reallytorkedoff-87464 Reviews

The Angry Black Girl and Her Monster (2023)

It was much better than I expected and worth viewing

[7/10 · 7 April 2024]

I was worried a bit that I had checked out a DVD from the library that would turn out to be a waste of time. Luckily, I was wrong.

The story, based on the original Frankenstein by Mary Shelley, while not an original idea, was well adapted and executed. The actors did a great job and the cinematography and scenery were up to the necessary standards for what they trying to do.

While the tension was not too high (it might have been higher if I was in a theater), there were only a few well handled jump scares. The movie was more horror than fright and a theme of family ran through it. The monster was more murderous than in the original book and this time the little girl didn't die. She was, however, adorable and a good actress.

Full suspension of disbelief was there and the ending was new.

I can definitely recommend it to horror fans, but if you like being scared out of your wits, you might want to try something else. But watch this one eanyway.

The Last Voyage of the Demeter (2023)

Can anyone see anything? It was almost total darkness

[2/10 · 28 March 2024]

This movie is yet another Dracula movie to be added to the hundreds of movies stretching back to Nosferatu that keep going over the same ground. You have to give Bram Stoker credit for creating a character that refuses to die (pun intended).

This time, however, nearly the entire movie is shot in darkness. This makes sense in that it largely takes place in the hold of an old sailing ship. At least the first twenty minutes or so did. The movie begins on a dark and stormy night and gets darker from there. Maybe the studio wouldn't pay for lights?

After twenty minutes I became tired of trying to watch a movie composed largely of shadows and dialogue. I started scanning ahead (on DVD), but it was always darkness. It's just plain unwatchable.

Kudos to anyone who struggled through the whole thing.

Orbs: They Are Among Us (2013)

How did they find two actors who still smoke?

[3/10 · 6 December 2023]

The movie was obviously done with a small budget, but they managed to pull off a bit of sci-fi by keeping the sets small. The CGI is minimal, but it works effectively given the plot.

All in all, it got very repetitive with the fights, smoking and drinking. They weren't even funny, just angry.

The ending was kind of predictable and nothing new for this type of movie. I admit that I had it figured out pretty early on, but I kept watching, hoping against hope that I was wrong.

Obligatory section to make the ridiculous minimum character limit now imposed by the IMDB on reviews: Here goes - I wouldn't bother watching it unless you're new to sci-fi, in which case you could find better examples of this particular sub-genre.

NS404: Provenance (2020)

Lots of questions, but no answers, lousy ending

[3/10 · 30 September 2023]

It appears to have been done on a low budget, but not so low that they couldn't afford actors. The acting was OK, the script was OK, but the story was pretty lame. It had the standard MIBs, but with no explanation of what they were, just that they had been around for all of human history..

Then the ending just falls apart, with no explanation of what happened to the different people or why any of the events were happening. No asteroid or anything truly sci-fi.

I think it may have been some Christian apocalypse thing, but didn't follow the usual patterns.

All in all, the payoff, if you can call it that, wasn't worth the time spent watching.

It was filmed in Florida. That may explain a few things.

It Came from Somewhere (2022)

Really awful, but that's the point, I guess

[5/10 · 25 April 2023]

The acting is awful, the script is really awful and the special effects are terrible. However, that seems to be the point since the awfulness is so blatantly obvious.

They claim it's a tribute to Ed Wood and the creature features of the 50's and 60's and I agree that he would have had a laugh.

The costumes for the 'aliens' are terrible, too, but the clothing for the regular actors is pretty close to appropriate for the era.

All in all, it works. If you're concerned about wasting time, it's only an hour long.

I can't honestly recommend it unless you like spoofs and old school sci-fi, but it's not so bad.

Come Outside (2021)

It's really awful. I mean REALLY awful.

[1/10 · 12 November 2022]

The acting is wooden and the dialog seems like it's being read off cue cards. The plot is ridiculous. My rating is 1 because 0 isn't available.

I can't believe I watched the whole thing. This is what happens when a movie has no IMDB rating or reviews. People make terrible mistakes like watching this sort of film.

I can't believe these people spent all of that time making this wreck.

It is really hard to come up with 600 characters and still manage to say how really terrible this movie is. There are tons of plots holes, inconsistencies and continuity errors.

At no point do they bother to explain what happened or why it only affects some people and not others.

