AndreiPavlov Reviews

Knockin' on Heaven's Door (1997)

Shallow be thy grave

[5/10 · 16 December 2023]

This movie is about futility of a modern European. Every man somehow feels that there's something more than this material life. And when you are close to death you are either trying to find answers and think about your soul or get the hell out of your final hours. These two decide to believe in a fairy-tale about sitting on a cloud post-mortem and discussing sea waters. It doesn't contradict with running off the rails as well. So, "Born To Be Wiiillllddd!" This is the plot actually.

As a result, the movie lacks depth. It's just a bit funny, a bit sad, a bit crazy, and quite a bit unrealistic.

The only character that impresses me in this one is the one played by Mr Rutger Hauer. But he appears only for a minute and in the very end.

Too much adult humour and situations - it's a bad thing if you try to make something more than a funny road movie.

The idea is good but the way it's been screened is shallow. It could have been much more than an adult comedy flick. For instance, "Lola rennt" does it right and effectively: great dramatic atmosphere and no stupid adult things.

This usual road movie with adult gags deserves not more than 6 points out of 10 - a 5 from me: looks and feels like a pop-corn flick for teenagers. Thank you for attention.

The Dark Knight (2008)

A fantasy style of the comics ruined completely

[3/10 · 14 November 2023]

It's become an action criminal drama. Like hundreds of others. Only here there is some dude dressed like a jerk using all manner of gadgets a-la Fantomas and getting lots of attention and tons of help from some nerdy military-complex guy.

How stupid is that? Actors with serious faces and theatrical play, super effects, vast universe (includes real cities), crowd scenes to boot... And you know what? It's outstandingly boring. It all looks like a run-of-the-mill blockbuster with a pop-corn bucket at your side. Eek!

If you want a good comics on screen to experience, look no further than "The Crow" (Brandon Lee's), "Batman" / "Batman Returns" (Tim Burton's), and "Gongofer" (Russia's).

The only thing they could have made to somehow improve this production for me is to make Joker win in the end. And blow the whole town to pieces, together with that sad-ass Batman, his tiresome butler, the perfect family-man police chief, the dramatic and miserable double-face politician, and himself.

Don't get me wrong, the movie is not professionally bad. It follows the ABC of how an action is to be done. But it's dead on arrival. The matter is that it's late and cannot exceed the Batman my generation remembers and enjoys immensely: the one by Tim Burton. You simply cannot outdo that one. The perfect comics adaptation for the screen. And yes, Joker there was much more impressive and zany, if you ask me. And Batman himself was cooler. And villains with clowns were freakier and badder. And the whole atmosphere was out of this world.

You can say: "Get lost and don't watch if you don't like it that bad!" Correct. Would have never watched it. But there had been rumours for some time about Heath Ledger's performance. Well, it's definitely above average. But it's not enough. All that Batman paraphernalia sucks big time already. Come on, how long can you chew this old bubble gum again and again? If we have the best Batman story adaptation on screen already (by Tim Burton), why should anybody invent a bicycle?

Another proof that modern cinema goes down the drain, tries hard to be something impressive but fails again and again. No matter how many points you give this or that modern flick on IMDb, or how much dough you stick into the production. It stinks.

Morgan Freeman, Gary Oldman, Christian Bale, Michael Caine, etc. - they all look phoney and miserable in this one. Only Heath Ledger saves the day a bit. A little bit - and this tiny bit is something that makes it all watchable.

That's it. A poor high-tech bombastic over-the-top pop-corn production which lasts more than 2 boring hours. A 3 out of 10 only - and all 3 points go to Mr Heath Ledger, RIP. Thanks for attention.

Modern Girls (1986)

One of my favourites, with an acid MTV flavour

[10/10 · 7 November 2023]

This movie is quite an achievement. Its running time is perfect. The characters are cool. The setting is perfect. The story is tear-jerkingly simple but perfect too. And the mood - the mood of the 1980s - is something that just takes you away, if you of course remember those times or get the real kick out of that versicolored culture.

Such movies will never get an Oscar but will always be valued by those who think that the eighties (and the nineties) were the coolest.

