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Reviews
Beginnings (2015)
The Beginning is more of an "Ending".
Wow. I was unable to watch ten minutes of the first episode. The thumbnail on Amazon Prime looked really interesting. It waa the typical post-apocalyptic ravaged city backdrop.
My hopes were high for a visually stunning, bleak PA world full of difficult survival choices.
The pilot episode starts with some of the worst blue screens (that I have ever seen) and footage filmed with a home camcorder. The cgi was awful too. The static between the "president" and the other guy became irritating after the second time. It did not help tell the story.
Queue the title screen. I was apprehensive. What I had just seen looked like a high school film project. The credits sequence were shots of old playground equipment, rural roads and a garage where a guy took a smoke break off screen.
The show opens with a guy in military fatigues (that look brand new) attaching a leg holster and holstering a pistol in a Sam Raimi close up style. It doesn't make any sense. The man is outside on patrol. Why would he be gearing up? Did he carry the stuff all the way from his guard shack / barracks? He should have already done that.
I gave up during the next scene. A leader type delivers his lines in the most awkward way possible. It doesn't sound organic.
Making a film is extremely hard work. It takes time, talent and being highly motivated. All of the actors and crew probably did a lot to make "Beginnings" a reality. This production has some serious flaws. I admit i did not watch the entire episode. I could not... it was that bad. It reminded me of a local film guild that made a movie. I was invited to the screening. I still have PTSD about that film. What amazed me was how proud the guild was of their work. It was so blind that they would not admit how awful it was.
I think that the makers of this film have a lot to learn about movie making. I salute their effort and commitment.
I am in no way a film critic or expert. Try watching this and draw your own conclusions.
A.I.C.O. Incarnation (2018)
A slight variation on a standard theme.
My first thought about this show was that there are giant tentacles eating people. Except that the giant tentacles are huge pieces of cancerous material. And their victims aren't sexually defenseless girls.
I am far more forgiving with the dubbing. There are a few parts where the Japanese and the English doesn't really work. I majored in languages in college and I understand some thing can be translated loosely. It still works. It may not be accurate. In cases like this I figure the translator knew what emotion was being conveyed and picked the best words. For example, the Aiko girl sees something bad happening and says "Ne...Ne". I think that means "No" based on the other uses of "Ne" in this show and others. The subtitle said "Come on" instead. It still works because you can tell she wanted something else to happen.
Language can be very literal and abstract at times... sometimes in the same sentence! I think the translator got all the technical stuff correct. The issue was the little idioms and expressions. I always ask myself: "Is the speaker's intention / meaning being conveyed effectively to the audience?". Subtitles are what they are...or they izz what they izz. Maybe the kids in the show are speaking trendy slang Japanese? I am not a Japanese speaker so I can only guess. Indeed however, feel like the subtitles did their job.
I was more confused by the plot. My advice is to write down or keep track of all the characters' actions. The different doctors (who are called sensei. Sensei?) are easy to confuse. They look very different. I actually enjoyed the entire ride more than the last five minutes.
The guns and the tech were pretty cool. The show has a nice wholesome ending. I am still uncertain how it got to that ending. It was an enjoyable experience.
My criticisms are how easily the matter was stopped. The writers didn't do a good job explaining why the matter never made it out of the valley. I think it had to do with the electricity stunning it. If that is true why was the matter able to get so far?
There has to be many ways of running an electrical current into where the matter was running amuck. If electricity stuns the cancer tentacles, why use the elaborate guns? Shock it with cattle prods.
Make a suit that emits an electrical charge and neutralize the matter.
The matter's abilities were never properly explained. Number one rule of monster movies is to clearly define what the monster can and cannot do. I would buy the mysterious qualities of the matter. The fact that the divers had "evidence" of how to handle the matter dispels that. What about fire? Maybe I missed the part where the matter is impervious to flames? That's a mortal monster movie sin. Always clearly define your monster's capabilities. The movie "Alien" did that and the alien was still scary and mysterious. Everytime the divers fired a weapon I was in disbelief if it would work.
Throughout the show the divers had special deliveries of custom ammo delivered to them. The matter they faced was new, dangerous and there was no evidence to combat it.
Once they reached "pry-mary point-uh" all that stopped. Except that I think they were facing new matter. Maybe I missed something? I was eating smarties near the end of the series.
