ExplorerDS6789 Reviews

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog: Super Special Sonic Search and Smash Squad (1993) Season 1, Episode 1

I, Dumbot

[6/10 · 14 April 2024]

Here's where it all began, the very first episode of Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog. This is the one that introduced us to the series and the wacky, nonsensical world within. Those familiar with the games already know the characters, but here's where some folks at DiC took them, gave them obnoxious personalities, made the villains really stupid, made Tails a damsel in distress, and made Sonic a near-invincible Mary Sue. It's a very formulaic show, but it's still entertaining. The best course of action is not to overthink what you're seeing, because this show plays by its own rules. The producers took heavy inspiration from Roadrunner and Wile E. Coyote cartoons, and nowhere is that more apparent than the opening of this, the very first episode: we see Sonic racing down desert roads, tearing it up as he goes. Sounds familiar. I'm surprised he doesn't suddenly stop dead and the words: "Sonic the Hedgehog (Spineous Blue Speedous)" appear below him. No sooner do he and Tails stop running do Scratch and Grounder jump out and spring a trap on them, hanging them upside down from a tree. Of course, Sonic could just break out and keep going, but I guess he feels the need to tell the two dumbots about how they first met. They must have chosen the flashback route so it wouldn't affect the order in which these episodes aired in syndication. They did it so you could watch either the first or final episode and not miss a thing. Anyway, Sonic tells Scratch and Grounder about a time way back: four months ago to be exact, where Dr. Robotnik had gathered his army of robot bounty hunters to hunt down and annihilate a certain hedgehog. Those familiar with Dr. Robotnik's Mean Bean Machine will recognize a few of the bounty hunters. The doc rants and raves about how Sonic is the bane of his existence and puts up a bounty of one billion Mobiums. Sonic, who had snuck in and was watching from the audience, claims to be worth way more than that. Oh, I'm sure you really think that, you little showoff, and speaking of showoff, that's exactly what he does, proving that this bunch of bounty hunters blows chips. First, the hedgehog tricks Frankly, Dynamight, and Skweel into walking off a cliff, then he gives Arms and Davy Sprockett a wild ride, ending with them crashing into the side of a cliff, then finally, he causes Dragonbreath to knock over a tree, crushing him. At the least the video game gave more characterization to these guys, whereas here on the show, they're just throw-away baddies. Robotnik viewed the whole thing, claiming it to be only a small setback, as he's going to create himself some new robots. His recipe includes strength, fearlessness, rottenness, and intelligence, but obviously something went horribly, horribly wrong, because what came out of the insta-robot-maker was a lanky robotic chicken named Scratch who, while strong and rotten, is a cowardly dumbass. No matter, Robotnik still names him the first of his new Super "Special" Sonic Search and Smash Squad, and I put quotes around Special for a reason. Next, Botsy intends to create Scratch's identical twin by plucking a tail feather and tossing it into the machine, then he pulls a series of levers, with Scratch pulling one that was not intended to be pulled, and then from out of the machine comes a squat, green little multi-purpose bot named Grounder, and he's just as dumb as Scratch, if not dumber. Well, I'm actually glad that happened. I mean, who wanted to have Scratch in stereo? One is bad enough, but just imagine what would've happened if we had two. Huh, yeah, Botsy, with these two dunces at your disposal, Sonic is toast. Anyway, he gives them a copy of the Wile E. Coyote handbook and sends them out after the hedgehog, all while Coconuts, Robotnik's disgraced janitor robot monkey, decided to try and trap Sonic on his own.

Now we have a few rounds of Who Can Make a More Effective Hedgehog Trap. First up is Coconuts, who set up an attractive chili dog stand, which actually doubles as a gigantic death machine. It chases Sonic and Tails, firing cannons at them and reaching for them with giant, gloved hands. It almost worked, except Sonic was just a bit too fast for him. He stretched all the cannons to fire at the pilot, destroying the machine and leaving Coconuts all tied up. That's an A for effort, but an F for impact. Next up, Scratch relies on trap number 1 in the Handbook to trick Sonic into crashing into a wall with a painted mural in front of it. Grounder gets him to chase him by blowing into his hand and making a pumpkin pop out. (What? Pumpkin! Pumpkin, what? - Nostalgia Critic). He throws it at Sonic, who chases him toward the wall, only he outsmarts them and literally makes Scratch's plan come crashing down. That's a C for effort and an F- for impact. Now it's Grounder's turn, and they're going to lure Sonic into a deep pit. They do this by, huh, well, since they liked the inflatable gags so much, Scratch wears a glove that blows up into a woman. Oh yeah, they were on drugs when they made this. Sonic falls for the woman, and as surprising as it sounds, they actually get the drop on him. Sonic falls down the pit and he's trapped... for a few seconds, as he digs himself out and flattens the robots with anvils. That's a B- for effort and as for impact... um, a Z. Since Sonic was obviously too hard to catch, the bots actually succeed in capturing Tails. Sonic willingly surrenders, so he's put in a cage, while Tails is put in the stocks, and they call up Robotnik to come collect their prize. That's when Coconuts shows up and ties up Scratch and Grounder, saying he deserved the money. Actually no you don't, lightbulb brain, as their plan actually worked, as cheap as it was. Oh, how is Sonic going to get out of this? Easy, he uses reverse psychology to get Coconuts to open the cage and put Grounder and Scratch in, only for him to race out and lock up the monkey with the rest of them. And now, for the piece de resistance, when they see Robotnik flying in, Sonic creates a dust cloud, then calls him up, pretending to be an air traffic controller and tricks him into crashing. Back to the present, Sonic concludes his story by breaking out of the trap and racing off with Tails. Our Sonic Says is about calling 911. It opens with Sonic and Tails surrounded by Scratch, Grounder, and Coconuts, with the little fox saying they should call 911, but Sonic says this is nothing and that number is for real emergencies. Okay, but let's look at this objectively, shall we? We all know those three idiot robots are harmless, but what about in real life if you're surrounded by people who want to harm you, they're much bigger than you, and they're armed? Are you saying to deal with them ourselves? I know what message they're trying to convey, as 911 is only for fire, police, or paramedic emergencies, but some of us are not fast hedgehogs surrounded by pushovers.

So that was "Super Special Sonic Search and Smash Squad". That's a very strange name, why not just call it Sonic Smash Squad? Because they're super "special", of course. This episode is not bad, and it's quite entertaining despite the idiocy on display. The animation is terrible as the character models are all over the place, the voice acting is terrible, the writing is below substandard, but it's not a bad episode. It gets the ball rolling for the series we're going to see, and some episodes are good, and some are bad. As you may have noticed, Coconuts and Grounder originated from Sonic 2, while Scratch is an original character but he's based off Cluck from the Sky Fortress level. You know something else? For a while I've been noticing that Scratch and Grounder remind me of another famous robot duo, and only recently did I finally figure out whom. Let's see: one is tall, talkative, a bit cowardly and walks, while the other is short, has tons of gadgets at his disposal, and rolls. You know what famous robot duo I'm talking about, right? Yep: C-3PO and R2-D2. These two are supposed to be dumber, more violent versions of those famous droids from Star Wars. I don't know if that was intentional or not, but it's plain to see. If C-3PO was a robot chicken and R2-D2 was a little green garbage disposal. I had a bad feeling about that. But anyway, I recommend "Super Special..." as it's entertaining, so long as you don't take it too seriously. I know this is the episode the Nostalgia Critic ragged on the most in his review of the series, and his points are definitely valid, but I say check it out anyway, and if you haven't played Mean Bean Machine, give that a try too.

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog: Birth of a Salesman (1993) Season 1, Episode 12

Buyer's Remorse

[3/10 · 11 April 2024]

When you look at Dr. Robotnik and his vast array of inventions that never succeed in taking over Mobius or, at the very least, eliminating a certain blue hedgehog, you have to wonder if this guy was ever a serious threat. The obvious answer is no, he's a total buffoon. So, maybe an outside party with some slick gadgets of their own could help him get a leg up, and that's what happens in today's episode of Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog... and that's all that happens, because this one has no story or plot. Yeah, it was written by 3 people and yet there's no plot or story anywhere. It also gives us the introduction of a very annoying recurring character, and by the end, you won't know who to root for. It all began when Robotnik was firing off insults at his two incompetent lackies for failing to catch Sonic, just like always. This is a problem when your henchmen are robots and not living beings. With living beings, like say, Bebop and Rocksteady from Ninja Turtles, or Bulk and Skull from Power Rangers, there's not much you can do about their ineptitude. They're living beings who are naturally stupid and too stubborn to change. With robots like Scratch and Grounder, Robotnik could easily upgrade their intelligence and program them to be more competent at their objectives. But then we've already established that Robotnik himself is an idiot, so that's why he's made no progress. But perhaps someone might come along to help him get an edge. Enter Wes Weasely, an annoying, fast-talking salesman, an overdone stereotype that was everywhere back in the day. He represents the Handy Dandy Super Villain Appliance Distributors Limited, which he literally spells out. His song and dance wins over Robotnik, showing that Weasely is about to enjoy an early retirement. So what's in this arsenal of super villain appliances? First up is the Darkenator, a machine that makes dark where there's light. Ah, ripping off Dr. Seuss I see. Anyone who's seen The Cat in the Hat Gets Grinched will recognize this as one of the Grinch's inventions: the Dark House (opposite of a lighthouse). The doc pays 100,000 big ones for it, with two sets of infrared goggles thrown in. Oh, with this at his disposal, Sonic will have to slow down, right? Yeah, well, if you just spent 100,000 Mobiums on something, why would you then trust idiots like Scratch and Grounder with it? That's exactly what Robotnik does: he tasks the nincombots to use it on Sonic. They predictably mess it up, as for some reason it doesn't take up the entire screen like it did when Weasely demonstrated it, and they can't find the infrared goggles so they're literally in the dark. When Sonic spots them, he causes them to destroy the machine and says what we're all thinking: "What a couple'a dumbots." Now what I find interesting is that Weasely claims the machine was tampered with, but that's never followed up on. Who would tamper with it and why? Just tell the truth: the dummies didn't use it right. Alright, so what's that snake oil salesman got next? Why it's a Freezebanger, a machine that fires frozen blasts of ice. Botsy takes two. And yet again, tasks Scratch and Grounder with using them. It's at this point I think that Robotnik is a masochist who just likes watching his own inventions screw up just so he can get angry about it. Should I even bother to say what happens? The two Tweedle Dums aim the Freezebangers at Sonic, he jumps, they freeze each other. As an added measure, Sonic runs a fire figure 8 around the frozen blockheads, and they melt. Yeah, they melt away. Good nightmare fuel for the children. They're melting, they're melting. Oh, what a world, what a world.

For some reason, Dr. Robotnik solidifies his liquidated lackeys... like I said, he's a masochist. Determined to bilk this moronic super villain out of his last dime, Wes Weasely unveils his next gadget: the Gravity Stopper, which will render anyone in its path weightless, with two pairs of self-gravity boots included. Look, just zap Scratch and Grounder and watch them float away, it'll save you the trouble. I think Sonic is just as bored of this episode as I am, because as Tails just wants to sit and rest, he runs around like a small child on a sugar and caffeine rush. But then all he does is run around and show off anyway. Okay, so here come Grounder and Scratch, let's see them bungle things up again. Well, at first, they succeed: they blast Sonic and Tails, making them weightless, and Sonic even delivers a funny line: "I'm weightless", said in the same tone of "I'm waiting" which I hate, so points to the writers for a funny joke. The robots gloat that their nemesis is stuck, until Sonic points out that Tails can just fly him away, then he dares the two of them to remove their boots and come after them. At first, they don't buy it, so it looks like we actually have some tension and Sonic will have to rely on his own wits and ingenuity to get out of this fix. No, because this script was scribbled out on a legal pad in an afternoon, he just tricks Scratch into removing his boots to go up after them. Now he's trapped, and Grounder has to shut off the machine to free him. They crash into each other, with Sonic remarking, "that's life, fellas: ups and downs, up and downs." Yeah, just like this show, ups and downs, and right now, this is a big down. Well, we've got time for one more gadget, let's see what it is and then easily predict how it goes awry. Weasely unveils the Deatomizer, anything it zaps will instantly vanish, and then reappear wherever you want it, though he warns Botsy not to touch the red switch. This time, he forces Weasely to go with Grounder and Scratch to use the device. When Sonic shows up, they predictably hit the red switch, and instead of vanishing Sonic, they clone him, so now there's five. They chase off the bots with a giant popcorn ball, then threaten to put the salesman in jail if his invention isn't reversible. No, just put him in jail anyway, or better yet, the nuthouse. He manages to compress the five Sonics back into one, then they plan to put one over on Robotnik, who was venting his frustrations out on his bots. Well, what did you expect, you inflated blimp? That's when Sonic shows up, dressed as a shark salesman... no, he's not selling sharks, he is a shark. He gives Botsy a song and dance about a new machine, which was all of Weasely's previous machines combined, all doing to Robotnik what he tried to do to Sonic: putting him in the dark, freezing him, making him float, making he, Scratch and Grounder disappear, and finally, reappearing and reorganizing their heads, torsos, and appendages. Our story doesn't really have a moral, mainly because we had no story. Our Sonic Says demonstrates the old adage: if it sounds too good to be true, it's probably false, and we see Weasely sucker poor Tails out of a hundred bucks over a robot toy.

That was "Birth of a Salesman", though I wish it was "Death of a Salesman", and I'm not talking about the movie or play. Wes Weasely is here to stay, having a handful more appearances, usually trying to swindle Robotnik, and he's such an easy target, isn't he? Now what's interesting is that all of his machines actually worked, so he's not entirely dishonest. Same thing happens in this episode's sequel: "Magic Hassle", where Coconuts gets to be the one to foul things up. The spells all worked, it was just the wielder who misused them. Doesn't mean Weasely isn't a giant crook though. The character was based off Phil Silvers, most notably Ernie Bilko, and the salesman stereotype was everywhere back in the day: Garfield & Friends, first season of Pee-Wee's Playhouse, even the Jumanji animated series had a jungle salesman, voiced by Tim Curry, by the way. Now as far as this episode of Adventures, the writing was very poor, and it took three people: Bruce Shelly, Reed Shelly, and Steven J. Fisher to combine their lack-of-effort into this mess. No plot, no story, just non-stop idiocy and annoyance. This was just a filler, quota episode. They needed a grand total of 65, not all of them can have substance, some just need to be a waste, and that's what this was. Okay, to be fair, this series never inspired to be deep, edgy, or have a message like the Saturday version, this was just meant to be noisy fun to entertain the kids during the week. Obviously little kids find Scratch and Grounder to be funny. Now what makes Sonic the hero of our show is that only he has the power and the might to overthrow the villain threatening humanity, but when the villain is as big of an idiot as Dr. Robotnik, it doesn't seem like he's a big threat. In closing, I don't recommend "Birth of a Salesman", it's not funny and it's boring. The writing is horrible, the voice acting is horrible, the animation is... standard for this series, it's just a waste.

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog: Robo-Ninjas (1993) Season 1, Episode 64

Enter the Hedgehog

[2/10 · 7 April 2024]

I may be highly critical of the producers of this series, but for the times I have to give them credit, I will not hold anything back. Anybody who can take a concept like robot ninjas and make it dull deserves some recognition. You have to try hard to make that happen. In this episode, Dr. Robotnik attempts to make his robots into ninjas, and as cool as that idea sounds, they completely bungle it up. I mean, at this point in the series' run, it was the best it had to give, which is really sad. So how did Francis Moss and the other folks behind the scenes take an interesting concept and muck it up? Let's find out in "Robo Ninjas." It begins with Scratch and Grounder setting up trap number 505 of the Wile E. Coyote handbook: erecting a fake building set to fall down, with free chili dogs as bait. When Sonic and Tails arrive, they immediately deduce it's a trap, and it almost works. They make off with their eats, while the building falls down on Scratch. Robotnik then calls up to chide them for flushing yet another attempt at hedgehog-napping down the toilet, and says from hereon out, they're on their own. Angry that their boss kicked them to the curb, the bots decide to take out their frustrations on the first being who walked by. Enter a tall, mysterious crane named Crane, who speaks in homespun philosophies... spun out of his ass, most likely. Crane easily defeats Scratch and Grounder with his lightning fast ninja skills and takes off, all while being caught on Robotnik candid camera. Or rather, Coconuts saw it and tried frantically showing it to Botsy, and they exchange a bad joke: Coconuts: "Ninja, ninja, ninja!" Robotnik: "Gesundheit." Ugh, it much funnier when it was told in Batman: Mask of the Phantasm. Bruce: "Jiu Jitsu." Andrea: "Gesundheit." LOL. Anyway, Robotnik reads up on this ninja concept and gets an idea: he'll turn Scratch and Grounder into ninja warriors, and he'll accomplish this by way of kidnapping Crane, bringing him back to the fortress, and transplanting his skills into the robots' empty heads. Guess that takes much less time than teaching them. Once the transfer of skills and knowledge is complete, Grounder and Scratch burst out of their pods, displaying lightning fast reflexes. This was a concept that had potential, but sadly, it was completely squandered, for you see, the running gag in this episode is characters spouting nonsensical philosophies, and they do it to a nauseating degree, and the two robots are doing this constantly, even speaking in mock Japanese accents! Well, it was the early '90s, and at least they didn't put them in yellowface. So how do these two dimwits fare as warriors? Well, either Crane is an idiot, or their stupidity is incurable, because despite being faster, Grounder and Scratch are still very gullible and easily fooled when it comes to battling Sonic and Tails, even though they came close. Close, but no cigar.

Robotnik tries to figure out what he did wrong. What, you mean besides building those two idiots and giving them the intelligence God gave the carpet tack? Crane suggests that fighting is only half the battle, as they also need knowledge and philosophy. In other words, Botsy, just make them smarter. Why can't he figure that out? He invented a genius chip once. But no, instead he just sucks even more out of Crane's brain and transfers it into the two nitwits. A plant with weak roots will not grow no matter the fertilizer... oh geez, now I'm doing it. And if he's doing this with Scratch and Grounder, why not Coconuts too? Because Robotnik is a douchebag, I thought that was already clear. So now that the chicken and the dishwasher have philosophy, does that make them better warriors? Well, I will say this, when it comes to combat, they're better than Sonic, because all he can do is run. If not for his speed, they might have a shot. Maybe he should learn to fight evenly instead of relying on super speed to get him out of trouble, eh? Despite being more skilled warriors, the robots still fail to catch Sonic. But maybe they are slightly more intelligent, as they don't fall for one of his disguises. They still get away, leaving Robotnik insanely frustrated. But hey, why have two stupid robot ninjas when you can have several? He's going to create himself an army of robot ninjas, and had this happened on any other show, it would've been awesome. As for Sonic, he'd heard Scratch mention Master Crane, and deduces that's where they got these skills. That's when they happen upon a student of Crane's, Grasshopper, who is a... Grasshopper. Nice simple name. When he learns of his master's capture at the hands of Robotnik, he wants to go save him, but Sonic points out that this is his show and only he can do the rescuing. He even shows off a few moves, like the Chop Suey and Chow Mein. This isn't funny! This Grasshopper character is a waste, like why not have him teach Sonic a few fighting moves. He's got the speed, he just needs the skill. But no, we've only got 7 minutes left of this crap, so let's just cut to the big rescue scene. Sonic, Tails, and Grasshopper approach the fortress, and the hedgehog tells them to stay out there and watch his back. Yeah, going in a fortress and facing an army of ninja robots single-handedly is definitely a feat this blue Mary Sue would do. But first, he meets Coconuts, who's green with ninja envy. He attempts to fight Sonic, who claims he will stand still so that the monkey can hit him, but slightly cheats when he ducks, sending the simian simpleton up the river. Going inside, he takes down a few robot ninjas easily, but is eventually caught in Grounder's net, only this time when he dons a disguise, it fools them. Enough with the disguises!! Oh yeah, and for some reason, Scratch and Grounder are stupid again. When were they smart? The cocky hedgehog finds himself cornered, lamenting that he didn't let Tails and Grasshopper help. Oh, what's wrong, Speedy, can't get yourself out of this jam? You ran roughshod around the place, kicking and electrocuting robots like nothing, and now you're stuck? Bad writing at its finest. Luckily, the fox and giant insect show up to save his blue bacon... blue bacon? Ew. All together, they take out Dr. Robotnik's useless robot ninjas, and then it's revealed that Crane could've freed himself at any point. Why didn't he? Well, in his own words: "the strength of one's muscles cannot always be measured with the tape measure of anger." Why would I expect anything less? So I guess the robot ninjas were loadbaring, as the fortress begins to crumble. Robotnik, Scratch and Grounder flee and our heroes book it before the whole place comes crashing down. We end on a bad chili dog philosophy from Sonic, and then we get our Sonic Says, which features Scratch and Grounder playing ball with Tails... how unusually nice, only the fox kicks it out in the street, and the bots don't look where they're going and get hit by a truck. The lesson is not to play in the street. Pretty sure Tails did that on purpose. I would've too.

