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Game of Thrones: The Iron Throne (2019)
It's finally over.
It's ironic how Tyrion went on a speech about how stories don't die, in the culmination of this one's demise.
Game of Thrones, the Broken. D&D's massacre is finally over.
Game of Thrones: The Bells (2019)
I'm not even mad anymore
I'm just disappointed at this point. I took my sweet time watching ep.5 and I got hit by a few spoilers because of that. It was a strange feeling. I didn't care. Had this happened pretty much at any point in time prior to S8E3, I would've been all kinds of mad. Now, I didn't even care anymore.
That's what the writers of this show managed to do. They destroyed 8 years in 3 weeks. But regardless, we're here to talk about ep5.
So what is there to say? As always, the cinematography is amazing. Makes you imagine what would have been if the writing were half as good.
Stupidity now reigns over Westeros in ways you'd have thought impossible just a month ago. I kept on waiting for Tyrion to do something smart that would somehow justify all his recent failures. Nope. He's apparently lost half is brain, offscreen, somewhere.
The battle tactics of this episode do not disappoint (in that they're just as remarkable cretinous as Winterfell).
Danny's military genius can be witnessed in the throne room. "You'll know when the time is right". So now there's her entire army, with her most trusted generals on the front line, formed just outside of an entire battlement of Scorpions and Archers, well within firing range. You'd think someone would grow half a brain and give a firing order, but no. Speaking of orders, is literally anyone commanding the defense effort?
Meanwhile, Danny's master plan is to dive head first into the Iron fleet. The same fleet that sniped one of her dragons out of the sky not one episode ago. The same maneuver she could have done while they were reloading (AND VULNERABLE) as said dragon was sniped, she decides to do now. But that's irrelevant, because Legendary Plot Armor.
Imagine if her dragon gets injured. Not killed, but injured. Those scorpions are well capable of doing that as seen in the last episode. One injury is all it takes and her entire main force is basically facing an executing line. They'd have lost it all based on one stupid decision. But this still pales in comparison to the E3 Dothraki Charge.
The Golden Company marches outside the gates. At this point I can't even be bothered. You don't do that during a siege. It's not even a damn siege. The attackers don't even have a single ladder. They have 1 dragon that's putting it's life in mortal danger fighting the only things that can counter it.
Armor is still as abstract of a concept as ever. The hound bounces off of Gregor's plate swing after swing.. and then he pierces it right through as if it were a piece of paper. What even is that thing anyway? Why is it blindly following every command right up until Sandor shows up? Was there still something human there? Ah but here I am asking questions about The Mountain as if the NK thing didn't happen.
Danny is officially a tyrant now. Varys says that the Gods flip a coin in regard to every Targeryen. I guess he was talking about D&D's decision making process and how they write this show nowadays.
Nothing makes sense, nothing is congruent, and nobody understands a thing. Season 8 feels like a very poorly written spin-off that starts about when the real GoT S7 ends,
Game of Thrones: The Last of the Starks (2019)
Guess GoT means Game of Teleportation now.
Where to even start.
I honestly cringe every time Danny portrays some of her newly acquired tyrant traits. I just don't understand. Why? Nothing in her character arc justifies it.
You know what does though? bad writing.
Party scene was meh yet somewhat enjoyable thanks to Tormund mainly. Last episode was terrible and probably the biggest disappointment in TV history, but this episode was the first time I ever felt as if I was watching a cheap soap opera while viewing GoT. It's play-by-play Hollywood mediocrity.
> Step 1. Achieve important victory.
> Step 2. Remember Danny has a dark side, aaaand Immediately create artificial drama because people like Jon.
It's laughable. It's the definition of bad. it is a pure insult.
You let the reveal between Jon, Bran, Sansa and Arya happen offscreen. What more do people need to understand what this show has become? That is what you do when you're incapable of coming up with something that's not trash for a change. Because it's the kind of scenario that requires some actual, good writing. You can't very well kill a dragon (or an entire Dothraki army) in every shot, can you? You can't. So just cut it. This would have NEVER happened in the first seasons. This WAS an important conversation. This NEEDED to be SEEN.
Good thing they swore secrecy though. Took Sansa a good 5 minutes or so to break.
