austenyoung-233-322573 Reviews

Sons of Summer (2023)

Troll 2 on the Goldcoast

[1/10 · 3 September 2023]

After some awfully hamfisted exposition, 4 friends (seemingly only friends because their Dads are mates) decide on a road trip for a very weakly established plot point. Along the way they make terrible decisions and act like they're in a first time community theatre production. I can't stress this enough- this is awful and my best guess is someone did this as a favour to someone who needed money laundered. There's NO reason. For this film to exist. Not so bad it's good, just bad. Not enough substance here to write anything more on the film so I'll end on saying Rasputin by Bony M is a killer track.

The Pope's Exorcist (2023)

C'mon guys, I do a great Italian accent

[3/10 · 2 June 2023]

Russel Crow told his friends he could do great accents and his mate said 'imagine a film where a kid talks with a deep voice and swears' and the Pope's exorcist was created. It's not funny but it's not not funny either. Fat people riding on undersized scooters that are later used for towing is always a hoot and a kid miming swears to adults is shocking for about 30 seconds and then it's just filler until the end where the movie has an identity crisis and won't commit to being a horror and film and decides it's a campy comedy. Point is that this film is the drizzling sh!ts. Not sure who it's audience is and I don't think it knows who it was going for. As for the plot - a kid gets possessed and needs an exorcist. They look for one, find one and hilarity ensues.

Master Cheng (2019)

To many scripts for one film

[2/10 · 25 April 2023]

My main problem here (apart from the rampant general mediocrity) is that many of the actors seem to be reading scripts from different films. They interact with each other in as much as they are in the same room looking at each other but the dialogue is completely non sequitur. 'Hey Cheng, are you married?' 'I had a wife, she had a bike and died' is just one of my favourite bits of banter. Occasionally master will say something profound and look to his son with a knowing look awaiting an equally profound face or question. The son (apparently in a totally different film) sits motionless and blank faced while the father caresses his head as though a moment was just shared. Utter garbage. You could watch it ironically I guess, if there's no footy on. Up to you 👎💩

Dashcam (I) (2021)

If you didn't like it you watched it wrong

[7/10 · 5 July 2022]

Found footage isn't for everyone. This is scary, effective and relentless. Once the action starts with our main character showing up for what she thinks will be an uber eats delivery job ends up transporting a clearly I'll lady. Once it starts it doesn't let you go. Effects are good and acting is fine. Some surprisingly good effects for a FF film. Overall if you like horror and can handle the filming style it's a worthy genre addition.

The Late Show with Stephen Colbert (2015– )

Just gross pandering garbage

[1/10 · 17 May 2022]

I'm really disgusted at the overt pandering. From a crowd covered in masks to the pathetic attempts to put down former president Trump to the adoration for Ukraine it's all just so on the nose. Pathetic and unwatchable.

South of Heaven (2021)

So much potential, so little realised

[4/10 · 27 December 2021]

I wanted to like this film so much. The first half of this film is amazing. We see the protagonist get granted early bail from prison and go home to his sweetheart, there's plenty of chemistry and a likeable couple that makes you want to get behind them. Things start to go wrong for our man along the lines of 'a simple plan' and 'Fargo'. Then when one of the protagonists son is introduced to the story ark it just goes off the rails and not in an entertaining way. Sadly it all turns to some sort of midlife identity chrisis. Am I a comedy? A drama? A slapstick? An action film? Either way none of it works and is a huge dissapointment. Like I said, I wanted to like this but the hot mess it becomes is irredeemable.

Old (2021)

How to fit a bad movie on a good premise

[4/10 · 24 September 2021]

The script. I just can't. It's like every character just walks up and announces who they are and what they do and if they don't, another NPC walks up and asks them who they are and what they do. It's 8 different types of bad. The premise was so interesting and had so much potential but you should read a book or play a board game with the family instead.

Wrong Turn (I) (2003)

Under appreciated classic

[7/10 · 2 May 2021]

Did a re-watch with my beautiful wife last night. Neither of us had seen it since it's original release. This film holds up well with a perfect blend of 'of it's era camp value' and genuine scares and moments of extreme gore that's done perfectly for effect and not just for fun and show off make up. This film rocks. Get it watched with the lights off and enjoy. Getting lost in the woods and being chased by inbred Hicks has never been so entertaining!

XX (2017)

i think i hate this film

[3/10 · 18 February 2017]

A horror film made by women. Why is that a selling point? So we strive for equality but then draw attention to the fact that females can do something making it the assumption that we think they cant so it needs to be pointed out???? The message becomes clear pretty early on in this anthology that the point is men are bad. (with the exception of the party segment) Men will and do - have temper issues- make you do bad things- force you to go into hiding- make for bad parents- push jokes too far and ruin moments, etc. you get the point.

