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andy441970
Reviews
Dark Matter (2015)
Below average
I simply cannot sit and watch, over and over again, a 120lb woman beating the cr8p out of over 6 foot, over 200 lb men. Happens once OK, maybe twice, hmm OK. But it is the main theme of the series. It is annoying. When she was ejected into space I was so happy, thought "great, she's had a disagreement with the producer and they ditched her". Unfortunately it was short lived, as miraculously she came back to continue beating the pants of all the hapless bad guys. In every single episode. Fast forward whenever she is on scene.
The other actors are OK. Except the Android which makes feeble attempts to behave like one but it's just plain silly. "Bishop" was much better in Alien. Maybe they should watch and take a few lessons.
The series is similar to Startgate Universe, or Firefly or whatever, but with much more predictability, it is a given no one from the main cast will ever die and it is obvious the bad guys will always lose no matter what the circumstances. In every single scene involving bad guys we know they will be dead before the end of the episode.
There is no interesting plot, nothing to keep you interested, very seldomly it starts to get interesting revealing secrets from the past but they are shallow and done with by the end of the episode almost.
Not worth wasting your time on even while ironing.
Oculus (2013)
Below average
There are inevitable predictabilities in all films. However this one let me down because as soon as I saw the "kill switch", which is a very complicated device to assemble on your ceiling, and the girl must have had professional help installing it, as soon as I saw it while they tested it, I knew instantly that someone would die from it. Then I thought there was no reason for the device to be assembled so that it can kill a person simply passing in front of the mirror at the wrong time. The device could simply be adjusted to swing higher, simple safety precautions. This is so basic that the script fails badly, considering the kill-switch is the largest "twist" of the film.
The sister had many years to prepare the experiment, in full knowledge that all sorts of crazy things and hallucinations take place when you are around the mirror. Still, she appears to fail (absurdly) in another two areas.
Firstly she has invited her shaken brother to the experiment area which she has meticulously thought of and has setup, however she has not prepared him at all, he really has no idea what this is all about. So he is startled and spends most of the time on camera being completely useless or even contradictory. Might as well have stayed at home.
In addition she makes no effort, except in just one scene, to "stay together". They both roam around the house as if on a picnic making no effort to protect themselves against the hallucinations which they had experienced before as children and should know by now or be prepared at least with an exit strategy. Which was kind of hinted in one scene, "the influence stops at 30 yards", well then dumb-ass stay farther than 30 yards. Doh! The girl has lost her mother and her father and has seen her brother institutionalised because of the mirror. She has researched dozens of victims through the years all dieing gruesome deaths and clearly suffering hallucinations. Yet she displays a cocky attitude walking around the house carelessly like a botanist observing his plants!
The few scenes that we see of their parents are also absurd. Both behave illogically with ridiculous dialogues such as the "woman in the office", the "voices", their reactions to the dog's behaviour, the husband who appears to be from Mars... If you see a woman suddenly materialising in front of you I doubt you will simply brush it aside and go eat your corn flakes.
The general idea of the malevolent mirror is sound and its exploitation could have been done so much better. The author has a free hand, like in Harry Potter, to create any situation he wishes. The mirror is magical and can create any situation imaginable. Those situations should have been engineered to lead the actors inexorably to their destruction but without having them acting absurdly.
The whole story can be summarised "magic mirror kills people around it". That's about it.
Saw II (2005)
Not worth watching
This is supposed to be a thriller/horror movie that is meant to keep you on the edge, have you biting your finger nails, and forgetting to eat your pop corn.
However the methods used to elicit this response from the audience are barbaric. Do you enjoy seeing women and children maimed and tortured by warlords in Africa? Do you enjoy seeing burn victims at the ER? If you are such a sick psycho then maybe you will enjoy this film.
Some people have commented on Saw's genius setting up elaborate puzzles. Except of course that Saw has all the time in the world to prepare/research/set up his gruesome "puzzles" whereas the victims have minutes sometimes seconds and their hands tied.