Groovy from top to toe. Everything that happens in the movie is not apocalyptic but keeps you interested and worried in a good way. The scenes are very mild even by today's PG standards: no sex, no blood, no killing. And it only adds to its grooviness and fun. Though smoking, drinking, and some pills are present of course (one of the female characters is freaking out during the adventure through the nooks and crannies of LA).

It's definitely on my top 100 list. A very heart-warming experience so rare in modern cinema.

A 10 out of 10. Thank you for attention.

Brazil (1985)

Two major flaws while the rest is fine

[6/10 · 7 November 2023]

It's always embarrassing when a monumental film is being spoilt by interfering details. Here there are two of them.

The first one is "the samurai" sequences. They are irritating and make harm to the whole production. Mr Terry Gilliam should have left his love for Akira Kurosawa movies to himself. To impose his obsession with Akira Kurosawa onto viewers was a mistake. In my humble opinion of course. The scenes of the main character flying were such a treat and the scenes with that massive robotic kamikaze-samurai were a terrible nuisance. It all looked completely out of place. So, minus two points here.

The second one (and the last so far) is a phrase thrown by the female character Jill Layton: "Care for a little necrophilia? Hmmm?" After this phrase my first reaction was to turn this movie off. It sounded too harsh and abominable, spoiling the subtle dream-like atmosphere of the scene. Minus two points here too.

If you are a big acclaimed director with style you simply cannot afford such stupid and interfering blunders in your movie.

It should have been a great film, but taking into consideration these flaws, it's a mediocre flick.

A 6 out of 10. Thank you for attention.

The Lighthouse (I) (2019)

Beavis and Butthead would love it...

[2/10 · 30 October 2023]

Because it's about masturbation and farting. Oh, there is a nude chick too (some sort of mermaid). And lots of drinking and smoking. Plus a few violent scenes (brawling, axe swinging, bird killing) and lots of swearing.

That's all you have to know about this modern flick.

Suppose' it's the desease of modern cinema. Trying hard to shock and turning good ideas into schlock.

If it appeases your taste, go on and watch with the whole family. It will surely make you ponder about your existence. What are we living for? This masterpiss will answer the question to boot.

From me it's a 2 out of 10. A couple of points for the cinematography only (impressive black and white). Thanks for attention.

Operation 'Y' & Other Shurik's Adventures (1965)

One of the very finest achievements in comedy as genre

[10/10 · 17 July 2023]

The three stories presented are all entertaining and ultimately pleasing.

To me the first one is definitely the best. It's like watching the classics of Charlie Chaplin only updated to the Soviet reality, with witty dialogues, and with tons of fresh ideas. What is more, at least three actors participating in this one are heroes of the WWII, who killed fascists and were real soldiers with bloody combat experience. Usually it's vice versa: some on-screen macho absolutely not experienced in war action pretends to be tough. And here we have tough guys who play funny roles and do it better than most hardened comedians.

The scene in the bus, the chase extravaganza (Fedya transforming into a Papuan is something to watch), the battle on the construction site, the scenes of hot stuff drinking secretly - everything here is ridiculous to the core. Oh, and "the wooden mackintosh"! It's got tons of one-liners, so you can sit and write them down one by one while saying: "Please, s-llll-ower, I'm trying to write, eek!" These are not spoilers - these are highlights for me personally. And of course there are many more.

One important remark should be mentioned: such movies are for all viewers. Quite sure that little kids will be laughing like hell during this one. And there are moral lessons too - in each story.

Enjoy - it's something you will never find in western or asian films. Cannot rate it lower than the highest mark: a 10 out of 10. Thanks for reading.

Hello Smile! (1956)

Slapstick extravaganza full of idiocy

[7/10 · 10 June 2022]

The most enjoyable performances were at the beginning of the movie and during the showcase in front of the fake audience (but in reality - in front of the sad princess).

It left a pleasant aftertaste. Watching Annie Cordy performing was a real treat. She was nuts like a crazy doll on the run.

Did not understand a single word but could feel her mad messages. Also liked Henri Salvador duking it out.

If only the rest of the movie were that good and that over the top...

A 7 out of 10, quite groovy at certain places. Thanks for attention.