The show does an awesome job of showing actual military equipment. The tank was either a type 10 or type 90 MBT. There were type 270 MLRS and the M110 self propelled howitzer. It is always cool to see real equipment in anime.
The series was good. The story was confusing. But I suspect most sci fi animes are supposed to have weird endings. Neon Genesis Evangelion has a strange ending. If you can forgive it's flaws the show is great biological crisis sci-fi.
Bushwick (2017)
This is how a post apocalypse starts...
There was lots of off the rack hockey and football gear on the militias. It was almost a road warrior off shoot.
This was a great film. I am from South Carolina. The premise was not thrilling to me. Then again, Pennyslvania seceded. I think one civil war was enough.
The film captured what New York would look like if it was a war zone. At first the film was very cynical in it's view of people lacking law and order. By the end everyone was helping everyone escape. There were no racial lines or classes. Thr main character Gentiles helped a wounded Jew. It really showed the full spectrum of human decency / depravity.
The film was not without flaws. Please bear in mind I am not trying to bash the film like a self-entitled Hipster Millenial who has YET to write a masterpiece screenplay. A lot of work went into making this and I acknowledge that. Good job, guys (zero sarcasm).
Okay. The Marine guy Stupe said he was a medic in the Corps. Huh? The Navy supplies the Marines with medics (Corpsmen). The Marines are actually a part of the Navy. That's why Marine stands for (M)y (A)$$ (R)ides (I)n A (N)avy (E)scort. This is fantasy. Maybe in this universe the Marines train their own medics? Or maybe Marine Force Recon has their own medics? I accept that. But i suspect that the writers made a goof. It is forgivable.
The one big plot hole that baffled me was when the crazy black woman held the girl's sister hostage. She forced Stupe and the blonde gal to go recruit people from the local church down the street. Her son would provide the guns while the "white folks" would provide the warm bodies. The sister would be returned after the two parties met up at the laundromat. The mom said that a black person wouldn't make it to the church without being shot.
Okay. It may be true that people of differing ethnic groups are afraid to go into certain parts of New York City. That's why you move AWAY as soon as possible (and unwittingly avoid the doctrinal speaking, selflessly motivated zealots who invade your neighborhood). Racial paranoia is definitely real. While watching this scene unfold i asked myself this: "Are black people really afraid of being shot by white people?". Isn't it the other way around? I think white people are better known for being / causing serial killers, genocides, mass bombings and shootings. Unless we are talking about mountain folk in East Tennessee, white people generally only shoot people who break into their house. This whole scene would have made more sense if it was a crazy white lady doing it. I think I am missing a key geographical and cultural tidbit from New York culture that makes this scene work.
The point here is that the lady had an irrational fear. The whole premise broke down when Stupe and the blonde gal were pushed back onto the street. There was a giant mob of neighbors walking through the street. Why go all the way to the church to get people? Use your neighbors, crazy lady. The whole plan fell apart and the sister ended up being okay. The story didn't have much plot. It was a decent idea, but it wasn't very realistic.
The one theme throughout the entire film is the chaos of an urban environment. The director did an amazing job making the skirmishes believable. I did take issue with how inaccurate the bad guys were. The bad guys were in cover with weapons braced. They fired on a mob running down The street. I assume they were highly trained. They definitely were well armed. That mob would have been cut down. It could be that the BGs were not expecting resistance and left the heavy weapons at home. That makes little sense to me as an Army Veteran. To quote the Kentucky kid "We were following orders". This may be why they left their heavy weapons at home. The BG's intelligence said they shouldn't have much resistance (I wonder if that has to do with New York almost seceding during the civil war).
Since most of a platoon's firepower and killing ability come from their squad support weapons that may be why the mob was able to run a-muck. In real life, dumb a$$es that run through established fields of fire IN THE OPEN get killed. The movie was very lethal. It should have been more lethal in the giant mob scenes. My take away is the militia were highly motivated with high morale but inadequately trained.
The few talking scenes do a great job showing the character's humanity. You get it all from the slutty sister, the Hasidic Jews battling the militia, the market owner, the sleazy gangster types, the overwhelmed priest &c. Stupe's story is particularly hard on the feelings.
