If you're watching for the purpose of learning how not to make a movie, or how to make a movie for less than the cost of one episode of Trailer Park Boys. I watched because I had an inkling that Kate Todd might actually be able to act, but even if she was an Oscar winner, she couldn't have made this good. Just too low budget to be worth it. If my sister, and her friends made it, I would be surprised, but only because I'd wonder how the f they got a bear to not eat them. Funny, for about 10 seconds, then it is an absolute waste of time. You'll spend a lot of the movie not paying attention, maybe flipping to other channels, as I did, and coming back and saying, didn't something happen that would stop that person from completely walking? Why is that person OK now? Or something? I doesn't make any sense at all. It makes about as much sense as Doctor Seuss having a tea party with Frasier Crane and Peter Griffin, All while on LSD and talking about the recent downturn in the economy of slippers.
Reviews
3 Reviews
The Mangler 2
(2002 Video)
Hilarious (ly bad)
18 April 2007
It's amazing what kind of movies are made when monkeys write the script. There was a scene in the movie where a guy tries to be really philosophical about the periodic table, saying that it's a language written by aliens. For example, they communicate with molecular formulas... "Take Silicone for example, it's used to make computers faster, but put it into a woman's body, and that speaks in much different ways." The element on the periodic table is Silicon. I'm pretty sure if you put that in a woman's breast area, it would kill her. Silicone and silicon are two completely different things.
Nice going, ya dunce.
Nice going, ya dunce.
Darklight
(2004 TV Movie)
Laughable, cliché and predictable
26 October 2006
Warning: Spoilers
I sat glued to the screen, riveted, yawning, yet keeping an attentive eye. I waited for the next awful special effect, or the next ridiculously clichéd plot item to show up full force, so I could learn how not to make a movie.
It seems when they set out to make this movie, the crew watched every single other action/science-fiction/shoot-em-up/good vs. evil movie ever made, and saw cool things and said: "Hey, we can do that." For example, the only car parked within a mile on what seems like a one way road with a shoulder not meant for parking, is the one car the protagonist, an attractive brunette born of bile, is thrown on to. The car blows to pieces before she even lands on it. The special effects were quite obviously my biggest beef with this movie. But what really put it in my bad books was the implausibility, and lack of reason for so many elements! For example, the antagonist, a flying demon with the ability to inflict harm in bizarre ways, happens upon a lone army truck transporting an important VIP. Nameless security guys with guns get out of the truck, you know they are already dead. Then the guy protecting the VIP says "Under no circumstances do you leave this truck, do you understand me?" He gets out to find the beast that killed his 3 buddies, he gets whacked in an almost comically cliché fashion. Then for no apparent reason, defying logic, convention, and common sense, the dumb ass VIP GETS OUT OF THE TRUCK!!! A lot of what happened along the course of the movie didn't make sense. Transparent acting distanced me from the movie, as well as bad camera-work, and things that just make you go: "Wow, that's incredibly cheesy." Shiri Appleby saved the movie from a 1, because she gave the movie the one element that always makes viewers enjoy the experience, sex appeal.
It seems when they set out to make this movie, the crew watched every single other action/science-fiction/shoot-em-up/good vs. evil movie ever made, and saw cool things and said: "Hey, we can do that." For example, the only car parked within a mile on what seems like a one way road with a shoulder not meant for parking, is the one car the protagonist, an attractive brunette born of bile, is thrown on to. The car blows to pieces before she even lands on it. The special effects were quite obviously my biggest beef with this movie. But what really put it in my bad books was the implausibility, and lack of reason for so many elements! For example, the antagonist, a flying demon with the ability to inflict harm in bizarre ways, happens upon a lone army truck transporting an important VIP. Nameless security guys with guns get out of the truck, you know they are already dead. Then the guy protecting the VIP says "Under no circumstances do you leave this truck, do you understand me?" He gets out to find the beast that killed his 3 buddies, he gets whacked in an almost comically cliché fashion. Then for no apparent reason, defying logic, convention, and common sense, the dumb ass VIP GETS OUT OF THE TRUCK!!! A lot of what happened along the course of the movie didn't make sense. Transparent acting distanced me from the movie, as well as bad camera-work, and things that just make you go: "Wow, that's incredibly cheesy." Shiri Appleby saved the movie from a 1, because she gave the movie the one element that always makes viewers enjoy the experience, sex appeal.
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