Dust Devil (1992)

A stylish but weak attempt at an inspiring horror topic

[3/10 · 2 June 2022]

Remembering "The Hitcher" and "Jeepers Creepers" - all-time classics - this one has no chance. The villain is not scary. And when he transforms into a character from the notorious Michael Jackson music video, it gets too pathetic. The sex scenes distract our attention from the plot (quite often when the director resorts to such adult material, it is a sign of his falling short on other levels - that's my personal opinion). The narrator's voice in the beginning of the movie adds nothing good. It sounds like a fairy-tale. The characters are not interesting, though they try hard to be.

But the camerawork is fine. The scenes of the desert are very imposing. The burning mansion in the middle of it shot from above makes a scary impression. And the ending of the flick right after the big shot is the best part (though the shot itself and the "wizard" stick are somehow ridiculous).

Hope, there haven't been many spoilers in my review. If you do not consider "The Hitcher" and "Jeepers Creepers" the best of the best in this genre, you may sincerely enjoy "DD". Besides, not sure that there are big numbers of horror art-house flicks made by and in South Africa.

A different cut and cast of the movie could have improved the final product considerably.

Thank you for attention. A 3 out of 10 only from my side.

The Reef (2010)

A solid feature with minor but interfering flaws

[7/10 · 19 November 2021]

The flaws are sticking out in dialogues and in the very beginning (when Kate gives Luke some strange and unpleasant present - a sick joke?). The dialogues (there are 2 examples at least) circle around sex topics and sound stupid. It is quite unnecessary in a serious movie - this is not a flick about teenagers. The characters are adults. Why should they behave like this and set such low standards in verbal exchange?

Everything else is perfect (drama, actors' play, suspense, shark's footage, the length of the movie, the music, the ending, etc.). Especially the ending.

A 7 out of 10, while it could have been the perfect mark and the feature could have rubbed shoulders with the famous "Jaws"... Thanks for attention.

Howl's Moving Castle (2004)

A perfectly drawn drag

[2/10 · 14 November 2021]

A very embarrassing and lasting anime about witchcraft. It goes on and on and on. Reminds me of different fairy-tales at certain points and feels like a weird remake. Disappointment at its worst. "Spirited Away" was excellent. Who knew that this one would have turned out to be a complete turkey (at least on my scale): unpleasant characters, witchcraft everywhere, hectic behaviour of almost everybody present, European clothing and unimpressive steampunk atmosphere which adds nothing good, and some unexplained war raging on...

After first 30 minutes it was hard to watch this repetitive extravaganza with mindless plot. Suppose the authors themselves were lost in their ideas and did not know what they were filming.

An anti-war film? Hardly. "Barefoot Gen" is and deserves to be on the top list instead. If you want to make an anti-war film, make the message right and clear.

A 2 out of 10 only, and 2 points go to the artists for their effort. To be thrown away from the top lists. Thanks for attention.

Drop (2009)

Reminds me of the school years, a bit

[8/10 · 2 November 2021]

A groovy flick about teenagers. Suppose, it was the purpose to create something cool and bad-ass. The producers succeeded.

But there are still two bad sides of this one, at least to my taste: 1) the music and songs in the second half of the movie (the major fight scene was almost spoilt by the ridiculous pop beat and wailing); 2) the jokes concerning masturbation and tits (especially that ex-yakuza man was irritating).

The patchy dialogues of the guys were very enjoyable. Or maybe it's just a good translation into Russian and a proper voice talent?

Therefore, an 8 out of 10. All the rest things about the movie are flawless. Thanks for attention.

Mad Max: Fury Road (2015)

It should have been a story of the Feral Kid

[3/10 · 25 October 2021]

Yes. Surprise. The movie is not about Mad Max. It should have been about the kid, once a sidekick of the legendary Road Warrior. He has grown up and dives into the weird insane action which is as wild as in the original trilogy. Even wilder.

Don't try to convince me (even if you are the George Miller himself) that it's the movie about Mad Max we all know. There is no Mad Max here. Absolutely. And yes, Mel Gibson must have been here to easily fit and shine.

Skip this one and play the video game instead - there the real Max exists. Here - no way.

Deserves a 3 out of 10 only. If only it were the story of Feral Kid! And something is wrong with the finale too. Thanks for attention.

Millennium Actress (2001)

How come the artists failed?