Please waste your time on some other movie.

Group Work (2014)

Why was this short made? The CGI is from the 90's.

[1/10 · 4 September 2022]

This is dreck. The CGI was of an abysmally low quality. This was made in 2014, but looked like cheap work from the 80's or 90's.

What little plot there was bordered on the ridiculous and things just seemed to happen for no apparent reason and in no useful order.

Spoiler: Some nutjob media salesman from nowhere appeared from his ship somehow and began shooting up the place, though some characters seemed to be able to recover instantly from a large number of wounds. Some of the props were written on paper with a Sharpie.

It was a real mess.

Why would anyone bother to do this? The end result would get a failing grade in a high school VFX course.

OutPost 11 (2013)

Interesting movie, it needed a real ending

[3/10 · 17 August 2022]

In a steampunk universe with England at war with Prussia for ages, an outpost in the Arctic is the scene for increasingly strange visions and behavior. It is revealed (maybe) that the three soldiers in the outpost are under attack from a psychotropic weapon that uses their Omega engine generator as a catalyst. Or maybe that's part of the weird goings-on. After a certain point, it's hard to tell what's reality and what is distorted in the soldiers' minds.

The ending is highly unsatisfactory. It appears that maybe they've destroyed the Omega machine or maybe they've all died or maybe something else. At the very end is a scene that makes absolutely no sense given every thing that came before it. Or maybe it's the answer to the whole movie. It could mean anything or nothing at all.

By it's very nature, it ruins everything that came before it. It was a big buildup to nothing understandable.

I have searched the Internet looking for an explanation, but nobody has one. The entire Internet seems to be as stumped as I am about the ending.

I honestly can't recommend it.

The Shasta Triangle (2019)

Neither as brilliant nor as horrible as other reviewers have said.

[5/10 · 15 July 2022]

The movie was not as horrible as some have reviewed it to be. At the same time, some of the rave reviews are from one-time reviewers, which makes them highly suspect.

In my case, I found the movie to be a fair-to-middling thing. The acting was OK and neither wooden nor overdone. The characters were fine. The story was not as complicated as some think and the full spooky/sci-fi/paranormal atmosphere was well maintained.

The CGI was minimal, but reasonably well done. It was obviously low budget, but there was plenty of content nonetheless. The production values were good.

It was just odd enough that it could serve as the pilot for a series if someone wanted to put in the effort and cash. In many respects, it resembled Sliders with a small budget.

The Blockade Runner (2017– )

Scifi series that never got off the ground?

[3/10 · 6 July 2022]

It looks like this is the pilot episode of a failed series as there is no second episode, the first episode is only 40 minutes long and the ending is totally meaningless without further details. Also, they don't actually accomplish anything.

It's probably for the best that it failed as it has low production values, uninteresting characters and less tech than you'd find in the lost-and-found in a typical redneck bar. The acting wasn't really up to snuff, either.

Best of luck to the actors and crew, but this lone episode is pretty bad and definitely not worth the time I spent writing this review.

Watch something else.

Submerge: Echo 51 (2017)

There's a whole lot going on and none of it makes any sense.

[1/10 · 21 May 2022]

Just when you thought it couldn't get worse, random people show up. It's that way through the entire video. Fortunately, it's short so it won't ruin your entire lunch break. It will ruin part of your lunch break.

I'm not sure what they're trying to do here and I don't think they were sure, either.

It almost seems like a bunch of the people down at the office had a free weekend and decided to make a video. They were able to get a high-schooler to do some CGI on a free software package and someone's 12-year sister did the makeup. There are both white and green people for no apparent reason and in the end Jerry from the loading dock and one of the receptionists show up in a space warp declaring their intentions, which have nothing to do with anything else, anywhere.

I think the protagonist took high school drama and the rest just follwed her instructions.

It's a mess that doesn't go anywhere or do anything.

Waste your time elsewhere.

Theatre Macabre: Boarded Window (1972) Season 1, Episode 24

A very poor interpretation of a classic short story

[1/10 · 14 May 2022]

The episode is based on 'The Boarded Window' by Ambrose Bierce, a classic short story first published in 1891. For some reason, the TV episode needs to place it in modern times by using a helicopter for a few brief, insignificant scenes. The whole helicopter bit could have been skipped and most of the rest of story would have fit in 1891 perfectly. I guess they had extra money in the budget that they wanted to throw away.