The usual clichés are necessary to keep the film going. The bad guy will not ever be caught or stopped , the bullets will miss, the good guys will hesitate and ignore obvious danger signs, time and time again, to give him the time to escape. The good guys will also behave irrationally repeatedly, again, to offer the bad guy the chance to escape.
Another typical cliché is that the good guys AR not what they seem and have done something bad in their past that is revealed half way through the film. And that somehow means that the sociopath killer has some moral basis for sticking a gun to a little girl's head or blowing the victims up? I do not think so.
A very common theme which becomes boringly predictable is the main characters/victims having to play the (sick) games set up by Saw even when they do not need to. If a sick sociopath with a history of dozens of murders has kidnapped your son, how many of his fingers would you break to force him to reveal the location? One? Two? I think I would cut him into a thousand pieces. But predictably in the movie the good guy falls victim to yet another trap. In the TV series "24" we saw more believable ways of forcing fanatics to reveal the truth.
Naked, this film is a horror flick where after 90 minutes we expect to see body parts strewn all over the screen in various sadistic traps and self mutilation arising from self preservation and/or duress. It is sick and cheap, it has no value and no elegance. It is like someone asking you to cut your own hand off or remove one of your eyes so that he does not shoot you or your child. Similar kinds of torture took place in Iraq and Africa but we do not celebrate them by making films.
The material is plentiful. Ideas for sadism and torture are easy to invent, and dress up in elaborate puzzles. "solve this puzzle which involves chopping your leg off or I will explode a bomb at your child's school". Terrible and sad.
The X Files (1993)
Going round and round in endless circles
The main theme, the main conspiracy, the explanation of every action that every shadowy and malicious figure has ever taken, everything can be told in a few sentences. Yet, it takes no less than 9 whole seasons, of 21/22 episodes each, a grand total of 190 episodes and 9 whole years before the main story is actually delivered in a few minutes during Scully's testimony to the military court. During the rest of the episodes the main actors act as part retarded and amnesiacs, avoiding to ask questions that would clear the confusion in seconds. But the writers felt that the series has to last 9 whole years going around in circles and becoming irrelevant, boring and frustrating.
On the one hand there are episodes where Mulder and Scully slowly uncover a huge conspiracy to hide an impending alien invasion and colonisation of the earth, the destruction of humankind as we know it.
Faced with the forthcoming alien invasion and colonisation of the planet you would think that anything else would pale into insignificance.
Yet to we have to enure dozens of episodes dealing with unrelated issues, such as Mulder and Scully chasing bank robbers, unique animals, psychics, circus performers and other "paranormals", as if the aliens and the urgency of trying to save the planet has all disappeared, as if we are wathcing another series altogether.
Most episodes are about a pair of FBI agents tasked with investigating crimes involving paranormal activities. During those episodes Mulder comes face to face with the paranormal, and the not-so-normal, while Scully, the sceptic, is always two steps behind, locked in another room, or otherwise always prevented from actually witnessing first hand the paranormal. This theme swiftly becomes repetitive and annoying as episode after episode we know to expect Scully to be looking the other way while UFOs are flying right in front of her nose. I personally gave up somewhere around season 6 and fast forwarded to the last episode of the series, and I believe that Scully still has not ever witnessed an alien or any other paranormal event.
The story really becomes frustrating as the main actors seem to forget that in the previous episode they were chasing aliens and are content investigating some unrelated crime that has nothing to do with the destruction of human kind which is just round the corner.
Down to the last episode the main actors are obsessed with exposing the truth, exposing the various government conspiracies, wanting everyone to learn of the crimes that the government and the military have committed, but completely ignoring the fact that the world is about to end by alien invasion and no matter what crimes were committed they were attempts to stave off the invasion and save human kind. Their obsession with the "truth" is absurd under these circumstances.
