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Reviews
Garfield: The Movie (2004)
The fat tabby comes to the big screen!!!!!
Garfield the movie is a film for the whole family! It is destined to become a classic like Cats and Dogs or The Cat in the Hat! Thankfully, they don't use any of the cast or writers from that terrible Garfield cartoon show. Cartoons are dumb unless I like them. The movie is a lot more realistic than a stupid cartoon. Breckin Myer plays Jon and best of all, Jennifer Love Hewitt is Liz the vet!!!!! She is so cute! The plot involves Garfield trying to save Odie from the pound. I don't understand why the critics didn't like this movie. Clearly they weren't paying attention to the jokes and funny stuff animals do in the movie. This movie is recommended by me, Johnny B, to everyone....everywhere! You'll love it and your cat will too!
Catwoman (2004)
Halle Berry is so hot!
Catwoman is the best movie you have yet to see! Halle Berry takes the role and makes it great where Michelle whats-her-name previous stunk it up. I know a lot of comic book nerds complained because that they changed the character but who cares! Comic books are for children and movies are for adults like me. The plot involves Halle Berry becoming Catwoman. She becomes afraid of rain and hisses at dogs. It's so cool! That outfit she wears in the movie was awesome too! I got so excited when I saw her wearing it in the movie that I went out and bought one for myself. I like wearing it around the house sometimes. Halle Berry has to fight the cosmetic girl Sharon Stone. Nothing people love more than a good cat fight even thought Sharon Stone doesn't actually turn into a cat. This movie is the cat nip, yo! There is no reason you shouldn't go buy it right now. You'll thank me later.
Battlefield Earth (2000)
This movie changed my life.....
This is the movie you can't miss. I've always felt like I don't belong and sad and stuff. This movie makes you feel good and shows you the way. I now base the way I do my hair after the way Terl does his. The plot is very exciting and all, but it's the messages about life that will keep you coming back again and again. I don't want to ruin the plot for those who haven't seen the movie yet (you'll thank me later) but this was the role that put John Travolta back on top after he almost ruined his career starring in that flop, Pulp Fiction. This movie is wall to wall excitement and perfect for anyone with an open mind and an open brain. I invite anyone and everyone who doesn't agree with my review to e-mail me telling me why I'm wrong. That's what I thought.
Dark Heaven (2002)
Not scary or sexy at all...
I just rented Dark Heaven at Blockbuster and boy was it a waste. After seeing the cover, I thought it was an erotic drama but discovered it was a religious horror film with no horror. Bland and sad, there's no reason to watch it. You could always go play DIABLO or put on your goth makeup. The films plot is a about a man stuck between heaven and heck. My mom still doesn't allow me to say the H-word and she's in the room so bear with me. Anyways, we learn more about the man in flashback but we get hardly any people talking. What's the deal? The film is slow, slow, slow.........slow. Completely depressing from beginning to end. The sets look nice, however. The film would have been great if the director, Doug Schultze, had been able to come up with an interesting premise. He could have either done that or got Triple H to star in it. Triple H is AWESOME!!!! I'd get somebody to loan you this movie if you really want to see it. Now I've got to go, my wrestling show is on. Safety!