This is a great film to watch. It's flaws are minor. Bushwick is one of the top 5 films i have seen in 2017. Recommended!
Little Sister (2016)
Ain't got nun, don't want nun, never gonna get nun...
I thought to myself after reading the Netflix description:"A goth chick? Alright, I am ready to hear Emperor, Mayhem, Celtic Frost and other great Black Metal bands!"
Boy, was i disappointed. The music was pretty lame. I believe there was some Misfits in there. I never cared for them though. The song the nun girl danced to while murdering babies was just awful. That was a really weird scene too. What was going on there?
Throughout the movie the brother plays his drum kit. I was hoping for some brutal double bass drum action and other metal drums. Nope, there was none of that.
I have what is probably an unrealistic idea that all Goth girls wear thongs. The main gal's underwear drawer didn't have any of that. All it had was a bunch of socks. Another disappointment added to the list.
Other than the music choices "Little Sister" is a cute movie. I can relate to the brother as I am an Army vet who has seen combat. Thankfully I was not wounded or disfigured like him. But that sense of hopelessness and uncertainty about life after the military was handled accurately. His desire to not be called a hero is understandable. I was never called a hero. But I always felt weird when people thanked me in the airport, etc. I definitely appreciate the support (look back to Vietnam). I always thought: "Why are you thanking me? I am just doing my job. The character's situation was different from mine. But I suspect most veterans feel the way the brother feels.
This movie also educates about the Catholic Church and the Nunhood. I had No idea there were so many different outfits. My mind always goes to Julie Andrews in "The Sound of Music".
The main character's desire to help her brother is nice. I wish everyone was like her. This is a decent film. It had a few minor flaws. Did the brother and his sister's friend have a sexy time? What happened to the brother's fiancé and her adult chatting sexy time? Did the Nun get into trouble for eating pot cupcakes and drinking beers? Did she get in trouble for disobeying her Mother Superior? I have been watching Borat lately. Very nice! High five! Maybe all these loose ends are smoothed over by the viewer in their imagination?
Recommended.
Embers (2015)
This movie is about fish.
Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be a fish? This movie is an experiment that does that. Humanity is infected with a virus that destroys memory. Different people have mild to severe memory loss. One character forgot who he was talking to and had to rediscover the little girlboy he just met.
I couldn't finish this film. It was about as annoying as "Rubber". I had my doubts when that guy gadded about with the umbrella. The lady living in the house with all the toys was to much. She had cereal of Sweet Tarts for breakfast!
It was to much. Nothing was happening. I know that was the point of the film. This is not a movie. It is a social experiment about fish people. They all have attention spans of about 7 seconds.
I can't recommend this movie to anyone but hipsters that want to watch an anti-movie.
Terminus (2015)
Space Artichokes save the human race. * Lots of Spoilers*
This was a really great film. The background is that America is embroiled in an awful war with Iran. True to reality, Iran has nuclear weapons. The threat of nuclear war is imminent. The movie is about an alien space artichoke communicating telepathically with a man. He is told through his late wife (he couldn't handle a giant alien artichoke talking to him in his dreams. "Contact" has already established this) that he needs to build a cement mixer and put then space artichoke inside of it. It actually ends up being a reverse incubator that preserves a man, a woman and one space artichoke that contains all the DnA for every life form in earth. Nuclear war comes and goes. After fallout is over the cement mixer opens up and humanity starts again via Adam and Eve mk 2.
I really liked this movie. The characters were believable and slightly tragic. The Australian director really portrayed American small town red necks well. Maybe Antipodean rednecks have similar qualities?
The are a few glaring loopholes in the plot that are resolved in the ending of the movie. The war in Iran is dealt with like the very unpopular Vietnam conflict. A disabled veteran is spit on by a redneck. It was very powerful and shocking. The vet was protesting the war. That may have been why he was spit upon. The war results in 23 soldiers KiA daily. It is a very grim situation.
The movie was not perfect. I gave it eight stars for the humanity and the reality of the situation in the film. The bad guy was fairly flat in motivation (just like Negan). If you read this before the film you just ruined the entire movie. I still recommend watching it. It was great science fiction.
The Survivalist (2015)
As brutal as it gets!