[3/10 · 24 October 2021]

Being quite amazed by beautiful animation, my senses were tortured by an extremely pathetic and unimpressive story, which gets more and more complicated. The punchline of this "epic" is simply ridiculous: the old woman turns out to be a sentimental S&M character who enjoys painful searching of an enigmatic man and that's it. Tears and fears are included.

A 3 out of ten - and those three stars go to the animators' and musicians' efforts only. The script-writers do not deserve any good words at all. But, perhaps, dreaming soft-hearted and over-the-top sentimental young ladies would love this flick. Thanks for attention.

Your Name. (2016)

Brilliant animation destroyed by the weak plot and unimpressive sentimentality

[2/10 · 24 October 2021]

Well, everything was mentioned above actually. It hurts me as a viewer badly to see breathtaking visuals completely annihilated by a thin and stupid plot. Lots of sentiments and juvenile tears. And very prolonged tedious storytelling.

A 2 out of 10, should have watched the "Barefoot Gen" instead, the hardened classic, instead of this modern balloon. Would never recommend to anybody. Thanks for attention.

Millennium Actress (2001)

A weird feminine S&M anime flick

[3/10 · 24 October 2021]

An actress is searching the man she thinks she loves through her whole life and career. The process gives her suffering but she seeems to enjoy it. Finally she reveals the fact that it's true: finding the man is not important but painfully searching is.

Painful to watch though animation is very good. Perhaps it's for the soft-hearted young ladies only.

A 3 out of 10 only. Thanks for attention.

Love and Death (1975)

"PG"? Let your children watch it if you don't care

[1/10 · 11 October 2021]

It could have been a very funny comedy. What we have here is a vile, twisted, sick Jewish (no offense to the nation intended) fantasy.

Frequent sex innuendoes are the main theme of the movie. The main character marries and has sex with his cousin, are you kidding? Talks about having a threesome and oral sex - is it OK? Jokes about the Crucifixion - is it acceptable? Young women are depicted as whores and old men - as complete jerks and morons. If it's "PG" and has a high rating, then something is really rotten in our world.

Suppose it is the result of Mr Woody Allen being once a stand-up comedian. It's the signature of that profession to be vulgar, rude, and interfering.

And it's not about Russia, it's about perverted inner world of the director who happens to be the leading actor. Too bad they wasted so much effort and tons of costumes making this "comedy".

But still, if you prefer obscene unpleasant movies, go for it. It would be very interesting for me to read the review of this film by the great maestro Charlie Chaplin.

Directors like these receive Oscars? That's a shame to everybody.

A 1 out of 10 from me, it is a disgrace to comedy as genre and a disgrace to the Jews. Thanks for attention.

Chetvyortaya planeta (1995)

Martians have nothing to do with it

[10/10 · 9 August 2021]

A sci-fi drama of the highest quality.

After this one watched the American "Event Horizon" and was disappointed immensely. Dealing with a similar subject the USA film industry completely ruined the whole matter. They tried to deal the delicate subject with a sledgehammer. And failed of course, a big budget wasted.

You can clearly see that the Russians were making this film using a laughable budget but created a masterpiece. Every single scene is in its place and serves the purpose of the drama. It creeps slowly under your skin and provokes thinking. What do we hide deep in ourselves? How far can we go in our dreams? What price can we pay for our wishes? Who stands behind this crazy carnival? "Martians" is a stupid idea. The movie is about Man's soul. And Man on his own is weak. As simple and as difficult as that.

A 10 out of 10, definitely. Thank you for attention.

The Food of the Gods (1976)

Absurd, pointless, trashy

[2/10 · 22 May 2020]

The main reason for such a low mark (not only on my scale) is lack of everything on every level. The actors are doing their jobs straight and bad. The plot goes on for ever and ever, presenting nothing interesting (to witness big rats for an hour or so is a dubious piece of entertainment). Special effects are getting boring as soon as you witness the first big creature. And so on.

Maybe my only mistake was to watch it in colour. Possibly, if you turn it into a black-and-white feature, it will gain a more realistic atmosphere. But now, after this awful experience, it's highly doubtful that re-watching this trash will ever take place in my life.

If you haven't watched it yet, please watch it in b&w and type a review.

A 2 out of 10 (plus one mark to all the ladies in the movie, who are very beautiful - otherwise it would have been 1/10). Thanks for attention.

