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Reviews
Meg 2: The Trench (2023)
This is what happens when Chinese censors write your script
It's like underwater Jurassic Park meets low-budget Jaws. This movie is so bad, even Jason Statham should be ashamed of himself. It can't decide if it wants to be a buddy cop comedy, a Spielberg epic, a campy pirhana rip off, a James Bond spy film or all of the above.
I'm it's greedy and cynical attempt to cash in on Chinese markets, Hollywood has sold its soul to the Chinese government and outsourced its script writing to its government censors. This movie has all the trappings of a big budget Hollywood romp, but the storyline and dialogue are so convoluted, you're rooting for the Meg to tear the entire cast apart in a single bite just to end the misery sooner.
The Retaliators (2021)
Imagine if Papa Roach made a movie...
Imagine if Papa Roach made a movie that had exactly as much originality and style as their music (so...absolutely none). This sorry attempt at a grindcore meets zombie flick meets "Hostel" makes Rob Zombie's fare seem like Citizen Kane in conparison.) Imagine a sombie film without a hint of the kitsch, set design and art direcrion and musical direction and you end up with "The Retaliators."
On the plus side, Tommy Lee has a cameo, but honestly, it's hardly worth the 2 hours you'll never get back.
This movie reeks of something that was created front to back by emoty, souless LA nu-metal hacks without an ounce of depth between them. Let's just hope they don't bother with a sequel.
Eli Roth Presents: The Legion of Exorcists (2023)
Seriously???
Basically take every every demonic possession movie trope you have ever seen, and have them delivered by a group of exorcists that look more like mentally ill out-of-work actors and you're half-way there.
The recreations of the scenes are better than average from a production standpoint, but completely unimaginitive from a storytelling perspective. Clichea. Tropes. Jump scares.. But not a single believable story in the bunch.
I usually like Eli Roth's movies, but this is the trashiest sort od trash TV. I expected slightly more from him here.
I guess the only question this series left me asking is "Why bother??"