No plot, no story, terrible jokes, and what action there is comes off as extremely lame and muddled. That's Robo Ninjas, taking an interesting concept and squeezing the life and soul out of it. The script was terrible. Maybe Francis Moss thinks nonsense philosophy sounds funny, but it gets old real fast. What was even the point of this episode? Just turning Scratch and Grounder into ninjas. So what? Is it because the Ninja Turtles were still big and the producers of Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog wanted a slice (of pizza)? Well, this was a pizza with anchovies, let me tell you. This was a bad episode, but it wasn't as terrible as Tails' New Home, Sonically Ever After, Magic Hassle, or Trail of Missing Tails. I could go on and on about ways to fix it, but that would be a waste. The Adventures series was cruising toward the end, and as earlier stated, this was the best it had to offer at this stage. They wanted to do something with ninjas, so throw in two uninteresting Martial arts masters, make Scratch and Grounder talk in mock Japanese accents, whoop and hiya like Bruce Lee on amphetamines, and fall on their asses. Also, they really overdid the disguise gimmick. It's so annoying seeing Sonic constantly dress up in bad disguises and the stupid robots not recognizing him. Finally, the voices. It's no exaggeration that Sonic, Scratch, Grounder, and Coconuts have insanely annoying voices, and it's been that way since the beginning, but I guess when the whole idea of an episode is to spend 20 minutes annoying you, it's more plain to hear. In short, I do not recommend Robo Ninjas, it sucks the big one. You want cartoons about ninjas, watch the Ninja Turtles... the 1987 and 2003 versions, not the others. Maybe this concept would've worked better on the Saturday series. That Robotnik would've made some smarter ninja robots.

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog: Close Encounter of the Sonic Kind (1993) Season 1, Episode 8

Sonic Nose Best

[7/10 · 3 April 2024]

Never let it be said that our heroic hedgehog isn't always cordial to visitors, especially those who randomly crash land on Mobius and have to leave in a hurry or suffer the wrath of a vengeful toddler. In any other reality, that would sound crazy, but luckily this series is not set in any actual reality. Join us, friends, as we see what happens when there's a Close Encounter of the Sonic Kind. It all started when Scratch and Grounder were deploying trap number 75 from the Wile E. Coyote handbook: placing Dr. Robotnik's new electromagnetic suction plate in the middle of the road and using it to stop Sonic dead in his tracks when he runs over it. When activated, the suction plate shoots a beam high, high into the air, so high it breaks through the atmosphere and into space, where at that exact moment, naive Prince Charlock, who is some kind of human/squid hybrid and his assistant, the clockwatching floating amoeba Splorg, were flying by, with the prince wishing to pay Mobius a visit, as it's one of several worlds his baby brother wants to blow up. Well, he gets his wish when they're pulled down to the planet's surface, destroying their ship and disabling the suction plate. Scratch and Grounder greet them with aggression, but Sonic intervenes and tosses them off a cliff. Once introductions are made, Splorg is upset about the damaged ship and constantly presses about their urgency to get back to Rombus where Prince Charlock is only two hours away from being crowned king. However, the prince was more preoccupied with Mobius and requests a guided tour. That is until reality sets in and he finally realizes what a grave situation they're in: if they're not back for the coronation, Charlock's baby brother will be crowned king, and his first order of business will be to blow up Mobius. With time of the essence, Sonic quickly gathers up all the pieces to the ship, save for two: the cockpit canopy and the navigational nosecone. Without them, the ship isn't going anywhere. Always the optimist, Sonic, Tails, and their alien companions set off to comb the area for those missing pieces. All the while, the prince is fascinated with the flora and fauna around him, including Curly-Q trees, which I swear sounds like something Dr. Seuss would come up with. They find the canopy on the other side of a river of pee. I mean, look at it, it's a bright yellow liquid, what else could it be? This place has a river of pee! Anyway, Scratch and Grounder... ah darn, they survived... arrive and try to thwart our heroes with the suction plate, only being the idiots that they are, hold it backwards and end up getting themselves sucked into it. Geez, Robotnik can conjure up all these new inventions every week, yet he can't seem to upgrade his two robot lackeys' brains. Following that, they fall into the pee river and go over the waterfall. Talk about a golden shower. Okay, that's enough, I promise. Tails grabs the canopy, so now the only missing piece was the nosecone. They search in a canyon that has... giant stone bowling pins, large stone dominoes, a basketball hoop without a net... what is this, a giant's outdoor game room? Splorg spots the red nosecone on top of a peak. Good, just run up and get it, and everything should be hunky dory. But, of course, Dumb and Dumber show up to try and stop them, and this time they point the plate in the right direction, only Sonic ducks and the beam catches a boulder (man, these guys suck), which flattens them and buries Sonic and Charlock under a pile of rocks, but they survive. The prince grabs what he thinks is the nosecone, even though it's obviously a large drill bit that belongs to Grounder, who keeps losing it in this episode. The heroes make off with Grounder's nose, while the bots are stuck with the ship's nosecone. When they realize the snafu, Splorg reminds us that if they can't get back to Rombus, Charlock's evil little brother will destroy Mobius and they'll be royally screwed. Man, Splorg, you really are a buzzkill.

Getting a bright idea for once, Scratch and Grounder use the nosecone as bait to lure Sonic into their trap. Grounder calls up Dr. Robotnik, who finally shows up twelve minutes into the episode. He's bragging about his electromagnetic suction plate, but deems his best creation to be his Egg-O-Matic, which he then starts making out with. Gross. The phone rings and Botsy says he's on his way, and even though Grounder was the one who called him, Robotnik is talking to Scratch for some reason. Anyway, he jumps in his hover craft, which has trouble starting as despite his great love for his flying round vehicle, he neglected to have it tuned up. As for the robots' plan, Sonic employs a little reverse psychology, saying they don't need the nosecone and that Grounder's drill nose will suffice. Not having that, the little green clothes dryer gives chase all over the outdoor rec room, finally getting caught in the suction plate. When Scratch deactivates it to free him, Sonic grabs the nosecone and flees, leaving the two idiot bots to duke it out. Sonic sends the gang back to the ship, while he dresses up like the Chiquita Banana girl, expositing that he was going to do something clever and funny to destroy the suction plate, but since Scratch and Grounder are beating each other up with it, there was no need, and I have to admit, that was a really funny gag. Though it's too bad Sonic always feels the need to show off and one-up the two dummies when clearly there's no need, I mean how many times have we seen just how useless they are in this episode alone? It's usually in situations like that when Sonic is showboating and leaving his friends defenseless does Dr. Robotnik get the drop on them, and guess what, boys and girls, that's exactly what happens! When Sonic gets back, he finds Robotnik holding Tails, Charlock, and Splorg hostage, threatening to blast them into vapor. Despite the amoeba trying to warn Robotnik about the planet's impending doom, he doesn't listen, claiming he's too smart to fall for that old trick. Botsy was willing to trade the nosecone for Sonic, so the hedgehog gives himself up and the prince is returned his coveted ship part. However, feeling he couldn't just abandon his friends after all they've done, the wily prince gets one over on Robotnik by knocking over the tall stone dominoes- bet you knew that was coming- and they all come falling toward the morbidly obese badman. He attempts to flee in his faulty Egg-O-Matic, only to be crushed. Hurrah! Our heroes have won the day. Wasting no time, they affix the canopy and nosecone to the ship, and it's here we learn that the big threat facing Mobius this whole time was a cranky two-year-old. An actual baby brother. Though, I wouldn't put it past a two-year-old to have the ability to destroy a planet, given what kind of universe this show is set in. So, Prince Charlock and Splorg blast off and our tale comes to a close. Our Sonic Says is about always wearing sunscreen when you set out to get a tan. This is a lesson that's even more important today, given the ever-receding ozone layer, constantly rising UV rays and ever growing risk of skin cancer. Good lesson, always lather up before you lay in the sun.

This episode was pretty good, had some laughs, and a few moments of suspense. However, it was definitely without a competent editor. The opening shot pans across a desert road, we hear Scratch and Grounder, but don't see them, then it flash cuts to a shot of them running. Then, the biggest goof of all happens toward the end when Sonic asks the prince if he'll come back to visit, we see a shot of Scratch and Grounder, with the latter mouthing Sonic's words. What happened, did the Korean animators forget what character was supposed to be speaking, or did the original shot get lost and they only had five seconds to find something else to splice in? Well, technical glitches and nitpicks aside, Close Encounter of the Sonic Kind is a fun watch. That one disguise gag was pretty funny, and as far as Grounder and his nose, it's not like he can't get just another one, it is only a drill bit. So in closing, I would recommend Close Encounter of the Sonic Kind, as it embodies that silly, wacky, nonsensical Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog humor that we've come to love... more or less. Check it out, and watch the gang play an even more sadistic game of Got Your Nose.

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog: The Robotnik Express (1993) Season 1, Episode 14

What a Way to Run a Railroad

[8/10 · 31 March 2024]

Dr. Robotnik's got a big delivery of explosives coming to him via the railroad: a train pulling cars full of bombs being engineered by none other than Scratch and Grounder. Something tells me his order won't be arriving on time, especially if a plucky hedgehog, his two-tailed companion, and two big-hearted, empty-headed bears have anything to say about it. Such is the confusing chain of events that unfold when taking a ride on The Robotnik Express. As the train flies down the rails, the two dunces fighting over who gets to blow the whistle, they're spotted by Big Mike and Big Gris, two burly bears in hotrods. They know this train is Dr. Robotnik's, and they're only too happy to rob it. At the same time, they see two blurs racing after the train and assume them to be Sonic and Tails, though they never actually saw them before. Up in the engine, the Sonic Alert system goes off, so the bots lock up the throttle lever, that is before switching the train to the new track, so now they will be proceeding down the old track. Eh, what's the worst that could happen? Grounder and Scratch make their way to the caboose, which doubles as an oversized vacuum as it detatches from the train and and sucks up our heroes. Once bringing them inside, it wraps them up like mummies. The robots pat themselves on the back, cheering that they got Sonic, even broadcasting it over loudspeakers for some reason. This overdone display of self congratulations is heard by Mike and Gris, who race to the rescue. Now, if you think a few rolls of toilet paper will stop Sonic in his tracks, then think again. He predictably unwraps he and Tails, then bonds up the robots in their own trap and go to stop the train. That's when the bears come in, and did I mention their gimmick is calling themselves, in unison: Da Bears. Guess they're big fans of Bill Swerski's Superfans. They free Scratch and Grounder and, get this, mistake them for Sonic and Tails. The robots play along, and claim the good guys to be the bad guys, so it looks like Sonic has four nincompoops to deal with instead of two. Speaking of which, he and Tails discover the train to be carrying high explosives, and the robots locked up the throttle, so there was no hope of stopping the train. Sonic races ahead to see where the line headed, and thanks to the bots taking the old track, they were en route to an unfinished bridge, which was hanging over a town full of buffalo. Guess they don't live on the range anymore. Sonic tries to warn them about the impending rail disaster, and they all run for their lives. Deciding to reroute the train earlier, Sonic and Tails try to switch the track, only they aren't strong enough to move the lever, so the hedgehog sticks a pine tree between the tracks, saying the force from the train will push the tree into switching the tracks, thus sending the train off a cliff and into a river. Clever. The only variables are Scratch, Grounder, and their bear buddies. One of Sonic's disguises should bamboozle them, so he dresses like a conductor and says they have tickets for the wrong train, thus sending them on a conveniently passing eastbound train.

The... I mean, Da Bears' next attempt to stop the "bad guys" is blocking a tunnel with rocks, but with yet another disguise, Sonic makes them tear it down and instead suggests a barricade. Mike and Gris takes it to mean "bear-icade", and sit on the tracks with Scratch and Grounder to stop the train that way. Guys, this isn't Tiananmen Square and that is not a tank. They're predictably run over and ordinarily, this would have killed them. Luckily Grounder and Scratch are robots and Da Bears are all muscle, especially above their necks. They become stuck on the front of the train, which was heading for a cactus patch. Sacrificing their track switching plan, Sonic uses the tree as a cactus catcher to spare he bears' some sore bums. Mike and Gris thank them, but still consider them to be the bad guys, and not Sonic and Tails, despite the latter showing off his very obvious two tails, but they claim it to be a disguise. However, when Sonic races to and from da Bears' house and brings them a pot of honey, they finally catch on to who the real heroes are. With that all settled, now there's just the small matter of stopping a train full of explosives from leveling an entire town of buffalo. You may wonder what Dr. Robotnik plans to do with all these bombs. At his new warehouse, he's loading tons and tons of smaller bombs into one enormous missile, and once the bombs on the train arrive, he'll launch it and blow all of his enemies sky high. Talk about overkill. All the bombs he's making at his factory aren't enough? Anyway, while Tails keeps Scratch and Grounder busy on the train, Sonic and da Bears head to the incomplete bridge, which they would try to have finished before the Robotnik Express arrived. Time was of the essence! Without enough time to join the pieces of the bridge, they tilt one end up at a 90-degree angle, sending the train flying over the chasm and landing on the other side. The village is saved, hooray! As for Botsy and his bombs, looks like they would be arriving on schedule, except with one small problem: no way to stop the train! It crashes into the depot, the locomotive lands on the missile, which takes off, catching Robotnik, Scratch and Grounder on it and they fly up high into the sky, and then it explode. Guess they're dead. So the day is saved, Sonic and Tails bid adieu to their new allies and race off. Our Sonic Says is about stranger danger. Scratch and Grounder pull up to Tails in a car, wearing bad disguises, and try the old ruse of saying they're friends of Sonic and that he's hurt and are taking him to him. That's when Sonic shows up to expose their lie, making them take off. Never get in a car with someone you don't know, or in this case, someone you do know who wants to hurt you. That ruse is older than dirt and I hope to God it never actually worked. A very good lesson, as Tails almost got railroaded. Ha, I was waiting to fit that pun in there somehow.

So that was Robotnik Express, and it was a lot of fun. From beginning to end, it's high-speed action with plenty of humor, not overdone, played just right. Mike and Gris are pretty amusing characters, and we'll see them again in Mad Mike, Da Warrior Bear. They also had cameos in Hero of the Year. The animation is alright, characters stay on model for the most part, the action is well timed, the writing is funny, it's just a well made episode, and a favorite of mine since childhood. I got it on a video where it was paired with Tails' New Home. Ugh, skip that one, but I definitely recommend The Robotnik Express. If you like trains, you like high-speed action, you like bears, you like that Saturday Night Live Bill Swerski sketch, then this is definitely for you. Not much else I can say, except this is a train ride you'll definitely want to take.

The PJs: How the Super Stoled Christmas (1999) Season 1, Episode 14

Christmas in the Projects

[7/10 · 31 January 2024]

Ah, The PJs, the first claymation sitcom to air in primetime. I watched this show regularly in its first two seasons, but then gradually got tired of it. At its core, the show was hilarious, the characters, the political jokes, it all landed. I guess concepts like this aren't meant to last forever, and sooner or later, the humor dries up and it's time to move on. So, I wanted to look back on this Christmas episode of The PJs which, as you can tell from the title, spoofs How the Grinch Stole Christmas. Our tale will be told to us in flashback by Walter Burkett, the fat, corrupt parole officer who tonight is doubling as a police officer arresting a pickpocket. He notices the boy's sour attitude about Christmas, and so as part of his punishment, he has to listen to Walter tell him a story about another individual who wasn't bursting at the seams with Christmas cheer either, and that someone was the super of the Hilton-Jacobs, Thurgood Stubbs. His crazy quest began when Muriel less-than-subtly told him what she wanted for her gift: a computer. The best state of the art machine that 1999 technology had to offer, and if you remember those dark days of Y2K, you'd know this was probably the worst time to buy a computer. However, Thurgood was set on getting his little lady what her heart desired. He spots one at the pawn shop for a cool $500, which to someone like Thurgood is as much as a Park Avenue penthouse. That night... oh, get a load of these swaying, robotic carolers. Nice one, Will Vinton. Thankfully, Mrs. Avery called the cops on them to can that noise. Anyway, that night, Thurgood opened up the tip envelopes he'd passed out to all the tenants, hoping they would throw some cash his way, and they didn't. Well, maybe they would have if he didn't give them so many reasons to hate his guts. When that plan didn't work, Thurgood resorted to begging the pawn shop guy to let him have the computer on credit, but he was quickly turned away. However, the owner of the shop was willing to scratch Thurgood's back, provided he was willing to scratch his. Sure, why not trust the shady looking dude in a black fez? He says he needs a repo man. At first, Mr. Stubbs refuses, citing that the tenants would hate him. Don't they already? But when he sees that computer, he gives in. He manages to repossess most of the tenants' possessions, sneaking in and out like a greedy ninja, until it came to those who he considered friends: Mrs. Avery, Sanchez, Jimmy and Bebe, Garcelle, Calvin and Juicy. Now he gets an attack of conscience and refuses to finish the job, and so Mr. Shady orders him to bring back the computer. He was halfway out of his apartment when Muriel came in and noticed what he was carrying. She was elated. He couldn't take it back now.

While Thurgood prayed to a baked potato representing Baby Jesus in the building's Nativity Scene (don't ask), he spots his so-called friends taking up a collection amongst themselves. When Thurgood questions them, they fib that it's going to be spent at the tracks. Well, sir, he was madder than a wet hen who caught her gander in bed with another chicken. They were holding out on him. Well, no more Mr. Nice Super. Oh, and periodically we cut back to Walter who was telling this story to his suspect, who he has now trussed up and thrown in the trunk of his car. He forces him to wait until the end of the commercial break before resuming the story. While the rest of the tenants were putting on their Christmas pageant, Thurgood donned himself a Santy Claus hat and coat and went from room to room, pilfering peoples' goods while we hear a funny parody of You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch. He was caught stealing Nula's fish tank, so he thought up a lie, and quickly you bet: he says Phantom Menace is the best Star Wars yet. Ah yes, the good old days when that was the worst Star Wars movie... ugh, Disney. Anyway, it didn't take long before the residents of the Hilton-Jacobs discover they'd been repo'd. Thurgood throws those tip envelopes back in their faces, and that's when he gets a real huge helping of humility. Remember that collection they were taking up? They didn't spend it all at the tracks, they used it to buy Thurgood a brand new massage chair. Oh man did he feel like the biggest heel in the world. Muriel couldn't even enjoy her new computer knowing that their friends had nothing. And what happened then? Well, in the projects they say, Thurgood's small heart grew two sizes that day. He sold his new chair to Tarnell for $500, which he then used to pay off his friends' debts and get their stuff back. Everyone was very happy that Christmas morn... until Nula recognized Thurgood as the thief and ratted him out, then everyone gives him a good, sound beating. That concludes our story, and Walter just disappears and leaves the perp in his trunk.

So that was How the Super Stoled Christmas. Good voice acting, some funny jokes, an amusing Grinch parody, and decent claymation work from Will Vinton Studios. This was a nice little time capsule of the late '90s, showing what a more innocent time it used to be. Maybe you liked the PJs, maybe you didn't, but you have to admit it was revolutionary for its time. It ran about two years on Fox, before joining another network and was subsequently canceled in 2001, which was probably for the best as it really started to go down the drain by that point. As for this episode, the message is a very good one that doesn't get lost in too many jokes or gags, it's right there and good one to take to heart. Regardless of their differences, these people only had each other and they looked out for one another, through thick and thin, even if they do occasionally treat one another poorly. Not much else I can say except I recommend How the Super Stoled Christmas, and give The PJs a look while you're at it. Either see it for the first time, or go back and get a helping of '90s nostalgia.

