sparkletight Reviews

Terminator Salvation (2009)

Should have been Epic

[19 May 2009]

This film is rife with cheesy b-movie schtick and implausibilities. It starts out OK, with minimal character development and some perfunctory action, but eventually fizzles out in the third act. As far as I can remember, nothing truly interesting happens. Yes, there's action galore, but it's ham-fisted and uninspired. I nodded off a half dozen times in the last 20 minutes and left the theater in a sleepy haze with not much of a memory of what I had just seen.

Bale is just OK as John Connor, utilizing the same vocal affect he used in The Dark Knight, while the other guy, having what seemed like more screen presence, still just wasn't given much material to work with. The characters are essentially cartoons and not very interesting ones at that. As such I felt very little if any empathy for any of the characters.

I expect 9 to 16 years olds might like this movie but then, that's probably the target audience based in part on the PG-13 rating.

In the end, this is a forgettable action film that will be Christian Bale's "Catwoman".

Nacho Libre (2006)

Kill Me Now

[30 June 2006]

I suppose if you were a developmentally disabled 6 year old who eats lead paint chips and watches Davey and Goliath reruns on a black and white TV on a daily basis, you might think Nacho Libre was mildly amusing enough to spit up your breakfast.

But then I suppose you'd find your own regurgitated oatmeal more compelling and you'd lose interest in Nacho Libre soon enough.

Oh well. Such is life.

Needless to say, this is easily one of the top 10 worst films I have ever seen. And when I say "worst" I certainly take into account that THIS FILM HAD A BUDGET OF $30 MILLION.

From the laughable pseudo-hispanic accents (it's called preperation, look into it) to each and every scene that died long before they ended, it's so beyond bad I cannot in good conscience ever give another dollar to Paramount Pictures again.

Dark Harvest II: The Maize (2004)

This is Lion's Gate's Fault.

[30 December 2005]

Anyone can make a movie these days. Budget, production value, or experienced crew don't have to stop the self described "director" from "realizing their dream" these days.

Respect for the craft of film-making, or even just respect for any film aesthetic are no longer prerequisites for actually executing a film.

Director Bill Cowell must have thought he struck gold when Lion's Gate decided to market his original film as a sequel to a film he had nothing to do with.

I personally find Lion's Gate far, far more in error than Cowell in regard to Dark Harvest 2 being made available to the public. Lion's Gate's deceptive marketing of this film should be investigated by the state attorney general's office and Lion's Gate's officers should be pickled in sulfuric acid and kerosene for their utter disregard for film, film-making, and good sense.

As for the film itself, it's not even worth commenting on.