High-Kick Girl! (2009)

Absolutely one of the best beat-'em-up movies

[10/10 · 16 May 2019]

Just a few remarks.

The main character is a girl, ill-tempered, vile, strong, and cute. The story is non-existent. Well, if you ask me, the trifle plots in numerous kung-fu flicks are irritating. Why not make a movie where the main hero is arrogant and beats everybody just for fun? Here you are. Brilliant. The Japanese have made something the others did not dare.

The fights are realistic. When Bruce Lee jumps 2 metres high in one of his movies, the reaction from my side is obvious: cut the crap. Here nobody makes anything "on the strings". Just pure karate moves. Simple and to the point. No big talks are present. Usually we have a lot of empty talking in action Hong Kong flicks. Here it's different. Every face-off is very psychological. A cruel glance, a wicked smile, an optimistic nod of the head, an artistic flick of the wrist... It's a ballet of emotions, quite cruel to boot.

Impressive fighting scenes are present which are often quite unexpected. For instance to me it was simply clear as day that the fight between the girl's teacher and the bad guy in the coat with the knife would be a lasting one: 5 minutes at least. But in reality it was a couple of seconds. Like in reality. Applause from my side.

Marvellous replays are here. Very often you want to re-watch certain kicks and punches - here you don't have to use your sticky RC - the filmmakers are doing it for you. Groovy. Every cool move can be witnessed twice and at a different speed.

It has mystery, if everything mentioned is not enough. Who are those "Destroyers"? Why are they this tough and youngsters are eager to work for them, not sparing their own lives? No answer to that.

Is there any moral lesson? Yes. The karate girl was too snobbish and as a result she is humiliated with her pretty face to the floor in front of the bad guys and her own teacher.

Finally, it's something absolutely different from the run-of-the-mill Jackie Chan and Bruce Lee flicks. The unknown to me little girl from Japan did something any Tony Jaa cannot achieve, however hard he tries.

Somebody mentions "Chocolate" in one of the reviews. No, "Chocolate" is much inferior on my scale, because it presents the unoriginal plot development, is absolutely unrealistic action-wise, and has that pointless clown-character-boy who distracts quite often. Besides, it has no mystery.

So, as a result, it's my favourite MA movie right now. Pure gold. Can't wait to re-watch this film again one of these days.

A 10 out of 10. Thank you for attention.

Sing, Cowboy, sing (1981)

A highly entertaining almost non-violent western

[9/10 · 7 February 2017]

Childish? Goofy? OTT? Yes, so what? It's about two clownish fellows travelling through the Wild West who have to take care of a little girl on the run. It's got plenty of ridiculous songs and crazy performances. The Dean Reed character is very watchable, Red Cowboy at his best.

It's a perfect family film with tons of goofy happenings (the brawl in the saloon, the fat couple behaviour, the scene with two pythons in the bedroom, the speedy running about, the cheap musical performances with catchy tunes and kitschy make up, the crooks' moronic stance, etc.).

Of course if my mood is different and tending to adult violence on screen, my choice will be "Wild Bunch" or "Unforgiven", which you can hardly label "goofy".

But if you feel blue being on the verge of a breakdown with a loaded gun in your trembling hand, give "Sing Cowboy Sing" a shot. Most likely, it will go smoothly down your throat and makes you much happier, scaring all your suicidal thoughts away.

Verdict: the movie is a funny, quick, bright, and childish western for those who enjoy the PG extravaganza and who is still a child in his/her heart. Count me in, my mark is a rock-solid 9 out of 10 (maybe a few tweaks would make it a total 10). Thanks for attention.

LazyTown (2002–2014)

"Lazy Town" is unique, groovy and decent

[7/10 · 26 January 2017]

The Sportacus guy is MAGNanimoUS (a new word in my vocabulary, thanks to this TV program and the actor, since his name is "Magnus"), who never uses violence, though he could have kicked Rotten's backside up to the Moon a thousand times, you bet. How many superheroes are there who are like this? Cannot name any other yet.

His sidekickess with an acid hairstyle is the embodiment of joy and happiness that only kids can show off. Witnessing her face expressions makes me happy too. At least to some minor extent.