All in the Family: The Draft Dodger (1976) Season 7, Episode 15

Caught in a Draft

[7/10 · 18 January 2024]

Christmas time was sadly never a happy time for the Bunkers nor the Stivics, as no matter how much they plan, bad luck just keeps showing up at the worst, possible times. Christmas '72: Archie didn't get his bonus over a simple mistake, and in '74, Edith was diagnosed with breast cancer, but thankfully it was benign. Now here we are Christmas 1976, and sadly, this will not be a happy holiday either. A certain someone is invited to sit down with the family for Christmas and when it's discovered just who this person is and what he's done, tempers flare up and a heated political debate is launched. The day started off nice enough, Edith was preparing the lovely Christmas supper while Archie was eagerly awaiting the arrival of his old pal, Pinky Peterson, who would be joining them. He even bought Pinky a little holiday token, which he attempts to demonstrate to Edith: a battery operated Santa head that blinks and, for reasons only known to the inventor, sticks its tongue out repeatedly. My dirty mind tells me that this thing doubles as a sex toy. Anyway, you're supposed to pull the tie and Santy does "something funny." Long story short it squirts water all over Archie, and they thought this gag was so funny, they did it three times! First Edith, then Mike, and then Pinky, and all three times, Archie gets doused with water instead of the intended target, and each time he recites the same spiel word-for-word as if echoing the salesman who suckered him into buying the stupid thing. Well, gags aside, the Bunkers' first guest is a young man named David, a friend of Mike's who has come visiting from Canada. Mike is both elated and surprised to see his old school chum and, for Edith's viewing pleasure, they reenact a skit in which they play a German doctor and patient. Guess nobody told them that vaudeville is dead, and it wasn't just motion pictures that killed it. The way Mike and Gloria act around David as well as his perceived nervousness gives him a real 'wanted man' vibe, like are they harboring a fugitive? In a way, kinda, he's a draft dodger, but we'll get into that later. Archie agrees to let David join them for dinner, and they keep trying to make his hometown secret, like they don't want to come right out and say Canada, lest it might make Archie immediately think draft dodger. Speaking of keeping things on the QT, it turns out that Pinky lost his son in the Vietnam War so everyone is instructed to avoid the subject or steer the conversation away from young Steve, should Pinky bring him up. A draft dodger and a bereaved father who lost his son in the war, dinner would get very awkward very fast if the cat was let out of the bag.

Before anyone had a chance to start eating dinner, Archie comes straight out and asks David why he was living in Canada, and instead of just lying and saying a logging job, he replies, "freedom." Instead of just letting it go, Archie just keeps pushing the issue, so the young man comes clean and admits to being a draft dodger. Subterfuge is clearly not a word in this man's vocabulary. When Archie gets the truth, he's furious, and even angrier when David admits to writing the president on his stance about the war, and when Mike tries to curtail the situation by saying David had guts to do what he did and says the war was wrong, Archie blows like a volcano, screaming that David was wrong for not doing his patriotic duty and rants and raves like a madman, indirectly admitting that the methods used by the selective service are wrong. At least that's what I got out of it. Pinky voices his opinion on the subject, which Archie values a great deal, until he hears that while Pinky understands his feelings, he also understands David's, saying that his own son hated the war, but went anyway and was tragically killed. He says he was glad to sit down to dinner with David as he was sure Steve would too. That should've taken care of things, but Archie wasn't so sure. He was reluctant to resume dinner, but Edith managed to sway him. If anything, it was to keep the Meathead from eating the drumstick. But this dark cloud may have a silver lining as when he hears carolers at the door, Archie goes out and asks them to keep it down lest he calls the cops on them. Ah, now there's the Archie Bunker we all know and love. I think he'll be just fine.

So that was "The Draft Dodger", a very well-acted and well-written episode of All in the Family. It doesn't take a heavy-handed approach to the issue or hit the audience over the head, it presents all sides and they're heard equally. It's one of the series' best received episodes and it has earned that spot. In fact, they tried to reenact it back in 2019 when they did "Live in Front of a Studio Audience." Remember, when live TV temporarily became a thing, because networks ran out of creative ideas and looked to cash in on existing IPs? They reenacted episodes of The Jeffersons and Good Times, with new actors playing the roles. Woody Harrelson had the honor of playing Archie Bunker in the Draft Dodger reenactment, and let me tell you, he didn't even come close to matching Carroll O'Connor's intensity in that blow up scene. I know comparing the two actors isn't fair as Woody had big shoes to fill, but in the original, you can hear the fury and rage in Archie's voice, like this really affects him personally. Woody is a decent actor, but this was a bit out of his league. No matter, it was just the networks trying for a quick buck because no one watches regular TV anymore. Why? Because it sucks, is unoriginal, and they're too damned scared to take any chances. Anyway, back to All in the Family. As for the things I like: the acting and the performances, the things I didn't like was the water squirting Santa gag, I thought that got old real quick, and finally, though she doesn't do much here, this is another episode to feature the character of Teresa. When the Meathead moved out, the show's writers felt Archie should have a new foil under his roof to butt heads with. And who did they get? The sassy receptionist from when Archie went to the hospital for a transfusion. Let me state right now that as far as Teresa goes, I hate her. I hated that character from the moment she first appeared on screen. She's not funny, she's not quirky, she's annoying, she's poorly written and, while I mean no personal offense to Liz Torres, she's poorly acted. Thank heavens she disappeared in Season 7 without a trace. Maybe she was finally deported. So, in closing, I definitely recommend "The Draft Dodger." It's a fantastic episode to watch around Christmas, or any time of the year. Maybe you hate war, maybe you love it, maybe you know someone who was affected by it, either way, you'll love this story. One more thing: it was around the time of its airing that President Jimmy Carter pardoned all the draft dodgers. Guess David won't have to live in Canada anymore, and I'm sure Archie screamed even louder when he heard that. Anyways, Merry Christmas, all!

Arthur: D.W. Tale Spins/Prunella Gets It Twice (1999) Season 4, Episode 6

Double Trouble

[7/10 · 19 December 2023]

When I was a wee lad long ago, Arthur was a program I would watch off and on. My generation grew up with Sesame Street and Mister Rogers, along with Reading Rainbow, Lambchop, and Shining Time Station, and I was somewhat familiar with the Arthur books before this series premiered. It was a very good show that addressed many realistic problems and dealt with them in pragmatic ways... except for what to do when your child is a brat, as Mr. And Mrs. Read always seemed to reward D. W.'s tantrums while making Arthur suffer for it. But I'm here to talk about one episode that stood out to me, it's not a bad one, but one I just felt like talking about. That's "Prunella Gets it Twice", I'm not going to cover "D. W. Tale Spins", but I will say that it's not a crossover with Disney's Tale Spin. I'm sure D. W. would've made Baloo and Kit fly their plane toward a mountain and bail out with her still onboard. It's about D. W. being told the story of Homer's Odyssey and then she retells it to Arthur and Buster in her own way. The kinda thing The Simpsons did once. It's not bad, and it's an educational experience, so there's the short review of that one. But as for "Prunella Gets it Twice" (and you'll wish she really did get it twice, if you know what I mean), it addresses a grave misunderstanding between friends and how things are not always what they seem. There's a story behind every action and every foul mood, and if we knew what that was, it might make us more understanding. Like, have you ever received two of the same gift at a birthday or Christmas? That's what happens with Miss Prunella and it sets out a big misunderstanding between she and Francine, but let's begin from the beginning, shall we? Today was Prunella's birthday, and in attendance were all her friends from school, ready for a swinging party in her backyard. Prior to the party, she received a gift from her mother: a Polly Locket doll, something she'd always wanted. But what was the first gift she received at her party? Why, it was a second Polly Locket, which made the birthday girl feel annoyed that she got two of the same thing. This is why gift cards were invented. The rest of the party went swell for everyone, except Francine for some reason, who seemed sad and forlorn. Not participating in any games or singing a very awkward birthday song. That night, little miss Scrooge went to sleep and had herself a dream where she was visited by the Ghost of Presents Past, who looked remarkably like Polly Locket herself, and with her is The Ghost of Lunch Tomorrow, who resembles Binky. Anyway, Presents Past is here to educate Prunella on the gifts she got "yesterday", well, technically, it should be earlier that day as according to her bedside clock, it's only 9:00 so it's still today and not yesterday... never mind. Anyway, Prunella dismisses the offer, as there's more of gravy than grave with her, but she has no choice. She's forcibly spun backwards in time to a week ago when Francine got an A on her test, which Prunella helped her study for. As a way of paying her back, Francine decides to get her one of those Polly Locket dolls she caught her eyeing at the toy store. They're really something: you can dress her in different clothes and even store keepsakes behind her face. Unfortunately, they're supes expensive, but she's going to find a way. Francine is very responsible and she will earn that money... by asking her spoiled brat friend Muffy for a loan. This scene never sat well with me and I'll explain why after I've gone through it. A reluctant Muffy starts to open her big teddy bear savings bank. Just how expensive is this blasted toy anyway? I'm guessing it's either $10 or $15, the kind of money third graders in 1999 didn't normally have. Anyway, Muffy starts talking like a bank loan officer, talking about compounded daily interest. Regardless of Francine steadfastly agreeing to the terms, Muffy still refused to part with once cent of her money. Like I said, spoiled brat. Now here's why this scene bugs me: what kind of lesson is this teaching? That friends shouldn't lend friends money? Is Francine irresponsible with money or something? It's very poorly written. What SHOULD have happened is Muffy pointing out past times she'd lent Francine money and she never paid it back, this would show that she is irresponsible when it comes to money given freely to her and make her want to become more disciplined. Or better yet, just have Muffy be out of town so she can't be asked! I always hated that Muffy character, and this scene sums it all up. There, that's why I don't like it: a poorly written gag scene that makes Muffy look like a greedy jerk and a horrible friend.

Well, if she can't beg for money, Francine will do what very few young people are willing to do today: work for it. But since YouTube and Tiktok didn't exist yet, she had to do REAL work. Doing extra chores, washing windows, mowing lawns, cleaning closets, and even washing her father's car: a garbage truck... including the back. Oh man! Can you imagine having to clean out the back of a garbage truck? Can you even begin to imagine the kinds of things that would be in there? Rotting fruit, ancient pieces of food, loaded diapers, used tampons, snotty rags and kleenexes, makes me want to throw up just thinking about it. I hope Francine wore a bodysuit when cleaning out that thing. At least she got paid double, but was dismayed to watch her father dump garbage into the newly cleaned back of his truck. But luckily, all of Francine's hard work literally paid off and she could finally buy that silly doll. Oh, but for a few dollars more, they would personalize it for you. Always a catch, isn't there? Coming up a little short for the personalization, Francine did something really desperate: beg her sister for the money, which she got in exchange for cleaning her half of their bedroom for a month. Man, all that hard work and personal sacrifice. Francine is a real hero. And now we come to the day of Prunella's birthday party, where she gets to watch herself open the Polly Locket doll Francine bought with her hard-earned money, only for it to be tossed aside as Prunella already had one. The look on Francine's face is heartbreaking and the birthday girl gets a real taste of humility. She wakes up in bed, having learned a very good lesson, then went to apologize to her friend, keeping the doll she'd given her and gifting Francine the doll she got first. As a peace offering, Prunella had put Francine's picture behind her doll's face, and when asked if she would reciprocate and put Prunella's picture in hers, Francine says she'll put one of her cat. Good one. So, it all worked out and a valuable lesson was learned: if you receive two of the same gift, it was just a misunderstanding, and don't shortchange someone's poor mood because there it usually means they had to clean out filthy garbage trucks and sell their souls to their sisters to buy your ungrateful self a present.

This episode was very well done, and a good lesson for people young and old to take to heart. If it weren't for that greedy Muffy scene, it would've been flawless. On the other hand, maybe it's supposed to resemble how people who need money try to get a loan, but are turned down for stupid reasons, so they have to resort to slaving away for pennies to try and save on their own. No, I didn't find anything satirical about that scene, but the takeaways come from Francine's hard work and sacrifice and it shows a very good side of her. Ordinarily her character is bossy and a bit of a braggart, especially around Arthur, but this shows she's willing to do whatever it takes to make someone happy. Not much else I can say except I recommend "D. W. Tale Spins/Prunella Gets it Twice," as they are both good lessons in why you shouldn't judge others based solely on their outward appearance, whether it be age or mood, because what's hiding underneath might surprise you. Yes, we shouldn't judge others... except Muffy, because she's terrible. Everyone wants to say D. W. is the worst Arthur character, but she has her redeeming qualities. Spoiled Muffy doesn't. But check out this episode, it's a good watch.

Sonic the Hedgehog: Fed Up with Antoine/Ghost Busted (1994) Season 2, Episode 6

Who You Gonna Call? Antoine Busters!

[6/10 · 31 October 2023]

So, here's another episode of Sonic the Hedgehog that contains two short stories instead of a full, twenty minute one. The last one I looked at was a double-dose of Antoine and... I'm sorry to say this one is too. In fact, Antoine is far more annoying here than he was last time. I really think he was the producers' favorite character, because I can see no other reason why they focus so much attention on him and why he had so many stories revolving around him. He's not funny, he's obnoxious, he's fodder for entertaining small children. Thank goodness Rob Paulsen is fun to listen to, and you can tell he's having a lot of fun playing this character. In fact, I think Paulsen once said Antoine was his favorite character to play. Personally, my favorite Paulsen character is Raphael, but anyway, let's take a look at Fed Up with Antoine (most appropriate, meta title ever) and Ghost Busted, in light of today being Halloween. We open on a dark, desolate street in Robotropolis where Antoine was supposed to meet up with Sonic after collecting a message from Uncle Chuck. Bet you can already guess he fouled that up and didn't get the message. Sonic saves his worthless hide from a Swat Bot and is understandably angry when he learns Monsieur L'idiot didn't get their important inside information. Naturally, Antoine acts arrogant and stuck-up about it, so Sonic threatens to leave him there. Oh no, please, Sonic, Robotropolis has suffered enough. Oh of course, he takes the cowardly Frenchman back to Knothole, and I can only assume the message from Uncle Chuck wasn't important as the matter is never addressed again. Next day, Antoine watches as Bunny teaches Tails martial arts and asks her to teach him "marshmallow arts." Oh God. As you can expect, he's also clumsy, accidentally kicking a dummy of Dr. Robotnik into Sonic's hut and right onto the hedgehog himself. He next somehow causes himself to crash into Sonic, who rightfully kicks him away. You know, this type of scenario where everyone is angry at someone and he leaves as we're meant to feel sorry for him doesn't work here. Antoine is entirely in the wrong and we don't feel sorry for him. When Sonic and Bunny call him clumsy and say he's a nuisance, he IS. They're right! So, he goes off alone in the woods practice what he calls "king fu," or as I call it, "kung fool." Instantly, he crosses paths with a tough gang of hyena bikers, who are about to give him whatfor, until he again uses the words "king fu" and that instantly makes them think he's a king. Wow, what a gang of easily led bikers. They take his royal pain-in-the-highness back to their hideout, where he sits on a throne, wears a tin can for a crown and makes frivolous requests of his "pheasants". Eventually, Sonic and the others get worried about Antoine and go look for him, and when the hedgehog sees that he's been named king, he finds it hilarious, as do we. Despite Sally and Bunny trying to persuade him, Antoine announces that he is resigning from the freedom fighters, and at Sonic's insistence, they leave him there, unable to cite any use he was to their movement. I agree, leave him behind. However, Sally decides to do a little digging into this hyena gang, and she discovers that they're a group of cannibals who eat their king! In other words, those laughing jackals have a hankering for French food. The next day, Antoine finds himself in a boiling pot, oblivious to what was about to happen, and I like how his friends wait until evening to rescue him. But then, why would it take that long to cook him? I've heard of slow cooking, but this is ridiculous. Anyway, Sonic goes back to save Antoine who, in a rare bout of usefulness, saves Sonic when he's nearly attacked. Of course, Antoine took full credit for his rescue and demonstrates his "heroic" moves to those back at Knothole, with someone lamenting, "we should've let them eat him." Yes you should have, but I guess you spared those hyenas a really serious case of indigestion. This one was very annoying, as it's the type of story where you're meant to feel sorry for the protagonist and think his friends were too hard on him, but it doesn't work with Antoine. We don't feel sorry for him, his friends are absolutely right, and he's such a one-note character. Maybe the next story will be better?

Sonic and Tails are camping in the woods, with the hedgehog teaching his little buddy the art of tracking prey. Their intended target was Antoine, who reeks of fine perfume, however scent wasn't needed to track him but rather ears, as the clumsy fool was falling down a cliff and screaming for help. They find him in a mud puddle, claiming to have seen a ghost. Sonic and Tails laugh it off and later that night, around the campfire, the hedgehog tells his little pal a story about a gopher highwayman who stole a gold medallion from a sorcerer and lost his head, and he still haunts these woods. This story terrifies Antoine was just... sitting there sucking his thumb for some reason. Man, he's pathetic. Before hitting the hay, Sonic tells Tails another ghost story, this one is about an evil spirit who decided to become a duck...as you do. Anyway, Tails has trouble sleeping that night, as he looked up at the moon, which now had the face of a duck. 'I am terror that flaps in the night, I am the moon giving you a cheesy grin.' He next sees the headless gopher ghost, which has a pair of evil, disembodied eyes, riding an angry bull and carrying a gold medallion. But the worst thing of all was a large, misshapen yellow creature that had a strobe light effect, marching like a zombie through the woods. He wakes up Sonic and they discover Antoine is missing. Now if you're like me, you put two and two together quickly and deduced who that ghost is, but we'll play along for now. Sonic goes to investigate, leaving Tails to fend for himself, as he wanders the spooky woods and into a cave, infested with bats. He runs, flies and stumbles around the woods, tormented with visions of headless gophers and duck-faced moons, and fearing that the yellow glowing ghost has possessed Sonic's mind. Man, this kid has a really overactive imagination. Eventually, he gets cornered by the glowing ghost, who Sonics points out as being Antoine (called it!) who accidentally stumbled into a patch of fox fire plants. How convenient. Next day, they pack up and leave, with Sonic reiterating that ghosts aren't real... that is until Tails finds the golden medallion under his sleeping bag, and they hear a horrific cackling! They scream in fright and haul ass right out of there. So I guess the moral of our stories are: self-awareness can be a strength so have a hefty supply, and watch where you sleepwalk because you can become a strobe lighted ghost and scare little kids with active imaginations to death... and then find out ghosts are real? Why would I expect anything less?

These episodes are not great, but they're not terrible. Well, "Ghost Busted" was kinda fun, but boy was "Fed Up With Antoine" a chore. I've already stated how useless and pointless this character is, so there's no point in going over it again. He's clearly there for comic relief, except he's not funny. They didn't try to build or give any depth to his character, he's like this throughout the entire series. Maybe little kids find him funny, but the adults, especially the French, find him downright incorrigible. Not much plot to these stories, and I'm not sure why they did two minisodes instead of just one big one. They could have built on and expanded these stories into half hour segments, like say, in "Fed Up With Antoine", perhaps the cowardly Frenchman could finally learn a lesson, and maybe it would be up to him to save his friends when, like, maybe all of Knothole gets captured. He could end up saving the day and learn some humility. I mean, it would be gone by the next episode, but at least we would finally get a reason to care about this guy and see him learn from his mistakes. Instead, we get him acting like a highfalutin creep with a complete lack of self-awareness, and although he does save Sonic, he takes all the credit and claims he's a master of king-fu. This is why nobody likes you, Antoine! And as for "Ghost Busted", make it the whole show, like have Robotnik invent some kind of soundwave generator to make them think the forest is haunted, or use some kind of... holographic projector to make ghosts, or something of that nature, or make it a real ghost who possesses the forest, but Sonic convinces him not to be evil, and he scares the pants off Robotnik. I know, I'm just reaching here. "Ghost Busted" was fine the way it was, but Len Janson could've done a much better job with the Antoine one. But gripes aside, the animation and voicework were really good, and it's still a fun show. If you like these shorts and want to see Tails get in on the action, then check out "Ghost Busted", but by all means, skip "Fed Up With Antoine." What are my personal feelings about him? To quote John Hammond: "I really hate that man."

