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oddlaww
Reviews
Loaded (2008)
So this is it....
This is it. This is the one. This is the worst movie ever made. Ever. It beats everything. I have never seen worse. Retire the trophy and give it to these people.....there's just no comparison.
Even three days after watching this (for some reason I still don't know why) I cannot believe how insanely horrific this movie is/was. Its so bad. So far from anything that could be considered a movie, a story or anything that should have ever been created and brought into our existence.
This made me question whether or not humans are truly put on this earth to do good. It made me feel disgusted with ourselves and our progress as a species in this universe. This type of movie sincerely hurts us as a society. We should be ashamed. I really cannot emphasize that our global responsibility as people living here and creating art, is that we need to prevent the creation of these gross distortions of our reality for our own good. It's an embarrassment. I don't know how on earth any of these actors, writers, or the director of this film sleeps at night knowing that they had a role in making "Loaded". I don't know what type of disgusting monsters enjoy watching these types of movies.
That being said, I love a good "bad" movie. I love Shark Attack 3, I love Bad Taste, they are HILARIOUS. I tell all my friends to see them because they are "bad".
But this.......this crosses the line of "bad" into a whole new dimension. This is awkward bad. This is the bad where you know everything that is going to happen, every line, every action, every death, every sequence BEFORE they happen; and not just like a second or two before, I mean like, after watching the first 5 minutes before.
Every cheesy editing "effect" is shamelessly used over and over again to a sickening point. I really never want to see the "shaky" camera "drug buzz rush" effect or jump cuts or swerve cuts or ANY FANCY CUT EVER AGAIN EVER. This is meticulously boring, repetitive and just tortures the audience.
But.......and let me be specific here, the most DISTURBING thing about this movie is that given the production, it appears that a somewhat decent amount of money was actually put into this excrement. I personally will grab the shoulders of the director if I ever see him and shake him into submission, demanding that he run home and swallow two-gallons of Drain-O or I will do it for him.
If we ever needed a new form of inhumane torture for our war prisoners abroad, just keep showing them this movie in a padded cell over and over again. Trust me, I think they will become more extravagant with suicide methods after the 72nd time of sitting through this.
Stop these movies, they are just the most vile of all facets of our society. Please. Stop. NOW.
Juno (2007)
I don't buy it, sorry.
This whole movie was just one big farce. A great representation of stupid trivial empty references and buzz phrases that I am sure we will want to forget ever existed in the next year or so.
I saw it as less of a "independent" movie (or any sort of attempt at social commentary, character study, creative screen writing, etc) and more of a way for a company to make some money off the idiots who buy into laughing at jokes based on things that exist in the current culture.
HAHA she said something about how she eats "Taco Bell" or HAHA she drinks blue slushie drinks or HAHA orange tic-tacs or HAHA she mentioned "blogs". HAHA THATS SO FUNNY HOW CREATIVE OF YOU! Its all pointless garbage that only tries to cover up the fact that this movie had no storyline, the acting was bad (and I mean bad because the cast portrayed characters that seemed basically written for them specifically judging from their other work) and the soundtrack was comprised of quirky-indie-folky three-chord acoustic guitar movie music 101 that is so far past the point of being contrived and unoriginal it bewilders me how anyone could think it is genius.
I found the jokes annoying, the dialogue extremely annoying and the main character Juno was the most shallow person ever with no regard for anyone but her own selfish "I think I know more than those big dumb uncool adults" mentality. You ask why everyone in school is staring at you? Its because you are purposely making them stare at you by eating in the trophy case with your giant pregnant gut intentionally sticking out of that outfit next to your cliché "mountain of food" wrappers strewn all over yourself and said trophy case! As someone else said, the mentality of the screenwriter is that she not only owns a hamburger phone, but she WANTS everyone to know that she owns a hamburger phone! How can someone make such a desperate cry for attention but then shun everyone when they pay attention? It is all too forced and perfectly executed where I would ever believe that this was truly just a story written to warm people's hearts. This was just an example of how nowadays, everything is fair game for corporate rape; even hamburger phones and unknown-to-the-mainstream folk bands like the Moldy Peaches.
The public is buying into it, falling for it and just contributing to the further stupification and ignorance of everyone. It's a disgrace of a film and an insult to people who really work hard to CREATE THEIR OWN meaningful independent films. This writer just stole the ideas, subjects, personalities, words and lines from things created by people other than her so she can go buy a nice luxury house and live off the earnings fed by the sheep who hail this movie as brilliant.
You want to tell the already-rich vultures banking off this film how much you like to be controlled by them?? Go see this movie.
American Hardcore (2006)
How could you make something so fast, loud and angry seem so lame and boring??
This was really bad and this was not a documentary. The directors/creators must have watched a 24-hour marathon of "I love the (insert decade here)" on VH1 and decided it was a good model for this waste of an hour and forty some-odd minutes.
