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Reviews
Moonfall (2022)
MST 3000 material here.
I spent the whole movie thinking how the actress that looked like Halle sure couldn't act like her. Then, at the end, I saw the credit roll. I mean, filming during the pandemic was tough since nobody was sure what was going on, but all the restaurant servers, store clerks, bus drivers, etc., had to suck it up and do their jobs well. Actors didn't get the memo it seems.
This flick was fun tho, and I did my own Mystery Sci Theater 3000 routine the whole way thru. Folks slamming this as the worst ever haven't seen Battlefield Earth, so I wouldn't rank this in the same way. It was the salad of pointless scenes and characters that drove me nuts. The hicks in Colorado that kept robbing and chasing the main characters....why? They were insulting only, not menacing or necessary. I liked the alien element righ up to the exposition and just lost a piece of my soul during the process. Dude in a dumpster looking for papers and the security guard finds it under some coffee and assumes it's the right find? I could go on but I'd have to list all scenes in order, excluding none.
But, and I do mean however, I still found myself enjoying much of the show that didn't involve the jailbird son, the car dealer, the ex wife, the military folk, the NASA folk, the extras, the hicks, the car chase, the flood, or the scientific expositions. So I liked the exolplosions best and some of the space stuff. Oh, and I loved my MST 3000 riffs thoroughly.
And did I mention I thought Halle's character was an actress that looked kind of like her but without the skill? I was literally surprised when I saw the credits since I didn't even pay attention to the opening credits, or the previews, or poor Fuzz Aldrin.
Side note: this flick inspired me to become an expert in mega structures. Hopefully I can make a twitter post that supplants NASA some day. I only need 7 billion more likes on my usual posts. Dream big.
Black Widow (2021)
Got what we came for.
First off, Task Master didn't need re-imagined like this. The character started strong and interesting and then just plopped before the reveal.
Other than that, the movie delivered comic book action with humor and hyper activity. I loved the avalanche scene in the theater and laughed at most of the interaction between sisters. I was actually glad this movie was not as dire and intense as CA:Civil War and forgave most of the dialogue. However...
When Natasha was smashing her face to thwart the pheromones, she didn't need to monologue her intention and give the bad guy a chance to retort suddenly. That just lost it for me and felt pointlessly out of place to her character and the adventure up to that point.
I suppose the fight between the Red Gusrdian and Task Master was a let down, he is this super strong super solider yet he just stumbled through their fight? Was that a dig at Russia perhaps? Who knows besides the writers, but it was another plop in the plot.
All things considered, we got what we came for and felt the movie was fun and theater worthy. In compariosn to other MCU movies, End Game was more of a frustating divergence than BW, so I can't dig this movie too much.
The Flash (2014)
Team "Stand Around"
Now the we've finished season 6, I can honestly say I like this show, and more importantly, my children like it and we enjoy watching together. I especially like the Cisco/Wells interactions since they have great one liners and pop culture references.
What kills me each and every episode is how every hero takes one good shot and literally stands there waxing philosophic until the baddie gets up and knocks them around. The writers could have written in so many other baddies each season if they kept the team active - which is good for the fans so we can see a bigger catalog of our memorable villains. Sadly, Flash gets a good shot, stands there. Cisco gets a good shot, stands there. Frost, Elongated, XS, and even mighty Joe West...one good shot and stands there. Additions to canon and adjustments for TV are all forgivable here, but the standing around gets me yelling at the show. We make fun of villains monologing until they get thwarted, and I wonder if Flash writers decided to make their play on that idea?
Aside from all the pulled punches, I still think the series has been enjoyable overall. I've seen all the other holes picked apart so I won't even repeat them, instead I like that my family enjoys it and it was nicely binge-able. It's just the standing around talking bit, that breaks the action and forces ridiculous plot devices to make up for it when that same time could be used for more villains or character developments. I suppose we are just sitting there watching people standing there, so maybe I'm part of the problem....
If Looks Could Kill (1991)
Fun movie with good replay value.
I watched this flick repeatedly as a kid. I lived across the street from a VHS rental shop (not the big guys) and spent so much money renting this over and over. Haven't watched since maybe 2000, but I still think back to it and laugh. And that Lotus Esprit, man this movie made me adore that car even more. I think I liked that this made me laugh more than Bond films, and frankly, Bond could get stuffy at times. "If Looks Could Kill" is on par with the modern Get Smart with Steve Carell when it comes to humor and set up, so if you like that nonsense you'll like this.
Maleficent: Mistress of Evil (2019)
It looked neat for a minute.
Horrible one-liners are the territory of Stalone and Schwarzenegger, but all we get from Jolie is fractured sentences except for the first dinner where she was at least conversing with Pfeifer. I liked the twist on the story from the first movie, but this was more like putting the story through the ringer and peppering throwbacks into the holes.
As for the other reviews about heartless characters and poor role models, I completely agree for once. It's like they were saying all you have to do is be corney and optomistic and all crimes...up to murder...can be overlooked so we can be buddies. No death in the movie meant anything and there was no remorse or recompense. Even Maleficent's choice at the end meant zip. She knocks down a tower...will you walk me down the aisle real quick? My mom is a goat....meh. Deap people and fairy tale folk scattered about...let's get hitched! I must watch Pulp Fiction to get my moral compass aligned again.
Spies in Disguise (2019)
Better than expected.