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog: Road Hog (1993) Season 1, Episode 57

Scent of a Hedgehog

[6/10 · 25 October 2023]

Being the number one hero of Mobius, protecting them week after week from the diabolical schemes of Dr. Robotnik, you just know that Sonic the Hedgehog is on the right side of the law. But what would happen if he were ever on the wrong side? Like, through no will of his own, or anyone else for that matter, the hedgehog became an outlaw? It just might happen, through the miracle of mind-altering pollen, he and an assortment of other individuals would lose their free will and do whatever they were told. I dunno, advertisers and governments seem to do that without the use of pollen, and on Mobius, the citizens are all just dumb sheep anyway, but the use of mind-altering plant vapor is an added bonus. It all started one day when Sonic and Tails were pulled over for speeding, though they were not in a car, and are issued a citation. Tails suggests outrunning the cop, but like the goody two-shoes that he is, Sonic abides by the legal system and takes this matter before the judge. In this case, the judge doesn't care who Sonic is and sentences he and Tails to 30 days on the chain gang when the hedgehog was unable to pay his fine. Now this is a very harsh chain gang, as the mere act of talking gives one an additional 10-day sentence. The big-nosed guard tells Sonic to work faster, which he does by way of binding up the whole chain gang and receiving yet another ten days. During their labor, Sonic and Tails meet a friendly skunk named Colonel Stench, who reveals that he's a scientist who breeds flowers in an attempt to make a perfume that covers up his scent, which so far has proven unsuccessful. He goes on to state that some "fellars from out of town" came along and stole his flowers, then managed to put him on a chain gang, because these flowers contain a pollen that does "funny things" to one's mind. The colonel demonstrates it on Tails, by making him think he's a chicken, and it works. But one drop of the antidote returns him to normal. Yeah, I think we can all guess who those "out of towners" were whole stole Stench's operation, but why would Robotnik have him placed on a chain gang? Why not imprison him in his fortress or kill him or something, or even hypnotize him with his own concoction and make him a slave? Eh, Botsy has his own ideas of what he wants to do with his ill-gotten gains, such as spraying it all over Mobius to brainwash its citizens into making him their supreme dictator. The stuff really works, because Scratch and Grounder accidentally spray their boss and make him think he's a seal and an elephant, but when they accidentally hold the antidote too close, he's back to normal and sends those two lunkheads through a shredder. Back in the flower field, Sonic and Tails deduce that the guards were put under the effects of the pollen. So, er, why didn't a genius like Stench figure that out sooner? He had the antidote on him, he could've just turned them back to normal at any point. Because it's Sonic's show and not his, and only he gets to come to the conclusions the rest of us came to five minutes ago. After managing to subdue the guards, they douse them with antidote and the effects wear off, and they identify Dr. Robotnik as the one who did them dirty. Okay, so, did Robotnik also spray the traffic cop and judge? It would make sense if he did, but they don't say. Guess they were both new to the job and were not familiar with Sonic. No matter, the hedgehog sends Tails and Stench off to whip up some more antidote, while he goes to confront Botsy at the processing plant. However, it seems this time the doctor has the drop on Sonic. Literally. He dumps a load of pollen on him and tells him he's an "ordinary slow-mo", and it works! He then tells Sonic to get lost, which he does. What a Bond villain, Robotnik has Sonic right where he wants him. He could just tell him to jump off a cliff or go lock himself in one of his dungeon cells, then he wouldn't need the pollen, he could just take over Mobius right then and there. Good thing this version of Robotnik isn't very bright.

With Botsy in his blimp, spraying the pollen, Scratch and Grounder follow behind in a truck, the former shouting over loudspeakers: "you love Dr. Robotnik, the supreme dictator of Mobius!" and if you thought Scratch's voice was grating at a normal level, being amplified is enough to blow out your ear drums. The two boob bots even see Sonic on the road, who keeps uttering he's an ordinary slow-mo. They attempt to run him over, but even when Sonic is in a trance and isn't speedy they still fail to eliminate him. Man, these two really suck. Fortunately, Tails rescues Sonic, who doesn't recognize his friend. He walks to the nearest burger stand, being operated by Burt from Untouchable Sonic, or maybe this is Burt's brother, Bert. Sonic order a hamburger, which Tails thinks is very uncharacteristic, but before he can enjoy it, a gang of fat hog bikers ride up and cause trouble. The lead biker pours orange juice on Sonic, which somehow temporarily relieves him of his amnesia, and he gives them a workout. When the bikers use a threat that contains the words "up, over and gone," Sonic seems fully cured as he really mops the floor with them and shows off his bike riding skills. So, wait, is orange juice the antidote? What just happened here? Anyway, the hogs are so impressed by Sonic's showboating that they name him their new leader, which Sonic believes, showing he's not fully cured after all. Um, hello? Jeffrey Scott? Wanna give us a clue about what's going on here? Okay, so the hedgehog now believes he's a biker hog. He and the gang play chicken with a police car, which Sonic saws in half. Oh dear, that 250 Mobium fine is getting higher by the minute. Speaking of high, the citizens of Mobius are effectively brainwashed by the pollen, and Scratch's screeching make them loyal to Robotnik. This is not looking good. Eventually, Sonic and the biker hogs are dusted, but before they can be swayed by a shrill robot chicken, Tails plugs their ears, then screams at Sonic about who he is, which actually, really, and honestly restores his memory. As for the bikers, Sonic makes them into "good hogs" who will help him stop Robotnik. First, they subdue Scratch and Grounder by way of extending pole chainsaw on their bikes and shredding their truck's tires, sending them over a cliff. As for Sonic, he goes up to Robotnik's blimp, making the portly villain chase him around with a pollen sprayer, showing that when these two aren't ripping off Roadrunner and Coyote, they're also Bugs Bunny and Yosemite Sam knock-offs. Long story short, Sonic drops a pin, which Robotnik catches, only it slips out of his hands and pops the blimp, sending it flying out of control. He lands in a lake, thinking he's safe, except that he disturbed a hungry gator, which gives chase. Our Sonic Says is about how the policeman is our friend. Yeah, I don't entirely agree with that statement, but there is some truth in it, under some circumstances. I guess. But the cops weren't treated as so friendly in this episode, as one gives Sonic a ticket, and another one is almost cut in half by Sonic the biker. So, yeah.

That was "Road Hog", not a bad episode. It is a big strange, but that's to be expected for this show. There's a ton of plotholes, and hearing Scratch over a loudspeaker is cringe inducing. But the animation is more decent than usual, even if some of the side characters look a bit weird, as if doodled out in ten seconds. Not much else I can say about it, as again, it's not a bad episode, it's actually pretty okay. If you're in a Sonic mood, I'd recommend Road Hog. It shows yet again that the legal system does not work in the hedgehog's favor, as we saw in "Momma Robotnik Returns", in which she legally adopts Sonic. Though that time, they weren't using mind-altering pollen, the judge and social workers were naturally stupid. Despite all of Sonic's talk about the law and the cops being a good thing, I've rarely seen them do anything to help him.

King of the Hill: Hilloween (1997) Season 2, Episode 4

Pumpkins and Pumpkin Accessories

[9/10 · 25 October 2023]

Halloween, the one time of year when you could actually find Hank Hill in a good mood and having fun, except of course for the annual Strickland Propane company picnics, but Halloween was definitely his favorite time of the year, and since Bobby was fast approaching his teenage years, he feared this may be the last real, old fashioned Halloween he could have with his boy. Unfortunately for Hank, this was the year when Halloween almost wasn't, because some high-horse riding hag tried to take it away. It all began one evening, three days before Halloween, Hank, Bill, Dale, and Boomhauer were preparing a haunted house set up for the school and remembering when they went trick-or-treating as kids, getting some big-ass candy bars and vandalizing their own mailboxes. Good times. However, it seems modern day Halloween has lost its edge, as Hank notices at the Mega-Lo-Mart. Instead of vampire, monster and ghost costumes, all he sees are Elmo, Aladdin, and Jenny McCarthy. Candy's gone soft too as he notices Peggy buying sugar-free, low-fat funbars, which he declares are for diabetics and not trick-or-treaters. Yeah, it seems some organizations have started an unofficial war on Halloween in middle America, and one such individual who seems to be leading the charge is Miss Junie Harper, a firebrand spinster who modern-day audiences would refer to as a Karen. Luanne was in attendance at her local church when Miss Harper came to spout her rhetoric on how Halloween is the devil's holiday, even going so far as to say the Druids celebrated by eating babies and dancing by the light of their Jack-o-Lanterns. What kind of a dummy would fall for this load of nonsense? I would say Luanne, as she was invested in what Harper was saying, but she isn't dumb. Know why? Miss Harper said she was smart, and that's enough to convince her. She tells Hank and Peggy that Halloween was invented by the "Druish" (insert "funny, she doesn't look Druish" from Spaceballs here). However, Hank tells her she's full of it and dismisses her claims, saying Halloween has nothing to do with the Devil... aside from Hank's Devil costume he passed down to Bobby, but he's right, Halloween is just a day for having fun. But since she's convinced she's a genius, Luanne returns to Miss Harper, who decides to take her crusade a step further when she lets it slip about Hank's haunted house for the school. So she goes down there next day, looking over Hank's work and threatens legal action, citing a separation between church and state. Hank stood firm, saying he's not changing anything, but as we all know, Principal Moss is a spineless, gutless, wimpy pushover who sides with Harper, fearing a lawsuit. As a result, Hank and the guys gathered up all their props and headed home. All may not be lost, as Peggy makes a helpful suggestion for once: have the haunted house in the garage.

To get in the proper Halloween spirit, Hank took Bobby out that night for some good, old fashioned pranking, which involves eggs and toilet paper. Their intended target was Dale's house, but then they see Junie Harper at her place, and Hank remembers an old Bible quote: "do unto others." So they chuck their wares at her house, until a foul hits and destroys her birdhouse. The Hills take off as Junie jumps in her car to give chase, running over her cat in the process. They try to jump a fence, but because Bobby is slow and fat, he's immediately recognized. They ditch the evidence by throwing it in Dale's yard, scaring him half to death. Well, Hank may have thought this escapade was fun, but Bobby is starting to have doubts. Maybe what Luanne and Harper was saying was starting to make sense to him, which isn't a good sign, as he'll be very gullible to whatever they say to him next. As for the aforementioned witch of Arlen, she brings her dead cat to show the city council, claiming the Devil did it. As a result, they passed a curfew, effectively banning Halloween in Arlen. It was very quiet the night of the 31st, with nobody visiting "Hank's Hell's Haunted House." Huh, so that would make him King of the Hell? Not sure if that's a good thing for not. As for Junie Harper, she set up a Hallelujah House at her place, inviting as many gullible fools as she can. Bible-thumpers like her who go "hell this, hell that" all the time really give religion a bad name. She already ensnared Luanne with her rhetoric, and now it looks like she's about to get her sanctimonious claws on Bobby, who is now convinced his father is a Satanist and asked Luanne to take him to her. Oh, when Peggy found out, she was really angry that Luanne tried to think she knew best for Bobby. She's rightfully put in per place by her aunt, who says she and Hank know best, as they get a magazine about it. When Hank heard what happened, he came very close to spitting out beer. This was the straw that broke the camel's back. They took his haunted house, they took his holiday, but they will not take his boy! So after squeezing himself into his old devil costume, Hank marches down the street, chanting "trick or treat." Eventually, he's joined by Boomhauer the mime, Bill the ghost/toga, and Dale the Washington lobbyist, even Luanne had a change of heart and joins them as a lady devil. The protest worked, as soon they were joined by the rest of their neighbors in homemade costumes. They march over to Junie Harper's, just as Bobby was signing his life away. Hank pours his heart out to his son, literally, a fake rubber heart. He tells Bobby that Halloween is no fun without him, then the boy makes the right choice and chooses his old man, despite Harper's threats of going to Hell. The rest of Hallelujah House decide to forego Junie Harper's BS and joins the Hills and the rest of Rainey Street trick-or-treating, with her yelling, "fine, more room in Heaven for me." Yeah, we'll see about that, as apparently she overlooked a few things: Honor thy father and thy mother, which is what Bobby ultimately chose, and also it would stun her to realize that Halloween is the Eve of All Saints. It's no more of a Pagan holiday than Christmas, so get off your high-horse, you silly, silly woman.

So ends Hilloween, one of King of the Hill's best episodes, and one of my personal favorites. This was a great series that I wish I had given a better chance to when it was on. I used to watch it religiously, then I stopped around the time it got canceled. Looking back now, I think it's one of the best shows Fox ever aired, if not one of the best animated sitcoms of all time. I'm very glad to hear that a revival is in the works and will hopefully be out next year. As for "Hilloween", the writing, animation, and voicework are all great. That's Sally Field doing the voice of Junie Harper, who we thankfully never see again. I guess she decided to move out of Arlen and more than likely settled in Utah. Sorry to say but Junie Harpers exist everywhere, especially in the south, including Texas. There's a methodist church on almost every street, and Bible-thumpers like Junie reside within. Now adays, people like Junie spearheaded cancel culture and try to block out anyone whom they disagree with. But enough about her, this Halloween, let's journey back to Arlen, Texas and see how our old friends are celebrating the holiday. They're still there, just as you remember them. This one's really got it where it counts, I tell you what. And finally, I wish to dedicate this review to Johnny Hardwick, thanks for giving Dale a voice and helping to shape King of the Hill into what it became. Have a good rest, Mr. Shackelford.

A Quiet Fourth (1941)

Red, Black, and Blue

[5/10 · 4 July 2023]

July 4 was deemed Independence Day when the United States of America fought for and obtained their independence, and each year we observe this holiday in honor of our becoming a nation of freedom. Of course, modern day Fourth of July is only known for two things: fireworks and eating, and Edgar Kennedy is going to experience the former in abundance when he gets stuck taking a bunch of children on a picnic. Yes, I include his wife and brother in-law in that category. It all started on the afternoon of July 4 where a neighbor's two rotten kids kept setting off firecrackers, and when one hits their father squarely in the bum, he begins whacking their bums in return. Edgar sees the display while packing his car to go on a picnic (at least this time he doesn't have gout, but will still experience his fair share of pain nonetheless) and goes to remind his neighbor that the Fourth of July comes but once a year and that it's a kids' day. He goes on to state that he wishes he had a couple of kids. Oh, Edgar, be careful what you wish for, because then Charlie sticks him with his two boys for the day. Despite his protests that he was going out in the country on a picnic, he still finds himself the babysitter of the two hellions, who were at that moment sticking a lit firecracker in Edgar's mailbox. When he discovers this, he runs off, just before it detonates... and wouldn't you know it, the police happen to be driving by at that exact moment. Never fails. I don't think Al Capone had as much trouble with cops as Edgar Kennedy has. He gets his ticket for setting off firecrackers in a mailbox without a license, just as Brother and Flore... er, I mean, Sally come out of the house with the picnic basket. They all get in Edgar's car and get on their way. En route, there's a funny gag where Brother sets off some of the fireworks and uses vocal sound effects like an early version of Michael Winslow from Police Academy to make Edgar think he blew a tire. Yeah, this is going to be a very, very long day.

Meanwhile, the military was planning to test some of their heavy artillery at a private lot dubbed Pleasant Oaks. Guess they have their own ways of celebrating, but then, this was a few months shy of World War II, so I guess it was good to be prepared just in case. Oh, and Pleasant Oaks just happens to be the place Edgar and co choose to have their picnic. Despite the sign out front clearly saying "private property", Brother tells him to go in anyway. This reminds me of a scene from W. C. Fields' "It's a Gift" where they drive into a rich man's yard, thinking it's a park, and make a mess of the place. Wanna bet the Kennedy gang will do the same? But at least Fields' family wasn't bombarded with artillery, though I doubt he would've minded if they took out his awful wife and kids, but anyway, no sooner do they drive in the gate do a couple of soldiers ride up on motorbike and close and lock it. Funny, if they were going to test a bunch of explosives in a wide open space, you'd think they would've made sure the gate was locked much sooner. But then I guess they figured nobody would be coming out that way and if they were, they wouldn't be so thoughtless as to trespass onto private property. However, we wouldn't have a movie if anybody had a brain and we're already extremely thin on plot as it is. So once the gang is set up for their picnic, Sally realizes she forgot the milk. Luckily, Brother spotted a cow pasture not too far away and goads Edgar into showing off his supposed farming skills and go milk it. He does so and... well, unfortunately the copy I watched has a few minutes removed, so we go from Edgar finally taking the lid off the bucket to him chasing Brother back to Sally. Since neither man is covered in milk, I can only assume Brother kept pushing Edgar until he finally lost patience and chased him away. Back at the picnic, Edgar unloads the dishes from the car, as these were the days before paper plates, and brags how he used to bus tables in restaurants, stacking 150 dishes in one hand, and when Brother suggests he used the other hand to pick up the pieces, it tempts fate and makes Edgar drop the dishes he was holding. In the next act of Punish Edgar, one of the firecracker brothers lights one under a stone pot, and it goes flying through the air and lands directly on Edgar's head. Wow, impressive aim. It gets stuck on his giant cranium, and one of the boys' solution in removing it is sticking a 'cracker in the top. Man, these kids are going to grow up to be pyromaniacs, I can see it now. Just have Edgar bash his head against a tree, that should work. Even that giggling idiot Brother could do that, instead of standing around and being a smart-ass. I'd like Edgar to tie Brother to a tree, take one of the boys' lit firecrackers and stick it where the sun don't shine. So, does the mini explosive remove the pot? Yes, and when he charges at a laughing Brother, he topples the picnic table. Those kids and their lousy firecrackers, even though Edgar told them earlier not to set any more off, but Sally tells him in light of the holiday, they can shoot off all they want. Sally... shut up. Anyway, speaking of setting things off, the military begins Operation: Demolish Pleasant Oaks and opens fire. After a few mortar blasts go off around him, Edgar has a look at the paper and realizes what was going on. Gee, it's too bad he didn't read that paper earlier in the day. No matter, they're under attack! They run for the car, but a bomb destroys it, leaving the three of them lying dazed and bemused in the rubble, and just to rub it in, the radio reports that this was safest and sanest Fourth in years.

So that was A Quiet Fourth, though it was anything but. It's very light on plot, even by Edgar Kennedy shorts standards. It's the usual: he's trying to do something nice and relaxing, and his awful family spoil it. Add two rotten kids to the mix, and you've got a recipe for disaster. One of those boys was in Mutiny in the County, another short were pint-sized punks made Edgar's life a living hell. And was one of those boys named Darwin? Ironic, as I'm sure he's going to be a Darwin Award winner when he grows up. This is another short where Sally Payne filled in for Florence Lake and was apparently encouraged to mimic Lake and her mannerisms as much as possible. I don't know why they did that. If Edgar has a different wife, have her act a differentway. They never pushed Vivien Oakland to imitate Florence Lake, so why did Sally Payne, Irene Ryan, and Pauline Drake? That's Charlie Hall playing Edgar's suffering neighbor, and as you may know, he was quite the foil for Kennedy as well as Laurel and Hardy. Yeah, it seems Edgar can never go on a picnic without some sort of disaster happening. This Fourth of July, as you're grilling food and setting off fireworks... but do it responsibly, not like the punks in this short... why not look back on this classic from 1941? I recommend A Quiet Fourth, as quiet as possible.

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog: Tails in Charge (1993) Season 1, Episode 24

Stoned Soul Picnic

[6/10 · 22 June 2023]

Here's an episode that poses a very interesting question: what if Dr. Robotnik succeeded in incapacitating Sonic, and Tails had no one else to help him, how would he fend off the baddies on his own? That's right, we finally get to see Tails take center stage, and from what I saw, he did a pretty good job. So has Robotnik succeeded in finally stopping his spiny blue adversary? He does, if only for a little while. It all began when he finished his latest invention: the Super Supreme Stopper-Zapper, a sphere shaped gizmo that when fired at someone, it will turn them to stone. He then orders Scratch and Grounder to go find Sonic and make him get stoned. All they need is to lure him into a trap, then zap him good. They turn to plan #2112 of the Wile E. Coyote handbook to set up the ultimate ambush: stick up a sign advertising chili dogs, then pulzarize him with a boulder from a giant slingshot, then get him with the stopper-zapper. Well, the plan almost worked, except for some reason, a weird beatnik bird lands on the boulder and starts disco dancing. For real? Grounder is distracted by this poorman's Woodstock, and goes rolling with the stone. They try shooting at Sonic and Tails anyway, but they manage to escape. Robotnik then calls up to chide the idiot robots for screwing up again. Seriously, why can't he take a hint that these two are going to bungle any plan he comes up with? Speaking of plans, now it's Scratch's turn to try and trap a hedgehog, while still using chili dogs as bait. Hey, why don't these guys ever think of putting sleeping pills or something to drug Sonic in the chili dogs, that way he goes down, they catch him, they win. Same reason Wile E never spiked the bird seed he gave the Roadrunner. Yes, I know I keep bringing them up, but this show blatantly copies their formula! Anyway, the bots set up a chili dog stand, with Grounder as the server and Scratch standing just out of sight, ready with the stopper-zapper. As a lure, they advertise free chili dogs. Naturally, Sonic sees right through this obvious ruse and disguises himself as a food inspector, and of course dummy Grounder doesn't recognize him. Sonic tricks the little green washing machine into eating a dog himself, loaded with extra hot chili. His cheeks explode, then he turns into a... bulldog, and then a cat? They were definitely on drugs when they made this. Sonic nabs two real dogs and books it, while Scratch and Grounder give chase, the stopper-zapper malfunctioning and a-firin' its laser in any given direction. And then, as a stray beam was heading for Tails, Sonic pushed him out of the way and was zapped. The hedgehog turns to stone, as he lets us know beforehand. Unsure of what to do and unable to use the stopper-zapper against the bots, Tails grabs his stone buddy and escapes. Grounder and Scratch give chase, but Tails is able to subdue them with a bunch of wooden logs that were conveniently left in the middle of the road.