Wow. What a great film. This is a post- apocalyptic movie that I grade a "medium fantasy" universe. "The Road" and the Mad Max films are "Low Fantasy". There is no functioning government. Supplies of all kind are fought over viciously. It's awful. "The Postman", "Hardware" "Blade Runner 2049" and "Jericho" are "High Fantasy". This has the trappings of an apocalyptic event but humanity managed to survive it. There is access to food, electricity, sanitation, &c. Stable governments still exist. There are some films that are hybrids of the different classifications. The Mad Max films are technically a low setting. But they are also a high setting due to a warlord ruling through power, fear and pig poop. "The Survivalist" lacks both elements needed for survival... but the environment and ecosystem still exist. There are still is a way to survive. It's a "Medium fantasy" post apocalyptic setting.
Man, this movie is bleak. There is no musical score. I keep thinking there was because my brain is conditioned to hear music during movies. I loved the fact there was almost no music though. I hate those commercials that use music to sway fickle human sentiment. The awful situation should produce a humane response on it's own merit. Life doesn't have a soundtrack. Or maybe I am not listening for it.
This lack of music makes the entire movie very grim. It's pretty dark in places. There's lots of nudity too. But it is story telling nudity and not gratuitous. I suspect the director intentionally avoided showing the young gal full frontal on purpose. There's plenty of Richard swinging around and old lady nudity (Rembrandt fans rejoice). If you are offended by nudity I would suggest passing this film by.
This film almost got a 8 or 9 because of how brutal the abortion scene was. The entire emotional center of the film was revealed when the girl read the awful human atrocity book: "The inhumanity of man against man" and a bunch of horrible death pictures. Oh, and the abortion scene is the only time you get to see female genitalia. I may be reading into the author's intention (for some reason "Eye- So-Gee-Sis" is a forbidden word on IMDb) by saying this. I think the way females were handled in this film strengthens the inhumanity of man theme. How callous must a man be to mistreat the progenitor of life (broads) *joke*
If you are a post apocalyptic movie fan this is a great watch. If you want a film to enjoy with the pg-13 girlfriend... watch "Trolls" instead (which is a great film in it's own right).
Alienate (2016)
Movies are hard to make.
I like to watch these kinds of films. I don't consider myself a filmophile or a movie buff. My movie shelf would have Troll, The Critters Anthology, the Leprechaun anthology, most of the Ernest movies, Rock and Rule, Gremlins, &c. I struggled with this film. It was boring. And the actors were not very convincing. David ran into a shell shocked man walking down the road. It seemed to contrived to be believable. The crazy farmer guy forgot to lock the back door? Okay, maybe he is a veteran with a head injury that affects his short term memory. I doubt it. The first thing any back country, good ole boy would do is load his arsenal, pick his favorite firearm and sidearm and knife and backup pistol and then bolt down the house. Why do writers do such lazy things? There were probably lots of budget restraints. One suggestion is very simple. The farmer could say "Oh no. It busted the lock on the back door!".
The same thing happened in "Aliens. The survivors forgot to seal the ceiling ducts alongside all the other barricades. You would think Ripley would have had some idea about that from being on starships with labyrinthine corridors and space age tubes (Um, a pipe? Yeah, one of those). But that was a more believable mistake. Maybe the back door bit was a big joke on set? The movie does a decent job of showing David's humanity as he longs to see his wife. I find it funny that Mormon Salt Lake is almost completely overrun by the "Enemy Mine" knockoff aliens. Alien invasion is probably not on the list of things to prepare for as a good Mormon. The scene where David runs towards his wife while people run away and marines fight the aliens is so unbelievable. There aren't that many black people in Salt Lake City in such close proximity. The casting person should have gotten some Pacific islanders for that part. Oh wait. The extras were running in terror with blank expressions on their face. Nope. That wouldn't have worked either.
The end running scene was comical. No human soldiers fired a single shot but a guy was reloading for like 45 seconds. All the running extras did not like scared for their lives. They had a "light jogging" face.