The villain Rotten is simply outstanding. His melodramatic actions are very cute and not rotten at all. My sick modernized and urbanized mind would think of real nasty things to trigger against the goofy Lazy Town residents and this so-called villain goes as far as some simply outrageous kidstuff that makes him himself look like a complete idiot.

If somebody tries to dig up sexual innuendoes here, then this somebody is spoilt and mutilated by today's sex-pop Madonna/Britney/Gaga (un)culture, being unable to accept that a much better world still exists. Don't think that it's not my problem as well. My taste is also damaged deeply by today's foul pop standards. And the real value of Lazy Town was not clear to me at first sight. But then it struck me like a fission bomb.

Finally, you can feel it in the air that the actors are loving the process of shooting the whole thing. The way they dance, sing, make faces, jump, rock and roll is something so pleasant to the eye. They make it easy and catchy.

For me personally, it would be a pleasure to shake hands with the actors of this good old show. They have managed to create something pleasant to the eye and ear and so, pardon me, innocent. Something that you can watch with the whole family and get only positive impressions. Good work. Cannot dance together with the show staff while watching (or my whole little room will fall apart), therefore prefer to enjoy this extravaganza lying on the sofa like a lazy resident of Lazy Town. Some episodes are not very entertaining though. Therefore...

A very good mark for this one, 7 out of 10. Thanks for attention.

Wild Palms (1993)

A deceiving, underdeveloped high-tech

[3/10 · 8 October 2016]

It starts well, goes on quite good for a certain time and then deteriorates at an incredibly fast pace, falling as low as an unimpressive sweet-sweet ending for softies. Comparing it to "Twin Peaks" is misleading. This tricky comparison led me to watching it and to regret it badly. To start with, this product as a whole looks like a Britney Spears music video (no offence to the diva - she's OK, bombastic and quite cute). In the end "Wild Palms" gives you a candy bar with a happy smile: "Suck on it and be happy, people have won, the revolution goes all right, all creeps and tycoons have been properly punished and before us, common people, is happiness and joy only; relax, there will be a party tonight, everybody who owns a luxury car is invited, the drinks are on the house!" "Twin Peaks" was something different. It was teasing the viewer during its run, lurking in the shadows, kicking the viewer in the butt now and then (the ghost punches were also common) and on top of that it destroyed even the slightest possibility of a sugary finale. "That's foul!" you say? Yes, but if it's done artistically, with proper ideas behind these numerous kicks and punches, there is a reliable reward when it's all over. Here is the difference between a genuine masterpiece and a pop culture show-off.

Were there any problems before the final part in "Twin Peaks"? You bet. "Twin Peaks" had also a couple of over-the-top moments but "Twin Peaks" was always walking the fine line between the true horror and an easy-going drama, always ready to amaze. It hit and run, it delivered its weird moments perfectly and with style. Many "Twin Peaks" characters were easy on the outside and creepy inside. It's vice versa in "Wild Palms". The characters are flashy and super-serious on the outside but soon you don't care for them, while they are one-dimensional, like cardboard heroes; the crowds of holiday-makers with slogans, some revolutionary chick with a bomb and a hoot (something like "We fight for freedom!"), cheap CGI (by the way, in "LawnmowerMan" the CGI was - and still is - haunting), etc. - it all adds to the flashy but juvenile picture of "Palms". Boring talks of boring characters in acid surroundings, some swimming pool is used as an entrance to the secret organization of freedom-fighters (isn't that kidstuff?).

There is only regret: instead of re-watching a couple of decent Oliver Stone flicks from the past, my time was annihilated by this trash that started off so well...

Can recommend this failure to teenagers only, while it's flashy, pretentious, seriously didactic like "Matrix Reloaded/Revolution" with bits of explosions, gunplay, lounge music, sexy dames, and eye-gouging. Oh, and there is a katana in one of the scenes. Wow, isn't that groovy? A 3 out of 10 for this serial, which could have been a 10 out of 10 and could have become a rival to "Twin Peaks" but turned out to be what it is – a "pop-popsy" sci-fi.