Tails brings Sonic into an old factory to hide out, managing to lose Robotnik and his dim-bots, who have a hankering for a stoned hedgehog. They'll get him if they have to destroy the entire factory, which is what Scratch and Grounder almost do, breaking in with a giant tank that has a boxing glove attached to the front. Where do they get these ideas? Speaking of ideas, Tails takes a page from Sonic's book of gimmicks and disguises himself as an MP, citing the bots for dangerous driving, which includes a hefty and lengthy jail sentence. However, being unusually sharp, Scratch sees right through Tails' disguise, noting that most officers don't have two tails. Why is it he can see through one of Tails' disguises, but is constantly fooled by the ones Sonic pulls off? I guess because the script says so. Ha, script? Tails books it again, and rather than go after him, the bots decide to draw him out, with yet another chili dog trap. If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Meanwhile, Tails rigs up a trap of his own. Hmm, two dimwits chasing after a child left on his own who manages to fend them off with some homemade traps. Sounds familiar. So, as Scratch and Grounder try to lure Tails into their oversized mousetrap, he easily fools them, making them the ones to get caught. Despite their slipping and sliding and getting KO'ed with sandbags in Tails' trap, the two dummies refuse to give up. That's when Robotnik calls to demand an update. Wait, did he go back to the fortress? We saw him pursuing Tails in his Egg-o-Matic a few minutes ago, then he crashed and just disappeared. You'd think he would've stayed to make sure he successfully nabbed Sonic, who is easier to catch now than ever before. The robots decide next to bring out the big guns: the stopper-zapper. Tails sees this as the perfect opportunity to have Sonic unfreezed, so he sets up a mirror, then throws a few "nyah-nyah"s at the two dummies, who fire their frickin' laser beam, it reflects off the mirror, and quicker than you can say "how predictable", Sonic is unfreezed. He then bends the rod on the stopper-zapper's beam, thus making it freeze itself and subsequently explode, sending Scratch and Grounder flying, and falling right on Dr. Robotnik, who came back to see what was going on. Now to finish off this terrible trio. Tails activates a giant claw that scoops them up and drops them into a vat of quick drying cement. Hard luck, boys. Our Sonic Says is about not opening the door to strangers, and I guess it's also about not impersonating a cop, as when Scratch and Grounder claim to be the police to try and gain entry, they're taken away by a real cop. Well, both are good lessons, I guess.

And that was Tails in Charge, as we finally get to see him stand up to Robotnik and his henchbots on his own. It shows he's pretty capable of doing it. It's almost like something has been holding him back. Yeah, odd not seeing Sonic as the center of attention for once, but he did teach that wily fox all he knows. By my count, this is third time Sonic was turned to stone in this series. It happened previously in Magic Hassle and Grounder the Genius. His feet were turned to stone in Hedgehog of the Hound Table. Guess he like the makers of this show just can't avoid getting stoned. This episode was pretty good, even if the animation is pretty bad in a few places. Like, why does Grounder have human hands for 80% of it? There's very little plot, and what there is begins around the 7 minute mark, and then it's just nothing but chasing, yelling, and setting up traps. I'd say check this one out if you want to see how Tails handles a situation when he's left to fend for himself without his big blue buddy. That was an almost sad scene when Tails is trying to talk to Sonic, despite him being encased in stone, and how he calls him "big bro." This whole thing proves that Tails can handle himself and doesn't have to be reduced to wimpy damsel. I'm sure we would've seen Tails grow in strength and character in the Saturday show, had it stuck around for another season, and they could've done that in this show too. I mean, Tails does get a few more episodes where he's the protagonist having to solve problems on his own (Tails Prevails and Tails' Tale), so the desire was there. Anyway, I recommend Tails in Charge.

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog: Hero of the Year (1993) Season 1, Episode 60

Sonic the Hedgehog, This is Your Life!

[6/10 · 21 June 2023]

Sonic the Hedgehog is the ultimate hero of the planet Mobius. The only being with any courage to stand up to Dr. Robotnik and is the one thing that stands between him and total world domination. He gets thanked for it, sure, usually with chili dogs, but who ever thought of going that extra mile and giving him a testimonial dinner in his honor? Well, someone is about to do just that, and the circumstances surrounding it are so crazy they could only work on a show like this. Side note, this is the final episode of Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, or at least the final one to air, and how are we going out? With a clip show, of course. That's right, there's so many weird, wacky moments in this series that we needed to take a look back. I guess it being a clip show is a legitimate excuse for why there's no plot whatsoever. We open on Wes Weasely, that two-timing, stereotypical motormouthed salesman taking a drive in his big-ass limousine, which I think was modeled after the American Dream. Look it up, world's longest limo. It's a hundred feet long. The ride is interrupted when Scratch and Grounder attempt to steal the car, and in the process, set off a built-in SUS alarm. Yeah, it's sus alright. In this case, it's a Save Us Sonic. On cue, the hedgehog gives chase, while Tails tends to Weasely, who was thrown from the car during the robbery. As a way of showing gratitude for Sonic, Weasely announces plans to throw him a big testimonial dinner on his new yacht, with no strings attached. The whole thing's on him. He sends Tails off to find Sonic's friends and invite them to the party, while Sonic continues chasing the super long, super fast limo. Now they say there's a first time for everything, and here is one such first: Scratch and Grounder succeed in eluding the hedgehog. They set it to autopilot and flee from the limo in ejector seats, complete with parachutes. Dr. Robotnik was overjoyed that everything finally went to plan. That's right, this whole thing was a set up, and naturally, Weasely was in on it. It was all a plan to lure Sonic into a trap and finish him. Well, his smaller plans have never worked, so I guess he has to keep going bigger and more ludicrous. Meanwhile, Tails seeks out a bunch of familiar series characters, like Robotnik Jr., Breezy, Sergeant Doberman, Robot (the robot Scratch and Grounder built, and yes, he works), Professor Von Schlemmer, Da Bears, everybody. The party was held that night on Weasely's yacht, and at first, Sonic was surprised to see everyone having gathered in his honor to throw him a shindig, but when he realized the whole thing was Wes Weasely's idea, he began to get skeptical. But anyway, let's make with the speeches. Breezy goes first, recalling the time Sonic saved her life ("Lovesick Sonic'). In case you forgot, she was a half human, half hedgehog robot built by Robotnik to one-up his nemesis, but she ended up switching sides, as did Robotnik Jr. (from episode of same name), you remember how Botsy built himself a robo-son, because he couldn't find any woman desperate enough to mate with him and carry his seed? Yeah, he switched alliances and disowned his father. Robotnik Jr and Breezy fell in love, but since they were both built by Robotnik, doesn't that make them related? Would this be a case of robo-incest? Ugh, let's not go there. Next, Sergeant Doberman recalls the time he, Sonic, and Weasely were left at the mercy of Boss Scorpion in "Attack on Pinball Fortress", but since the tag-alongs were useless, Sonic sent that mechanical arachid into the fiery pits of lava himself. Then, Robot boops and bleeps about the time Sonic saved him ("The Robots' Robot"). Good times.

However, now it was time for some bad times, as Dr. Robotnik crashes the party. Right away, he captures all of Sonic's friends and threatens to sink the boat unless the hedgehog gives himself up, which he reluctant does. Okay, so let's see the "fool proof", easily escapable trap Botsy is going to put him in. He seals him up in a pod, which he lowers under water, and then reneges on his promise and sinks the yacht with everyone on board anyway, and Wes Weasely is revealed as a traitor. Didn't see that coming. What was in all this for him? Robotnik promised him his own shopping network. If this dopey, bug-eyed salesman had a brain, he'd know that Robotnik always welshes on promises. Oh, and nice job on the cage drop scene, animators, it landed in the center of the table, with everyone standing outside of it. But more on that cage later. With all the good guys about to sink into a deep watery grave, Robotnik seizes the opportunity to throw himself a testimonial party, swearing it's not out of jealousy. Oh, sure it isn't. Every time Sonic gets something, you want it too. So, what's his big dinner look like? Oh, they've invited all of Robotnik's friends, and by that, he has no friends. Just Scratch and Grounder as the only guests. What about Coconuts? Couldn't even Momma Robotnik be bothered to show up? Man, she must really hate her son. In Botsy's honor, we see clips from "Sonic's Song" where he had M. D. round up and destroy musical instruments, from "Big Daddy" where he brainwashed a giant ape to wreak havoc on the town, and some clips from other episodes I can't presently identify. While he wasn't having as much fun at his party as Sonic was at his, at first the doc has finally won. Sonic is stuck at the bottom of the ocean, his friends are on a sinking ship. Who could possibly come to their rescue? Well, lo and behold, Weasely soon realizes he'd been had, as his phone and TV camera weren't hooked up, and as for that contract Robotnik gave him, it was written in disappearing ink. Who does he think he is, Marvin Acme? Angry at being swindled himself and realizing how bad it feels, Weasely finally grows a conscience and goes out to save Sonic so he can give Robotnik whatfor. After freeing the hedgehog via a used submarine he happened to have, Sonic goes on the ship to save everybody, and how does he do it? Get ready for this: using his golden cup award and super speed, he scoops the water out of the ship. Yes, I really just said that. Why can't everyone just walk through those super wide cage bars? Why does that always happen in cartoons? Characters are in a cage with bars so far apart they could just walk through them?! It can't be so the animators can work on the characters, as the cage is on the cel placed over them in the shot. Whatever. So, Sonic buzzes through the cage and they successfully bring the ship up the surface. Then, it's Sonic's turn to be a party crasher by playing a clip of "Robotnik Express" where the train crashes into the bomb factory and sends Botsy and his bots on a wild ride. Time to relive a fond memory, as Weasely calls in a train that comes speeding through the fortress without a track... just go with it, and it rides off with Robotnik, Grounder and Scratch on its front. We end on some more schtick from Weasely... go away, you're not funny! Our Sonic Says is about drinking alcohol. Scratch and Grounder get wasted, and Sonic lectures them on the dangers of drinking. Good lesson, but much like the one about cigarettes, how can booze hurt robots? Ust look at Bender. Had the series continued, I'm sure they would've done one about taking drugs. Well, there was one about taking medication that wasn't prescribed to you, so I guess that counts.

So that was Hero of the Year and... it wasn't bad. It wasn't particularly good, but it wasn't terrible. There's no story or plot, the animation is jankier than usual, and the voice acting is... average, for this show. Fans of the series may like seeing all the familiar faces that turn up here, and if you're like me, you noticed MacHopper in the background and he was the wrong color for some reason. This was the only Adventures series clip show, and even then, the clips don't run too long. I'm wondering what this episode would've looked like had they done it on the Saturday show. Have Sally, Rotor, Bunny, Tails, even Antoine talk about their favorite Sonic moments. Eh, probably not, that series didn't need a clip show. But then, no series does. Not much else to say, except that if you want to relieve fond memories of this series and take a look back, then I recommend Hero of the Year. As far as the writing goes, besides having no plot or story, some of it feels disjointed, even for a clip show. But do check this one out anyway, as everyone gives praise to their favorite blue Mary Sue.

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog: Lifestyles of the Sick and Twisted (1993) Season 1, Episode 62

How the Other Half Lives

[6/10 · 8 June 2023]

Someone very big and powerful has stars in their eyes this week, as that world-renowned baron of badness, Dr. Robotnik, wants a shot at getting on a certain TV show, and when he doesn't get his way, he resorts to kidnapping and blackmail. What a diva. So, what television show was he hoping would invite him on as a guest? A little program called Lifestyles of the Very Good, hosted by Throbbin Screech, an obvious parody of the late Robin Leach. Okay, so why does Robotnik want to be on a show called Lifestyles of the Very GOOD? Did he forget he was a bad guy, or like most bad guys, maybe he doesn't see himself as bad? Yeah, the rest of the world is bad, and he's the only good one. No, he's pure evil and he loves it. Anyway, Botsy gets all excited when he receives a letter from Throbbin himself, basically telling him to take his request and stick it in his ear. Robotnik throws a tantrum and vows never to watch his show again, though out of sheer curiosity, he switches it on anyway to see who Screech could've possibly picked instead of him. Gee, it could be anybody. The possibilities are endless. Yep, it's Sonic, and for our viewing pleasure, Screech plays a clip of a Roadrunner cartoon... oops, I mean, Sonic foiling Scratch and Grounder as they attempt trap #201 of the Wile E. Coyote handbook, and get seriously stoned. Screech concludes by saying, "speed always wins against stupidity." Truer words were never spoken. Out of rage, Robotnik formulates a fiendishly diabolical scheme: he's going to get on the show regardless and capture Sonic live on the air. I'm still baffled as to why he wants to be on Throbbin Screech's show. It's for good guys, not bad guys. I'm sure there are hundreds of other talk shows that he could get on, or he could even make his own show. I mean, these were the days before internet, or else, Botsy could be on TikTok, twerking that massive arse and rapping about how he hates Sonic, and he'd be an overnight sensation. Ah, well, in those dark days before the world wide web, one had to resort to far crazier measures to get the world to notice them, so how will Robotnik make Screech reconsider making him a guest? He kidnaps his niece and chains her above a pot of boiling lava. An enraged Screech appears at the fortress and demands his niece back, and Robotnik is agreeable only if he can be on his show. Screech actually pauses to consider sacrificing his own flesh and blood to keep a big-bellied bully off his show. Wow, what a jerk. However, he relents and grants the bad man's request. With Robotnik giving himself full creative control and appointing Scratch and Grounder as crew members, they begin filming the show right then and there, with Botsy making a few adjustments, such as renaming it Lifestyles of the Sick and Twisted. Well, that will definitely boost their ratings. A reluctant Screech introduces his "lovely" guest, and we learn that his full name is Dr. Ivo Robotnik. I swear, when I was a kid and first saw this, I thought he said Eyeball, and thought that was a very unusual name. As he goes on about himself, Sonic and Tails watch the show at a storefront window, listening to how he plans to capture the hedgehog on TV. They laugh and think he's full of hooey, until they see what he does next. Along with Scratch, Grounder, and Screech, Robotnik flies over to a lake in his Eggo-o-Matic and instantly evaporates it, really steaming the poor fish who lived there. He's confident he'll catch Sonic this time, even though he admitted on TV that while he has captured him before, he never kept him. Yeah, because you and your robots are idiots. Anyhoo, Sonic places the fish in glass bowls until he can somehow refill the lake, just as Robotnik flies out of the clouds and tries to grab him with a giant claw, and misses, as usual. Now, he said beforehand that his plan had two parts, and if Part 1 was to nab Sonic, what was Part 2? Botsy then says if he can't catch Sonic, he'll catch Tails instead. Yeah, much easier to catch, especially when Robotnik announces his intention right on television and dummy Tails just stands there watching. He's predictably captured, big surprise.

So after Sonic buzzes the ice off a mountain top and has it flow to the lake, filling it back with water, he realizes that Tails was kidnapped amidst his showing off. He races to Robotnik's fortress and demands the immediate release of Tails and Screech's niece. He then makes a deal, saying he'll surrender if Robotnik lets the hostages go. Oh come on, you know this guy is gonna welch on any deal you make with him, and guess what? That's exactly what he does. After cuffing Sonic, he says he's going to keep all of them, and chains him above boiling lava beside Tails and the princess of the Bronx cheer. He's going to exterminate the hedgehog on national television, then he can take over the world. However, he isn't entirely heartless, so he asks Sonic for any last requests, and what does the wily hedgehog request? A makeup person. Guess a guy's gotta look good for his own on-air execution. Robotnik then changes the show's title again to Lifestyles of Robotnik Only, and promises his viewing audience that tonight, he will finally rid himself of a certain pesky hedgehog. You know, he could just set up a camera in the dungeon, cut Sonic's chain and let him fall to a boiling, hot death right now. Like the true kids cartoon villain that he is, he completely overthinks his plans. But first, before the execution, Robotnik sings a very bad song, though it's not so much singing as it is him reciting a poem he made up on the fly while tapping his feet. Sheesh, Botsy, are you trying to make everyone tune out before you execute Sonic? Certainly not going to win any Emmys with that performance. Now, how is Sonic going to get everyone out of this jam? Well, remember the makeup person he requested? She drops by following Robotnik's death to singing schtick, she's a homely poodle named Hecuba, but she's apparently the best in the business, and also a locksmith, as she picks Sonic's lock and gets him free. So, what was his brilliant plan? The old switcheroo, by way of making up Sonic to look like Hecuba, and visa versa. Okay, you still look like Sonic. Thank heavens Robotnik and is robots are idiots, or they wouldn't be fooled one bit. With Hecuba taking Sonic's place, the show goes live, with cocky Robotnik giving "Sonic" a pinch, pulling off his fake nose. Gross. That's when Sonic reveals himself and ties up Robotnik, Grounder, and Scratch, then Tails and the niece reveal they'd been freed too, so Robotnik's bargaining chip is gone. With the camera still on and all of Mobius watching, Sonic uses tickle torture to force Botsy into admitting that he likes him, which he very reluctantly does, uttering a, "sometimes Sonic is good and sometimes the word very comes to mind." Eh, good enough. So, Lifestyles of Robotnik Only was canceled, and so was Lifestyles of the Very Good, as nobody cared about good guys anymore, and I'm very sure Screech was not allowed to see niece anymore. Our Sonic Says is about graffiti, with Sonic hosting a segment of Lifestyles of the Very Stupid, showcasing Scratch and Grounder vandalizing a playground, so if you don't want to end up on that show, you may not want to emulate their behavior.

This was a pretty funny episode, even if a few parts feel a bit convoluted. I like how they portrayed Screech as being an apathetic jerk who cares more about his show than his unnamed niece, just shows what years of fame and fortune can do. I'm sure Robin Leach wasn't like that. About Robotnik's singing, it's a recurring gag on this series that he's a terrible singer, but his voice actor, the late Long John Baldry, was anything but. Check out some of his songs sometime, he sounds nothing like Robotnik. As for the doc's plan in this episode, it seemed like he just wanted something because Sonic had it. I know he wanted to be on the show before he saw Sonic as a guest, but seeing him is what made him put his plan into action. Monkey see, monkey do. There are some pretty funny moments in this one, like Screech asking a series of annoying questions before the act break, and at the end when Niece, Robotnik, and Sonic get some last words in. While it isn't brilliant or satirical, Lifestyles of the Sick and Twisted is very amusing, and I'm not sure who's doing Screech's voice. I assume it's Ian James Corlett, and he does a good impression of Leach. As for the rest of the voice acting, I can definitely tell Baldry was having a ball as Robotnik. He and Jaleel White appear, at least to me, as the only ones who were really having fun recording this inane dialogue and saying such ridiculous things. Voice work aside, the animation was okay, and the story and plot... pretty straightforward, if not a bit too simple. So if you wanna see how the other half (evil) lives, then I recommend Lifestyles of the Sick and Twisted, wishing you chili dog wishes and... I guess chili dog dreams too.

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog: MacHopper (1993) Season 1, Episode 31

Hopping Mad

[7/10 · 8 June 2023]

Since Dr. Robotnik can't seem to build machines capable of stopping Sonic, what if he instead kidnapped a living being, stole his free will, and reprogrammed him to be a lean, mean, hedgehog catching machine? Well, there was a time he tried that approach and, well, it worked about as well as you'd expect. And just who did he select to be the guinea pig in his latest experiment? Why, MacHopper the handyman kangaroo, loyal friend to Sonic the Hedgehog, and an enemy to Botsy. He's captured by Scratch and Grounder and brought to the fortress, right where he makes his escape. Not sure why he waited until they got there to do that, but no matter, Robotnik recaptures him and straps him in, then, running a few electric currents through MacHopper's head, he reprograms him to serve only one purpose in life: capture Sonic and Tails and bring them back alive. Well, how fortunate was it that the aforementioned heroes were en route to Botsy's fortress, after having heard tell that MacHopper was being held hostage there. Huh, for once, Sonic's behind. Now, apparently Robotnik's mind reprogramming machine has a few bugs, as MacHopper seems to have developed amnesia, and he zones in and out from being himself to being a mindless drone. Not sure if that was supposed to happen or not, but knowing Robotnik, we can assume the machine was not working properly. Our boys meet up with Mac, who proves to be just as obsessed with chili dogs as they are, as even though he doesn't recognize them, he still invites them to partake of his favorite meal, by way of launching themselves via a catapult he rigged out of a tree and a platform. Okay, back up, how is MacHopper supposed to capture Sonic if he doesn't recognize him? Good plan, Botsy. This crazy Aussie kangaroo even forgets his own name at times. So his "brilliant" catapulting stunt sends them crashing through the roof of the Dogateria, where apparently the ambush was supposed to have taken place, as exposited by Scratch and Grounder as they head over in a six-wheeled car. Pretty convoluted plan, but then how would any of them know Sonic and Tails were just outside the fortress this whole time? I'd better stop asking logical question before I lose MY mind. So once they've crashed into the Dogateria, MacHopper wonders where the wait staff went. You probably killed them when you splashed down into the dining room, dude. He then manages to fall into a vat of chili, which helps him regain his memory. Seeing this as the perfect cure, Sonic fills a hypodermic full of the stuff and was about to orally inject their confused friend when he fell and hit his head, thus reverting back to being under mind control. With that, he bounds up Sonic with sausage links. But just as Grounder and Scratch show up to collect their hostage, MacHopper gets another dose of chili, and reverts back to his old self. It's then the robots who get wrapped up in wieners, as our heroes head for the water. Using a bicycle and a water wheel, they build a raft and set sail. Despite managing to elude the now free dumb-bots, Sonic ends up pedaling them over a waterfall, however they manage to use a chandelier MacHopper keeps in his pouch as a grappling hook to swing to safety... just go with it.