I believe the series started off well with a huge government/military conspiracy slowly being uncovered and the zealous Mulder trying to expose the Truth. But at some point it becomes clear to everyone that the conspiracy is an attempt to stall an alien invasion and to save human kind. At that moment, with the knowledge that the earth is about to be infiltrated and invaded by colonising aliens, there is no other logical path other than to side with the 'conspirators' and work towards trying to save human kind. This is not what happens though, the main characters remain obsessed with some "truth" they are still trying to uncover down to the last few minutes of the last episode of the series. Dreadful, really insanely absurd, nonsensical, and irrelevant.
Sons of Anarchy (2008)
Terrible, full of empty bravado, posturing and clichés
Full of clichés, bravado and posturing. Almost totally predictable. We know the bad guys will lose, in almost every confrontation, every fight, and of course, in the end.
In every gun fight bullets almost always seem to miss our heroes, and the "bad" guys almost always exist for the sole purpose of being beaten to a pulp by the main characters. Even when the bad guys are two to one, and holding guns against our heroes, we know they are seconds from being overpowered and beaten.
Season 3 was a let down too, as we continue to watch the bad guys committing monumental errors of judgement. An FBI agent that has staked her whole career and life into capturing a famous terrorist, to the point of murdering her colleague and cutting deals with gang members. Yet, after 12 whole episodes and once finally in possession of the terrorist, she decides to stay alone, without protection inside known gangland territory, and get ambushed and killed. In anything vaguely resembling reality, a known terrorist arrest would involve a detachment of an army unit for everyone's protection.
The main characters are similarly badly scripted, with sociopathic and schizophrenic behaviour, including a loyal gang member whose wife and mother of two young kids is murdered by the gang leaders, yet he remains loyal in the gang.
I can't write more the whole thing is so terrible and now I am watching how the bad guys will get beaten too, it's just a matter of seconds... Hmm by the time I wrote this, the bad guys, the Russians, in full control of the situation, just sit there and become punch bags for our heroes to shine once again. Why even bother showing it since we know how it's going to end...
Once Upon a Time (2011)
Starts off well, then it goes downhill
The series starts off quite nicely with a good plot but after the first couple of seasons it just gets boring and repetitive.
The main characters are: Rumpelstiltskin - he is the imp that spins straw into gold. But in this series he is also one of the most powerful wizards. Robert Carlyle plays the role of the imp amazingly. But the badly written script takes away from his magic and his mystery. He actually becomes a very common person arguing with others and worrying about the future and loses the great impression he had made as a semi-malevolent imp. Episode after episode the script and not the actor's fault manages to destroy this once fantastic character.
snow white - Snow White is meant to be the most beautiful woman in the land. Yet the actress that was chosen for snow white is actually ugly, with short hair and actually becomes so fat and/or pregnant or past pregnant, that has to cover herself in loose long gowns... There are some stunning actresses in this series and I wonder why was she chosen to play the pivotal role of the most beautiful snow white. Examples of stunning women in this series Red, Elsa, Anna and so on.
evil queen - well she has committed genocide, she has destroyed villages full of innocent people - this is a mini-Hitler or mini-Stalin. Yet, she somehow becomes "nice" and gets accepted by her earlier victims as if nothing ever happened. Totally bonkers. Snow White, as a child, reveals a secret and the Evil Queen's mother kills her fiancée. Yet the Evil Queen blames Snow White for the murder rather than her own mother who committed it. Again, bonkers.
What really detracts from the series is its script's main theme of parent-child relationships and especially parents. "My parents abandoned me as achild, so even though I am now 28 or 50 years old, my own life and my own family means nothing and all I care about is my parents". Seriously? The worst part of the series, where the FF button was used was the Peter Pan saga. Peter Pan has kidnapped Henry, and half a dozen people have travelled to Neverland to save him. Yet, in almost every confrontation, Peter Pan neutralises his opponents with such ridiculous dialogue such as "I am here to save Henry" "But your parents abandoned you" "Ah yes, let me go away and cry and forget that I am here to save Henry". Ridiculous and repetitive.
