tdevereaux Reviews

Godzilla: King of the Monsters (2019)

This Godzilla movie was God-Awful!

[2/10 · 30 October 2019]

Of course the CGI was fantastic, but story was tedious and disjointed.

At one point it is said the Kaiju have arisen because of what humans have done to the planet, and they are natures way of restoring balance. So then is Godzilla fighting against nature? I guess he works for Big Oil or something.

Aside from that, there are a bunch of beautifully crafted scenes that are attempting to show drama with the humans but without a comprehensible story, they fall flat. I lost count of how many times some human stares into Godzilla's eyes in some empty attempt to show a kind of connection between man and monster (sorry, not a monster).

So, with all the disconnected drama, poor overall story, laughable premise but good CGI, you are better off just watching the 2014 movie.

Blackhat (2015)

I tried twice!

[4/10 · 15 December 2015]

Well, I did my best and tried to watch this movie twice. The first time I made it 30 minutes before I got bored. I actually made it just over an hour the second time around. The saddest part is the dullest part of the movie isn't the endless meetings with Chinese in subtitles, it's the boring action scenes that take every single gunshot and make it an event. This happens so much that when an important character gets shot, you don't really care. This on top of the nonsense IT babble that rarely made real sense, brought me to shut off the movie in favor of Pitch Perfect 2... Oh God, this maybe worse!

And I need one more line of text according to guidelines!

Escape Plan (2013)

Not great, but entertaining.

[7/10 · 28 October 2013]

Let's face it, Escape Plan has more holes in it's plot then Paris Hilton has in her cherry. And the acting isn't great either, with 50 Cent being completely wooden. But, come on. Do we really expect an acting extravaganza from a Sly/Arnold movie? It is interesting enough to forgive most of the plot holes, and the action takes care of the rest. Sadly though, it's the climax of the movie that was kind of flat. Not terrible, just not as exciting as it could have been.

One more thing, I think this movie would have been better off without Arnold or Stallone. It's not that they were bad, it's that people generally associate them with over the top cheesy movies these days. Caviezel was fantastic as the bad guy and with two different actors as the heroes, it could have been really great. However, I was entertained and had a good time.

Beastly (2011)

Beauty and the Bomb

[2/10 · 7 March 2011]

'Beastly' was nothing more than a series of random and poorly collected scenes. There was very little original style with flimsy one dimensional characters. I liked the concept and was looking forward to a modern telling of the story. What I got was a empty shell of a story that had absolutely no substance.

From beginning to end there was nothing compelling or interesting about the characters. You never cared about what happened because you never care about the characters. The acting is flat and the writing is without direction.

When the end finally arrives you aren't surprised by what happens. The story had no beginning, middle and end. It just had a start and stop. It's like a boring person telling you a story. You can tell it might be interesting, if only you were being told by someone with a little skill and personality. I just hope the book isn't this bad.

Skyline (2010)

Absolute crap!

[2/10 · 12 November 2010]

Skyline was probably the worst piece of crap I've seen in a long time. Just when I thought it was finally over, it got even worse. Just picture a bad version of Independence Day, but instead of following the exciting people who will save the planet, you sit in a room with the most annoying people on Earth.

I liked the concept with the Cloverfield feel without the camcorder shakiness. But you never get the feeling that you care what happens to these people. I found myself hoping they would all get killed. It was a lot like War of the Worlds with Tom Cruise, except not as good. And that was not a good movie. A movie about aliens destroying the entire world, and you spend it in one room for almost the whole film. Now this wouldn't be all bad if done right, except the actors are just props and the drama is empty and forced.

I would recommend showing it to film students as an example of how to make an action movie boring.

Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps (2010)

Even Money sleeps in this movie

[3/10 · 24 September 2010]

I had high hopes for this film ever since I saw the teaser trailer of Gekko getting released from prison. It has everything you need for success. Iconic characters, interesting subject, good acting and great cinematography. Unfortunately I was greatly disappointed by snooze fest with a meandering story with no focus and some strange "green" message.

The movie starts off trying to set up LeBeouf's characters motivation. But even that is never clear. Is he financially or morally invested in some fusion project or both? Does he want to get his girlfriend and her father back together for her or because he wants a new mentor? Is he a greedy Wall Street guy with great ideas or is he some Eco-warrior trying to change the world? And then there's some half assed revenge plot against some financial tycoon who ends up embodying the entire financial meltdown.