American Hardcore watches more like a diary about growing up angry with other angry numb-skulls in a time that remains intentionally forgotten and willfully deserted by the founders themselves and also misunderstood by the idiots who try to replicate these bands today.
One of the interviewees said it best, that for the kids in HC in the 70s-80s, it was all about the current time period, and everything was all about "living in the moment". That is the entire thesis of HC and this "movie". It was in the moment, so anyone who lived outside of this moment could either care less or not fully understand why HC is what it is (was).
This movie puts up no-name bands on a pedestal as if they somehow mattered or inspired the progression of the HC scene or that they were these "innovators" of music. No, they were not. Only Bad Brains deserve any sort of credit and then yeah, Minor Threat, but I think it is important to note that Minor Threat was significant ONLY because of Ian and nothing else. All these other bands were mentioned that either did not matter or were so local that they were only added for the producers own personal enjoyment or they were actually being interviewed in the film (see the band "Fartz").
The interviewer was obviously some guy who was all intimidated by these interviewees and the questions he asked were obviously safe, boring, lame and along the lines of "so...uh, how was being in (insert band name) and what show did you have fun at..?" Bad director, bad momentum, bad graphics, bad music, bad everything.
In a nutshell, DO NOT waste your time on this unless you are: a) one of the people being interviewed in the movie or the director himself or b) went to at least five of the shows mentioned in the movie Otherwise, you will not care. People who know nothing about hardcore will understand hardcore even less after watching this and people who like hardcore post-86 will just be all starry-eyed wishing they were around to see all these bands at their "first shows" (and then they broke up a week later).
No reference to time frame, no reference to what happened after 86, no reference to um...what the hell all these people are doing...I see some hanging out in front of computers....soo...I assume they are working with something involving the possession of a computer?? It was pretty funny to see Henry Rollins start of using big words that he himself could not even pronounce correctly, and then dumb down to how he really is....just another "dumb jock" who tries to act like he is an intellectual and some sort of commentator on current society.
This movie spells out exactly how stupid this entire scene was and shows how it eventually fell apart by HC's own self inflicted "code of conduct". They thought it was fun to punch and kick at first, then other people started doing it other than people in the band or the band's crew, and uh-oh...that's "too much". As Ian said, "I am done with this". TAKE A HINT HC BANDS OF TODAY, GIVE IT UP AND STOP WASTING THE YOUTH'S TIME like somehow being a HC kid will benefit them any more than 2 years from the ages of 15-17.
Babel (2006)
pretty much a waste
The whole time I watched this movie I just got more and more angry that my friend was going to Japan and I wasn't.
"Babel" was entertaining and I did not really lose interest in what was going on at any point. I loved the cinematography, although it was pretentious and a bit cliché at times....especially the scene with the Moroccan kids with their arms spread at the top of the mountain....please.
Anyhow, good stories, pretty good actors, I hated Brad Pitt's loser wife, man was she a real ray of sunshine, grow up, you didn't have to go to Morocco. The Japanese girl story was good too, and same with the little kids. But that's really it, it was just "yeah it was good".
However, the more I think about this movie the more ridiculous i realize it was. The whole way it was filmed is kind of tired and the mood and atmosphere created from the music and effect and camera-work all just seem really recycled. It's typical big-budget pretentious Hollywood PC watered-down film with a big name actor thrown in there to appeal to the masses. Everything was too conveniently linked to current political issues and the messages sent by the director were not subtle in any way. They were entirely way to obvious and it really took away from the stories, made it seem too much like a film where the losers in Hollywood are trying to teach a lesson to all the ignorant minds in America. Borat was more successful in exposing the ugly side of our country, this was just contrived and just blah.
We all know that guy, the kid who saw one Linklater movie and decided he wanted to watch "film" rather than "movies" and walks around bitching and moaning about the current sad state of affairs of the American cinema. He goes to see "Babel" with his friends and all his friends say, "its too artsy for me!" and then he says, "you guys are DUMB you know nothing about film and blah blah blah I think i know everything about movies." I know these people, I lived with one through college.
That's what "Babel" is, its a movie for wanna-be pretentious film snobs to put on a pedestal and claim it was amazing when in fact, they don't know anything. I can hear all the millionaire jerks in California walking out of this movie going "SEE...we are so bad...and we judge other countries so bad now and we create problems through our narrow mindedness and we are mean to the poor illegal immigrants and we should let drunk drivers cross our borders with kids in the cars not be such big meany pants to them blah blah" This movie is for losers who think they know it all; and no, I'm not some conservative republican. Just someone who doesn't buy into this "gonna expose the ignorance" type of film. It's lame, move on or do a better job thats not so formulaic.
The Omen (2006)
OK, this is it
I never saw the original. As many of you are saying that there is not much difference between the original and the remake. How anyone could ever call this pile of garbage a "classic" or "an intelligent movie" is beyond me. This movie was an embarrassment; and I think the director, actors and producers who made this piece of junk available to consumers should be absolutely ashamed of themselves for being involved. I haven't seen a movie this bad since the remake of "Shaft".
