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Moonfall (2022)
If you love 50s Sci-Fi...
... then this is the update you've been waiting for.
It's not a smart movie, but it's a lot of fun. Pure entertainment. All the characters are clichés without ever being annoyingly heavy-handed. The perfect popcorn movie.
There's classical and there's opera, then there's that pop song that you dance to. This is that song.
The Freak Brothers (2020)
Unwatchable
I read the Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers comics throughout the 70s and still have them all. The comics were pure genius. Hilarious political and social satire.
This show is crap.
The humour is basic slapstick and fart jokes. The social commentary is limited to the Freaks being overwhelmed by modern technology, a premise that's been done to death - and better - in countless other media. Example: Freddie is convinced that smartphones, which he sees people using, are Pop-Tarts and he tries to eat one.
Dave Sheridan is rolling over in his grave.
Judy Justice (2021)
Judge Judy tweaked .
This is essentially "Judge Judy" with a few tweaks.
Like others, I was disappointed that Bailiff Byrd was missing along with the reparte.
The one case per episode allows for better pacing and the analysis later in the judge's chambers offers some insight into the caselaw. However, it does also feel tacked on to give Sheinlin's granddaughter Sarah Rose extra screen time.
At least one of Sheindlin's judgements so far has felt off with the episode leaving it unclear if one party approached a car and leaned into the vehicle through the window in a threatening manner or simply spoke (albeit aggressively) through the open window, which was a pivital point in the arguments. However, head-scratchers like this were also not uncommon of the original Judge Judy.
Judge Judy fans will enjoy the familiar. Perhaps Gen Z viewers will appreciate Sarah Rose's presence and perspective.
Star Trek: Lower Decks (2020)
More of a parody than a canonical Star Trek series.
Definitely a lot of fun, but much of the humour might be lost on viewers who aren't very familiar with the Star Trek franchise. There's no shortage of The Original Series refences that may not hit home with younger viewers who were introduced to Star Trek via The Next Generation.
At times, Lower Decks feels more like an animated The Orville. But, that's not necessarily a bad thing.
Ancient Aliens (2009)
Entirely fabricated "facts".
This show doesn't offer "alternative theories", just completely fabricated BS. All of it, just made up.
"Ancient text say this, ancient texts show that..." Nope. The "quoted" texts say/show none of it. But, don't take my word for it. Watch the 3-hour documentary on YouTube "Ancient Aliens Debunked". It's long, but there's a LOT to be debunked. Basically, everything Ancient Aliens claims.
Wonder Woman 1984 (2020)
I've seen worse. But not much worse.
Lots of 1/10 reviews here. I've seen a LOT of movies in my 57 years and there are a LOT of movies far worse than this one. So, I don't want to diminish those 1/10 ratings by giving this movie the same rating. Seriously, this was no Plan 9 From Outer Space.
But it did suck. I almost stopped watching, but did make it to the end, so I'm giving this a generous 4/10. I didn't hate it, but I disliked it.
First: This movie was more 80s than the actual 80s. I was graduating high school and went to college in the 80s, so I know the styles and music. Most of my Spotify songs are from the 80s. Trust me, the 80s were never this 80s. But thanks for cramming in every bit of 80s trope and trivia, I guess.
Next: I'm not sure what this movie had more of, cheese or corn.
Others have touched on the goofy plot, the special effects, etc., so I won't rehash all that.
Finally: And this might be Wonder Woman comic canon but she learn how to fly? WTF? Was WW looking a little lame next to other, more awesome super-heros so they had to up her game? And don't get me started on her 70s-Spiderman-ing her way through the sky with her lasso of infinity, swing off planes and lightning. Cripes, they might as well have had her surf the lightning.
You know what? Having thought about it I dropping this movie to a 3/10.
Doomsday Caught on Camera (2020)
Standard disaster video fare with a religious slant
Nothing new here. Fairly exciting video. But, having a meteorologist opine about geological phenomenon and a geologist opine about weather is odd. Then, having a priest and a Christian Apologist add their "scientific" opinions about either might be a bit off-putting for some.
Bird Box (2018)
Good, but not great.
Good movie.
First, you have to get past all the Gilmore Girls dialogue and let the movie get up to speed. Then there's plenty of action. For a bit.
But then the movie loses steam and starts to feel drawn out. Still a technically well-made movie with good acting, but it quickly feels like a Twilight Zone episode padded into a movie.
The ending doesn't offer a big pay-off, but still feels right.
I'm glad I watched it. But, unlike MANY other movies, I wouldn't watch it again. And there it fails to earn more than a 6/10.
A Quiet Place (2018)
Scores big on originality, but plot holes will annoy you.
The silence creates a great, tense atmosphere, but the plot has a few holes that will take you out of the moment.