Through out the film the audience is drug along as these plots come and go. At one point the most important thing to the main character is getting revenge against Brolin's character and ends up working for him. But instead of getting revenge, he try's to get an investor in green technology. When his boss, who's he trying to take down, doesn't invest in the green technology LeBeouf's character breaks down and quits. So he forgets revenge and returns to getting his girlfriend back together with her father Gordon Gekko. At some point Gekko mentions he left his daughter $100 million which, strangely enough, is the exact amount that he wanted his last boss to invest in the green company. So he starts tricking his girlfriend into signing all the money over to her father who has promised to give it to the green company. LeBeouf's character is the only person on Earth who doesn't know that a guy who went to prison for insider trading might not be trust worthy. So surprise, surprise Gekko runs off with the money and we are treated to a ripoff of The Usual Suspects as LeBeouf thinks back to all the situations that showed Gekko is lying. So he goes back to revenge.

So all of that along with more uncomfortable close ups of a girl crying then I can count, a number of strange transitions and the worst cameo I've ever seen with Charlie Sheen showing up as Bud Fox. He appears out of nowhere for no reason with two girls on his arm acting more like Charlie from Two and a Half Men than Bud Fox.

All of this happens at a snails pace and makes you wonder if Stone has seen the first film in 20 years. I'm waiting for the sequel to Platoon where we skip the battle scenes and focus on a girl crying and some general who makes weird bird noises after every line.

Get Him to the Greek (2010)

Laugh Out Loud Funny!!

[8/10 · 8 June 2010]

I didn't really know what to think of this movie when I went in. Is it a sequel? Is it a spin-off? What is it? Well, the answer to that is, Who Cares? It was funny! Jonah Hill always plays a great underdog character and Russell Brand is hilarious as always. The humor is pretty raunchy at times and if you're easily offended you may want to pass, particularly if anal references disturb you. Otherwise get ready for some great laughs. I even found myself listening to the song lyrics and laughing because they are so over the top.

One thing I wasn't expecting was Sean Combs. I knew he was in the movie but I never thought he would be so good. He stole every scene he was in and had some of the best lines and best laughs.

All in all this was a fun comedy and one of the few recent movies I want to see again.

Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time (2010)

Pointless and Boring

[3/10 · 3 June 2010]

I went to see this film with low expectations. I knew it was a video game made into a movie so I was ready to just enjoy some fun and action. I got very little of either one. The story was tired and warmed over and the acting was just average.

When there was some good action it would be interrupted by pointless conversations between the main characters who have suddenly forgot about the battle going on. At one point they stop worrying about saving the world and try to work in an awkward kiss.

And in the end the whole movie is negated by traveling through time and keeping everything from happening. So why would I watch it again? So much time was spent making you care if these characters died and now since they didn't, you don't care.

The only bright part of the movie was Alfred Molina who added in some nice comic moments.

The time has passed when an audience is amazed by CG in movies. We've all seen it. Slow motion shots of arrows and snakes as well as vast panoramas of sunsets over temples. Use them when they can add something to the story. Stopping everything just to throw one in for some kind of "Wow Factor" doesn't cut it anymore. And this film had them every ten minutes.

So, if your are the kind of movie goer that just likes pretty things moving around on screen for no reason, then you might enjoy this film. If you want story or plot or acting or even just good action... go elsewhere.

Road Trip: Beer Pong (2009 Video)

Gives bad movies a bad name.

[2/10 · 23 April 2010]

The first "Road Trip" was a clever movie with a talented cast. It was fun to watch and has nothing to do with this movie. Well except for a sad attempt to connect them with a play on Tom Green's part from the first movie.

One of my big problems with this film is the almost total lack of beer pong. I thought that having it in the title there would be more then just a passing reference to the game. Instead the entire movie is a very boring car ride for one guy to go hook up with some french chick he met once. And he doesn't even do that.

Here's my synopsis of the movie: Some guys walk through a room where people in the background are playing beer pong. They watch a scene from "Harold and Kumar Escape Guantanomo" and then steal a cab to drive to a beer pong match. One guy tries to hook up but for some reason doesn't. Then they get to the match and forget to play beer pong. The chick that the dude was trying to cheat on shows up and helps them win beer pong without actually playing it. And they beat a guy that you are supposed to hate, but since you don't know him you don't really care. Then the quick rap up and a line that is supposed to be funny but isn't... FREEZE FRAME.

This has got to be the slowest and most boring "College Comedy" I have ever seen. You'd be better off watching the movies this one poorly rips off.

Legion (2010)

No Action, Tired Story!

[2/10 · 23 January 2010]

I went to this movie looking for what was advertised, an action movie. What I got was a very slow paced and unoriginal story. A warmed over Terminator meets Dawn of the Dead, and not in a good way. Take all the boring parts of those two movies and you have Legion.

