyable
This new twist in the Dracula/vampire emporium reminds me of the revamped Star Trek series, which J.J. Abrams took to a new level. A better one.
It is obvious that the movie has nothing to do with the real history of Vlad The Impaler. It was done the same way "300" and "Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter" were written - Hollywood style.
I've read the bad reviews of the movie before I decided to see it for myself. Funny, as usual. Then I noticed the $70 million budget. Not too shabby, so it can't be that bad.
The Turk reviewers are up in flames, just as the Iranians (they still consider themselves Persians) were, when "300" came out.
As if Vlad was a real vampire, Xerxes was really 9 foot tall, and Abraham Lincoln was really killing vampires.
Be serious people, look at the movie for its entertainment value. It is not history, it is not a documentary, it is not REAL. It is a money maker for Hollywood and it sells.
Great effects, awesome new twist in this never ending vampire world.
2047: Sights of Death (2014)
Ouch
Seriously? Never in my mind I thought that such a cast would play in what I call the worst movie of the year. Acting was horrible. Story was non existent.
What made Rutger, Glover and Madsen play in this catastrophe? I don't mention the other actors, since they are not really actors. Baldwins' performance was no better than his other movies. Hannah should have stopped at "Mermaid". Maybe a free trip to Italy was the motivation?
Boring and tasteless. The director should quit and retire, the script writer should get a job as a ... anything else but script writing. The editor should be a janitor.
A complete shame to the industry. 2047 makes any "B" movie look like an Oscar.