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Wolf Creek 2 (2013)
Generic Horror Movie of the Week...Rinse and Repeat
Admittedly, I have not seen the first entry in the Wolf Creek series, but I had heard good things. Against my better judgment, I decided to watch the sequel first possibly swaying me to never even attempt the original. This is just trite and generic horror at its best. How many times has this tale been told? In the fright flick realm, there is originality that occurs once maybe ever five years at best, and then there is an ever amassing mountain of movies like this abomination. I could not tell if I were watching House of a Thousand Corpses, any iteration of a Texas Chainsaw Massacre flick, The Hills Have Eyes, etc. Generic psycho in the middle of nowhere that terrorizes youngsters will put one to sleep as long as you have a functioning brain that is. If you are one of those mindless zombies that enjoy anemic horror, then, you will squeal with delight as the antihero, Mick Taylor, hunts his victims with wild abandon and no motive well accept to "keep Australia beautiful". I will give it one thing, and that is the gore is fantastic, and that is the sole redeeming quality. Overall, it is an idea that is as boring and dusty as the Outback itself. Maybe someone should clear the cobwebs and blow the dust off the horror genre, but then the rabid fans whom support this drivel will never cease with their whining. I leave you with this bit of dialog that sums up how the movie made me feel. Paul: "So it's sort of like 'Who Wants To Be a Millionaire'?" Mick Taylor: "Yeah! Except you don't get to phone a friend if you get one wrong because you'll be too busy screaming in f-ing agony!" This movie left me wanting to phone a friend to relieve some of the sheer boredom and agony that watching this some old trope again left me feeling.
Harvey (1950)
Stewart hams it up again!
What can I say about Harvey that has not already been said? It is a "sweet" film based on a Pulitzer Prize winning play, but it is a dreadfully boring movie. The play does not carry over well to the big screen as it were, so you feel like you are watching a play, which is fine. Jimmy Stewart hams his way through the hour and 30 minutes worth of running time as he pretends to actually be corresponding with a giant, invisible white rabbit where the actual giant, white rabbit in the room that no one actually sees is the fact that this movie is fun for 40 minutes and dies tragically in the last half. Josephine Hull won an Oscar for her role, a freaking Oscar. Did the Academy pull an all night booze fest and teetotal their way into this vote?
There are a few interesting notes of dialog, but this movie is one of those James Stewart "classics" that is not very good. Mr. Stewart had the acting range of a wet boot, and his voice is so grading that listening to him deliver his folksy, whimsical advice makes me want to punch him square in the mouth. That is coming from someone who likes a few of his films.
The movie suffers from its scenes being disconnected and from too much acting that is representative of sophomores in high school trying to work their way through a one act play. Only here the one act is Stewart and his rabbit, one that should have been pulled out of the hat early on so that the magician could take a bow. Believe me when I say that Stewart is quite the wizard as he has put the entire film industry in a trance with his hokey films.
I leave you with the line that sums up the film best:
Wilson: "Is he alone?"
Mr. Cracker the Bartender: "Well, there's two schools of thought, sir."
My school of thought is that he is not alone because multiple people would have us believe that Harvey is a real, tangible treat to encounter. I do not.
Fraternity Vacation (1985)
Fraternity Vacation is worth it for Kathleen Kinmont alone.
Director: James Frawley
Year: 1985
Cast: Tim Robbins, Evil Ed, that guy from Hamburger
the Motion Picture, the dad from Alf, Marcy D'Arcy, Nick Lassard, Dean Wormer, and Walker Texas Ranger's wench.
In attempt to capitalize on the zany 70's and 80's late night comedy craze, James Frowley assembled an ensemble cast of characters in order to enlighten the imagination of every teenage boy in the US. Tim Robbins plays Larry "Mother" Tucker, a frat brother who has taken fledgling nerd Wendell under his wing with the mission of getting him laid per the request of Willie Tanner. I guess it makes sense why Alf was always chasing after that pussy. The movie falls flat on its face many times even though the cast play their all to familiar roles all too well. It is as though Dean Wormer found a new job as police chief after leaving the hallowed halls of Faber College.
The premise is simple and rehashed a million times over. Boys go on spring break. Herpes jokes occur. Boys meet the love interest (Sherre J. Wilson). Boys bet on who can bang her first. Nerdy guy goes on dates. No one humps the hot chick until Evil Ed woos here with his sweetness the end. The cast moons the camera. (How come no one moons any more?)
This movie contains two of the more flat-chested women in the history of cinema. Wilson and Amanda Bearse could group all four of their hooters together and still would not have enough sweater meat to fill a ketchup packet. What was the deal with women who had 13 year old boy bodies being cast as the lead in the 80's, Kelly McGillis (wink, wink). There is essentially no one here who takes my breath away except for:
Kathleen Kinmont's boobs make this movie worthwhile. They are the type of knockers that make a grown man like Celine Dion music. I would wander aimlessly in the desert for 15 years with shoes filled with broken glass just to lick the sweat off her bikini. Wick!
All in all, the movie is worth watching if you enjoy the late night comedies and perfect boobs, or you could search Kathleen's yam bags. I leave you with a line from the movie that sums up the the film best:
"I guess a blow job in the parking lot is out of the question!"