Horror Express (1972)

Too phony to be enjoyed as much as "Predator" or "Alien"

[5/10 · 6 October 2016]

Good sides Location. The whole story happens on the train. It's peculiar. Remember "Blood" (the video game)? The most thrilling level (my opinion) was on the train that was running through the darkness. Music. It's impressive. Actors. They are grand and gorgeous. All the ladies and gentlemen are hoity-toity from top to toe. Cossacks. To witness this kind of cliché (in costumes and behaviour) is entertaining.

Bad sides Cossacks. Yes, they are in a bad one too. They are not just funny but pathetic too. And they are speaking English which makes them unrealistic (couldn't they hire real Russian actors with minimum lines and maximum show-off?). Russian characters here DO look fake. Western audience will not notice it probably.

Ugly sides Words. Too much explanation near the ending (by the beast itself). It spoils the enigma of the initial scary moments. Too many words in a horror flick should be avoided. And making speeches about the terror from the outer space is boring. Fake monk. Absolutely unrealistic and loony monk. Instead of battling the beast he kneels before him asking for power, but in the beginning of the movie he acts like a prophet. His way of behaviour and looks are very unorthodox for an orthodox priest (too much make up is used by the actor, by the way), so the director shouldn't have put him in the movie (or at least on the train) at all to keep this feature running in the right direction. In "Exorcist" the priest is credible and perhaps that is why that cinema became a worthy classic. And do you remember the priest in "Prince of Darkness"? He is depicted as a buffoon too. Can't put "a worthy classic" tag on it too.

Verdict: being very well polished on the outside (costumes, music, scenery), the cinema is shallow in its impact upon the viewer, mostly due to unrealistic characters. And there is not a single tough screen guy or a memorable lady to rely on or to sympathize with - just cannon fodder.

Sorry for this sketchy comment, much is left to be added still.

The IMDb rating for this one is OK, - a 5 out of 10 from my side. Thanks for attention.

Steamboy (2004)

Cannot give it an awful mark but it's pretty close

[2/10 · 24 September 2016]

While reading quite a few negative lines about the silliness and shallowness of "Najica", picked up this one – "Suchimoboi" - to be carried away by a serious adventure bigger than life. And now sitting here and writing this review. To me it's the worst anime (from my experience of approx. 30+ serials and anime features), which carried me away with its awkwardness. It starts kind of well but even before reaching its middle line it becomes unbearable. It's been a torture to watch it till the end, but there was a hope in me that somehow it would rehabilitate itself (so much fuss about its detail and artistic development). No. "Najica" entertains and has a bunch of groovy characters, while delivering an amazing gun-play non-stop animation. The "Steamboy" is blank in character and design. Just look at those sirs in high tops and pseudo 19th century outfit – they look so unimpressive in this Japanese animation. It's one of those rare cases when my only thought was "When will this cartoonery-mockoonery" end?" Yes, the views of London were great, but it doesn't worth a bit to go through this 2-hour torture to witness them.

Bad character development, monotonous happenings, unimpressive design (except, maybe the wheel-like vehicle of the main character, which was good), the running time which makes you feel like it's never going to reach its finish. Besides, it's got this cheap didactic tone, as if the whole story were something of "Barefoot Gen" calibre. Watch "Last Exile" instead, which is also in steampunk category (correct?), but has something to offer indeed. Unlike this Suchimuboi-balloon.

A 2 out of 10 is a good mark for this irritating anime balloon. Thanks for attention.

King Size (1988)

One of my latest major disappointments in cinema

[2/10 · 6 September 2016]

Toilet humour, Jerzy Stuhr in the same clothes (!?) as in "Deja Vu", unfunny and stupid sexual innuendoes, repetitive running about, shallow dialogues, cheap costumes, etc. It's simply remarkable how low the director of "Deja Vu" (a masterpiece in comedy genre) went here. To use his own imagery of this one, he went down the toilet.

It's got a potential (the story, the dialogues and action scenes could have been done so much better), but all we have is a kind of unfunny freaky story for adults (though, without proper adult material as well). What audience was this piece of trash made for? A rhetorical question it is.

A bizarre notion was in my mind after watching the immortal "Deja Vu", that Juliusz Machulski was a genius. Now it's clearly seen that he is not. A genius would not have done such a tasteless "parable".

It simply does not deserve more than a 2 out of 10 (do not trust the high mark on IMDb). Thanks for attention.