I know i am joking about the movie. I get it's tough to make a film. It's a lot of work. The writer tried to go for the human angle instead of the big picture. The problem is that there needed to be more big picture to develop the world. David did not once ask the road crew or soldiers why all the roads were blocked (I don't remember him doing that). Anyone experiencing that would ask that question. The scope of the film failed to portray an alien invasion. This movie made David look like a self-absorbed person who doesn't really care about the world outside of his problems. People were dying around him and all he could think about was finding his cheating wife. The movie's thumbnail shows a gunner shooting a 240 out the back of a Chinook. That never happened. What did anything in the movie have to do with the name "Alienate"? Was it because David was alienated from the chaos around him? Or maybe Alienate is a verb and used in the same context as "Inseminate". The aliens "alienated" the planet when they invaded.
I give this film an A for effort... but a C+ for application. There are better films out there. Only watch this if You are a die-hard alien invasion fan.
Black Road (2016)
The main character gets lots and lots of action!
This movie is a lifetime made for TV movie with a science fiction twist. I consider this a high setting post apocalyptic film. There is no real government, supplies are in easy access, and society still functions to some extent. If I could think of one thing that stands out in this film it is the lack of music. It gives the movie a very surreal quality. I have not seen many noir films. That could be a common quality in them. I keep thinking about that Scandanivian film maker who didn't use music. It is a nice touch.
Another thing about this film is how much booty the main character gets. He gets laid at least three or four times. The way some of The scenes cut it looks like the director edited out the porn bits or did some B unit footage to mask them. Who knew a cybernetic brain would accomplish all That? This is what guys need to be irrestible to the ladies! I suspect this film may be way more bawdy in its original cut. Wonga wonga! Va va va vooommm.
Another thing i thought was cool about this movie was how the director Dealt with the high tech, sci fi stuff. The actors talk about like it is second hand knowledge. That makes perfect sense because whenever i use a cell phone I do not talk through the history of the telephone. I just use it. That is the way the super sci fi stuff is handled. It was very organic and believable.
The beach scenes reminded me of "The Goonies". One shot in particular looks like the same rock formation from that R. Donner film.
I would give this movie a chance. It is a decent flick. I did not get the ending at all. Well, I have an idea of what happened. Once again it shows how well the tech in the film was handled. I think more sci fi films need to be done in this fashion. Minimalism is a really great thing. If Lifetime made more female drama movies in sci fi settings I would give them a watch. I hope you are reading this lifetime.
The Rocky Horror Picture Show: Let's Do the Time Warp Again (2016)
Does it need to be done again?
I want to be fair. The movie had a lot of talent. It had a 20 million dollar budget according to IMDb. I felt I successfully avoided holding the remake up to a filter of the original film. Sometimes it's not fair to do that to a film. I liked the costumes. Riff Raff, Eddie and Columbia were cast well. The guy who played Brad also did a good job. Columbia stole the show for me. When she was wearing the nurse's HäT and face mask I could not stop laughing. It was so amusing. There were a few funny parts. For instance, Dr. Scott breaks the 4th wall during dinner. Brad looks at him with confusion. It was a funny moment. Janet struggling with her gloves was also funny.
Like everyone else, I had misgivings about this piece. The Transylvanians were plain awful. Even Hot Topic isn't that tacky. The dance choreography felt forced. It didn't flow very well or convey the emotion of the song. The dancers didn't really look like they enjoyed doing it. It was just a paycheck. The live band was unnecessary. I respect the talent involved. The pianist' s tribute to Prince's Grand Funkiness was cool though. The band members looked out of place with the other Transylvanians. Magenta was just bad. The actress' Russian accent fluctuated to much. Magenta is supposed to be a very mild, mellow character. The crazy overacting was out of place. The director totally missed the point with Magenta. V. Justice was hot, but she was awful as Janet. Her singing was to good for the show. The performance during "Touch me lacked any sleaziness. Then again, Rocky doesn't know How to be sleazy and neither does Janet. Maybe the actors portrayal of a virgin and a clueless monster groping each other was executed with perfect awkwardness. Other than that V.Justice was just a pretty face. The gal who played Frank was mediocre at best. Her facial expressions worked fairly well. I think T.Curry was much better with his subtle, disinterested performance. I acknowledge how hard it is to reprise a role that was originally done by a master. If she is a transvestite, she should have been wearing men's clothing. Ugh. That's the main problem with this remake. All the characters (with a few exceptions) overact. They tried to hard. The brilliance of the original film was that the actors didn't act. It was subtle and understated. This film was so cheesy and overdone. I'll give another example where less is actually more. In "The Empire Strikes Back" Boba Fett was far more intimidating than Jango. It wasn't what he did, it was what he was capable of doing. He was so calm and menacing. T.Curry's Frank sold me because of what he was willing to do. He had so much presence on screen. Since Frank is that decadent with hedonistic virtue, he doesn't have to flaunt it. He didn't dream it, he did it. I didn't care for the movie watchers. My favorite part of the film is when Frank says "Anticipation". Man, that was butchered in this version. They didn't add anything. Though the ticket gal was a nice touch (she was in the original London performance from what another reviewer said). The music was horrible. It felt really commercial. The same thing Happened to Black Flag after Henry Rollins joined the band. Riff Raff and Eddie did decent performances. I am fine with reprisals if they are done well. What happened here? I gave the film a 3 out of 10. I wanted to be fair. I believe that is one of the higher ratings on IMDb. I think it's worth a watch if you're a fan. It will make you appreciate the original even more. Every fan should see it once so they don't feel left out when others disparage it. Put this movie next to your other cheesy science fiction movies. It'll be at home next to Leprechaun, Troll, Critters, Tremors, David Lynch's Dune, Death Race 2000 and all those classic 50's and 60's sci fi films.
