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My Little Pony: The Movie (2017)
A shell of the series.
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic has been one of the most popular cartoons of the 2010s and for good reason. It has the right mix of adventure, memorable characters, colorful animation, great music, and even cleverness to make a highly enjoyable experience. Even if you hate MLP or its fanbase you cannot deny the breakout success the show has had, even if it isn't as popular as it was in let's say 2014.
Unfortunately the above doesn't apply for this movie (for the most part). Let me break it down:
Story: The largest problem with this is that not only is it not a movie but an extended episode, but it rehashes one of the episodes (Twilight's Kingdom) almost scene for scene, but without any of the MLP charm. It's your typical generic hero's journey story where a "TOTALLY NOT EVIL" force invades homeland and the "mane" characters travel to find a McGuffin to save the day. It's nothing you haven't seen before if you take out the settings.
Writing: Predictable as f**k and poorly paced. Along with a generic story becomes generic writing. Except for a portion of the third act the entire thing is every single kids adventure you've seen so far. It's not annoying to sit through like let's say Smurfs or The Emoji Movie, but there's nothing new or interesting besides, again, the settings, which brings me to my next point: the pacing is awful. The first 15 minutes are extremely drawn out. All we learn is that Twilight Sparkle is OCD turned up to 11 and she's nervous for...wait for it...a Friendship Festival. Nope, we don't learn about the other 5 "mane" characters (which I will get to later) or introduce Equrstria/the ground rules to new audiences, we just get Twilight stumbling before her friends sing about that very same thing to her. Then an evil force arrives, they attack Canterlot, turning 3 of the four rulers of the land (except Twilight), into stone, providing a lazy way to justify why three powerful beings don't contribute to the overall story. The next 45 minutes or so are incredibly formulaic: the mane 6 go to a new and interesting setting, and meet a new character, they sing a song, and almost immediately leave because the villains are right on their tails. Each for a span of 10-15 minutes max three times through. There are interesting new settings and characters that have potential (more on the latter below) but they're all pretty much glanced through, leaving the meat of the movie feeling very quick and unappreciable, although the seapony portion slightly less so. Then comes the third act where it's more interestingly executed but still very clichéd and drawn out. There are a few jokes that work but most fall flat, some REALLY flat.
Characters: These characters had potential to be highly memorable but unfortunately they get so little or rushed "development" that you just don't care for most of them. Also the mane characters are flanderized versions of theirselves from the series. The mane lead Twilight Sparkle has the largest role out of the mane 6 but isn't that well written, acting oddly out of character, especially considering her development in Friendship Is Magic. The other five ponies are mainly there to shout one liners or even don't have any role whatsoever. Pinkie Pie does befriend the seaponies and Rainbow Dash helps the pirates become...pirates again, but it's for all of 3 minutes. Otherwise they just shout catchphrases. Rarity, Applejack, and Fluttershy literally have no contribution to the story. Most of the new characters get no exposition or backstory. Capper and the pirates get "reformed" within a minute but otherwise could not exist and nothing would change. The Seaponies do get some minor backstory and an element alters the sequence of events, but they end up useless afterwards. Now the villains: Storm King was actually damn funny but his character was in the movie for all of 12 minutes. Tempest is your typical edgelord but is a good villain. Grubber is an annoying comedic relief that should not be here. There's also Sia pony-I mean Songbird Serenade but she plays less a role than even Gazelle did in Zootopia. The voice acting for every character is actually spectacular here however. But still, while they're not unlikeable and can be amusing, they're potential is squandered for one liners.
Animation: The best thing about the MLP Movie is the animation. The Toon Boom Harmony is a clear upgrade from the Flash used in Friendship Is Magic. Characters move much smoother, backgrounds feel GRAND, and it's more colorful and expressive. Some of the 3D works but at other times it looks out of place, but still not exactly uncanny. It really does have a traditional animated look to it, reminiscent of Disney and Don Bluth.
Songs: Good. Not all of them are great but they are catchy and feel classic Disney- like. Lyrics could be better on a couple but Daniel Ingram's wonderful instrumentals and the talented singing make them at least somewhat memorable. Visuals for the songs is great for some but kind of eh for others. But really the only song that is up there with the series' best is the villain song "Open Up Your Eyes".