Jon barely looks at Ghost. The Direwolf. That's barely bigger than a sheep. There's so much wasted potential there. Nothing compared to the King of wasted potential himself. Or was it Night King? Can't seem to remember, BECAUSE HE WAS GONE IN 50 OR SO MINUTES!
Then there's the ambush. If you think about the realism of that scenario you'll probably suffer a brain aneurysm.
- If Danny has access to Starbucks, the Ironborn must have access to some serious radar tech. Unless anyone else knows how they pinpointed the Allied Fleet's location?
- If a large group of ships can see you, you can see them. But let's ignore that.
- Those Scorpions are cool. Except that's class of weapon doesn't work like that. It is not a sniper rifle. It is not accurate. At all.
- First two shots are lasers. The next 15 or so miss. Why? Because it's convenient. That, or Raegal forgot his plot armor at home. Poor thing.
- The writers are stupid, therefore Danny needs to be stupid too. All shots missed. All their weapons are mounted on the front. Do you:
Why the hell did Tormund not end up with Brianne? I honestly believed the sentiment between her and Jaime always has been a bond of respect and admiration. Ah but what kind of soap opera would this be if they didn't ruin that one too.
Missandei gets teleported to Kings Landing. Yes, they've never seen her before, and yes, they know who she is. Shut up. Everyone else gets GoTeleported to shore. Which, you know, adds more insult to injury. If they were that close to enemy territory, why the hell is Danny flying in open sight?
I was mad before. I'm just disappointed now. Season 8 to Game of Thrones is what Mass Effect: Andromeda was to Mass Effect. A testament that any creation, not matter how loved, can be defiled and desecrated by the incompetence of the few, who for some god awful, unknown reason, call themselves writers.
I can only hope George R. R. Martin doesn't watch this season. He'd probably die of a bad heart if he did.
Game of Thrones: The Long Night (2019)
I saw this coming ever since Season 7.
Applause for the cast and crew. Fantastic job to them. Such a shame their incredible effort is literally annihilated by the absolute disgrace of mediocrity they call writing.
I honestly saw this coming ever since that episode in season 7, when Jon and Co. are surrounded by an army of wights only to have Danny do the clichee swoop in save. But hey, at least she lost a dragon, which enabled NK to bring down the wall. So it came at a big cost. And even SO, it still left a horrid taste. That's just not the kind of thing you expect from GoT. There are no clichee swoopsaves. People don't have plot armour. And not having plot armour is exactly why Jon's bringing back to life was so mysterious and interesting. That just does not happen in GoT, so why did it?
Well, it apparently happened so that he could yell at an undead dragon. That, and be generally useless in every other aspect of the final battle. I just don't get it. He basically orchestrated this alliance, only to aimlessly wonder around on a dragon for half the episode, time during which his army is getting decimated.
Not to mention he again gets clichee saved by Danny, while again surrounded by an entire army of wights.
- I'd be ok with this, if she then just flew off. But no, the writers are absolutely keen in insulting the masterpiece this show used to be and ALL IT'S AUDIENCE. For some very cheap drama points, dragon gets overwhelmed by wights and she falls off. Now she's surrounded by an army of wights.
- I'd be ok with this, if she at this point gets killed. I love her character, although I feel sub-par writing is slowly turning her into a tyrant for no real apparent reason. But she doesn't die, because it's her turn to strap on some Legendary Plot Armor and get clichee saved by none other than Lord Friendzone himself.
I'm not keen on seeing them die. But if you're going to put them in situations where they should die, then they need to die. But hey, 7 seasons in plot armor becomes a thing, so to hell with everything this show used to stand for, right?
Need I even mention battle tactics?
This is the biggest battle we've ever known. We have dragons and a castle. You know, that thing with big walls? yeah, that. So what do we do? Not fortify them. At all. The dead literally climb the walls at some point, because NOTHING was done to counter that. They have 0 defenses. No one thought some oil cauldrons would be useful to rain some fire down on climbers. I mean fire is only their biggest weakness, easy to forget after all. No one thought to spike the walls up with some dragonglass shards? Could that maybe be useful? Ofcourse not. Nevermind such nonesense. Lets instead roll our siege engines out to the, you guessed it, front lines. Ballistas, and you place them just in front of your Unsullied formations. I guess it shouldn't come as a surprise that the writers believe spears have a longer effective range than what are virtually artillery units. Christ...
