DannyP88 Reviews

Donnie Darko (2001)

Of Smurfettes, a wise Sparrow, and Sparkle Motion

[10/10 · 13 July 2023]

It's rare that a film leaves you in awe, resonating in your soul days, weeks, months, or even years later. "Donnie Darko" falls into that exceptional category.

Two of the hallmarks of a great film are sharp writing (with dialogue that makes you grin every time you recall it later) (think "My Cousin Vinny," "Moneyball" and "Real Genius"), and a supporting cast that holds its own (and then some) against the lead actors.

(See: Nick Offerman, Eugene Cordero, Alison Brie, Megan Mullally, Thomas Middleditch, Marc Evan Jackson, and, of course, Moises "Biaggio" Arias, in the 2013 movie "The Kings of Summer," a film that contains some of the wittiest improvised dialogue you'll ever hear.)

But, back to Donnie D: So many great lines, so many great scenes...

"How's it feel to have a wacko for a son?" ("It feels wonderful.")

"If the sky were to suddenly open up, there would be no law; there would be no rule. There would only be you and your memories."

"What are feces?" ("Baby mice.") "Aww..."

"Every creature on this earth dies alone."

"Smurfs are asexual."

"Why are you wearing that stupid bunny suit?" ("Why are you wearing that stupid man suit?")

"That's some good sh---, huh?" ("It's a f---ing cigarette.")

"Cellar door."

"No, I don't think about f---ing my family. That's gross."

and, of course:

"Sometimes I doubt your commitment to Sparkle Motion."

If you've never seen DD, it's best to go into it blind, without knowing a lot about the plot.

All I can say is that there are a handful of cult films that didn't break any box office records or win any Oscars, but which you can enjoy watching over and over and over again:

"Office Space," "The Rocky Horror Picture Show," "Escape From New York," "Empire Records," "Slap Shot," "Clerks," "Reservoir Dogs," "This is Spinal Tap," "Dazed and Confused," "Better Off Dead...," "The Princess Bride," "Monty Python and the Holy Grail," "Being John Malkovich," "The Lost Boys," "Napoleon Dynamite," "Billy Jack," "Eating Raoul," "The Kings of Summer" ... and "Donnie Darko."

And every single one of those films has razor-sharp dialogue and memorable supporting characters, who offer up lines like...

"What would you say... you do here?" ... "My vheels! My god, I can't move my vheels!" ... "Another one! You're the duke! You're the duke!" ... "Does Axl have a jack?" ... "Nailed him right in his mind!" ... "Do you have that one with that guy who was in that movie that was out last year?" ,.. "I don't tip because society says I have to." ... "You can't really dust for vomit." ... "Are you cool, man?" ("Like how?") ... "I want my two dollars!" ... "And wuv, true wuv, will fowow you foweva..." ... "Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries." ... "Lookin' great, Flo." ("Looking grateful?") ... "It's the attack of Eddie Munster!" ... "How much you wanna make a bet I can throw a football over them mountains?" ... "When was the last time you cut your hair?" ("When was the last time you brushed your teeth?") ... "Have you got the latest issue of 'Nuns and Nazis'?" ("Tuesday.") ... "Ah, sarcasm. The poor man's wit."

And, from "Donnie Darko":

"I promise that one day, everything's gonna be better for you." ("Chut up!")

House M.D.: Cane and Able (2006) Season 3, Episode 2

No cane, no gain

[10/10 · 13 July 2023]

According to Encyclopedia Britannica, the moral of the biblical tale of Cain and Abel is that "... God is a God of grace and second chances." In the "House" episode "Cane and Able," Dr. Gregory House gracefully accepts the renewed extreme pain in his leg, and pushes through his agony long enough to give his young patient Clancy Green -- brilliantly portrayed by a then-10-year-old Skyler Gisondo ("Vacation," "Time Freak," "Licorice Pizza") -- a second chance at a normal life. The writing, acting, direction, cinematography (credit: Gale Tattersall, also the cinematographer for films including "The Commitments" and "Pushing Tin"), and special effects in this episode are nothing short of incredible; notice, for example, how the aliens' eyes act as a mirror, perfectly reflecting the image of a terrified Clancy near the end of the episode. Also, the story arc regarding the well-intentioned lies propagated by Dr. Lisa Cuddy (Lisa Edelstein) and Dr. James Wilson (Robert Sean Leonard) -- and the realization that House doesn't need to be "humbled" in order to be a great doctor (as recognized by Dr. Allison Cameron) (Jennifer Morrison, never better) -- was extremely well-conceived (teleplay by series creator David Shore, Russel Friend, and Garrett Lerner), and perfectly portrayed by all concerned.

