juliemaniglia Reviews

Marlowe (2022)

Detective "Dud"ley

[1/10 · 18 February 2023]

It doesn't take a detective to determine that this movie is horrible. Completely and utterly boring from start to end.

It had no plot or, if there was one, it was undetectable. Who wrote this slop and why did they bother?

The only things remotely interesting were the 1930's cars, costumes and scenery.

Liam Neeson obviously had nothing to do before Taken IV is filmed. Perhaps he needed the money for a mortgage payment?

I have no idea why this movie was made, but it's not worth even renting on pay-per-view at home. Please trust me on this. My boyfriend went to sleep and I got a backache waiting for it to end.

Elvis (2022)

A romp through three turbulent decades!

[8/10 · 17 July 2022]

Thought I'd review the Elvis movie which I went to see today. Buy popcorn...lots of popcorn...because this is a l-o-n-g movie, almost three hours long.

That was one of its major flaws. The movie could have accomplished what it wanted minus about 20-30 minutes.

That said, if you're a fan of Elvis, this is a terrific biopic of his life from when he got his start all the way to his untimely death at 42.

The cast was excellent, especially Austin Butler, who plays Elvis. He's a handsome doppelgänger of the real Elvis and he accurately portrayed the 50's icon in all his hip wiggling glory.

I'm not used to seeing Tom Hanks play the "bad guy" but he also put in a stellar performance as the manipulative Colonel Parker. One is left to wonder why Elvis put up with him for as long as he did, but he (Elvis) did become terribly addicted to drugs, so I suppose that probably did not help his situation.

Another major flaw that you may find jarring is that Elvis is portrayed as young-looking and slender, even when he is playing Vegas in the 70's. He was definitely not youthful-looking or slender at that time of his life.

I recommend this movie. It's definitely worth seeing!

Dog (I) (2022)

Disappointing Dog

[6/10 · 27 February 2022]

I went to see this movie hoping for a charming story about man/dog relationship. The previews made it seem like it would be a comedy, however, it was definitely not a comedy although it had some laughable moments.

The story follows a military man with a head injury who's hoping to get back into the military. He's given the task of making a trip with a military dog who's also been relieved of active duty. The trip is to deliver the dog to his prior handler's funeral.

It promised to be a lot more charming than it actually was. The movie was too long for the story presented. I was waiting for it to be over after the first hour. Sad that it wasn't better. C-plus, at best.

Malignant (I) (2021)

Malodorous

[1/10 · 20 September 2021]

This film should be up for a razzie award. Plot holes big enough to swallow a house. The actors escaped from a soap opera and should have stuck to the "Dark and The Dangerous".

But, we had fun picking it apart and laughing throughout. If you're expecting to be scared, you WILL be disappointed.

Jungle Cruise (2021)

Jungle Junk

[2/10 · 2 August 2021]

If you're expecting a story like Swiss Family Robinson, you will be very disappointed. This is played for laughs which aren't there. It's an illustrated comic book. There are no real jungle animals...it's all computer generated hokum. The dialog is one stale dad joke after another.

I was bored after the first ten minutes. For the 7 to 10-year-old crowd.

The Legend of Tarzan (2016)

Ah-e-ah-e-"so so"...

[6/10 · 2 July 2016]

The story is just not all that memorable. Where are all the screenwriters hanging out these days? Are they on strike? This is one that "could have been" but wasn't.

However, the guy playing Tarzan is a real hunk and his Jane is beautiful too.

Samuel Jackson seems uncomfortable and doesn't really add anything.

The jungle scenery is spectacular as well as all the animals, and you will see lots of animals...hippos, lions, wildebeests and, of course, apes.

The movie relies upon special effects instead of a solid story, which is so often the case these days.

I did sit through the whole thing...just because Tarzan was nice to look at!

The Revenant (I) (2015)

You'll need reveille after The Revenant...

[3/10 · 18 January 2016]

This is one of the l-o-n-g-e-s-t movies you will ever sit through. The story runs out of gas long before (about an HOUR before) the credits roll. Two and a half hours to tell a story that could have been told in an hour. That was just one of the worst things about it.

Leo gets mauled by a bear while his hunting party gets nearly wiped out by hostile Indians. The remnant of those left alive try to haul him back with them, but soon find that the terrain is impossible to traverse carrying his litter, so he is left in the care of a couple guys who leave him and claim that he was dead when they left him.

But, before I get too far, let me say that Leo could have avoided a lot of his mauling had he lain still and played dead after the bear's first attack. Instead, when the she bear ambles back to her cubs, he starts crawling to his rifle and takes a pot shot at her. So, on to mauling number two. Duh.

He spends the rest of the movie surviving disaster after disaster with horrific wounds without succumbing to the elements. Totally unbelievable.

The dialog is utterly incomprehensible...everyone mumbles into their beards...so if you catch even a few words, you're doing well.

Long, boring and unbelievable...those three words sum up The Revenant.

The Martian (2015)

The Book is Better

[7/10 · 10 December 2015]

Those of you who have read the book, "The Martian" are probably going to be somewhat disappointed with the movie version.