Other good aspects of the movie are the score, also done by Daniel Ingram, and the spectacular sound work. Overall the movie isn't terrible but it's really for little kids and fans of the show only. It's objectively a 5/10 movie but as a MLP fan I personally would bring it up to a 6. But the thing that bothers me is that the original concept for the movie (found in The Art of My Little Pony: The Movie, a must read BTW) was a lot more ambitious and felt like everything a My Little Pony Movie should be, rather than this generic experience with a pony re-skin.
Mighty Magiswords (2015)
And here we have the death of Cartoon Network
Wow. Just WOW. Really, Cartoon Network? This is the best you could come up with? You know how Teen Titans Go's ultra fast pacing was annoying? Turn that up five or six notches, and you have Mighty Magiswords.
Who's idea was this? The concept gets old and limited within three episodes. Different swords? They don't appear to be doing anything eventful with it except random clichés.
The two characters are one-note and obnoxious. Like Fanboy and Chum Chum obnoxious. And my GOD are they dumb.
The "humor" (emphasis on quotations) is a forced pun or one-liner ever second. Literally every second.
Boy CN, once Regular Show, Gumball, and Adventure Time end, you're royally screwed. Nickelodeon has a new juggernaut in The Loud House and you have this pile of garbage.
Cool Cat Saves the Kids (2015)
What the hell?!
I know people are being sarcastic, but just WHY? Everything about this crap makes me want to personally euthanize that pedophile cat. Savage, if you're going to make a film, actually f*cking try to make something worthy to watch. Cool Cat feels like a cheap ripoff of The Room, except with a cat. It's not funny or weird enough to be "so bad it's good." It's just so damn soulless. I don't care what YMS says, don't waste your time with Crap Cat. This cat is cancer. He caused both world wars. Dank Dog is better. He saves everybody. He isn't a pedophile. He cures cancer. He stops wars. He makes Crap Cat his b*tch. He brings world peace. He is everything. Nothing is above h
The Good Dinosaur (2015)
One of the most mediocre Pixar films in a while.
How do you go from making a masterpiece like Inside Out to such a bland, "safe", and predictable film as The Good Dinosaur?
Now, here me out Pixar fanboys. I don't think the film is terrible. The backgrounds are some of the best I've ever seen. It really submerges you into its world. Some of the designs of the animals are realistic and cool looking. The score is phenomenal, even rivaling Inside Out's.
But the praise stops there. The main problem I have with the film is that it's SO DANG LAZY!!!! It is literally Big Hero 6 crossed with Finding Nemo. You can predict the plot within the first few minutes of the movie. It's the same "boy and his dog try to find their at home" story we've seen millions, no, billions of times. C'mon, Pixar (and movie industry in general)! Can't we just move on from this freaking story?
The characters are no more than two dimensional and very forgettable. They don't portray any emotion. Oh the irony, Pixar.
The humor is either non-existent or to kiddy like. There isn't anything really to engage anyone older than let's say, 9 years old.
The designs of the dinosaurs are atrocious. I tired of the gummy, overly cartoony look. Give them some feathers already! Even the 2000 movie DINOSAUR did the designs better!
To sum up, it's for the most part a visual treat, but not story-wise. This is strictly a kids film or a 3D nut's film.
Premise: 3/10 Writing: 4/10 Characters: 5/10 Visuals: 7/10
Final Score: 4.5/10
(I decided to be nice and round it up to a 5 for the IMDb score).
Game of Thrones (2011)
How the HELL does this have a 9.5 on IMDb?
I'm just going to say it: Game of Thrones is a grossly, grossly, GROSSLY overrated series. People act like this is one of the greatest series ever made. I say that's bullshit! Game of Thrones is so f*cking boring. The plot lines are everything we've seen in this type of story before. Every episode feels formulaic. It drags along often. The acting is subpar. Sometimes the actors seem more interested in the money they are about to get than the roll they are portraying. Other times they are WAY overacting to where it just gets annoying. The set design, while nice looking, is still generic as all hell. It is the same forest and "mythological environments that we've seen in Lord of the Rings or Princess Bride. I cannot believe this lasted more than a season and has a rating of a NINE POINT F*CKING FIVE on IMDb! It's not the worst show ever but it should not be grouped with shows like Breaking Bad. Oh, and did I mention that the fanbase is almost as bad as the bronies?
SpongeBob SquarePants (1999)
Starts out great, does a complete 180 after the movie!