Spy School (2008)

Amateur hour

[1/10 · 18 June 2023]

There is this thing that amateur screenwriters do, and inept directors overlook: they forget how people actually talk. Elementary school children don't generally speak -- to each other, to parents, or to authority figures -- like they were reading passages from a Victorian-era novel. Stiff dialogue every once in a while can be overlooked... but when every... single... line... of... dialogue is cringeworthy, it leaves one stunned that the film's producers didn't just decide to turn "Spy School" (a/k/a "Doubting Thomas") into a parody (think "Airplane") and leave it at that. This cliché-riddled film is also very clumsy with its details; e.g., Did kids in 2008 really know who Joe Namath was? Would a coach only be addressing 8 of his players for his NFL pregame speech? Did kids in 2008 really use the word "crud?" Is it realistic (or even appropriate) for a teen girl to put the moves on a lead character who looks like he's about 9 years old? (In fact, the film seems to have been written with older teens in mind... again, pre-teens just don't act like they're super-concerned about painstakingly and properly enunciating every awkward syllable of the oh-so-long words and sentences they've been hired to regurgitate.) And the title? One-third of the way in to the film, and (mild spoiler) not a "spy" in sight. "Spy School" ("Doubting Thomas") is a tortuous watch.

Cocaine Bear (2023)

Not so bad it's good... so bad it's just bad.

[1/10 · 26 February 2023]

There are a million ways that "Cocaine Bear" might have worked... but this wasn't it. It's a comedy bereft of humor; a suspense film where every scene is predictable; a drama populated with the worst B-grade actors imaginable; and a horror film that doesn't seem to understand what actually makes a movie scary. The script is just awful, the pacing is all wrong, the direction is incompetent, and character development is virtually nonexistent. You don't care about what happens to anyone on the screen... so when someone else becomes bear chow, you just shrug and think about what you're doing tomorrow.

Explorers (1985)

Ed Sullivan references in a 1985 kids' film? Please.

[1/10 · 12 May 2022]

"Explorers" is just as cheesy, badly written and poorly directed as the 1950s-1960s-era Grade D sci-films that it references (and references, and references). The dialogue is wooden and anachronistic; no kid born in 1970 or 1971 (as the three lead actors were) would have any memory of watching "The Ed Sullivan Show" (which ended its long run in 1970), or would appreciate the cornball off-strip Vegas stand-up comedian schtick circa 1962, or the 1950s'-style rockabilly music. While Ethan Hawke, River Phoenix and Jason Presson are likable, they don't seem to actually like each other; and by the end of the film, we know very, very little about their lives or their friendships. (Contrast that with how well we quickly get to know the four leads in "Stand By Me," or the three siblings in "E. T. The Extra-Terrestrial.") It has been written that this film was rushed into production, and it shows; the dialogue is in desperate need of a rewrite, the pacing is plodding, the soundtrack is grating, and the ending is anticlimactic at best. A sci-fi film doesn't have to have a mega-budget to be entertaining; e.g., "The Last Starfighter" is lively and well-paced, the characters are appealing and well-defined, and that movie has become a cult classic. If "Explorers" did not feature two future stars in Ethan Hawke and the late River Phoenix, it would have been quickly forgotten. As it is, it is watchable only as a cultural artifact -- just another example of a film studio trying to milk a "hot" genre (kids and aliens) for all that it's worth, producing "Explorers" on the cheap with mostly unknown and journeyman actors, an unproven screenwriter, and a promising young director. You'll want to like "Explorers"... and you will be let down.

Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: People vs. Richard Wheatley (2021) Season 23, Episode 9

Patience

[10/10 · 12 December 2021]

Not everything is as it might first seem on the surface. The troll reviews be damned... The writers for SVU & OC are building some very intriguing story lines of late... For one, there is a lot more going on with Rafael Barba than him simply defending a scumbag client. And Nicky Torchia is doing an outstanding job as Eli Stabler, playing the role with simmering low-key intensity.

The Way Back (I) (2020)

Hide the razor blades

[1/10 · 14 November 2020]

Ben Affleck's performance is adequate, and appropriate for the material. But, oh, that script... The film itself is mind-numbingly depressing, in just about every way a movie can be depressing. No spoilers, but the last film I saw that was this much of a stick-your-head-in-the-oven downer was "Leaving Las Vegas" (1995). Seriously. Even the "high" points of the movie are weighted down by relentless "I hate life" anger, over-the-top profanity, bitterness and heart-wrenching sorrow... and waiting for the other shoe to drop is excruciating. And for a movie ostensibly about a high school sports team, we don't really get much more than superficial insight into who these kids really are; in fact, most of the players are introduced once, then forgotten. The handful of adults in supporting roles are walking cliches, and their performances are utterly forgettable. And Affleck's estranged wife (as portrayed by Janina Gavankar)? She could have been played by a cardboard cut-out; in fact, that might have been more compelling. Gavankar's performance could not have been any flatter or more tedious. Spare yourself and avoid this movie like you would an Ebola sufferer with oozing sores.

Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Alta Kockers (2018) Season 20, Episode 10

Master class in acting

[10/10 · 12 December 2019]

The story -- of two cantankerous senior citizen brothers who, it turns out, had been living with skeletons in their closets for years -- was powerful enough... but the performances turned in by 84-year-old Judd Hirsch and 76-year-old Wallace Shawn were mesmerizing. Watch their subtle pauses, the way they seem to always be looking off into the distant past, and how their hurt and pain simmers then bubbles to the surface. In my opinion, it is their best work since Hirsch's role in Running on Empty, and Shawn's turn in The Princess Bride. Just brilliant. Kudos to director Alex Chapple as well for giving their performances room to breathe.

