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bookerwoolard
Reviews
Krampus: The Reckoning (2015)
God dang it
You know it's been a while since I cried. This movie changed that. But these were not tears of joy or even sadness. These were tears of WTF. The acting was enough to make me want the Krampus to get me instead. That raises another issue in the movie. Who the f*** says "Kram-puss" it's "Krum-pus". Even the second way of pronouncing it may be debatable but it's definitely not Kram-puss.
The camera work reminded me of a home made movie I would make with my friends in my backyard at the age of 12, and I would think it was really good. The scenes were so bad and cringey I was laughing the entire time because it was so unbelievably stupid.
The detective's bald melon head was shinier and brighter than my future. I mean dear God, it was like staring into the sun. The little girl was just annoying. And not to mention her initial foster parents, the druggie and the weird car washer...wtf. The only scenes they were in were totally unnecessary and all I could see was the bouncing of boobs and trust me even the horniest of the straight guys would be overwhelmed. I don't know who the dipshit is who gave this movie a 9, but I think they need to re-evaluate their life and seek professional help. The Krampus himself looked like he was made of cardboard. A 6 year old cosplayer could do better.
This entire disgrace of a movie deserves to be burned for it's crimes against the eyes of everyone who's had the misfortune of seeing it. To wrap this up, I can only say, don't. If you have ever loved yourself or anyone you may be wanting to watch this with, just don't. No one deserves to have to watch this.
Now if you'll excuse me I have to wash the shame off my eyeballs.