scythempress Reviews

Dawn Rider (2012)

Just saw this last night

[5/10 · 10 November 2013]

Jill Henessey is looking old, as is Sutherland, because he is. Slaters constant drinking, smoking and quotes got old fast. Henessey as an Annie Oakley wanna be, finally gets a chance to use the gun she keeps displaying to shoot her worthless criminal brother and doesn't. Why in the world didn't any of the fools who saw the masked marauders during the day put two and two together on their clothes and hats? They looked the same in town except no masks. Even in those days, you didn't just pull the badge off a dead man and become his replacement. A bounty hunter who is also a US Marshal is tracking a man who cheated at cards in a Mexico prison resulting in the death of one prisoner and the release of another for a family that wants revenge. Wow, talk about a reach. The only thing I find mildly good about this is the ending. Everything from opening credits to that point was a waste of time.

Unforgiven (1992)

In the end...

[10 November 2013]

Slow. Very slow. Mediocre at best until the last 20 minutes when Clint becomes the Clint we all know and love. Up to that point, wow. Half blind lying punk supposed to be killer couldn't hit his ass with both hands, black guy who can only think about sex because he has been away from his wife for almost 12 hours and absolutely must have a whore this very minute. I was at home watching and when Freeman starts questioning Clint on his sex life and whether or not he jerks off, well I was uncomfortable for him. Hackman played a good role, of course, playing an asshole is easy for one. Everything else was just weak. I have heard more than one person say either this was Eastwood's best as a director, or best western ever made. I say no way to both.

R.I.P.D. (2013)

Disappointment has a name RIPD be it

[3 November 2013]

Another case of seeing all the funniest parts of the movie in the trailer. Fortunately the rest of the movie was not unbearable. The cast was good though I have to admit I did not know the two females. It was a 4.99 rental through direct TV so it was not an expensive lesson. This is one of those stories that looks like it had a good start and then either budget or time made the writer all but quit at the three quarter mark. Once the sky opens and the dead start returning it got to be gratuitous violence and loud exploding fillers. I never did get the whole becoming a monster thing as well as the scruffy Bridges being a babe back and forth, it gave me a headache. Was it great? No, was it worth five bucks? Yeah for the most part.

The Decoy (2006)

What the heck was this?

[1/10 · 3 November 2013]

I wrote a review of this right after it came out, but too late to beat, at the time, the two people hired by the directors mom to call it an Oscar effort. Where did it go? Hmmmmm, anyway studio lackeys here it is again. This is tripe. It is done by a bunch of nobody's with almost no money and even less talent. If I was Tara, Justin's wife, I would have flogged him for not letting me star in his stupid attempt at a motion picture. She probably did not want to ruin her chances elsewhere, because if you go down the list of "stars" in this rubbish, they never worked again. The story, music, actors (term used loosely), everything just makes you want to hurl. I have never seen a bigger waste of time or money. Thank goodness it only cost me a dollar at the local rental store. Did I watch it all? No, after the ridiculous killing of the miner that nobody could figure out, and then some really poor acting, I showed my player mercy and allowed it to spit that sht out. Even graded on a curve this tripe gets something below an F.

Excalibur (1981)

Gag!

[1/10 · 29 September 2013]

Obviously dubbed, the actors sounded like they were dubbed over. Those that gave glowing revues to this piece of sht, were either studio hacks involved in this mess, or paid shills. The silly giggling by that Caesar looking knight was stupid and the kid who played Mordred was the worst of all. This was a work that must have been made while the entire cast and crew were on drugs. This was a load of garbage and either shot in some foreign country, which is the usually why a film sucks, or done on such a low budget that they could neither employ good actors or they had promised parts to their backers kids. In any case the only way you would watch this as I did was because it was Sunday afternoon and nothing, absolutely nothing else was on.

Footloose (2011)

It did as I expected, it sucked

[16 October 2011]

Like usual, I am beaten to the review page by the wannabes that made this wretched film. The studio hacks and lackeys got here and posted rave reviews first. This was lame, not that the original was all that, but did they really have to try this? Who is this Hough girl anyway, saw her on a zits commercial and it's like, "hey all, Julianne here" like anybody that does not watch one reality flick would know her. I promise this crap movie will not help, it is a stinker. Is it as good as the last? No where near. It is pretty much the same, Quaid turns in a good performance, as usual, but I wish he had turned this down. The rest of them, mediocre at best. Is Hollywood out of ideas? Is writing new material that hard? I think the remake era is over, please come up with something new and use real stars, not reality hacks who have long since been over their fifteen minutes.