About 30 minutes in, the story just stops and you have a group of people sitting in a dark diner complaining about their lives. Then a little more action, and Boom! Story stops and nothing happens for 45 minutes. The climax has some good action and a few wows but nothing to justify the previous two hours of boredom.

As I left I thought how the more interesting story is what would happen after the film ends. So I was left a wanting for a sequel but knowing one wouldn't come because THIS movie was so bad. All and all I think it would have made a better TV drama or mini-series with the rest of the story as the show and this as the pilot.

Star Quest: The Odyssey (2009)

Should be used by the CIA as torture.

[1/10 · 2 January 2010]

This movie is little more than cheesy student film. The acting, the writing and the directing are very amateurish. Many people have complained about the special effects and CGI. I was expecting that for a low budget movie such as this, so it didn't bother me. I watch low budget movies to see them rise above their limits but "Star Quest" failed miserably at that. It is filled with tired clichés and blatant ripoffs. Someone should check the directors backpack for a copy of "Movie Directing for Dummies". Of the many problems I think the cheesiest were the multiple flashbacks that were silent except for the melodramatic slow piano music.

If you're looking for a campy low budget sci fi film that fires your imagination than look elsewhere. If you are a student filmmaker who needs a "what not to do" example, then this is your movie.

30 Days of Night (2007)

Bad Movie

[3/10 · 24 May 2009]

I like the new take on vampires that this story has. And the setting is great. Unfortunately this movie didn't make use of either. I couldn't figure out if it was supposed to be a horror, a thriller, or just a movie where stuff happens. There is never a time where you feel in danger like any good horror movie should have. And you are never on the edge of your seat like a good thriller.You just wait to see what happens and hope there is more to it than just gore. And the gore isn't that good.

My other problem with this movie is the time-line. It is set in Alaska in a town that is above the line where night can last for over a month, hence the name. The problem is that there is no sense of time. The story plays out like it is a couple of hours, not days or weeks. No mention is made of how they survive for most of this time. 20 days pass with little more than a subtitle. Nothing is said about what has happened or why the vampires have seemed to have missed them. And apparently these vampires never wipe the blood off their faces, even after a month. There were just to many story problems like this.

It just came down to a good story told poorly. Suspension of disbelief has to be earned, and this movie did not earn it.

Obsessed (2009)

Yawwwnn...., is it over yet?

[1/10 · 6 May 2009]

"Obsessed" with Beyonce and Ali Larter was a sexual thriller with neither sex nor thrills. I would have walked out but it was like reading a bad novel, had to see how it ended. Wish I could have turned to the last page cause it just got worse.

There was no pacing, no follow through and very little character development. Runtime says 108 minutes, but I don't buy it. It felt like 2 1/2 hours. How you can have a movie with Ali Larter and Beyonce and make it boring is beyond me. The acting wasn't bad, however the performances are wasted on an over used plot that didn't offer anything new or interesting.

Save your time for something else.

Predator 2 (1990)

Forced Sequel

[6/10 · 7 December 2008]

As was common then and now a sequel was expected after a successful movie. This was no different. Predator was a surprise hit with Schwarzenegger leading the way. So if we can't get him back we'll find everyone else from the 80's action genre to be in it. Glover and Busey from Lethal Weapon, Paxton from Aliens, Maria Conchita Alonso from The Running Man, and Adam Baldwin from Full Metal Jacket. Oh and why not throw in the loud mouth of the day Morton Downey Jr. just to round things out.

If that isn't formulaic enough lets have the Jamaicans be the bad guys. After Bond faced Voodoo in Live and Let Die it became the hip new adversary. Sure there was no real reason for it, but why not. A few years earlier it would have been ninjas.

The movie is jam packed with bad puns and stereo typical characters. The loose canon, the ladies man, the hard as nails woman, and the lone hero.

There are some nice elements but most of them were story ideas from the first movie. The gun from the French Revolution and so on. All and all it's not a horrible movie for it's day, it just doesn't improve anything on the original. Another poorly thought out sequel that rises above it's bad writing but not by much.

Wet Hot American Summer (2001)

Very Strange Parody

[2/10 · 28 November 2008]

This movie is a bad parody of bad camp movies. It is surprising the number of A List actors and how horrible their performance is. There are moments of great comedy mixed in but all in all it is like watching one bad joke stretched out over 90 mins.

There is a bit of 80's nostalgia that helps out. Blinking light visors, dungeons and dragons, and polos over izods among others. And I do have to admit that it makes me think back on my days of watching camp movies and if you liked Meatballs 2 you probably won't mind the bad humor.

Anyway, if you don't mind poor acting and tired jokes, and you don't take it too seriously you could have a good time.