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DrMongol
Reviews
Home Improvement (1991)
As a small Asian boy....
(Warning, several plot spoilers later on in the review).
"I can't give birth." - Tim "Big Booty Booty" Taylor.
I can't believe that the black guy in this smash American television series is also the actor that plays the Host of Family Feud. This connection between genres is never revealed to the public, and therefore the symbolism of networks is obscured and wilted. The foggy captioning of the next door neighbor's (Wilson) hidden black face proves to be a direct proportion to the communistic views of both JFK and Airbud.
Tim Allen and Tim Steck play the perfect husband and wife couple in this series, and they are perfectly cast as writer Warrent Chafers casts them into a new and unknown episode every week long end OK? The show is currently on it's 28th season, and holds the record for the longest running action series in the world, just barely beating Doctor Who (an England and Londonese smash hit from London or someplace). Sweet Jesus Fisher! There's more to this excellent 6 star review? How about a mini-chimney for your pleasure.
I must admit, my favorite episode was the Christmas episode starring Brian the elf, a skinny Italian mobster who held Tim's family hostage and proceeded to beat and kill everyone in the neighborhood. The episode ended with young Tim waking up in a pool of liquor, while giving birth to thousands of dead wolf spiders.
After playing this video game for a smooth 4 days, I realized that no two episodes were the same, and neither were the antics of Tim and his morbidly obese partner, Allerns. The children also play a detrimental success to the everliving societal marks on this golden mullet populous, the epitome of the ideal human male. The epic score by Danny Elfman brings tears to my eyes as the opening credits roll and the camera pans out to show a battle-hardened Tim standing stark-naked against the European sunset gazing out over the bodies of the brave men who fought and died to end the oppressive reign of the German dictator, Allerns.
In conclusion, I longingly await the conclusive 30th season to this American classic, and reflect upon the great moments that made this show so memorable.
Home Improvement moments of great justice for life OK? - Tim Allen falling face first into the ice hole in that ice hole episode.
- The dramatic death of the black guy in that ice hole episode.
- Tim and Allerns traveling back to the 1920's and sparking the rise of Nazism.
- The entire 20th season (most importantly the BattleStar Galactica crossover).
- Golden Mullet - Proficient drug use in season 17.
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- The birth of baby Brian.
- One of the camera men having a life ending Ulcer, and having it accidentally spliced into the 4th season.
- The dramatic death of Allerns in that ice hole episode.
- The dramatic reincarnation of Allerns.
"The best animated film of the year!" - New York Times
Kazaam (1996)
I feel enlightened after watching this movie (in the good way, not the naked after a party way).
I remember watching this film as a semi-retarded adolescent and not enjoying it due to the vague underlying themes that flew over my head at such a young age. However, last week, passing this movie in the Blockbuster Mega-Discount bin, I decided to re-watch it and see if my opinion has changed.
(I tried to keep this review as spoiler free as possible, without losing some of the movie's flair. I feel I have succeeded) I must say, spending that 2.50$ plus tax was the greatest decision of my pitiful and shameful life. In the 5 days I have had the VHS, I have watched this film at least 15 times, I unfortunately lost track after blacking out naked on my carpet on the 2nd day. This movie goes down in history as one of the 5 greatest drama sequels of all time, and If I had to put a rating on it's comedy factor, I would give it 4 thumbs way up. I found myself laughing throughout the entire film, calling my friends and family to repeat jokes I had heard. The casting in this film is absolutely excellent, with Shaq leading the performance like a Frenchman in a yogurt factory. The story revolves around a genie named Shaq, and a small Italian boy named Max. Upon finding a magic stereo player, Max discovers a small black genie living inside, and offers to give him a place to sleep and eat for a week. Ironically, this is where the theme of pedophilia comes into play, with multiple scenes of Max and Shaq showering together and close up shots of them smiling. I hate to repeat myself, but as a child, I understood nothing about this subject. However, as a fleshy man, I see it in a new and blinding light.
There are several moments throughout the play where the development of the characters and storyline drag, but the rest of the film certainly make up for it. The end is griping, and keeps me on the edge of my seat every time I watch it. At the same time, I cry when the credits roll and long to see Shaq's black face one more time (of course, I will rewind the movie at this point and watch it over again).
On a final note, this movie is almost perfect in every aspect. This is the epitome of what a Hollywood blockbuster should be. The casting is amazing, the special effects are mind-blowingly realistic and stunning, the fully orchestrated soundtrack fits the mood perfectly and amplifies the experience. If I were to put a grade on this, I would have to give it a 9/10, losing a point because of the slight nudity (i'm not the biggest fan, but I won't say no!). But, this is not a movie to be rated, it is a movie to be bought, watched, and enjoyed. Do yourself a big favor and buy this movie, your taste buds will thank you.
Yi tin to lung gei: Moh gaau gaau jue (1993)
Subtitles.... . ..
Jet Li's performance in this martial arts classic is superb. None of his other films come close to this. I was especially blown away by the incredible subtitles in this feature. I'm just so tired of bad dubbing...it's not that funny, leave it to mxc. The team-up of Jackie Chan with Chris Tucker was awesome. They have great chemistry together. Jackie's high-flying stunts combined with Tucker's urban lingo is perfect. I did not approve of Bruce Lee's cameo however. It's a slap in the face to feature him in a film in which he is not the main actor. I'm eagerly awaiting the sequel which is set for filming in July '04. I wish they made movies like this where I come from. It gets so darn lonely in my basement. Movies like this keep me from committing suicide.
House of the Dead 2 (2005)
One of the best zombie movies in years...
I don't understand why people don't like this movie. It has babes, guns, and zombies. What more can you ask for in a SciFi original. It might not be as good as the Uwe Boll original, but it's still one of the best zombie movies in years. This film features both great sfx and acting, and it easily tops Shaun Of The Dead and other mundane recent attempts at the zombie genre. I don't understand how people can dislike the storyline. The town is overrun with flesheating creatures, how cool is that? The scene in which the commando is sliced to pieces by the lasers in the hallway is priceless and will go down in cinema history as one of the coolest scenes ever. However, it might not be as good as the zombie classic Mrs. Doubtfire.
Glass Trap (2005)
This movie saved my life.
I just watched this fine piece of entertainment and I must say that it's one of the best films that I have seen in a very long time. The premise is truly original. It features some great performances by veteran actors and even C. Thomas Howell! The special effects were truly mind-blowing and unique. It's so refreshing to see a movie without the use of CGI these days. I can't praise this film enough. Do yourself a favor and go see it. Earlier in the day I was contemplating suicide, but when I flipped to the Sci-Fi channel and started watching Glass Trap I remembered how great life really is. Glass Trap saved my life, it could save yours too. rofl