There is very little dialogue and a LOT of overacting. WIthout dialogue to set the scene, everything else is so meaningless that I had to read the original story just to find out what was supposed to be happening. Frankly, the story was vastly superior in that the TV episode was completely incomprehensible. Also, for some reason, the TV episode used a tiger, which would not have been available unless they were somewhere in Asia. In the short story, the cat was a panther, which could be used for several large American cats.

All in all, in what seemed to be an attempt at creating a artsy show, they failed to create anything at all.

Hyperfutura (2013)

This is unwatchable trash

[1/10 · 14 February 2022]

I started fast-forwarding at about 25 minutes and gave up entirely at 40 minutes.

The only thing I can get from this 'movie' is that the creators are trying to see if they can induce ADHD in an otherwise normal person.

It seems to be an unending series of smash cuts with no apparent plot or reason.

It is, in a single word - 'crap'.

Instead of watching this you should do something else more pleasant, like hitting your foot with a hammer.

Them (IV) (2021)

This is the first review by someone who didn't work on the film, apparently.

[1/10 · 29 January 2022]

This movie was about 83 minutes of 'WTF is happening here'?

'Them' are apparently in charge of things, but all they do is stand around and 'report' to each other. What are they? The narrator says they used to be humans, but what are they now? No one thought to mention that.

Maybe the writers know what's going on. It would have been nice for them to let the rest of us in on the secret. 'Adrian Perez' mentions the Matrix, but don't be confused. There are no car chases or even CGI. Mostly, it just a bunch of actors standing around reciting their lines. Literally 'standing around' in most cases. There were a few flickers of emotion, but that may have been accidental. I have seen some deadpan wooden acting before, but this was amazing.

Anyway, I watched the whole thing and I still can't tell you what the hell was supposed to be going on.

I gave it a 1, which is really rare for me. Most movies have something going for them, but not this one. It was just a whole bunch of nothing."

Move along, watch some 'so bad it's good' movie instead.

Monster Slayer (2016)

It's quick and nicely done

[7/10 · 28 November 2021]

The movie is short and nicely done. It's obviously low budget, though there is some CGI and an astonishingly long set of end credits.

Given it only had twenty minutes to work with, it told an actual story, with an actual beginning, middle and end, while leaving open the possibility of a full length movie or series of more shorts.

All said, it was worth the twenty minutes, which is more than I can say for a lot of longer, more expensive movies.

Infinitum: Subject Unknown (2021)

I should have read the IMDB reviews

[1/10 · 27 November 2021]

They forgot the most important part of the time loop trope. You have to solve the loop and escape. This was just loop after loop after loop, with the subject slowly approaching a solution, but never really getting there in the end.

I'm not sure why they bothered bringing in Sir Ian McKellan. He could have done his exteremely minimal work on a Saturday before lunch. Any actor would have sufficed for the few things he contributed. I guess he was window dressing, just like everything else.

The movie held my attention only because I was waiting for the payoff. In case you haven't figured it out already, it never comes!

I've seen video shorts that have the same poor lack of payoff, but only take ten minutes of your life. What a waste.

Just avoid this. Watch Looper or some other time loop movie with an actual ending.

Star Trek: Discovery: Such Sweet Sorrow, Part 2 (2019) Season 2, Episode 14

My middle name is procrastination.

[3/10 · 11 November 2021]

There seems to be a reason that the Fedration is constantly getting its a** kicked. They stand around talking about their feelings while they're supposed to be doing something. It's all very dramatic, but it takes forever to assemble anything more complicated than a sandwich. Even sandwiches seem to take forever.

And, oh yeah, the odds are always impossible until they're suddenly not.

Dead Again (2021)

Let's split up!

[3/10 · 5 November 2021]

The protagonists in this low-budget film make every zombie movie mistake possible. But that is what makes these movies tolerable. It was pretty weak, but there was plenty of blood and several incompetent potential survivors. The comedy was weak, but some of the acting was OK.

All in all, there are worse ways to spend 75 minutes. At least you don't waste 2 or 3 hours waiting for something to happen.

I must add that it took forever to get out of a building that they shouldn't have been in in the first place.