OK, so first off, we open with the Pope's "underground secret hi-tech spy room" which we all know does NOT EXIST and the idea of it beyond retarded and seems like something out "Austin Powers". Then we somehow see the writer try to tie in recent events by throwing in the lame and tired correlations of 9/11 and the Tsunami with "what some guy in the bible said". Thats beyond idiotic and stupid and know whats EVEN STUPIDER? How about this initial plot setup NEVER PLAYING ITSELF OUT or ever being mentioned EVER AGAIN. Wow, that was so pointless. Good job! Way to "tie in" the audience.
There is zero character development for anyone in the entire movie and I still don't know who/what/where that nanny came from or if she was some demon or some Satan worshiper or what. All of the acting is beyond bad, especially Julia Stiles and that chump lead guy who cant even annunciate his lines audibly so I can understand what the heck he is saying. The kid says like three words and is not scary at all. Oh what, Im supposed to be scared cause his eyes are BRIGHT BLUE?? AHH! SO scary! Oh yeah, and for a movie that was supposed to be about something as scary as umm...the end of the world? This was about as scary as the mascot for the Cincinatti Reds. So what, throw in some angry dogs and a bird skull and I am supposed to lose sleep over that? I see angry dogs every day in New York dog runs, why would one on the screen scare me more? Oh and give me a break with the "our father" and the whole stupid climatic "holy sacrifice in the church" ending. I wanted to throw my Stonyfield Farm frozen yogurt through my new TV. Oh yeah, and why was the swat team chasing the "dad" at the end? Oh, and why is the president at the end? whats the point of that? Why did the dad ditch his wife and son to run around Italy and Palestine to meet with characters who were NEVER INTRODUCED????? Who were these people? what possible proof did the dad have that the skeleton he found in the grave was his real son's??? NONE! What was the point of the pope dying? How did the Nanny possibly kill the mom without ANYONE in the hospital noticing? Why did they get out of the car and walk up to that house rather than drive? and finally, NO ONE lives in a house like that and makes a living as an ambassador!! That house looked like freakin' Versailles! He cant AFFORD VERSAILLES! This was by far (and dumber than "shaft") the worst movie I have ever seen in my entire life. It has ruined my day today just thinking about it. Completely unrealistic and unbelievable. Take this from the shelves and use it for firewood, the smell it emits when burning is more scary than the movie.
Munich (2005)
Did I miss something?
I am surpsied that so many people loved this movie, I for one could not stand most of it. How did you not find this a complete affront to the situation between Israel and Palestine?? Are you not offended that there is a lot of money being made from this? Isn't anyone else bothered by the Hollywood-esq "action-assassin-character" formula used to portray the Isralies? Each one has "their own specialty and they are back with a vengeance to give those other murderers what they asked for..(insert rest of cheesy trailer voice-over line here." These are real people being killed off, and I felt that there was no insight aside from obvious things like the WTC in the background at the end. The only thing Steven Spielberg made clear is that this violence will continue forever.
I thought it was offensive to make an action movie out of this subject matter, SS is making $$ off of these people's tragedies!! How can you say this movie is a masterpiece???? It's garbage, and I am sorry that I gave my 10 dollars towards this. Next time I will research a bit more before going to see a movie because my fiancé wanted to.
And the scene at the end when he is screaming while having sex his wife and flashing back to people being massacred, GIVE ME A BREAK. That was the stupidist thing I have ever seen.
This whole movie is all about real people dying, and both parties are at fault. Both parties are murdering in each other; I already knew that about the situation in the Middle East. How about some insight into why the hostage crises took place and what went on before it? Also, all of you saying this has "great action" should really think twice about what exactly you are watching. If they made an "action" movie about Sept 11th you all would be throwing bottles at the screen.
The Ring Two (2005)
retarded
This movie was completely retarded with the weakest plot I have ever seen since "Tough Guys." What exactly was the point of anything in this? How can Samara now fly around and pull people into televisions? Why is she showing up and harassing the pair? They already did their part and watched her weak-ass VHS indie flick and made copys, what else do they need to do? Plus, Samara somehow comes out of the videotape when Naomi burns it and gets inside the TV? I thought she would only make an appearance if someone actually watched the tape?? That being said, you could assume that the tape in the 2nd Ring has now become pointless and Samara will just simply become any old normal ghost that haunts people. Wow, good job sticking to the catch of the story...this movie was a waste of time and effort.
I really wonder why the hell Naomi and whatever the hell that kid's name is even decided to do this movie? Did they read the script, with the f'n stupid mad-deer-disease scene and all, and then say "Yeah, sounds good, I think it will do well." How much were they paid for this? Must've been a lot. Not like I really had an high expectations for this in the first place, thank god I did not see this in the theater.