Meanwhile, Dr. Robotnik is getting very impatient and wondering why his new minion is taking so long in procuring a certain blue hedgehog, so he posts a few wanted posters for MacHopper in a few random places, managing to complete the task in thirteen seconds, and subsequently collapses from a heart attack. Um, okay. Well, this bit was essential as each time MacHopper sees those posters, he reverts back to a drone. Back on the water, Sonic makes a plan to take MacHopper back to Robotnik's fortress and undo the effects of his mind control machine, just as the resourceful kangaroo rigged their pedal raft into a pedal copter. Right as they take to the sky, they find themselves in Scratch and Grounder's crosshairs, and they fire, as Tails puts it, "toilet bowl utility objects." What, was "plungers" too complicated to say? So the two, er, utility objects attach themselves to the raft and Tails' butt respectively and they're reeled in, right into a waiting cage. I'm amazed that these robots are doing something right for a change. If only Robotnik saw their unusual level of competence, he'd give up on MacHopper and use that machine to make these two smarter. On the other hand, maybe I spoke too soon, as when our heroes attempt to escape, they cause Scratch and Grounder to crash, freeing themselves and destroying the car. Sonic, Tails, and MacHopper then disguise themselves as mechanics and fix the automobile, turning it into a rocket ship and strap the two robots in, but alas, Mac uses the last of their chili for fuel, but at least they manage to send the dumbbells away for a while. But with their chili supply depleted, Mac reverts back to being Robotnik's drone, though he does manage to sneak Sonic and Tails into the fortress via the sewer system, and they emerge through Robotnik's bathtub drain. Thank heavens it wasn't the toilet. Once inside, Mac captures his friends and hands them over to Robotnik, who has big plans for his old adversary. He could just kill him right now, but instead he plans to freeze him and make him an iceberg. I assume he meant iceberg, but Robotnik actually says "icicle." No matter, he's gonna be frozen. Getting an idea, Sonic requests a chili dog for a last meal, and Robotnik is only too happy to honor it, so he sends them to the kitchen, with MacHopper watching them. Yeah, if only he knew chili was their ace in the hole, as Sonic whips up some dogs and sends them MacHopper's way, reverting his mind back to his former self. Now to deal with Botsy and undo the effects of his mind scrambler. They formulate a plan by which Mac tells Robotnik that Sonic's friends are planning to break him out. Huh, what friends? Burt, Breezy, Doberman, Von Schlemmer, those guys? Fearing the idea of a rescue and unsure of what to do, Robotnik follows MacHopper's idea of building a magnetic forcefield, which Sonic and Tails are put to work helping to build. Once they switch it on, it draws everything metallic in the room, including Robotnik's belt buckle, and it completely undoes the effects of the mind control gizmo, finally restoring MacHopper to his former, free self. Our heroes book it, just as the magnet pulls Scratch and Grounder's rocket ship into the fortress, utterly demolishing it and making Robotnik vow vengeance before fainting. Sonic and Tails congratulate MacHopper, who isn't entirely sure of what he did. Ha ha ha, that's our MacHopper. Our Sonic Says is about water safety, and if you're going to go swimming near rapids and whirlpools... get your head examined.

This was a pretty fun episode, despite having very little plot. Ha, an Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog episode having no plot, go figure. MacHopper was a pretty funny character, and I'm not sure who was doing his voice. It sounded like Jim Cummings, but I'm very sure it wasn't him. He wasn't involved with this series beyond the pilot, where he voiced Dr. Robotnik. Mac isn't seen again in the series, but I think he appears in the background of "Hero of the Year." So, the jokes were pretty funny, the story was interesting, and it isn't overly obnoxious or goofy, this one is a pretty good time. If you're interested in episodes that focus on one-shot characters, then I'd recommend "MacHopper." Just turn off your brain and go with the flow, mate.

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog: Spaceman Sonic (1993) Season 1, Episode 33

Where No Hedgehog Has Gone Before

[8/10 · 8 June 2023]

As you may have ascertained from the title, this episode is going to be out of this world... well, technically they all are, since none of them take place in our world, but this one is set out of the world of Mobius. Space, the final frontier, yadda yadda yadda. Dr. Robotnik has built himself a spaceship, with which he plans to send his two incompetent lackies out into the asteroid belt to collect a rich power source to aid him in his plan to conquer Mobius. Bringing Scratch and Grounder to his launchpad, dubbed Cape Robotnik, he exposits to them in the elevator that he needs two tons of Destructicite Crystals, which he will use to power an army of giant robots to help him take over the world. But little did Botsy know that Tails happened to overhear his plan, then he raced back to wake Sonic, who was trying to catch some Z's. When Tails finally raises the hedgehog's interest, the two race to Cape Robotnik and quickly board the rocket just as it takes off. Once they reach outer space, Robotnik instructs Scratch and Grounder to increase their thrust to thirty-two million units, but of course the two dumb-bots quickly forget the number, so Grounder tries them both. When told to 'stop that', he takes it literally and shuts down the rocket, permanently, as he breaks the power lever in the process. Once again, a monkey wrench has been thrown into Robotnik's plans because he entrusted his two idiot robots to handle it. Without power, the rocket drifts into the Starlight Zone, named after the level from the first Sonic game, except there, that level was set in the middle of a city. Still a good level though, and a great way to unwind after three levels of Labyrinth hell, but I digress. The robots are none too worried about how Robotnik will react to their failure, as he's back on Mobius, and when the rocket runs out of oxygen, they'll be fine. Not so much their stowaways, Sonic and Tails however, but the hedgehog is always the optimist and knows where they can take refuge: the old Mobius space station, left abandoned after Robotnik stole the government's funding for it. So, um, why isn't he in federal prison for doing that? Does Wacky World not have laws about pilfering government funds? No matter, so, how are they going to get Scratch and Grounder out of the control room and somehow get the rocket to the space station? Sonic dresses up as a traffic cop and cites the two simpletons for parking in a no parking zone, then sends them to the back to write, "I will not park my rocket ship in a no parking zone" 10,000 times, which they quickly comply with. Oh lord. Good, one problem down, but how to move the inoperable space vessel? With a spacesuit and magnet shoes, Sonic races atop the ship and rolls them over to the space station... lucky he brought those along, as well as the space suits, or did Robotnik have all that stashed in the rocket before liftoff? Anyway, once they arrive, Sonic and Tails head inside the station, which looks remarkably like an Escher painting... if Escher were on drugs. As for Scratch and Grounder, it takes crashing into the station to finally shake a little sense into the former's empty head, as he realizes that weren't no traffic cop, it was Sonic! Naww, really?! This is, like, the 33rd time he's pulled that trick on you, you boneheads. Realizing they'd been had, they jump out of the rocket to chase their adversaries, only Grounder gets stuck between the rocket and platform, and when spinning his treads to get out, he sends the rocket rolling away. Lol! I remember laughing so hard at this scene as a kid. Hope Robotnik had that thing insured.

Wandering around the space station, looking for a way back to Mobius, Sonic and Tails see Scratch and Grounder chasing them, and make a run for it. They open a couple of doors, looking for a way out, and behind door number 1 is a skeleton on a payphone, a nice homage to Bimbo's Initiation, and we see another rather big homage to it in Robotnikland, but that's a story for another day. Just then, they see something slimy pouring out of an open pipe. It's a ravenous space alien who looks like a melting, one-eyed Grimace and talks like Cookie Monster. He eyes Sonic and Tails hungrily, says he hadn't eaten in 13 years. Yeah, that's usually a good indication that you don't require food. Managing to elude their slime and metal pursuers, our heroes come upon an escape pod. However, before they can move it to the launch area, Scratch and Grounder show up to steal it and send Slimer's purple alien cousin to chase away Sonic and Tails. Well, just when it looks like things are going the robots' way, Dr. Robotnik calls up, wanting to know why his rocket is drifting away and why his robots are at the space station. They tell him about Sonic being up there with them, and let it slip that they have the only escape pod. Getting an idea, Robotnik remotely forces Grounder to destroy the pod, saying that with the hedgehog stranded in space, he no longer needs them, and subsequently has them destroyed too. Well, it looks like... yeah, I always say this and then I'm proven wrong, but I'll just say it for the heck of it, looks like Robotnik will succeed. I mean, he's not going to get his power crystals to charge his giant robots, but his only adversary is stranded off world, along with his two weakest links, so now he can do whatever he likes. I mean, that escape pod is totaled, how will Sonic and Tails ever get out of this one? Well, again, always the optimist, Sonic figures out a way to put it back together, using a few "spare parts." Assembling what was left of the pod, along with a few of Scratch and Grounder's appendages, and heads, it's good as new. When the bots protest their new job as escape pod parts, Sonic suggests they'll be put back together again properly when Robotnik realizes it will be cheaper than just building new robots. Well, that may be true, but considering all that these two idiots have cost him in damages over the years, I think he'll make an exception. Oh, but how to power their escape pod? The robots don't have power, especially brain power, though Sonic finds a way to remedy that. By attaching that purple alien to the back, his sneezes propel them out of the station and head for home. I forgot to mention, this guy has a very bad cold, and if you remember the old adage, it's feed a cold, starve a fever, so no wonder this guy is so hungry. You gotta wonder what made him switch sides and help the guys he was going to eat, so Sonic reveals that he made a deal: get them back to Mobius, and he can chow down on something even bigger than a hedgehog and a fox: a morbidly obese mad scientist. Almost the moment they land, Slimy chases after Dr. Robotnik, and he was never heard from again. Our Sonic Says is about taking care of yourself when you're sick, which is a very good lesson.

So ends "Spaceman Sonic," a very good episode and one of my favorites. It has plenty of funny moments, the animation is decent, and the story is entertaining. I compare it to the Saturday show which had their own space episode called, "Harmonic Sonic," in which Robotnik sends up a spy satellite to find Sonic and the freedom fighters, so the hedgehog, along with Rotor Walrus, head up to the satellite to dismantle it. That one was also pretty good, but if I had to choose, I'd pick the Adventures episode. I dunno, I guess I'm just partial to that series and I like seeing Sonic and Tails go on the adventures. This would be the only off-world episode of Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, and like I said, it's well done and very entertaining. Next time you're in a Sonic mood, I recommend Spaceman Sonic, as in space, nobody can hear you run.

All in the Family: Mike and Gloria's Will (1976) Season 7, Episode 10

What About Joey?

[7/10 · 1 June 2023]

Mortality is something all living beings have to face at some point in their lives, especially the human race as our lives are usually cut short by either our own stupidity or someone else's. What makes it harder is deciding what will happen to those you leave behind when you make your exit from this world, and if you're a mom or a dad, you'll want someone you trust to gain custody of your child. This is not an easy decision for anybody to make and often times the wrong decision can lead to dissention in the ranks, could possibly even break up the family. Well, let's see what happens when Mike and Gloria Stivic make the wrong decision about who would raise Joey if they both died. Knowing them, it's the only decision they could make. So this classic All in the Family episode opens on baby Joey's first birthday, and as Gloria was preparing the cheap bargain bin toys she got for him, Mike staggers in the front door, looking disheveled and bruised. "Did you get mugged again?" Gloria asked, sounding unphased, and yet, when Mike does get mugged in Season 8, she screams bloody murder. No, Mike wasn't really mugged, the dumbass just fell on the subway tracks and was nearly hit by the train. He was rescued in time, but one of his rescuers stole his wallet. Wah-wah-wah. Anyway, as the Meathead was moments from death, he wondered what would've happened if Gloria had been with him, and who would raise Joey? When she suggests her parents, Mike balks at the idea, not wanting Joey to grow up like Archie, and instead suggests his roster of hippie friends. Yeah, much better alternatives. Mike doesn't want Joey to be alone with Archie, so Gloria jokes that they should kill him. Man, what is her problem? Her husband almost died, they're discussing the subject of mortality, and she jokes about killing someone. Stupid woman. Thankfully at that moment, Edith and Archie come through the door with little Joey. Despite what Meathead thinks, they're both wonderful with the baby and maybe he was starting to change his mind, until Grandpa Archie presents Joey's gift: a toy gun... that's bigger than he is. Gloria plans to give Joey a doll, but when Archie accidentally decapitates it, Mike intentionally breaks the toy gun, and then it all comes out: he says then and there that if something happened to them, Joey would go to their friends, Al and Trudy. Naturally, the Bunkers are stunned at this news, and even though she usually has something to say for everything, Gloria stays silent, showing that she supports Mike's decision. Really? Just cause of two broken toys? Mike later says it's because of Archie's racist, xenophobic points of view, and although Gloria pointed out that she didn't turn out that way, he says it was because Edith was there, and what if something happened to her? Well, since a damper had been put on that poor baby's birthday, Archie and Edith leave, and I don't blame them one bit. In fact, I'm starting to really wish that train had hit Mike.

Deciding to go through with his bonehead idea, Mike calls up Al, whom we met a few episodes back, to tell him they're going to inherit a baby whether they like it or not, but the call is cut short when Edith comes back, still very hurt over the Stivics' assumption that she and Archie were not fit to raise Joey. Gloria keeps kidding herself by telling her mom that child rearing is a big responsibility, as if she didn't know, and that it gets harder in older years. Yeah, she can see right through you, you bimbo, and I'm sure raising a kid like you must have been hell on earth for them. Mike reveals his decision was influenced by Archie, leading Edith to point out just how loving of a grandfather he is, and then the aforementioned Mr. Bunker comes into the house, and an argument about wills ensues. Archie states his intention that regardless of what the will says, he would take Joey anyway, despite Mike pointing out the legalities. Meathead, just... shut up. Well, hopefully this makes them realize just how selfish and inconsiderate they were in making this decision. Incidentally, it seemed to be entirely Mike's idea on not willing Joey to his grandparents, and Gloria never said anything for or against it, at least in the presence of her own parents. Just shows where her loyalties lie. Oh, but get a load of this: even after the Bunkers leave the house, heartbroken, and Gloria is blowing like a geyser, Mike still sticks by his principles that Al would be a better guardian than Archie... until Gloria points out that Al made a pass at her and groped her once, and that changes everything. Good that you held that information from him, huh, Gloria? I hate both of these characters, but I'll get into that later. Anyway, what to do now about Joey's guardianship? Al the womanizer is obviously out, and Mike still thinks of Archie as an unfit bigot, and then Gloria hits upon a "brilliant" idea. You know what it is? They decide not to die. Yep, that's right, she says they should make an "anti-dying pact" and never die. I wish I was kidding, but she actually says that, and she calls up Archie to tell him of the idea, and he like everyone else thinks it's stupid, however Edith is confident that she and Archie will be named guardians anyway, so the matter is quietly taken care of. On that note, Archie wants to salvage what's left of Joey's birthday and go buy him another toy gun.

So that was "Mike and Gloria's Will", and, well, it's a well acted episode, the cast does their usual terrific job, the writing is good, the directing, all of those pieces are good, and this is not a bad episode, but it is insanely frustrating! I guess a discussion about who would raise your kids in the event of your death is a frustrating subject as you want to make sure you make the right decision, but to handle it the way Mike and Gloria did was terrible. These are two of the most selfish people I've ever seen, and they are both profoundly stupid! The way they treated Archie and Edith, the way Mike makes all the decisions without consulting Gloria, and the way she doesn't speak up on her parents' behalf in their presence really shows what truly awful people they are. They were so much better when they lived with the Bunkers, but moving out on their own turned them into creeps. I despise Mike and Gloria centered episodes after Season 6, because of how these characters are portrayed, and nowhere is that better put on display than in this episode. Archie and Edith aren't perfect, nobody is, but for someone Joey's age, it would make sense to leave them with someone familiar, instead of two strangers. As far as them deciding not to die, well, someone as dumb as Mike who falls on subway tracks, I'd say he isn't long for this world. In closing, I will say that I do recommend "Mike and Gloria's Will", but prepare yourself for what awful human beings they are. I liked them when they lived with Archie and Edith, but I loathe them now that they moved out, and they only get worse from here.

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog: Prehistoric Sonic (1993) Season 1, Episode 51

Sonic Versus the Volcano

[6/10 · 9 April 2023]

Previously on Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Dr. Robotnik and his stooge bots tried to procure the Chaos Emerald of Immortality from Ancient Mobigypt, and were foiled by Sonic and his ancestor, Masonic, and subsequently sent back to a World War I dogfight. And now, ladies and gentlemen, the final part of this strange, four-part time-travel comedy of errors. Botsy and his bots manage to escape the Kaiser with nary a scratch (or a grounder) and head back deep, deep into the past, for there is but one final emerald to procure: the emerald of life. With it, Robotnik can bring anything to life. Anything. Meanwhile, after three trips through time and stopping Robotnik from stealing three emeralds and dispensing of him into a time warp three times, I'd say Sonic and Tails have finally earned a rest on the beach. But when the two-tailed fox was looking for his companion to go shred a few waves, he gets hit by a blue volleyball. Hey, watch where you're going, Wilson! He scolds the ball as if it's alive, and it is: turns out Sonic made himself the ball so those cute girls would hit him back and forth. Guess we know what he's into. But, fun and games will have to wait, for here comes Professor Caninestein! Wasting no time, he presents our heroes with a time-travel skateboard and informs them that Robotnik is out to get the emerald of life, although he doesn't specify where, or when, the villain had gone. FYI, they've traveled to 75,000,000 B. C., near an active volcano which had ejected the emerald they seek. Yep, it's just sitting there on top of a volcano. But before Robotnik, Scratch and Grounder can get it, they're stopped by a tribe of small, prehistoric bears. So, Ewoks existed in Mobius' history? However, Robotnik remembers he still had his roboticizer ray... which would've come in handy for him in the last two time periods, and turns a giant T-Rex into a robosaur. He even sics it on Sonic and Tails when they predictably show up, however as usual, Sonic manages to manipulate one of Robotnik's robots into being his pet and uses it to chase after the bad guys. They get cornered at a cliff over a river of molten lava. Surprisingly, Robotnik pushes Scratch and Grounder off, then jumps himself. Like the coward he is, he took the coward's way out. No, sir, luck is on Botsy's side as he managed to find a deus ex machina between them and the lava: a pteradactyl. Well, Sonic got the last several deus ex machinas all to himself, I guess it was Robotnik's turn. He flies it up to the volcano, where the emerald is just a hop, skip, and a fall away. However, it's stuck fast. This is because, according to Magma the Volcano God, a sacrifice must be made before the emerald of life can be bestowed. Not finding that a problem at all, Robotnik tosses Grounder and Scratch into the magma and gets the emerald, just as Sonic, Tails, and the Prehistoric Ewoks arrive too late. Robotnik commands lava people to capture our heroes and toss them into the volcano, though I'm very sure they would've burned up the instant those lava men touched them. He even ties Tails' tails together to prevent his escape, but what he should have done was bound Sonic's feet together. Didn't the experiences in Camelot and Egypt teach him anything? Obviously not. So Sonic saves everybody just in time and then, oh crap, Scratch and Grounder are still alive. Guess this means Magma would get the emerald back. Nah, Botsy doesn't play fair. Together with Robotnik, they take off to gather up the other three emeralds. Okay, so I guess this establishes he didn't get the invisibility emerald; my mistake. Anyway, time for some backtracking. They're going to race through the last three episodes to gather up the other emeralds. Just goes to show that this story didn't need to be in four parts.