First of all, in the book, our protagonist talks to himself all the time, and his dialog with himself is very funny. Much of this is left out of the movie, and therefore, a lot of the funny moments are nonexistent.

The movie also leaves out much of the harrowing trip to the rocket that will get him off the planet and the many obstacles that he has to overcome to get there.

The costumes are excellent and the scenery is believable, but this movie did not do justice to the excellent and exciting book, "The Martian."

Everest (2015)

EverLASTING...

[3/10 · 29 September 2015]

Once again I've gone to the movies with high expectations and been disappointed. My expectations fell off the mountain and landed in a heap of "what was I thinking and I want my money back!"

This film was way too long for the story told. Viewers are given the thinnest possible background of the people involved. One man is from Texas and apparently very wealthy. He can afford to hire a helicopter to come rescue him off the mountain. One woman is Japanese and has climbed six other peaks. One guy is a hippie type who likes to sunbathe in his undershorts at base camp. Another is a married man expecting his first child. One climber is pretty old to still be climbing mountains and doesn't seem well.

So, okay. That's all we know about them. After that, it's up the mountain they go and some of them don't make it back. It's pretty difficult to feel scared or concerned or any other emotion about complete strangers whose lives are not explained in the least.

I'm giving the film a "3" out of "10" rating because the scenery and the mountain itself is beautiful, but I could have found that out in a travel documentary. Meh. Save your money.

Learning to Drive (2014)

Funny, Feel Good Movie

[7/10 · 5 September 2015]

I went to see this movie tonight and it was entertaining. I can't say that about many movies these days.

I liked the premise of a woman taking driving lessons after her divorce, trying to regain some sense of independence and competence after that emotional blow.

Ben Kingsley, as her Sikh taxi driver teacher, was excellent in his part. He and his student develop a close friendship which is a joy to see.

A friend, who is also a Sikh, went with me, and she said that Kingsley's headdress was not wrapped properly. You'd have thought that the film would have received some input from the Sikh community on these details, but maybe not. Odd.

At any rate, it was charming, with enough laughs and story to sustain it to the end. It has something to teach both women and men.

The Gift (VI) (2015)

There are no thrills...

[5/10 · 9 August 2015]

The Gift is billed as a "thriller" but it was not very thrilling. It's a rather slow-moving drama if it's anything.

A married couple runs into a former classmate of the husband. The husband claims not to remember this classmate at all, but they invite the classmate to dinner at their house. Then he keeps dropping by the house, usually when the husband is at work, bringing small gifts.

After accepting an invitation to the classmate's house (reluctantly..at least on the husband's part), the evening does not go well and the husband tells the classmate to get lost and not to bother them anymore. A few weird things happen after that.

As time goes by, circumstances work to reveal that the husband was actually not a very nice person in his school years and is still not very nice in the present. It seemed a little far-fetched that his wife would not have a clue, prior to meeting this classmate, what her husband's character was like.

At any rate, it held my interest until the end of the movie, but it could have probably been shorter. It was okay, but nothing to jump up and down about. Reminded me of a Lifetime Channel flick. Meh.

Jurassic World (2015)

Stinkosaurus

[3/10 · 29 June 2015]

This movie is really, really bad. There is no story except for the one in the synopsis...dino escapes from enclosure and starts eating people.

That is the entire plot. The characters are one-dimensional, the dialog is horrible, the acting is stilted, although that may be due to the comic book dialog.

I should have known better than to go to a sequel...99.9% of the time they are terrible, and this was no exception. It may be the worst sequel in history!

I thought perhaps that enough time had gone by since the original movie premiered for writers to come up with a decent scenario, but I think all the writers are on strike or something. There really is very little dialog to speak of...pun intended.

I could not wait for this fiasco to end. Save your money and watch Fred Flintstone reruns...you'll be happier.

I'll See You in My Dreams (2015)

See it in your dreams...not the theater!

[3/10 · 27 May 2015]

If you're expecting a really cool romantic story between the two leads, you might as well have stayed home.

Blythe and Sam have two dates and then he ends up as a cigar memento on her mantelpiece.

There's a few mild laughs (very mild). The rest of the story is depressing and/or boring.

The best part went to Blythe's pool guy...he has more time in the movie than poor Sam. I wonder why Sam Elliot agreed to be in this movie at all? He'd have been better off sticking with advertisements for the Ford F-150 or whatever truck it is he's pushing these days.

I was so disappointed with this movie...a real nothing of a movie.

4 Big Yawns

The Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel (2015)

It really IS second best...

[3/10 · 11 May 2015]

I went to see this film yesterday, on Mother's Day. My friends loved the first film, "The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel" and we were all hoping that this sequel would be excellent.

Unfortunately, that was not the case. Let me say first that I have not seen the first film, and that may have been my problem with liking the sequel.

I felt like the film did not have any real story to tell...just a lot of short scenes between obviously previous characters, but not having seen the first film, I found it difficult to understand or care about what was going on in this film.

As so often happens with sequels, I don't think much thought went into this script and it seemed hastily thrown together to attract viewers who liked the first film.

It was overly long, slow-moving and, ultimately, extremely boring. I walked out during the last fifteen minutes and waited for my friends outside.