Who Killed the Butler? (2020)

It's only 45 minutes, which is 44 minutes too many

[1/10 · 22 August 2021]

This plays out like really cheap fan fiction. There are many reasons I only made to the 4 minute mark. First is the the fake 'worn out film' effect. It gets INCREDIBLY ANNOYING very quickly. Even Youtube movies from the 30's have been remastered and look better. It has a soundtrack which would be better used in an old-time comedy. It's also a 'silent movie' with the text pages in between scenes.

The cumulative effect is mind-numbingly boring.

There should probably be a warning for epileptics with all of the flashing going on.

It all seems like the creators of this video conspired to make it as unwatchable as possible.

I know it's short and you think you might want to try it, but save your precious time and do something else.

BTW, I am in no way affiliated with anyone involved with this production. Thank God.

The Slayers (2015)

Low budget, but it had some laughs

[5/10 · 22 April 2021]

Basically, this is a low-budget sort-of B movie. The vampires and almost everyone else seemed to be pretty dumb, but it made for some interesting scenarios. The two main protagonists are probably the dumbest of the bunch, but they have the luck of idiots to have survived as long as they did. The Ointment, a pair of hunters who seemed dumb as dirt, were highly effective and there are some particularly gross ideas which added to the fun. It's no Marvel superhero film, but it could be fun with beers and friends.

The Burnt Orange Heresy (2019)

Steady pace at first, then stuff hits the fan

[8/10 · 5 October 2020]

Some might think it is slow-paced, but I enjoyed the slow build to a very sudden ending which seemed to explode from the first part of the story. I can't say much more without spoilers. I will say that the movie sucks you into its world and the scenery is fantastic.

P.S. Mick Jagger really needs to do more movies. He's a very good actor. In fact, all of the actors in this movie are quite talented.

America's Dumbest Criminals (1996–2000)

It's re-enactments!

[5/10 · 5 April 2020]

While the stories may well be true, they are re-enacted by actors for an extra bit of comedy. The officers telling the stories are probably real, but the action is all re-enactment. It's more entertainment than real police video, which is fine if you like that sort of stuff.

Dominion (2015)

It's OK, but don't expect Star Trek

[3/10 · 11 January 2020]

The producers had enough money for some minimal CGI, but most of the 'evidence' is photos you can download off the web that have nothing to do with UFOs. Most of the movie is conversations with a guy who could be a mental patient until he proves himself. It's pretty low-grade. There are a couple of simple shoot-outs, but most of the story happens at a walking pace. The ending was not very happy and they mostly failed to tie the opening sequence to the rest of the story. Call it a plot hole if you like. The productions values are OK and everything looks as though actual professionals were at work.

Dragnet 1967: The Prophet (1968) Season 2, Episode 18

Really preachy, even for 1968.

[6/10 · 25 December 2019]

This was an incredibly preachy episode consisting almost entirely of an argument between Joe Friday and Brother William about the legitimacy of LSD. Friday was, of course, anti-drug use, while Brother William was pro-drug use.

While being a kid in the 60's, I have heard these arguments a million times, this was aired in 1968, when these arguments were still an everyday occurrence of national importance.

Perhaps prophetically, this and other episodes claimed marijuana would be legalized (correctly) and LSD would be, too (hasn't happened). Legalization is also taking longer than the writers predicted. Much longer.

Perhaps the most disturbing thing to me is that at the end Frank Gannon (Harry Morgan) crumpled up a sheet of paper and threw it in the street. That's littering, Frank!! :)

Also, unlike most other episodes where a crime is investigated and the sentence is handed down at the end, they just made up a crime and tacked it on the end during the wrap-up. No crime was committed during the actual episode.

Monsters (2017 Video)

A bit on the busy side and a bit confusing in places, but if you like a shoot 'em up, this has a lot of gunfire and explosions.

[5/10 · 18 November 2019]

Apparently, it's from the UK, but it has a very Russian or German feel to it. The environment is filled with machinery and massive concrete buildings.

The theme of the starship is introduced early in the movie and mentioned once or twice and it makes an appearance again, but the meaning appears to be missing. Maybe I missed something or maybe they are setting up a sequel.

In the end, while some characters' destiny is resolved, other are left to twist in the wind. There is no lack of literal cannon fodder and some characters seem to exist to introduce a topic, but the topic goes nowhere or the movie ends before it can be discussed further.

It is a strange movie, but I watched the whole thing, so there must have been something in there somewhere.