Back in Ancient Mobigypt, Robotnik and the robots arrive in Robotnikhotep's tomb to grab the emerald of immortality, and when Sonic and Tails show up, sends his great, great, great x8 ancestor after him, but after Sonic unravels his sheets, we see Robotnikhotep had been a ghost all along. Then on to King Arfer's Court, where, under threat of hurting Gwendolyn, the king surrenders the emerald of invincibility. Of course, Sonic arrives and this time he's angry, he knights up and runs at Botsy with a javelin, apparently ready to end him once and for all, however the invincibility emerald prevents him. Finally, back to ye olde pirate days, where they dig up the invisibility emerald. Sonic arrives too late, again, and once again, fails to stop Robotnik from getting the emerald. Using his life powers, Robotnik turns the treasure chest into a giant crab that eats Sonic. I love how he calls for Tails to rescue him. What's wrong, speedy, can't get yourself out? Just have Tails bury a note requesting a bottle of ipecac and Professor Caninestine will find it. Not gonna go to that well again? Good for you, Jeffrey Scott. Well, now Robotnik collected all 4 emeralds, and yet, we're still going to get the bad ending, but at least we can finally see what having all four emeralds combined will accomplish. Returning to the present, he hangs all four emeralds around his neck, and with those powers combined, he comes... a god. A fifty-foot, all powerful master of the universe. Oh no, how is Sonic going to stop him now? I mean, he can't even extricate himself from the belly of a robot crab treasure chest. Man, this show is weird. Luckily, even though it's part machine and part chest, it still has a libido, which Tails puts to good use by introducing him to a lady crab. Now free, they race back to the future and are too late, again. So, Robotnik has Sonic and Tails right where he wants them: in the palm of his mighty hand. He could crush them dead in two seconds, or he could just bound them to their time travel skateboard and send them to the beginning of time. Again, why wasn't there an emerald for intelligence? So, they're sent to the beginning of the universe, which Tails says he learned about in school. Since when does he go to school? It's the time of the Big Bang (if you believe that theory), and in this case, guess what caused it? A giant stick of TNT. Hardy-har-har. They escape and take off on their time travel board. So, what now? How about going back before Robotnik got the emeralds and stopping him? Nope, they've got a much more convoluted, and confusing idea. Sonic takes them back to the beginning of the episode before he and Tails arrived at the volcano, so they can greet themselves when they arrived. Then they go to the other time periods and get those Sonics and Tailses and form an army of clones... who also have their own skateboards. Shouldn't they be using the shoes and boogy board? Whatever. Well, with only 2 minutes left in the run time, Sonic and Tails to the power of five arrive to topple Supreme High Robotnik, and make him look like a Supreme High Dunce. He falls flat on his face, as the original Sonic takes his emeralds, reducing him back to his regular, flabby self. He then instructs the other Sonics and Tailses to return the emeralds to their proper time zones and destroy the time machine. Guess Sonic didn't want to go himself to make sure it got done properly, but oh well, Robotnik was foiled once again and Mobius was safe, in the past, present, and, judging by how ineffectual, clumsy and incompetent Robotnik is, in the future too. Our Sonic Says is about working safely with electricity, demonstrated by Tails tampering with the time skateboard and causing Robotnik to get electrocuted. It's a good lesson, although Tails is supposed to be a whiz at gadgetry. That is, when he isn't being a damsel for Sonic to save.

So concludes our four-part time travel saga. This episode wasn't bad, I liked it as much as Robotnik's Pyramid Scheme, but I really don't think this needed to be four parts. The concept of multiple Sonics (and Tails) is a clever idea, even if it felt rushed. Like, did we really need to see them travel back to Mobigypt, Camelot, and the pirate days again? We've already been there, just say Robotnik went back and got the emeralds, then focus more on the final battle. Obviously, we wouldn't expect anything epic on a show like this, but wasn't the whole emerald escapade building up to Robotnik becoming a god? Whatever, taken for what it is, it's not a horrible episode. I do wonder if Marvel's writers were somewhat inspired by this to make the Infinity Stones storyline of their movies. Like, getting the life emerald was similar to getting the soul stone in Avengers Infinity War and Endgame, except here, no one would be shedding tears for Scratch and Grounder. Also, why were the emeralds all green? I know emeralds are naturally green, but in the Sonic games, they're all colors, so why not do the same here? So in closing, I do recommend Prehistoric Sonic, and as for the other three parts, sure, give them a watch too, if you've got the time.

Donkey Kong Country: To the Moon, Baboon (1997) Season 1, Episode 21

One Small Step for a Man, One Giant Slam for Apekind.

[2/10 · 2 April 2023]

I'm not really sure why I'm reviewing another episode of Donkey Kong Country, as I felt I said all I needed to when I critiqued "Kong for a Day." However, this is another episode that stuck out to me from back in the day when I watched this show. It's your standard time capsule episode, you know, where characters contribute something special that will be sealed away for future generations to find. Perfect excuse to pour on the sentimental schmaltz, and you wanna bet the fine hairy primates of Kongo Bongo will try and do the same? Well, let's find out in "To the Moon, Baboo." Now, upon hearing that title, what does it make you think of? That the characters go to the moon? Well, they don't, but I wish they did as it would have made a much more exciting story. Though we don't actually go to the moon, it does serve as the location of where the characters' time capsule will go. It all began one night when Cranky was trying to view the moon through his telescope, but Donkey and Diddy keep bugging him by telling him about a movie they saw which featured monkeys going to the moon and finding a time capsule from their own planet which included pictures of robots... because they're not really monkeys, they're robots. Sounds riveting, excuse the pun. Then, Donkey Kong suggests how great it would be if they send a picture of themselves to the moon, and Cranky thinks that's a great idea, though unfortunately, he wasn't being sarcastic. He liked the idea of a time capsule filled with artifacts from Kongo Bongo to enlighten future generations... and it will be on the moon. Okay, this raises a few questions, like why bother sending it to the moon? Who's going to find it there, and how? And why should anyone care about a capsule full of items from some remote jungle island? What could they possibly do with that information? Well, one thing to keep in mind about this show is that you don't need to overthink its overly simplistic ideas and concepts. God knows the writers hardly put any thought into them. So as Donkey and Diddy go about spreading the word about their cheesy moon time capsule, they're shocked to learn that Bluster had been put in charge of the project. As you may have noticed, Bluster didn't originate from the games; he was created for this show, because I guess they needed to pile on as many vain, obnoxious and annoying characters as possible, and Bluster fits all of that to a tee. The first thing he does is put down Donkey, saying he could never donate anything worthwhile, however DK accepts that challenge and gets to work, all the while King K. Rool was spying on them, because... the script says so. He's angry that they didn't invite him to participate in the time capsule. Well, that's because you're the villain! If they did this concept on the Saturday morning Sonic the Hedgehog series, you think Sonic and Sally would ask Robotnik to contribute to their time capsule? No. Anyway, K. Rool hatches a diabolical scheme to include his own contribution to the time capsule, to make him look better than the rest. Yeah, your highness, that'll really hit'em where it hurts. Man, everybody was having an off week, it seems.

Diddy has found his contribution: bongo drums, which he uses to play and sing a really bad song. Okay, so those future apes will unearth a capsule teaching them that Kongo Bongo had zero taste in music. Very good lesson. Candy and Dixie have contributions as well, and at first, Bluster seems to take the job seriously, acting very professionally, but then he starts badgering Donkey Kong over his attempt to contribute bananas, as although these fruits are a symbol of their island, a great delicacy, and are instrumental in Donkey's strength and curing his hunger, it's pointed out that they will rot after so much time. Well, why not make some wax bananas and include them? Hey, what did Candy and Dixie donate? We never find out, as when Jerk-Ass tries to open their box, Candy threatens him with bodily harm, saying he'll have to open his shirt to eat. Um, he doesn't wear a shirt. I also like how Candy sees the bunch of bananas DK is holding and asks him what they are. Is she blind or something? Well, despite the threat to be breathing down his invisible shirt, Bluster still denies Donkey's donation of bananas. In response, he throws a temper tantrum and points out the time capsule was his idea, and he complains about it to Cranky, who informs him the only reason he appointed Bluster in charge was that he had a rocket ship and barrels to transport their crap to the moon, and then Donkey Kong just lets it go. Anyway, what's that old geezer going to donate? Home movies, of course, detailing the many, many times King K. Rool and his Kremlings got bested by the Kongs, showing just what big, bumbling idiots they are, and how utterly useless and ineffectual King K. Rool is as a villain. Look, I've played the original Donkey Kong Country games, and K. Rool and his adversaries were not to be taken lightly. I can't tell you how many times I died on the final boss battles in DKC 2 and 3 alone. But on the show, they made him a bungling idiot. General Klump and Krusha watch from the window as Cranky plays "K. Rool's Greatest Hits", and they recall the bruises and concussions they sustained very well. So, now that all the apes have their contributions... Funky donated his surf board, by the way... what will Donkey donate? He sees the Crystal Macguffin and gets an idea... ooh boy, and I'll come back to this one later on. Come nightfall, Donkey gets one over on Bluster and adds his contribution, just as Klump and Krusha arrive to try and delay liftoff, only Donkey stops them and adds a few more bruises to their empty heads, then he and K. Rool embark on a mine cart race for no other reason than to pad out the runtime, and even though it's supposed to be night, this part is set during the day. Good one, animators. Meanwhile, Cranky and Diddy discover the coconut is gone, and come to the conclusion that Dumbbell put it in the rocket ship. They all arrive at the launchpad too late, the barrel rocket with all their paraphernalia took off toward the moon. Turns out, Donkey didn't send the coconut, he just hid it somewhere while he made up his contribution: he wrote a song. Everybody rise for the Kongo Bongo National Anthem. Why did they think it was a good idea to turn this show into a musical? These songs are horrible! So after the rocket dropped off its payload, it flew back down to earth and crashed into King K. Rool's hideout because... we needed to go out on a laugh. Well, we don't.

To sum it up, this episode was not very good. The writing was bad, the animation was bad- I swear, every time the characters talk, they look like they're having a stroke. I admire them for using CGI to match the games, and I don't expect Pixar levels of perfection, but this looks really bad even for the time it was made. The voice acting for this show is horrible, except for the guy who sings for Donkey Kong. You gotta wonder why that guy got stuck doing this show instead of being on broadway. But the rest of the cast leaves much to be desired. I guess when you can't afford Jim Cummings, Frank Welker or Rob Paulsen, that's what you get instead. But gripes aside, did I like anything about this episode? Short answer: no. What purpose do these time capsules actually serve anyway? People in 100 years open them up and find all these things that meant something to somebody, but those who find it have no clue about any of it. It only holds meaning for the people who buried it, not those who dug it up. In closing, I don't recommend "To the Moon, Baboon," and as for Donkey Kong Country, it's not a bad show. Some episodes do have genuine laughs and are entertaining, but a lot of them are rotting bananas. It was only made to capitalize on the games, which I suggest playing instead. If some network ever wants to erect a time capsule to represent bad TV, they can donate this episode.

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog: Robotnik's Pyramid Scheme (1993) Season 1, Episode 50

Raiders of the Lost Emerald

[7/10 · 4 February 2023]

Previously on Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Robotnik's attempt to secure the Chaos Emerald of invincibility in a twisted version of Camelot went awry and he and his robots were sent back to Ancient Rome, but before they could give some poor lion serious indigestion, they make for the time machine and take off. Botsy isn't done yet, as he sets his sights on the third emerald which possesses immortality. You may think this is just going to be a rinse and repeat of the last two time travel episodes, but this time, it's going to hit Sonic a little close to home. Dr. Robotnik is actually going to put time travel and family lineage to good, er, I mean bad use, which Sonic will discover when once again, he's at the beach, and once again, he's trying to woo a hot babe, and once again, he gets cockblocked by Professor Caninestein, who informs the hedgehog that his family tree is slowly disappearing, one member at a time, and unless he does something about it, he'll be next. The professor provides him with a time-warp boogie board that he can use to zip around the world and set the clock back, so off he and Tails go for a third trip through time. Destination: Ancient Egypt... I mean, Ancient Mobigypt. Again, this is an alternate reality version of Earth, so just go with it. Meanwhile, the doc, Scratch, and Grounder have already arrived, and put Phase 1 of their plan into action. Robotnik plans to disrupt the meeting of a local bricklayer, Masonic the Hedgehog, and his future wife, Penelope, thus unraveling their entire family tree up to Sonic, so he will never have been born. So, we're taking a page from Back to the Future here. Interesting. However, their attempt to kidnap Masonic is foiled when his great x20 grandson Sonic shows up. After scrapping Grounder and Scratch and giving Robotnik a wild carpet ride, Sonic and Tails head to the nearest chili dog stand where Penelope works. Okay, let's set the record straight here as I actually did look this up: chili dogs were invented in 1918, which means they didn't have them in Medieval times and they didn't have them in Ancient Egypt, so if they wanted them, they would have to wait a very long time. Speaking of waiting, Penelope is very slow at preparing those sumptuous dogs. Well, do you want it done quick or do you want it done right? Masonic is just as impatient as his descendant and walks away, and then, uh oh, Sonic vanishes! Ha, see what being impatient will cost you? Looks like Robotnik will win. Sonic has been erased and he will get the immortality emerald. All is lost. But wait, Tails still has that boogie board. He could just go back in time a few minutes and undo the hedgehogs' screw-up. No, instead, he uses the board to fly after Masonic and brings him back to the chili dog stand for another go at Penelope, though after experiencing how rude this guy is, she probably wouldn't give him the time of day. I know I wouldn't. But they finally meet, then Sonic magically reappears. Crisis averted.

Robotnik tries to force the Pharaoh to tell him where the Chaos Emerald of immortality is buried, but he refuses. Just like King Arfer's palace, this place must be very light on guards if Robotnik can just waltz in and manhandle royalty. When threats and tickle torture produce no results, Robotnik simply steals his headpiece and names himself Pharaoh. Much like King Arfer. Why are these ancient rulers such pushovers? I guess it's so the writers don't have to develop their characters. So, what is the new king's brilliant plan? Force his subjects to build pyramids until someone coughs up the location of the emerald. You mean, making them do what they're already doing? Plus, what makes him think any of the Pharaoh's subjects would know where the emerald was? He really didn't think this whole plan out, did he? However, good fortune shines when Sonic and Tails arrive to try and thwart him, only Robotnik has them arrested and commissioned to build pyramids. Sonic can't do anything, because his feet are shackled together. Oh no, what to do now? While he, Tails, and Masonic slave away, Robotnik and his robots study hieroglyphics which may tell the emerald's whereabouts, and all the while, Penelope is spying on them for no reason. When they discover that which they seek is buried in the tomb of Botsy's ancestor, Robotnikhotep I, Penelope relays this information to our heroes. But how will they get out of their current fix? Simple, Sonic etches a picture of himself in bondage on a stone, and then, like a deus ex machina in the wind, a hacksaw appears. Oh jeez, this is the same cheat they used in Blackbot the Pirate. Does Sonic think Professor Caninestein is monitoring his every movement in the past? How does he know he'll find that stone? This is ridiculous. Come on, Jeffrey Scott, you have a brain; use it. Anyway, Sonic frees himself, Tails, and Masonic, then all four of them hop in a chariot and head off, chasing after Robotnik and Scratch, who were using Grounder to pull their own chariot. Botsy attempts to cheat by slashing the good guys' wheels, but Sonic does one better and slices his ride clean in half, making them crash into the pyramid. This place was laden with boobytraps, but since Masonic's grandfather built it, he knew how to avoid them, unlike Robotnik, who let Scratch and Grounder take the beatings from rising floor spikes and falling stone weights. Oh, and get a load of the burial chamber: you have to collect enough rings before you reach the bottom or the door won't open and you'll hit a floor of spikes and die. Ah, a nice reference to Sonic 2 where in a special zone, you have to collect enough rings in order to win the emerald. With Scratch and Grounder literally taking the fall and collecting enough rings, they access the chamber, where Robotnik finds his mummified ancestor, just as Sonic and company show up, and here is where we learn that the rivalry between Sonic and Robotnik is actually a long running family feud, as even Robotnikhotep was battling a Sonic ancestor, as he's somehow still alive too. So Robotnik steals the immortal emerald, and Masonic's grandfather gives Sonic a blue shield power-up and they engage in battle, with Sonic of course emerging the victor, taking back the emerald. He then sends Robotnik, Scratch and Grounder back to... a World War I dogfight, I guess, and they get shot down by the Kaiser. Why not just bring everyone back to the present and destroy the time machine? Because we still have one more part to this story, to answer my own question. Masonic and Penelope get married, and before Sonic and Tails leave, they remove Robotnik's face from the Sphinx (like in the episode High Stakes Sonic), only this time, he etches in Tails' head too. Our Sonic Says is about skateboard safety, which are very good lessons that I have nothing to say about.

Robotnik's Pyramid Scheme is actually better than the last two time travel episodes, in my opinion. The animation isn't quite so sloppy, the story and gags are decent, and there were a few clever ideas and genuine moments of suspense. Though it had me asking a lot of questions, like if Robotnikhotep was immortal, why was he buried in a tomb? Why was Sonic's ancestor also alive? Was that part of the curse Masonic talked about? A lot of things don't make sense, but this is a fun episode so you can let a few of those slide. So after this one, they all go back to pre-historic times where Botsy will try for the Emerald of Life. By my count, that's one emerald he has, and two he lost. If he still has the invisibility emerald, why doesn't he use it? I'm pretty sure he does have it, and it could come in handy. Maybe we'll find out in the next episode. In closing, I do recommend Robotnik's Pyramid Scheme, as it is the best time travel episode so far. Just try not to ask too many logical questions and take what comes, and you'll do fine.

Sonic the Hedgehog: Harmonic Sonic (1993) Season 1, Episode 7

The Sky's the Limit

[7/10 · 20 January 2023]

With his efforts of trying to locate Sonic and the freedom fighters on the ground always failing, Dr. Robotnik's next step was to try from the air. He's going to launch himself a great big spy ship into the atmosphere to locate Knothole Village, then destroy his adversary Sonic the Hedgehog and rule the world. Well, he already does rule the world, but now he'll do it without opposition. When launching his ginormous gizmo into space, it jettisons a rocket booster which crashlands into the forest, not far from Knothole, waking everybody out of a sound sleep. Robotnik, if you're going to spy on someone, it's probably a good idea not letting them know. It doesn't take Sonic and the gang long to figure out this gift came from Robotnik, even taking notice of the giant round ship hovering in the air. Looks like this thing is going to be a problem as it wasn't in the atmosphere a few minutes and it already detected electromagnetic radiation coming from the forest, and so Robotnik launches a stealth bot to investigate. Unfortunately for him, Sally managed to hack into his computers, so they're fully aware the stealth bot was en route. Looks like someone needs to do a better job of encrypting their systems. But with help from a power coupling rigged to two trees, they fry the stealth bot's circuits, so now the only thing to do was go up onto that spy ship and manually shut it down, and they would do it with help from that rocket booster. I'm not sure why this particular booster came with internal controls and a guidance system, as normally their only function is to get a ship up to the proper altitude before being disconnected. So after powering up the booster and leveling the trajectory, Sonic and Rotor ready for blast off. Not really sure why Sonic is bringing Rotor along, even though he is a mechanic, Sally seems much more computer savvy so it would seem she would've been more suited for this adventure, but I guess the writers felt they never do enough with Rotor. Well, there's a reason for that: he's boring. But it could've been worse: he could've brought along Antoine. So hedgehog and walrus blast off into space, bound for the Sky Spy. When they arrive, they suddenly remember one tiny little problem: they had no place to land. Bringing her down in a trench, they crash into a building but arrive in one piece. Now to find the sensors and render that flying basketball useless. Um, shouldn't they have space suits? There's no viable reason Sky Spy would have oxygen on board.

Instantly, Sonic and Rotor are spotted by a surveillance bot, and Robotnik is very surprised to see his arch nemesis on board his ship. Huh, well, since he's got Sonic right where he wants him, Robotnik could just blow up the whole thing right now. Sure, he went to a lot of trouble and used a lot of resources to build it, but wasn't the whole point of building it to find Sonic? Well, you've got him. Of course, Robotnik doesn't think of this, which gives Sonic and Rotor ample time to escape. Botsy alerts all presence on board the Sky Spy that a hedgehog is on the loose. Code Blue. Gotta say, I'm not too worried, because every time Sonic is in a pickle, he races out of it in a matter of seconds, so there's no real tension. How about giving us a scene where he's actually trapped and can't get out, or have Rotor get captured and Sonic has to find him. You know, some tension to go along with our action? But no, instead Sonic infiltrates the robot lounge. Picture the Star Wars Cantina if it were all droids. At least Sonic's robot disguise looks more homemade than the ones he dons in the Adventures series. He butts heads with a robot that has two trombones for a head and tricks him into revealing where the spy sensors are located. Now, are we sure this wasn't originally a script for the Adventures series? This Robotnik doesn't seem like the type to put useless robots on board something as highly advanced as the Sky Spy. Sonic locates the sensor dish and removes the main tube, shorting it out and causing the whole place to start sizzling. Time to make like the wind and blow. He and Rotor commandeer an escape pod and cruise back to Mobius. Glad they left without any opposition. Not a very well guarded ship there. Once back on the ground, the gang realizes they have a short amount of time to deal with the Sky Spy before it crashlands in a populated area. With Rotor's super-charged magnet, they divert it into a non-populated area and turn it into a crater. Of course, Dr. Robotnik was angry that his Sky Spy is gone and his latest scheme of trying to find the freedom fighters went up in smoke, but it just shows he didn't quite think of everything, did he? So our story has a happy ending, and we end on a silly gag of Sonic trying out Rotor's new quill styler machine and giving himself quite the bad hair day.