Similarly weak and badly written passages become main themes in the series as the seasons progress. "You are a monster." "But I have just saved your life and everyone's in this town..." "My sisters did not love me..." Terrible. Really terrible.
Finally a great "up yours" to the English, Sir Lancelot is black! Priceless.
Mad Men (2007)
Very good show but too long winded
A very good show however mired with unnecessary and boring story lines that eventually lead to nothing and with many missed opportunities to build on stronger characters and stories that would be much more interesting.
I would like to see Trudy Cambell in a much more prominent role, being a joy to watch and one of the two most beautiful women on the show. She deserves screen time much more than plenty of others and with Peter and her father there was plenty of scope.
Roger Stirling is the best actor, has the best role, the best lines, witty and sarcastic – you have to listen carefully because there are double meanings everywhere. He should have a more prominent role as he is a pillar on this show.
Betty's story line is mostly boring and uninteresting, with small frills that die down. A beautiful woman and ex-model, she however hides her true slim figure in buggy clothes and loose robes, unlike most other women on the show. Then, 3-4 seasons in, and in another pointless side plot, she gets made fat, with such ridiculous make up that resembles Peter Sellers dressed up as Mafia boss in one of his comedies. They did the same to Peggy a few seasons before. Is this a cheap comedy we are watching?
Lane Pryce, a senior Accounting professional, partner and Finance Director, commits a rookie error in his fraud involving a very small sum compared to the capital deposits previously made by the partners, to justify the tragedy that ensues. Unnecessary and unbelievable.
Don says farewell to his wife on one episode and then talks to her as if nothing has happened on the next. Maybe they forgot to air a few episodes in between?
Don returns to work under humiliating conditions now reporting to his ex lackeys. How can this happen. He is individually wealthy, well known in the industry, head hunted and with a written offer from rival firm. Most importantly he is a partner with over 10% (Peter Cambell has 10% and Joan has 5%) and it's basic that you cannot cut out a partner from profits and you cannot remove a partner unless you buy them out. Therefore Don's humiliating return working on a side office and reporting to Peggy is completely unbelievable and in the end Cooper reveals "we cannot fire him we have to buy him out", and everyone acts as if they did not already know it. Really?
Don gets infatuated with a few women which are consistently much uglier, and 20 years older, than either Betty or some of his other stunning girlfriends. How is this possible and what purpose does it serve? Maybe to portray that he will nail anything that can fog a mirror? Don't think so.
Ken gets shot in the face with a shotgun from a 2 metre distance, miraculously survives (really?), loses one eye and wears an eye patch but then returns to work and behaves as if nothing has happened, cheerful as ever. The writers even make jokes "keep an eye on him" (his child). Seriously?
Whereas the show has plenty of characters which is great, many are being built up and then dropped abruptly with side plots that lead to nothing. All these boring, cul-de-sac plots could have been replaced with interesting stories involving the more main actors like Trudy, Cooper, Ken and so on. Some examples of lead-to-nothing plots, Don's school teacher girlfriend, Don's brother, Peter's affair with Beth, Peggy's affair with Duck, Ben's mental breakdown, Paul's disappearance and plenty more.
Stargate Universe (2009)
They will never get off the ship
Where SG1 was light and silly and nothing really terrible could ever happen and where the main characters would dodge or take bullets almost with a smile, Universe tries to be serious, dark and heavy. Obviously the science behind it is terrible and trying to make anything serious is futile just like trying to make Harry Potter into something other than a tale for 10 year olds. In all this gloom being trapped inside a deteriorating ship and always on the verge of imminent destruction we get to watch soap opera like scenes. Instead of exploring new worlds, discovering fantastic technologies, and fighting against powerful enemies, we get to watch people and their relationships and their arguments down to marital issues, sex scenes and camera shots consistently down the actresses' tops. And sadly after the first few episodes one thing is clear: they will never, ever find earth. Just like Lost in Space, Prison Break and you get the idea. Finally there is a character who is enough, on his own, put every viewer off, with his perpetual screaming to the point we have to turn down the volume. I fast forwarded to the last episode curious to see if one or two things would have happened by then : have they reached Earth and has anyone shot and killed the most annoying Rush character. Sadly neither of those two things have taken place after countless episodes.