Yesterday (III) (2019)

Unmagical Mystery Bore

[1/10 · 2 July 2019]

I didn't think it was possible for a film about the Beatles to be utterly joyless, bereft of hope and as tedious as an 8-hour insurance seminar... until I saw "Yesterday."

I'm imagining the pitch meeting:

"So, we have this guy who is basically a 30-something loser..."

"Not a promising beginning..."

"But, see, he loves making music... he's just not very good at it..."

"Let me guess: A magic genie grants him three wishes, and for his first wish, he becomes the next Chris Martin."

"Funny you should mention Coldplay... no, actually, what happens is an unexplained phenomenon leaves him sitting on a gold mine of hit songs from 50 years ago that he can co-opt, and he becomes a superstar overnight."

"Fifty years ago? What, does he discover a vault of unreleased Brian Wilson songs or something?"

"Not exactly. He gets hit by a bus and wakes up to discover a world that never knew the Beatles."

"So he goes back in time?"

"No, this isn't 'Back to the Future Part 4.' He just... starts singing Beatles songs and suddenly, he's an overnight sensation."

"Do kids today even know who the Beatles were? Maybe he should wake up and become the next Kanye West or Chance the Rapper."

"The premise is that Beatles music is timeless, and a world that never heard 'Hey Jude' will still go bananas for it in 2019."

"Hmmm. We'll have to agree to disagree on that one. But anyway, this makes him very happy, right? I mean, he suddenly has everything: fame, fortune, and throngs of groupies beating down his door, right?"

"Uh... not quite. This guy has a conscience, and stealing all of those songs just makes him feel guiltier and guiltier. And he's pretty morose to begin with, so despite everything, his success only makes him more miserable."

(silence)

"I mean, there is a girl..."

"Thank God. So he steals the Beatles songs to get the girl? And they fall in love and live happily ever after, right?"

"Actually, he steals the songs to save his music career. He is very conflicted about the girl..."

"I thought you said he didn't have a music career."

"He didn't, really. But now he does."

"Let me get this straight. He becomes the next Paul McCartney, if Paul McCartney was a 30-something loser in the 21st century, but it doesn't make him happy, and he doesn't get the girl."

"I wouldn't put it quite like that, but..."

"Is there a lot of sex in the movie at least?"

"No-o-o-o-o-o, not really..."

"But he is surrounded by really funny, clever supporting characters, right? Actors who steal scenes, make witty asides, and help him navigate this crazy situation?"

"Actually, no. The supporting cast is rather bland, and he's pretty much going it alone."

(silence)

"There are also some other things that this 'new' world has never heard of... common products, other bands, things like that."

"So the movie explores those ideas as well? And conversely, are there common products and superstar artists in this 'new' world that the musician is not familiar with? That would lend itself to some funny situations..."

"Um... no and no."

(silence)

"There are a LOT of Beatles songs in the movie, though..."

"So I'm assuming that the audience is treated to some clever, ironic scenes about those songs, which brings the music to life and gives it depth as well as topical significance?"

"Actually... no. The musician just keeps churning out these Beatles songs like a hyper-spastic jukebox, which, of course, he knows all the lyrics for and all of the chord progressions by heart."

(silence)

"He does turn one of the Beatles songs into a kind of punk anthem..."

"Well, that's something I guess. And I'm assuming the movie builds to a joyous crescendo, with some poignancy, pathos and heartwarming resolution?"

"Not really. It just sort of peters out, kind of like rock music itself did in the 1990s."

(silence)

"The musician is really good at playing the Beatles songs..."

"So if he's mopey and depressed all the time, can I assume that at least he's someone that the girls will go ga-ga over? I mean, he's got that Brad Pitt look at least, right?"

(sigh) "Um... actually, his looks are not his best quality."

(silence)

"But, hey, I have an idea for how to film the trailer. We can make the movie seem like a joyous fantasy, and that should be enough for a decent opening weekend."

(sigh) "If you say so. So, what other ideas do you have?"

"Well, what about a movie where the president of the United States used to be a reality show star? And even though he is sexist, racist and altogether clueless, he is reelected and names himself as the first U.S. dictator, becoming president-for-life?"

"And I thought the Beatles idea was far-fetched. Of course, that is a premise that would drive the snowflakes crazy... who do you see in the lead?"

"I was thinking maybe... Brad Pitt?"

"Now you're talking..."

House M.D.: Wilson's Heart (2008) Season 4, Episode 16

Courageous... bold... and devastating.

[10/10 · 31 January 2019]

Simply put, some of the finest acting, writing, set design and directing that you will ever see in a TV show is contained in this episode. But more than that, it took real courage for the creators of this show to take this series in this direction. No spoilers, but I had to remind myself a few times after the credits rolled that this is just fiction, so my heart would stop breaking. I just let out another deep breath, if you know what I mean.