Harmonic Sonic has good animation, great voice acting, and a simple story and plot, but it could've used so much more. They were obviously inspired by Star Wars, what with the Death Star shaped Sky Spy, the cantina scene, and the overall look of the ship, so why not have some more action sequences? Have robots trying to blast Sonic and Rotor as they flew out of the ship? Have them fight off a bunch of Swat Bots with lasers, have them put in real peril, not just walking in and out. It could have used so much more, but for what it is, it's not bad. About Rotor, I said he was boring, but apparently he has quite the following, or at least someone on IMDb loves him, because every episode page of Sonic the Hedgehog lists every line of dialogue he says, memorable or not. I mean, I don't really have a problem with the character, despite my complaints. I'd take him over Antoine any day. In closing, I recommend Harmonic Sonic, boldly going where no hedgehog has gone before.

Sonic the Hedgehog: Heads or Tails (1993) Season 1, Episode 13

Two-Tailed Tagalong

[6/10 · 20 January 2023]

Here is the very first episode of the Saturday morning Sonic the Hedgehog series, the pilot that ended up airing at the end of the first season. Looking at it, you can tell this series got off to a rocky start, as this episode is not on par with what came after it, but we have to keep in mind that this was only the pilot and changes could be made, and it's a good thing they were. At the time, the only other series starring the blue hedgehog was Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, which is all kinds of wacky and zany. This show was planning to have a much darker tone, but this first outing does retain some of the wackiness found in the Adventures series. As I watched it, I kept telling myself this was only the first episode and there was plenty of room for growth and the chance to make it less goofy, whereas the Adventures series was made MORE goofy. So, how does this cult classic series begin? We know Sonic and his animal allies have become freedom fighters against the tyrannical Dr. Robotnik and his bid for world domination. There's a lot of story behind this, but this pilot starts off rather simple, and I guess that's a good idea. Lay everything out gradually instead of just hitting the audience over the head with everything all at once. We open on Robotnik returning to Mobius from... somewhere. His weaseling, sniveling assistant Snively is waiting to greet him, and this is guy who even the robots laugh at. First thing on Botsy's agenda is wanting to know of Sonic's whereabouts, but when he can't be located, he spots Tails and orders him to be captured, which would draw the hedgehog out. Actually, Sonic wasn't too far away, because while Tails was picking flowers, Sonic was jamming out a new tune simply called "Way Past Cool", which it most certainly isn't. Just as one of Robotnik's buzz bomber robots, which looks very similar to Zinger from Donkey Kong Country, is about to capture Tails, Sonic saves him and they book it to Knothole Village, where the rest of the freedom fighters have set up their base. You know the gang: Bunny, Sally, useless Antoine, and the somewhat bumbling Rotor. Right away, Sally gets mad at Sonic for screwing around instead of helping them build the catapults, and yeah, he was slacking responsibility, but at the same time, his strengths lie on removing any threats that come their way and rescuing any of them who get captured, so I would cut him just a little slack. The catapults aren't functioning properly because they need metal cotter pins, and in this situation, they can't simply go down to 7-Eleven and buy some. Sonic will have to venture into the big city: Robotropolis, and procure some without getting caught by Swat Bots. Tails wants to tag along, despite Sonic's warnings about the dangers of that evil robot infested city, however the fox guilts him into taking him along. With help from a power ring, an invention of Sonic's beloved Uncle Chuck, they set off, with Tails tucked inside Sonic's backpack, which makes him change size from time to time.

Robotropolis is a dark, dismal place that's controlled entirely by automated factories that pollute the air and cover the streets with sludge and junk, all courtesy of Dr. Robotnik and his quest for power and riches. The citizens were all roboticized and forced to slave away for him. Yeah, instead of trying to take over the world, here, Dr. Robotnik has succeeded. He's a far more dangerous adversary than the one in the Adventures series. Maybe because this one doesn't have two stupid robots like Scratch and Grounder to help him. Anyway, once Sonic and Tails arrive in the city, the former recognizes his dog, Muttsky, now a dangerous robot pooch with a thirst for hedgehog blood. However, Sonic does temporarily manage to fight the heart still inside Muttsky and promises some day he'll return him back to normal. How will be do that? If it was possible to change somebody robotocized back into an organic being, why couldn't they do that for Bunny, who's part robot, and what about Robotnik's arm? You'd think he of all people could find a way to undo that. So after having to leave his poor pooch and bowling over an army of Swat Bots, Sonic and Tails end up in a ventilation shaft, directly over Dr. Robotnik, who was unveiling his evil plans of spraying a deadly toxin over the forests, killing the trees and revealing where the freedom fighters are hidden. Deforestation, definitely not something beneath this man. Sonic begins to regret bringing Tails along, as he kept getting sick with every super spin and now, directly over the villain's head and risking danger of being exposed, Tails says he has to go potty. Oh, and he predictably sneezes, making them fall through the grate and be welcomed by the big man himself. Just like the Adventures series, they make Tails a wimpy, helpless kid. He wasn't like that in the video games, so I can't understand why they have two series showing him in such a capacity. Anyway, with our heroes cornered, Sonic busts out the power ring and after harnessing its energy, they bowl down the Swat Bots and haul ass right out of there. Once back at Knothole, Sonic breaks out the cotter pins, so now their catapults are fully functional. They haven't a second to lose, as a whole swarm of buzz bombers with the tree-killing poison are en route, all being controlled by Snively. Robotnik even invented a hedgehog-seeking missile to turn his enemy into a big, blue stain on the floor. To lure the buzz bombers, Sonic taunts them and even rides the hedgehog-seeking missile like a horse. The others fire the catapults containing water balloons... just go with it- at the robot bees, shorting them out and making them drop their payload into a canyon, far from the trees. Then, they do something I don't know why they programmed for and retreat. Furious that his plan failed, Robotnik goes and beats up Snively, even though it isn't his fault that the doc's worthless machines didn't do what they were supposed to. Well, they foiled Robotnik this time, but you know he'll try again. He'll fail a hundred times before he gives up trying to capture himself that pesky hedgehog and his plucky friends.

Okay, to sum up Heads or Tails, it was a very good effort. The animation is good, even if the characters go off model quite a bit, but again, this was the first episode. The voice acting was really good, and it showed some of the actors were still getting used to their characters. For Jaleel White, this was a walk in the park, but of course, the best performance is Jim Cummings as Dr. Robotnik. I never get tired of hearing that dark, sinister voice. This version of Robotnik is probably the best ever created, and he makes for one of the best animated villains on TV at the time. Those familiar with the Saturday Sonic series can definitely notice how this one differs from the other episodes, as some characters like Sally and Rotor look much different, and while I'm glad Tails got to be a part of this adventure this time, as he's unfortunately downplayed in the rest of the series, he sure was annoying. Look, in the video games and other Sonic lore, Tails may be young and a tad naive, but he's also very handy with gadgets and knows a thing or two about science. How did DiC see that as meaning wimpy little baby for Sonic to constantly rescue? That is a pet peeve of mine with this series and the Adventures one. I've played the original games and the only thing that separates Tails from Sonic is that he isn't as fast. That's it. But, all that aside, this episode is okay, as the writing is pretty good and the music has a good flow, and that opening song is terrific! If you're a Sonic fan and you want to see how the Saturday morning series got started, then check out Heads or Tails, but keep an open mind and remember this was only the first episode. There was room for improvement, which it got.

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog: Hedgehog of the "Hound" Table (1993) Season 1, Episode 49

A Hedgehog in King Arfer's Court

[4/10 · 18 January 2023]

Previously on Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Dr. Robotnik invented a time machine with which to go back to four specific time periods to find four specific Chaos Emeralds to grant him four specific mystic powers. The first trip was to the days of pirates, and even though he and his robots sustained a few bruises, he succeeded in finding the emerald of invisibility. Well, that's one down and three to go, and I'm referring to the number of episodes left too, but hey, at least we're halfway through this silly farce. Their next stop is the days of Camelot. Like I said before in my review of Blackbot the Pirate, a story about traveling back in time to famous moments in history doesn't work when your show is set on a foreign planet. I guess for this to make any sense, we have to pretend that Mobius is just an alternate reality version of Earth. Maybe that will help in some way. So now that they're back in the Middle Ages, Dr. Robotnik is going to seek out the emerald of invincibility, and he starts by paying a visit to the eccentric magician, Merlin... oh, excuse me, Merlynx. Yeah, lynx, he's a cat, get it? Get ready for warped names of everything related to King Arthur here. So, what is the first thing Merlynx does? Turns himself into a set of exercise equipment. Oh, man, this is going to be a long episode. Robotnik then orders Scratch and Grounder to whip up a spell to turn the magician back... like they can just do that? So, really, it's not their fault when they screw it up. Hey, how come none of these Chaos emeralds are for intelligence? I mean, you can be invisible, invincible, immortal and create life all while being dumb as a rock. They turn Merlynx back, and after Robotnik threatens him, he quickly gives up the emerald and Robotnik can now be invincible. Huh, that was easy. The End.

So that was Hedgehog of the...sigh "Hound" Table and while it was brief, it... oh, no, wait, there's more. Darn. Merlynx explains that the invincibility emerald will only fully work if the holder is king of the aforementioned Hound Table. Oh, how will Sonic stop him this time? How will he even know this is happening? Well, somehow Professor Caninestein was looking into the past and discovered that Robotnik arrived in the Medieval times. He seeks out Sonic, who was at that moment putting the moves on a babe at the beach, but when he discovers this woman is part octopus, he runs away. He always did like to judge. Strap on those boots, boy, you've got a dragon slay. Just like before, he and Tails race around the planet so fast, it rips a hole in time and space, putting them back in ye olden days. They arrive at the castle of King... Arfer. Yeah, he's a dog and he's named Arfer. Aw, that's cute that Jeffrey Scott let his 2-year-old name the characters. Presently, the castle was under attack by the Bloated Knight, but the legend foretells that they will be saved by the Holy Hedgehog. That's a load of holy crap. Arfer's knights are no match for one, loan knight with an arsenal of gadgets at his disposal. It's funny the king is a dog, but the knights are human? Hello, animators? Consistency, please. As Robotnik prepares to climb the castle walls, he spots Sonic, who throws in a credit card joke by showing off his Sonic Express card. Oh, don't let the Nostalgia Critic see that, he still hasn't gotten over Batman having a credit card in a movie that shall remain nameless. Anyway, after bumbling and stumbling during his attempted break-in, Robotnik unveils Merlynx, who casts a spell that encases Sonic's feet in impenetrable stone. With the hero out of commission, Robotnik steals the crown and is awarded invincibility. Wasting no time, he has Sonic and Tails thrown in the dungeon. Well, it looks like he's won. King Robotnik is invincible, including having himself a ripped new bod, and Sonic is powerless to stop him. That's when Guinevere, er I mean, Gwendolyn, brings our boys some chili dogs with nail files hidden in them and tells them to seek out Merlyx. They very slowly make their escape, while the king continues to test his new powers on death traps. Gonna take a while for the hedgehog to find the magician, so why doesn't he just wait somewhere while Tails flies over to get him? Why is Tails so useless here? I think Jeffrey Scott let his two-year-old write the whole script. Scratch and Grounder show up to try and stop Sonic, and prove they're even useless against a hedgehog with stone feet. He uses a sludge hose Scratch has for some reason to make himself a slick path to Merlynx's house. This is such a waste of time. Like I said, Tails should have just gone to get him while Sonic waited. Stupid! They get to Merlynx's house, just as he turns himself into a block of cheese. This isn't funny!! The magician quickly removes the stone spell and Sonic formulates a plan to dethrone Robotnik the Invincible. They hold a good, old fashioned Medieval joust, and while it seemed that Robotnik had the upper hand at first, he eventually gets knocked off his horse(?), allowing Tails to find the emerald hidden in his helmet. Robotnik is swiftly defeated, and when Scratch and Grounder attempt to get the emerald from Tails, he summons its powers and turns into Super Fox, mangling the two dumb droids. This scene is so cool, I'll let it slide that the emerald wouldn't work unless Tails was king. Now with everything put right again, King Arfer is returned to his throne, and he knights Sonic as Sir Sonic the Speedy, even though he isn't a British citizen and can't use the title 'sir', but no matter. As for Botsy and his two robots, Sonic sends them back to Ancient Rome where they land in the Colosseium and are quickly devoured by lions. Our Sonic Says is about using the buddy system when you go swimming, which is a very good lesson.

So that was Hedgehog of the Hound Table, and I gotta say, it was just as bad as Blackbot the Pirate, maybe even moreso. It's just more of the same: Robotnik trying to find a Chaos Emerald in a familiar historical time period, Sonic arrives to stop him, they do things germaine to said period, rinse and repeat. Did this need to be four parts? Oh, and while it was left up in the air whether or not Robotnik got the invisibility emerald, we know for sure he didn't walk away with the invincibility one, so I hope the next episode remembers that. Oh, speaking of which, if Robotnik still had the invisibility emerald, why didn't he use it here? He could've been super strong and invisible. Guess he's not that smart? So, here's the rundown: the gags were not funny, the writing was horrible, the animation was sloppy and off-model, and in the great DiC tradition, they take established famous people and change their names for no real reason. We had Merlynx, King Arfer, Gwendolyn. It's not cute or funny. I know I gave Jeffrey Scott alot of crap in this review, and while I am thankful to him for being a part of my childhood, when he writes a bad script, I will give him a hard time for it. So, do I recommend Hedgehog of the Hound Table? Not really. For a better representation of the Arthur legend, watch A Kid in King Arthur's Court, or The Sword in the Stone, or Monty Python and the Holy Grail, or Camelot. Heck, even Spamalot was more faithful than this. Well, we have two more time-travel episodes to go: Ancient Egypt for immortality, and prehistoria for life. Check them out if you dare, or you could just assume Robotnik loses and watch something else.

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog: Sno Problem (1993) Season 1, Episode 25

Mind Freeze

[7/10 · 18 January 2023]

No matter the weather, you know Dr. Robotnik is going to do whatever it takes to nab him a hedgehog and conquer him a planet. Every week on this series, he comes up with a brilliant, diabolical scheme for world domination, and it gets foiled in twenty short minutes. Therefore, it wasn't very brilliant or diabolical, was it? Seems like there's always some minor detail he fails to notice, maybe it has something to do with his two incompetent robot lackeys always screwing up the simplest of orders. Well, Robotnik comes up with a solution for that too. You wanna know how he does it? Sno problem. It all began when he invented himself an ultra Freeze-o-matic ray, capable of covering large areas in snow and ice. With this new invention, he plans to freeze every citizen on Mobius and then implant servitude chips into their brains, so they will be unquestionably loyal to him. Huh, I say just send them free money and offer affordable healthcare and you'll get unquestionable loyalty then. To test the servitude chips, he plants one into Scratch and Grounder's empty heads and they instantly become groveling servants to their master. He then instructs them to jump out the window, and they do it without hesitation, and I'm sorry to say that they both survived. Now that he's done playing around, Robotnik relocates to his igloo fortress and activates his Freeze-o-matic, instantly freezing the nearby Mount Splatterhorn where, at that very moment, Sonic and Tails were camping out. They were looking for a place to chill, but got more than they bargained for. Seeing that his adversary was in his crosshairs, he sends the overly-loyal Scratch and Grounder to go get him, and I'm wondering why they still need those servitude chips. They obey him anyway. Well, it's to setup the chips being misused in a few moments. The dumb robots go skiing down a conveniently placed ski jump and crashland, taking nasty blows to the head. So much so that they forget who their master is. Taking full advantage of this opportunity, Sonic tells them he's their master, and they instantly believe him. Gullible and stupid, they are. They reveal Robotnik's plan to the hedgehog, who orders them to take him there. On the way, he messes around, telling Grounder to provide him with hot chocolate and a hot tub, complete with whipped cream. Why would Grounder carry all that stuff on him? Instead of playing around, Sonic, why don't you just tell them to go back to the fortress and destroy the Freeze-o-Matic? Robotnik witnessed it all, angry that the servitude chips placed in his robots went awry, and instead of just carrying on with his plan of freezing Mobius, he diverts resources to stopping Sonic. Now really, when has that ever worked? You'd think he would know by now. He activates a monster avalanche, but Sonic predictably saves everybody by racing a large line of fire in the snow's path, turning it to water, and of course, he's surfing on the waves. I give that show-off a 9.5.

Angry that he was foiled yet again, Robotnik pulls out his remote servitude chip regenerator... wait, why didn't he do that before? This will allow him to reset the chips and return Grounder and Scratch's loyalty to the proper person. It happens when the gang are stuck crossing a vast chasm with only a thin layer of ice serving as a bridge. Tails can fly over it, easily, and Showoff the Hedgehog could race over it, no problem, but we stall with Scratch and Grounder begging him not to, until their chips are reset and they pretend to still be on Sonic's side, acting like Wayne and Garth, saying "we're not worthy." So, Sonic races across as the ice collapses, and once on the other side, he sees S&G capture Tails. How predictable. He can't race back across, as Robotnik generates a blizzard to slow him down. With the hedgehog forced to chill, Tails is brought back to Dr. Robotnik, who forcibly straps a servitude chip on his wrist. Huh, now I can see this having some potential. Tails under Robotnik's command, being forced to capture Sonic, like being ordered to beat him into submission, and of course Sonic won't fight back because that's his little buddy. Reminds me of an episode of the Adam West Batman series where Robin fights Batman under mind control, and the latter refuses to fight back. Unfortunately, they don't do anything cool with this idea, they just have Tails return to the cliff and robotically summon Sonic back over. He does, and instantly gets captured by Grounder and Scratch. So, do the bad guys win? Well, they would if it weren't for the robots' stupidity. Sonic uses reverse psychology to make Scratch and Grounder order Tails to jump around, dance, and even remove his own servitude chip. Oh, man. Bebop and Rocksteady from Ninja Turtles and Bulk and Skull from Power Rangers look like rocket scientists compared to these two idiots! Fortunately, this is the part of the episode where they get off, as Sonic places them on a ski lift and rockets them into the next time zone. With Sonic and Tails en route, Robotnik throws a few ice traps their way, and every one of them gets dodged, from icicles, to a rolling snowball, which is the oldest trick in the book, as Sonic literally demonstrates in a pretty funny moment, and then he defies physics by rolling the book down a hill, creating a fire trail... just go with it, eliminating their obstacle. They reach the igloo fortress, but how to get in? Sonic paints a scenic island view on the periscope, making a befuddled Robotnik come out to see how he somehow wound up in the middle of the ocean. Idiot. Sonic races inside and spins Botsy around on the periscope, so fast he goes flying into Lake Splatterhorn. With the frozen concentrate activated, they freeze the lake with Robotnik trapped underneath, literally putting him on ice. Tragically, Dr. Robotnik died five minutes later due to hypothermia and asphyxiation. Our Sonic Says is about bicycle safety, and how it's always a good idea to make sure all the nuts and bolts are tightened, otherwise it'll fall apart on you. Good safety tip.

Sno Problem is a pretty fun episode. Some gags are pretty funny, even if Scratch and Grounder become increasingly annoying throughout the whole thing. I know their purpose is to be annoying, but I like when we get our breaks from them. Here, they're around the whole time. As far as the servitude chips, I like how Robotnik planned to implant one in everyone on Mobius, but apparently he only had two of them, as when Scratch and Grounder go sailing "into the next episode", the doc laments that his chips are gone. Ha, I guess we can say "goodbye, Mr. Chips." LOL. I'm also proud of this episode for showing restraint and not having an overabundance of ice puns. There are some here and there, but at least the whole thing isn't loaded with them, unlike a certain superhero movie I know of, featuring a certain Austrian bodybuilder playing a tragic villain who packed a never-ending barrage of ice puns in every, single scene he was in. In closing, I recommend Sno Problem. It sno masterpiece, but it sno blunder either.