Stargate SG-1 (1997)
Mostly lame
This review is about Stargate SG1 and not the related / following series.
After having watched all 10 seasons I believe there are some major flaws around some admittedly very good basic ideas. Here are some serious objectionable points in no particular order.
I liked watching the four main characters on successive missions. However you cannot have a physicist and an archaeologist routinely eliminating enemy combat teams, down to the last episode of the last season. Please.
The Goa'uld are a species of immense knowledge and history spanning many millenia of total domination over lesser Earth beings. They possess powers and technology unimaginable to humans of the 21st century. Yet, time and time again, every single SG team, and their dog, can stroll into the Goa'uld starships, and wreck havoc almost unopposed. After a while it becomes comical; instead of being awed by the presence of a Goa'uld on the set, we just want to laugh.
Planets are ... planets. It means vast. Yet every time the SG teams visit a planet it seems the whole of the planet is a tiny village situated a walking distance from the Stargate and that's about it. You'd expect the exploration of a planet to take years, decades even, yet the Stargate teams manage to report on a planet and the people that might live on it, after a 10 minute visit.
The language, as mentioned by almost every viewer. With a main plot based mainly on ancient Egyptian history, myths and deities, it is incredible that the peoples of every single distant planet on the galaxy speak English.
The Asgard, who possess knowledge and technology surpassing that of the Goa'uld, are becoming extinct due to the silliest reasons the writers could come up with, as if their unimaginable technology and knowledge cannot solve the most basic biochemistry problems... And again , completely unnecessary, whether the Asgard become extinct, or not, makes absolutely no difference to the plot, so why add such a weak sideline to the story?
I just could not stomach O'Neill's replacement in the last two seasons. He adds nothing to the team in terms of dynamics and the team would be better served with a new member who is not trying desperately to copy O'Neill but rather introduce a completely new personality and/or field of expertise.
And Vala. They show so much of her all the time and dedicate so much screen time to her, it is not a sci-fi series anymore but has become a cheap soap opera.
No cohesion to the story. The Goa'uld baddies come and go as they please. Sometimes they are dead, then not, they can appear at any episode, regardless if they were dead in the previous one, just to fill in the story lines. Many episodes are side stories of no consequence and with the most casual, if any, links to the main story line. The Asgard, Tok'ra, Ancients, Ori, Goa'uld : any and all may appear or not at any episode at will.
Donnie Darko (2001)
Waste of time
The film is about one basic premise: if you could go back in time you would try to go back and prevent bad things from happening. There is nothing more to it, and you could throw most of the film out and just come out and say it, it would take you less than one minute.
In this story, somehow, there is time travel. But it is not like in a sci fi movie with futuristic machines or alien visitors and technology, but rather some extremely vague, clouded and ill defined reference to wormholes and speed of light travel, none of which anyone of the characters either witnesses or possesses.
Sadly, the main premise of time travel is obscured behind the main character's schizophrenia, mental instability, medications, sleep walking and daylight hallucinations. We go through the whole film imagining that the character is mad, that everything is in his head.
There is no twist, eg like Shutter Island, there is nothing that binds it all together. It is all hints and inferences, but there is no commitment to anything. The viewer can imagine what they like, fill in the gaps, give their own explanation. That is how vague and incomplete and non committal this movie is.
I am not sure I have all the gaps filled in, but it does not matter because an 8 year old can make a film with lots of gaps and thousands of possible explanations. I had thought that the continuous lack of clarity would eventually lead to some super intelligent and twisted revelation worth waiting for, but sadly, no.
Do not bother watching it, it's trash.
Fringe (2008)
Lost the plot - and cheap
It started well, investigating Fringe case after case, but then somewhere it has lost its direction and it has become Harry Potter style magic (sorry, "science").