Conan the Barbarian (2011)

This sucketh

[11 September 2011]

First off who is this guy playing Conan? All I have seen him do is Stargate Atlantis. He is too small and too soft to play the mighty Conan. R.E. Howar must be spinning in his grave. If you had read, as I did, all the Conan books years before a Conan movie was ever made, you would agree. Conan was the largest, meanest, non-god on earth. This guy is like Conan Lite. Just one calorie, not Conan enough. I realize that acting is a big part and he does that well, but when you look at him you think, maybe one of the many guys who gets his ass kicked by Conan, but not Conan himself. The story was weak at best. It was like Conan II without the hot babe, or maybe starring Wilt Chamberlain who was also a soft and weak enemy for the mighty Conan. This is another stinker rating about 10 turds.

Urban Cowboy (1980)

whatever

[14 August 2011]

I was the only person in Texas that did NOT want to and did not go to see this movie. I was also the only person in Texas to never own this soundtrack. I was not then nor ever have been a fan of country music or dancing. That said, I have since seen the movie many times. I is as stupid as I thought it would be, but somehow I end up watching it every time the satellite dish finds it. It makes one ashamed to be from Texas because of how stupid the cast sounds trying to be one of us, but in all honesty, that is about as true a depiction of life in Texas at that time as there ever was. Sadly, the cast members that actually were locals, were the worst impersonators of Texans in the whole show. Let's face it, in real life, Pam and her money would have won, period. It is, if nothing else, true to the times.

Machete (2010)

This was garbage

[27 July 2011]

If I could have given this a negative number, it would have been - infinity. Rodriguez is just the worst of the worst. I am not a member of the cast or crew, so there will be no token good notes. First, Danny Trejo, how old is he now? I have always seen him as he has been, a supporting actor and wondered how he would fair as a star. I hope this is due to crappy scripting, because I hate to think that he is that bad an actor. Now, I can understand a has been like Jeff Fahey being here along with other losers like Lohan, Don Johnson and lard ass Segal, but DeNiro? What the hell? Did he forget to pay his taxes or something? There is not one actor/actress and I use the terms loosely, that deserve to be in the same state with Robert DeNiro. This movie, again loosely used terminology, is pure tripe.

Centurion (2010)

I call BS on the whole movie

[30 January 2011]

First off the timing is completely wrong. The governor they claim at the time, had been dead for over ten years, the ninth has been discovered to have been in Germany when defeated, and picts are not full size Viking like warriors, they are short Pygmy type people. I need go no further for accuracy as there is none. The movie itself was good, if you don't get too technical. While I am of the reality type where women are physically weaker than men, because they are, I really like the blonde archer who seemed to enjoy the fight. The movie over all was good for having a bunch of "Q" listers for a cast. The king of the picts was a waste, he didn't even personally go after the guys who killed his like 9 year old son, instead sending a tongueless woman to do his dirty work. The whole thing stinks of political correctness, women who could kick larger men's asses, the one black guy in the whole movie, on and on.

Kojak (2005)

What the ???

[1/10 · 25 August 2010]

Did the 6 people who reviewed this see the same show as me? I think not, or they are Ving Rhames' lackeys or possibly family members. This was a real stinker and the 10 episode limit proves it. It also puts those 6 previous reviewers in the "duh" category. First, a black Greek detective. OK whatever. Ving is no actor, I don't know what he did before this but he needs to go back. In the year of the remakes where either every writer in Hollywood was brain dead, or completely devoid of ideas, this was the worst. The supporting cast could not save it. This had disaster written all over it from jump street. It was a lot of things, good or even watchable was not one of them. The first six reviewers were paid lackeys.

Walker, Texas Ranger (1993–2001)

Where to start?

[18 December 2005]

This is the pinnacle of "I love and worship me" by Chuck. To start, I have lived in Texas all my life, at 48 I have been a law enforcement officer for 25+ years. This is not a joke, it is absolute garbage. Old fat man with a bottle cap sized cowboy hat stuck to his head running a bar and wearing a badge he is no longer authorized to wear while being clued in on major cases. In Texas you have a Ranger assigned to a county most of the time, not 10 to the city block. We almost never see them and the general public could not tell you that they have ever seen one. They are not karate experts as they are in Chuck's perfect world. The brutality displayed would never be tolerated, even when in Texas, where the rest of the world believes this happens everyday. This is pure dung, and just one more way of Chuck to tell the world what a great guy he is.

The Delta Force (1986)

Oh Chuck when do you stop?

[1/10 · 17 December 2005]

Chuck loves Chuck. In all his movies he is the most outrageous hero of all. Just like his rendition of the Texas Rangers, this is absolute garbage. Military personnel with long shaggy hair? Motorcycles with grenade and missile launchers as well as twin machine guns. You don't see it, but there was obviously a crack pipe involved here somewhere. We could not stop pointing out the stupidity and mistakes. This is one film you should pass on. I personally only watch Chuck Norris movies to point out the mistakes and the obvious Chuck worship as only Chuck will do. If you want a real laugh though, get some cops together and listen to them cut up his Walker Texas Ranger show.