Some reviewers have pointed out plot holes on a global scale, but the movie doesn't really give us any idea of how the rest of the world is getting on, so you might want to just focus on this little section of humanity. There are still some eye-rolling moments and inconsistencies, but it's a nice change from the same old same old.
Watch it, then come back and read the reviews with spoilers. You can't argue with their critiques, but I'll bet you still found the movie worth the watch.
Freebie and the Bean (1974)
10/10 40 years ago, but hasn't aged well
My Dad took me to see this in the theatre when I was 11 and we both loved it. For the last couple of decades my Dad has been asking me if I could find a copy so we could watch it again. I finally found a copy and we sat down to watch it after almost 45 years. My Dad was thrilled! We both really wanted to love it as much as we did in 1973. We didn't.
Everything was way over the top! Brutally corny and ham-fisted. We watched about 15 minutes (I was prepared to suffer through the whole movie if necessary) when my Dad said, "Yah. Okay. This is crap", and I had to agree.
We wanted to LOVE this movie. We had such great memories of seeing it in the theatre, yet we couldn't stand it for more than about 15 minutes.I was so relieved that he wanted to turn it off, but I was so disappointed that this movie wasn't what we remembered.
If you watch this today and love it I really envy you.
10 out of 10, aged down to an unwatchable 1. Average: 5
Brawl in Cell Block 99 (2017)
Watchable.
Fair B-movie with plain old tough guys being tough. Fair. Not good. Not great. While it's mindless fun for a guys' night, the characters - and story - are all straight out of the Big Book of TIRED Cliches and Tropes.
Anti-hero: Tough, but with the heart of gold so it's okay to root for him.
Warden: Sadistic, but with an aw-shucks-look-at-what-YOU-made-me-have-to-do delivery. Toughness is only implied by how cool he contrives to act.
Jail Guards: Stupid brutes who will never be real tough guys like our anti-hero. (Hollywood should just keep a storeroom full of surly-faced mannequins in guard uniforms that can just be propped up around the set. They'd save money and have more dimension than the standard cardboard cutouts in this movie.)
We get it Hollywood; All jail guards are sadistic goons. Everywhere. (Except
Austria.)
The Cleveland Show (2009)
It's better the second time around
When The Cleveland Show first aired my wife and I gave it a "Meh". We didn't think it was horrible, but we weren't surprised when it was cancelled. Recently, I was given the DVDs and we decided to watch it again, using it as filler for nights when nothing else was on TV.
For whatever reason, this time around, we found it really funny. It's not easy for a TV show to get me to laugh out loud (The Simpsons hasn't for a couple of seasons) but we were really enjoying the show.
Maybe the timing wasn't right for the show's original run. Maybe binge watching (which we started to do) helps. Or maybe it's because we were watching the show late in the evening as a bit of light- hearted junk food before bed.
Easily a 5/10 during the original run, but we're bumping it up to a 7/10 for the laughs.
Give it another go if you get the chance.
Fear the Walking Dead (2015)
Fear the Walking Clichés (contains minor spoilers)
I really wanted to like this. I tried once and got through the first two episodes like I was enduring a trip to the dentist; Admittedly painless, but I really wanted to be somewhere else.
But I recorded all the episodes and kept them, because I REALLY wanted to like this show. I love zombie stuff! I love breakdown of society stuff! I love post-apocalyptic survivor stuff!
So after a couple(?) of months I came back. I skipped episodes 1 and 2 (which were really only about how $h*tty and dysfunctional the family is. I.e. Adults smart. Kids dumb) and started in on episode 3. And it was (spoiler alert) CRAP! It started of pretty good, with riots and zombie attacks, etc. But then it was CRAP.
Everything that every character does or says is straight out of the Hollywood Big Book of Clichés. A zombie is coming; Leave the door open (not just unlocked, but WIDE open!). Hubby's about to walk in on said zombie, but don't call out! Instead, take a circuitous route through the backyards. Leave obvious items behind so a character has to split from the group and go of on her own. "Be quiet", but shine all your flashlights out the window to see if danger lurks. "Is that a murderous psychopath out there? Quick! Let's close the blinds, but then shine our flashlights through the blinds at him, but we'll be super quiet so he won't notice us." That man is eating a dog in your living room, you should get as close to him as possible. "Society is collapsing all around us. Everyone is attacking each other violently. You are eating a freshly killed dog in my living room and my family is missing. May I approach you? I am totally unarmed." Natural selection ensues.
Or it doesn't. Apparently only the hyper-vigilant and well-prepared die on this show while the dim-bulb main cast of cardboard cut-outs enjoy the divine protection of deus ex machina.
Crap.
And I have no idea what happened to the girl who went back for the forgotten shotgun shells, because I stopped watching and deleted all the episodes. Then I scraped what was left on the bottom of my shoe off on the curb.