The Garbage Pail Kids Movie (1987)
Give it a chance before you condemn
I need to set the stage for this movie and I. I grew up with all the 80's franchises. I consider myself a "Reagan Xer". That means I was a little kid from 80-86. My cousin is two years older than I. He said this movie was super funny. I made a mental note to watch it. It was never on TV and was hard to find at the video store. I finally got to watch it at the age of 36. Most of the charm had gone. The movie is set in a dystopian society where the everyone has become obsessed with looking good. Everyone goes to fashion shows to see the latest hedonistic looks. The old, silly, hairy and crippled are rounded up by a special police force and placed into rejects in the "State Home for the Ugly". Its fairly extreme with the ugly eventually beING crushed in garbage compactors or experimented on by amoral scientists. The streets are run by gangs. They force young girls to make designer clothes and sell them at night. This doesn't appear to be that bad. The female lead (Tangerine) wants to be a fashion designer. Beauty is all that matters. A local gang also harasses a kid because they can. What else do you expect thugs to do? The police are nowhere to be seen. If you need help you go to the "Toughest Bar in the World" to recruit some bikers. The story is about beauty coming from inside and not the superficial. While the GpKs are "too gross" they are great friends and good people. For the most part they live up to their names. The greaser is a greaser complete with a switch blade. There is a gassy kid, a snotty kid, a weird tweedle dee clone, a toe eating alligator, a zit faced weak bladder kid and a girl who regurgitates playing cards and finally in the coup DE grace lots of vomit. While gross, they help the kid in the movie willingly by making crazy 80's fashions. This is a major contrast from the luscious Tangerine. She takes advantage of the kid at every moment *SPOILER* and betrays the GpKs and the kid. There is a lot of goofy dialogue and stupid jokes. But there are also lots of funny little tidbits you miss at first glance. The basement wall has a picture of the witch and her warlock husband from Troll. And I am pretty sure the green critter from Ghoulies was added to the picture. Although it could be a goblin from Troll. The Garbage Pail Kids occur in the same universe as Troll and Ghoulies! Who knew? Tangerine is always wearing a new, garish outfit. The sewer scene has a network of pipes that are labeled. One of the labels says "CIA". Every time I watch I see something new that I missed.
Many people have said this movie is terrible. Yes, it is pretty bad. The movie does have a good Morale of accepting others unconditionally. There are parts that are really gross. Yet I feel the movie offers something to someone who enjoys unpolished movies. It's worth a watch. Once you get past how repulsive the GpKs are the movie grows on you. This movie is also a rare example of how unpolitically correct the 80's was. It was in my opinion the best time to be a kid. What movie has pissing, vomiting, farting and a chick in slinky dresses in it that is okay for kids? Well, maybe it's not okay for kids. I think this movie deserves a place on the shelf next to "Pee Wee's Big Adventure", "The Goonies", "The Explorers" and other awesome movies from the best decade to be a little kid. If you disagree I have one thing to say. I played with toy guns that looked real and made machine gun noises. That beats waving around a foam sword.