The film on its own merits is well made but the content was unremarkable and if they really wanted to market this as its delivered it should be 'XX a horror film made by women for women - because we believe what he did to you'. If you love horror check it out but don't expect too much. I think I take exception to the female agenda here. Lets not forget that feminism means equal rights for men and women, it doesn't mean - hey look how great women are, we do stuff.

Martyrs (2015)

Way better than the score suggests

[7/10 · 23 January 2016]

I went into this with low expectations having been burnt by the old 'American remake of a European great' before. Yes I too love the original and did find it hard to stop making comparisons to it. Once I managed to accept this film on its own merit and enjoy the slightly different direction it was going in, I had a great time with it.

Slightly watered down from the 08 classic but for gods sake - what was ever going to match that in brutality, Still a worthy addition to any horror fans collection or a great view for a movie night with friends when you feel like a good scare (yes this still has a high level of tension and scares).

All up a 7/10 and I say turn off your movie snob meter and just enjoy the fun horror ride that follows. I've not mentioned the plot because if you've got this far you already know what the film is about I'm just here to tell you to give it a go.

The Green Inferno (2013)

c'Mon Eli - Commit!

[7/10 · 25 October 2015]

SO Im not going to write any sort of synopsis for the film, if you've come this far you know what its about. I felt compelled to write about this film because I am a huge fan and supporter of the horror genre (yes the 2 are different) I saw huge potential for Eli Roth when I first saw cabin fever, it was intense and scary and gross and then that dim wit deputy comic relief character came along. Its as though Eli is afraid to make a straight up balls out horror film without adding some sort of levity.

Same thing goes with Green inferno. It has genuinely frightening moments and some well written and expertly directed scenes but all in all the director seems convinced that the audience needs to know that he is a dude and he's cool and we should all laugh at his jokes. This film had ALL the potential in the world to be a brake out horror sensation and scare the hell out of audiences but at the directors insistence we get misplaced fart jokes, an out of place masturbation scene and a juvenile teenage pot gag.

I will continue to watch things with Eli Roth's name attached to it but not forever. I hope this doesn't come across to nerdy I was just disappointed that this film could easily have been a 10/10 but instead gets a still respectable 7/10

Awaiting (2015)

Fans of the Genre will enjoy

[7/10 · 25 October 2015]

The film starts with the main character Jake having an accident on his way to an unnamed city for an important 'once in a lifetime' meeting. He has an accident on the road and awakens in the care of Morris and his daughter. OK so that's the main bit in a paragraph or so.

I've seen plenty of bad reviews for this film and I don't agree with many of them. This is a horror film for horror fans and I think some people hoping for a drama or a psychological thriller have come into this and been disappointed. The acting is fine, the tension is built well and there is enough gore for horror fans to keep you engaged but its not to the point of overkill. (its not hostel or saw) Well written and believable characters helped it along and the scenery is well shot and helped me suspend my disbelief and be carried away to this British hillbilly incestuous nightmare. Overall if you enjoy horror and films like 'the loved ones', you will find something here to keep you entertained. I sincerely hope that writer/director keeps going with the horror genre because I really like what I have seen so far and god knows the genre is wide open for the taking 7/10

Every Secret Thing (2014)

cant wait to see whats next

[9/10 · 13 October 2015]

Where to start. I was blown away by this film from start to finish. Its not an action epic and its not a jump a minute thriller. Its a solid story about horrible people doing horrible things and ensuring that those around them think they are wonderful.

The film was hard to watch and actually left me feeling fairly unpleasant when the credits roll, I can only assume this was director Amy Bergs intention. I have not read the book so I cant speak to how closely it follows the source material and I don't think it hindered my viewing of this film in the least.

the film weaves seamlessly between past and present never causing confusion or convoluting what's going on. If your a fan of great story telling, super believable acting and drama to spare this is for you.

I am well aware that I've not actually described anything in the film as the synopsis at the top of the page does that, instead I've decided to describe the quality of the film in both story and direction. A solid 9 for me.

Harbinger Down (2015)

Great throwback fun movie

[7/10 · 11 August 2015]

I was skeptical at the start that this looked like a dodgy found footage film (not all found footage is dodgy, I'm no hater) but ten min in to this hidden gem I was pleasantly surprised at the direction this film took. I wont say too much because I think any self respecting horror fan should find 82 minutes to enjoy this film. While it looks low budget at times it contrasts itself with amazing effects and some moments of genuine tension. Well worth a look at and comparisons to "The Thing" are warranted but this still has enough new spins to be original and to keep you entertained. I hope this film gets a chance at the very least at a limited cinema release as I think this film has an audience to entertain.