hothotheat3000 Reviews

Shoot 'Em Up (2007)

Utterly ridiculous. That's a compliment!

[7/10 · 4 September 2007]

This is one of THOSE films. You know, one where you sit staring at the screen thinking, "There's no way he could do that!" "How can he survive that?" "What in the WORLD?!". If you can get past the RIDICULOUS plot and the thick accents that will prevent you from understanding every word, you might have a pretty good time. The kills and gunplay are beautifully orchestrated, like a dance. And, unlike some films I've seen lately(lookin' at you, Jason Bourne), shaky camera is nowhere to be found here, letting you get a good look at the craziness going on. I thought Clive Owen was great as the badass hero, but I was a bit bummed that Monica Bellucci was just the token hotness and nothing more. That woman can act, but here she's just poured into corset tops and leather skirts and made to run about screaming. Paul Giamatti is GREAT as the sarcastic baddie, and his one-liners are extremely funny. The movie is pretty short, the plot gets incomprehensibly stupid in the middle act(try not to cry out HUH? when they explain why the government wants to kill that baby), and I had a hard time with Bellucci's accent, but I'd still recommend this to anyone who was disappointed this summer by an emo Spiderman or a gay pirate.

Grindhouse (2007)

Crazy as hell....and I LOVED IT!

[10/10 · 3 April 2007]

Let me preface this by saying that I love Tarantino and Rodriguez, but this movie looked beyond weird to me. I got the chance to go to a sneak screening near my college, so I checked it out. I was promptly blown away. This is an outrageous, violent, sexy flick that is definitely NOT FOR KIDS. For God's sake, please leave your children at home, mommies and daddies. Rose McGowan sexes up the screen as Cherry Darling in the first segment, Planet Terror. This segment is the most violent and the entertaining. I had a ball watching zombies mutilate everything in their path. The second segment, Death Proof, isn't as crazy, but still has Kurt Russell as a homicidal maniac. Kurt will see a big career boost thanks to this movie. He's a ball to watch, and his comeuppance had my theater screaming with delight. This is the best movie of the year, even better than 300, which I ADORED. GO SEE IT!!!

The Reaping (2007)

This movie is a friggin' plague on humanity

[1/10 · 2 April 2007]

You know it's a problem when the audience screaming obscenities at the screen is more entertaining than the movie. My college just had a sneak preview of this movie, and the best thing that I can say about it is that it was free. This movie has a very cool premise: a backwoods hick town in Louisiana is experiencing the biblical plagues after the mysterious death of a young boy. First and foremost, what the hell was Hilary Swank thinking? I know Oscar-winning actresses have a track record for doing crappy movies(looking at you, Halle), but this role was WAY beneath her. Running around dodging dead frogs and engaging in the most laughable sex scene since Underworld:Evolution isn't going to score her points. She's the only name actress in this, and I pity these other suckers if they thought that doing a movie about crappy CGI bloody rivers and flames from the sky would advance their careers. There are some legit jump moments, but anybody would jump at loud, shrieking music. The ending produced massive groans of disbelief and "that's stupid!" in my theater, and I guarantee the three people who pay to see this will regret it as well. don't say I didn't warn you.

The Covenant (2006)

All points bulletin:DON'T SEE THIS MOVIE!!!

[1/10 · 10 September 2006]

This is, hands down, the worst movie that I have ever seen in a movie theater. The place was packed, and it was dead silent. People were so bored. The best part was when someone in the theater let out a rip-roaring fart and the place burst out laughing. This movie is just god awful. The special effects are crappy, the "actors" are dreadful, and the ending is a pathetic setup for a sequel that, if the box office is any indication, will not be happening. Also, what's up with all the homo eroticism in this flick? From the guys walking around sweaty and shirtless, to the villain KISSING the hero completely out of the blue, this movie just sucks. It makes so sense, and I hope to God that I've convinced you not to see this piece of GARBAGE. You've been warned.

King Kong (2005)

Cried my EYES out!

[7/10 · 15 December 2005]

This movie was even better than I'd hoped. Yes, it is a bit long, and I was getting antsy after 40 minutes without so much as a glance at Skull Island, but the second and tragic third act more than made up for it. Everyone involved in this movie should really be proud of themselves. I never thought I would be so brokenhearted over the death of a CGI ape, but I was. And man, what a death. That scene gave me a serious case of vertigo. Wow. But all of it was wonderful, especially Naomi Watts as Ann and Andy Serkis as Kong. I wish the film had more of them together. I could care less about Jack Black. Hopefully, there will be an extended DVD, but I have no real complaints. Excellent flick. GO SEE IT!