I wish less time was spent on complaining about being a pigeon and more time harnessing the powers that were described, like seeing UV light, slow motion, etc. If the spy were truly the maveric he was built to be, he would have jumped on those powers quickly. Overall a fun and crazy romp, and I liked how they avoided the villian giving some over-long back story. The non-violence aspect was done well too, but nobody accepted that there are real violent people that can't be overcome by glitter. It is great to inspire people to solve problems without explosions and weapons, but at least nod to some reality and allow for more than hugs and kittens as problem solving devices. Overall a good flick that could have used more pigeon perspectives and powers to its advantage, but didn't run away from its heart and story either. The soundtrack is a bit too Will Smith jiggy with it and lacked an edge Khaled could have added. I suppose my gripes are minor in comparison to the quality of the movie and its ability to produce laughs and some memorable moments to discuss with the family. I will likely buy this so we can watch it at home when we need an easy going smile and departure from the strains of the day.
Once Upon a Time in... Hollywood (2019)
Like Capote's "In Cold Blood", but not....
If you ever read Capote's "In Cold Blood" about the Clutter family murders in '59, you may see how this movie emulates it in part. Capote wrote a historical novel based on real events and kept the results the same, with some embelishment and controversy that still gets argued about today. Tarantino put together a historical novel based on real events but added fictional characters to drive a "what if" embelishment, with controversy that will be argued over for decades. I like this movie's play on history as it alters the timeline to something that would have been forgotten rather than infamous. By doing this, he kind of blots out Manson's name, destroys the murders and wipes their act from memory, and plays a comic angle to show how different that night could have been if just one or two persons were different.
On the alternate history note, it could be possible that Bruce Lee was more of a dancer than a weapon in this timeline, some songs and movies may have come out earlier, and the Manson family could be more hillbilly than counter cultural. This movie is a fable where facts are altered and a bygone era is detailed in a painstaking manner. In Cold Blood was painstaking too, as it detailed daily life, preludes to the crime, hearsay, and odd snippets from the killers' lives that lent to the meta story. OUATIH does exactly the same thing but in a different medium. The Capote movie that talked about making the book was nowhere near the book, but Tarantino's movie was done with intent to be its best representation of the meta story.
The movie has flaws, but it sticks with your mind and gets you to research the real events, songs, movies, and people displayed. So, in that regard, it goes beyond most cinema that can be forgotten after the credits roll.
At least that's how I see it as I look back at it over time.
Monster House (2006)
Referred by my 4 year old
My 4 year old (at the time) saw this and loved it. He asked us to watch it again and I was skeptical. Turned out far better than I imagined and I was surprised my child didn't have nightmares. Not a perfect movie, but it was scarier than Goosebumps or most other horror flicks aimed at families. The frights remind me of Gremlins where you are chilled but still laughing.
I do think the black cop was played too knuckle head and that took away from the eerieness, but most the characters were bland enough that the story and creeps were not overshadowed. We watch this several times each year and still like it just the same.
Overall, I'd recommend this movie to anyone looking for a solid flick. However, I don't feel it's a classic or cult film per se.
The Thirteenth Floor (1999)
Cool concept, decent twist, ruined by soap opera acting.
I love watching this movie even though the acting from most is so over the top I feel like they thought they were on a daytime soap. This is one movie that could stand for a remake with no changes to the story, an update on visuals, and more believable acting. Maybe it was the writing, maybe the directing, maybe just the actors not taking the subject seriously. Whatever the case may be, the main story and twists are pretty solid and repeat viewings don't ruin the intrigue.
I suppose we all figured the late-90s characters were also a simulation, but the layers of trancendance from future to past and vice versa were nicely surprising.
One place I disagree with many is that The Matrix hurt this movie's chances. The Matrix is a different concept fleshed out in a blockbuster manner, and Thirteenth Floor is more of a spiritual "what if" that explores what someone may do if they had free reign to exercise evil within a digital realm and how it might affect them mentally and spiritually. At least that's how I saw it and what makes its replay value higher for me.
Whose Line Is It Anyway? (1988)
Warped, witty, and diverse.
The UK version was the best, although some early episodes could result in too many blanks from performers as they got off topic and played on a performer's idea instead of Clive's guidance. The mix of comedians was always welcome, but by the time it went to the US it seemed too reliant upon Hoe Downs and song and dance with Drew and Wayne. However, depending on what kind of comedy you prefer, there is a season that will speak to you.
A lot of celebrity guests seemed out of their element also, so the real gems are when only skilled improv comedians are gathered as they keep the flow solid and tears flowing from laughter. I just wish some streaming service could get rights to every season so we could watch the evolution of the show and appreciate the diverse nature of so many fantastically warped minds!
Next Gen (2018)
Mixed emotions.
More iRobot than Big Hero 6 with all the Gen 6 being like NS5s in iRobot, and Aries like the mainframe in iRobot (I forget it's name) splashed with "people bad, robots perfect" just like SO many plots from the last 60 years. I actually like the main character as angry and unruly since most children do not process anger fully. My beef was the soccer team that beats up Mai and bullies her, only to be all "I never meant to hurt you, what did I do?" If anyone had NO turning point it was her and the team.
What I saw as stand out was the way Mai learned to deal with memories and loss by working it out with 77 and his memories. When a child sees a parent leave or realizes one passes away it leaves an impact that is hard for the child to rationalize. Here, Mai knows she has unfocued anger but realizes it is more focused than she imagined. By seeing into the memories of 77 she realised she had the power to correct her view even if we don't see much of her growing since the actio. took center stage. The rest of the plots and content were too common to stand out, however.
There was great humor laced through an intriguing story that seemed a mix of Wall-E, BH6, iRobot, and Inside Out. I like it when a movie makes me dislike a protagonist too. We get far too many sappy flicks that overdo the likeable loser scenario.
I was also frustrated with 77 ditching his memories to get his weapons back, since destroying Aries without weapons would have been more powerful and connect with the bully theme better. Major opportunity lost to the "boss battle" paradigm.