Not to mention the outer fortifications. They had like one ditch, 5 feet from the castle walls no less, and some wooden spikes. Against the greatest threat the world has ever known. 10/10. A God damn sand castle build by an 8 year old is more defensible.
And the Dothraki. Oh dear God the Dothraki. I'm gonna give them points for the epic scenery though. Flaming swords were cool and the way they all get extinguished is bonechilling at least. Really got me on edge there, but that's simply because I wasn't expecting them ALL TO DIE for NO REASON. Cavalry skirmishes are a thing, and I honestly believed they'd be doing some sort of recon run by since the visibility wasn't that great. Nope. They just charge in and die. Who gives that order? You have MOUNTED shock troopers that can literally trample undead hordes and relieve pressure from ANY flank due to their exceptional mobility. You're also hopelessly outnumbered. You have no battle field visibility. So what do you do? Send them all to die. Why? Because it looks cool. That's GoT now.
Bran is useless. Wargs into some ravens to do nothing in particular. Then sits there for the rest of the battle, doing nothing in particular. Tells Theon he'll die, while continuing to do nothing in particular. Then NK gets gutted by Arya when she superhero jumps in, not two seconds later, time during which Bran does, you guessed it, nothing in particular.
Theon's redemption arc was cool. But he didn't die defending Bran. He basically speared himself into the NK. You wanna know who went out like a beast? Berric Dondarrion. Theon could very well had not moved a single muscle for like 5 more moments and he'd still be breathing.
You know what's the worst part? I'd be ok with her being hyper sneaky and getting the jump on NK like that. She's had years of assassin training, so sure, why not. But if you're trying to sell that point, DON'T SHOW HER FAILING AT IT JUST MOMENTS BEFORE. For the love of God she almost died trying to sneak though a damn library not 15 minutes prior.
NK is a disgrace. One of the most disappointing villains in the history of fiction. And that's purely by virtue of wasted potential. He was SO cool. Dude can one shot a damn dragon. All the mystery around him. Presumably EONS of battle experience and he never swings his sword once. Not ONCE, in 8 seasons. And worse still, doesn't even go out in a fight.
Every major character should have died. Every. Single. One. Because the writers put all of them in situations were death was inevitable. Why? to "subvert expectations" and create cheap emotional thrills.
Such a disgrace. Such a waste. And I'm supposed to care about what happens with Cersei now? Phhbt.
Imagine if Lord of the Rings killed off Sauron and then were like "Woah woah, hold up. There's still Saruman to worry about". Jesus Christ.
Ladies and gentleman, that's GoT now.
Travelers: 17 Minutes (2017)
What the hell was this?
I can't believe this episode made me create an account and leave my first ever review on imdb. This will contain some spoilers from the episode so keep that in mind.
I'm not even going to touch on the pure abuse of repetitive action this episode shoves down the audiences throats. I'm sure the other reviews touched on that already.
Here's the actual worst part.. This episode has completely ruined the entire series.
> Mac and his entire team dies.
> That means the Faction gets the meteor.
> That in turn means the tech leading to True AI was never discovered.
> That means that the Director from the future does not exist as we know it. (On a broad spectrum that means the agents themselves don't exist because time-travel paradox, but we're not going there)
> Non-existent Director STILL sends 9 agents back, regardless of him not existing, to save the team and itself from.. not existing. *slowclap*
How is the audience supposed to take this show seriously now? You've basically told us "Mac and his team are practically invincible and if anything ever goes wrong, we'll just redo the same scenario 15 different times until they survive because .. we can?"
Honestly, what's the point? Where's the tension? You're telling us the only limitation now is the team just not be in the middle of nowhere, so that someone - anyone literally - can be close enough to warn them?
Honestly, WHO WROTE THIS?
And why does the truck driver get an override? Why does the girl fail after some attempts? Why do the collide mid air every single time except the first?
I'm sorry but I could write an entire novel on what's fundamentally wrong with this episode. It's sad really. The actors are putting up a great performance and they do not deserve such a barbaric script to work with.