The first three seasons of SpongeBob and the movie were hilarious, sometimes heartfelt, and overall very memorable. I also love how grown-up its humor could be.
And then came the revival of SpongeBob. The show became unwatchable. Every character is either an idiot or a complete asshole towards Squidward. The humor is dumbed down. The visuals make me cringe. The plots are atrocious. The second movie was a major cash-grab. SpongeBob just needs to DIE!!!!
S1: 8/10 S2: 9/10 S3: 8/10 SBSM: 7/10 S4: 5/10 S5: 3/10 S6: 1/10 S7: 1/10 S8: 1/10 S9: 4/10 SOOW: 4/10
Average: 4/10
Minions (2015)
An unneeded film that barely works a quarter of the time.
Minions is basically Cars 2 or Planes from a logic standpoint. The only reason it's made is to sell minions merchandise to billions of screaming toddlers. The Minions were funny comedic reliefs but they were far from what made Despicable Me and its sequel enjoyable. IMO, it was Gru and his unique relationship with everyone.
From a film standpoint, it's only slightly more enjoyable than Cars 2/Planes. Unlike the other two, this one has it's funny gags going for it. I'll admit, the Minions are funny. Not hilarious, but funny. However, the positives stop there. The film is so, so predictable, it's funny. It is literally every origin story you've heard before. It is literally Monsters University except with Minions. Also, it uses every kids movie trope you can think of. "Hip" and "Cool" talk? Check. Pop culture references? Check. Bathroom jokes? Check. Annoying voices from anyone who's not yellow? Check. It's the same pandering clichés we've seen from every Dreamworks film in the mid-2000s. In terms of the characters, besides the Minions, a few cracked maybe a slight laugh out of me, but the rest are either stupid or annoying. Again, typical trope of mid-2000s Dreamworks films.
How about the animation? Of course I like the Minions' character designs, and some of the backgrounds and textures look nice- in the first quarter of the film-, but MY GOD are the character designs awkward to look at! All of their humans have thin heads and fat bodies or the other way around. Oh, and don't forget the ultra tiny eyes! This was one of my biggest (and only) gripes about the Despicable Me films, as well as in that garbage known as "The Lorax", and it's no different here!
So to sum up, Minions has no purpose other than merchandise. I wanted to be surprised by the film. Even coming from someone who loved the Despicable Me films, Minions is a completely predictable, clichéd, and pandering movie that sort of works as a prequel to its predecessors but does not work as a film by itself. Yes, it made me laugh sometimes, but being funny can't be the only trait of the movie. Everywhere else it fails.
Adults are going to roll their eyes at this movie, even ones (like I said before) that liked DM and/or DM2. This film is mainly a time waster for children, and those who live the minions at that. Just wait for it to come out on iTunes.
Premise: 2/10 Writing: 4/10 Animation: 6/10 Characters: 4/10 Tolerance: 6/10
Overall Score: 4/10
Inside Out (2015)
A new Pixar Masterpiece
This is an amazing film. It sets the bar on how an animated film should be made. What makes this so great is that it's very mature. It's emotionally complex, in a way that will have kids and adults going back to this film and wondering about what it's going for. Unlike some kids films these days, it never talks down to its audience. The characters are all very deep and interesting, and of course, the animation is fantastic. But I find it innovative how they used the bright colors inside Riley's mind but used darker and more dreary colors in the real world.
Parents, in terms of how appropriate it is for your kid, keep in mind that this is emotional throughout and has very powerful scenes that will seem abnormal to your kid. Also, there is a lot of adult humor, including legit swear words that are bleeped out.
Please. Go see this film.
Jurassic World (2015)
Not the film to complement the original, but still better than the sequels.
I think this film is okay. It's not anything outstanding but not a downer either. First let's start with what I like: The acting is great. It's a high breath of life after the atrocities that were in Lost World and JPIII. Chris Pratt doesn't overact to anything like you'd might expect in a Jurassic Park sequel. Also, there is more of a story than its predecessors, and the effects actually look as if they put effort into it. However, there is one major problem I have with the movie: It tries way too hard to be a monster movie, and not a science fiction film. It's going the 1998 Godzilla route and just trying to make everything go with the 3D. So to sum up, it's not bad, but it doesn't measure up to 1993's Jurassic Park.