Like in so many other series and films, there are huge events which are (a) completely unnecessary and (b) completely unbelievable. So for example I am watching season 5, Olivia and Peter's daughter gets killed, now I ask you, after 5 seasons of dodging bullets and escaping death in the most unbelievable manner, why kill the daughter now? Did the actress have a disagreement with the producer? And OK, she is dead, I expect to see Olivia in mourning. For years. Instead I see her saying "I cannot sleep" like I'd inform my wife that the roast is a bot over cooked! And in the next episodes Olivia strolls along the screen with her usual spring in her step and her body and arms flailing, as she has no care in the world. No, this is not how a mother who has just saw her daughter dieing in her arms behave. Not even in Harry Potter movies.
I should see a subdued Olivia, with no make up, with bad hair, with unkempt clothes, an Olivia dragging her heels and walking with a heavy step. Not an Olivia reminiscent of Season 1 solving yet another case. Not after her daughter has died.
This is CHEAP.
There are a lot of "lost direction" issues, but this one makes the whole series really cheap.
Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith (2005)
Illogical and inconsistent - Good for kids, should be an animated Disney Classic
Count Duku: a great actor like C. Lee, I would at least let him play throughout the film and not kill him off in the first 20 minutes.
How come Duku dies so easily? Even when Anakin holds two light sabers to his head can he not use the force as he, and others have literally done throughout? A quick backwards flip? Where is the Lightning Force when you need it? And what happened to Obi Wan all this time. He is knocked out and unable to help as usual. And with all their power and droid army why not just get 100 of them to blast the two lone jedis instead of Count Duku trying to take them on solo.
How about Padme. We are expected to believe that she will die during childbirth? Excuse me? No doctors around? Mankind has managed to build space crafts that travel at light speed, but cannot master knowledge and technology to save a pregnant woman? Windu tries to arrest Palpatine who is the most powerful Sith Lord and he goes in with 4 hapless jedis who get dispatched in a shot. Might as well have sent the cleaners to arrest him.
Who is most powerful and who uses the Force best? Windu? Palpatine? Obi Wan? Yoda? Any of the other jedis? In the last episode we saw Palpatine to be leagues ahead of both Vader and Luke, using the Lightning Force never seen before. Yoda cannot beat him, otherwise he would not be hiding alone in a planet (without any companions of his own species). At the same time Yoda is strong enough to raise a drowned X-Wing. That is the extend of the power of Palpatine. Count Duku is as strong as Yoda, Yoda is as strong as Windu, Windu is stronger than Palpatine, but Yoda and Obi Wan together cannot fight Palpatine in Episode VI. Inconsistencies throughout.
The fight between Windu and Palpatine is awful. Windu beats him, even when Palpatine uses the lighting force against him. Which he waits until Anaken is in the room, and not before, to save himself. And it only gets reflected back to him ageing him in the process. So why does he not stop? At least in the Duku vs Yoda fight we had enough Lightning Force to go around, even though, there too, they just decided not to use it and instead use their light sabers, as if anything would be preventing them from using the Lightning Force in between.
I have not seen past the Windu vs Palpatine scene - I switched it off in disgust. What kind of slimy and stupid transformation of Anakin.
Just one possible way of how it should be: (1) Palpatine is so strong and can use the Lightining Force that No one else can use. No one can beat him, and Windu dies trying to arrest him, without Anakin's intervention. Windu realises Palpatine's power way too late. After all Darth Maul was supposed to be trained and be better than the Jedis, said so Palpatine.
(2) Palpatine moves in against the Jedis and has them killed without Anakin's involvement. Anakin is on the bed side of his dying wife while Palpatine and his Forces trap and murder the unsuspecting Jedis one at a time.
(3) After the Jedis are dispatched, and with Anakin not knowning the exact details, Palpatine appears and saves Padme from death, telling a story to Anakin and coercing him to join him (join Palpatine and not the Dark Side of the Force especially).
That would be half the film, what I have seen so far.