malachite-78432 Reviews

Never Been Chris'd (2023 TV Movie)

Don't waste your time with this one.

[3/10 · 5 November 2023]

This was so boring that I could barely pay attention. I don't know why Tyler Hines was even in it, except maybe to get us to watch it. His role seemed forced and didn't really fit.

Because it was basically about these two girls that I never really cared about at all. Not their friendship, not their history, and not their present.

And once again, what they showed us this movie was going to be about, never really materialized. Just like a movie with Alison Sweeney, about a card, which was about other characters that I also never cared about. It's the classic bait and switch.

So, I could barely give this movie a three. Even two seems too much.

It's a boring snooze that I will not watch again.

Garage Sale Mysteries (2013–2020)

Jennifer Shannon is really a liar.

[7/10 · 30 September 2023]

I used to like this series because I enjoyed watching and trying to solve the mysteries, but the more times that I watched it, I started to see, that as moral as Jennifer Shannon claimed to be, she seemed to think absolutely nothing about repeatedly lying to both her husband and the police, who continuously admonished her to "stay out of it. Let the police do their job." to which she coyly responded, "Okay, I will" as she went about ignoring them and doing exactly as she pleased.

Only to invariably get into trouble and in life threatening situations where she needed help.

Maybe I'd respect her more if she was just honest with everyone and told them that this is who she is and if they can't live with it then maybe they need to evaluate their relationships.

But if that happened and they called her on it and her husband left, I think she would regret her dangerous behaviors.

Castle: That '70s Show (2014) Season 6, Episode 20

Every car on the road is magically from the 70s?

[6/10 · 19 April 2023]

It seems to me that everyone just magically forgot to mention that every time they were outside in traffic, the only 70s vehicle was the cop car that took them from the house. Heck, I could even see a more contemporary car on the street with the old police car driving them all to the newly made 70s police station!

While this was a fun episode to watch the actors dress up in their bell bottoms and beads, It glaringly ignored the modern cars outside every time they took Harold to another 1970s themed establishment.

Couldn't they have written in that he had to be blindfolded during car travels to handle this obvious to everyone problem?

Still, fun to watch for us 70s teens!

La Brea (2021–2024)

Wardrobe department! Keep us clean and dressed up here!

[4/10 · 22 February 2023]

It makes me laugh that everyone is always so clean with neatly cut hairstyles and have new clean clothes to wear with pretty jewelry.

Did I miss the explanation of how they are taking care of these little details? I do admit to not always keeping up with every episode.

And what about feminine products? Too much reality for the show? Lol.

They have bottles of alcohol and even wedding clothes, for the episode airing 2/21/23.

You'd think that they would have at least added the reality of dirty clothes getting worn out and tattered to help us accept the whole sinkhole to the 10,000 BC world.

Oh well. I guess that it's just Too much to ask.

NCIS: Skeleton Crew (2017) Season 15, Episode 4

Hurricane idiocy

[6/10 · 3 July 2022]

Okay. The mystery is okay. I liked it.

But...

Living in Florida and having gone through three hurricanes- Irma, Charlie and Wilma, I was struck and completely annoyed by the behavior of the cast, which I love, except for Bishop, who I tolerate.

First, no one flies a helicopter during a hurricane and no boss orders his staff to fly out to a ship on it.

No boss orders his crew to go out and find people to bring them back to interrogate them.

You don't control a hurricane no matter how strong you are and how much you want to solve a crime.

You stop whatever you are doing and hope that the place you are staying survives with the roof and windows intact. And the power stays on.

The hurricane controls you and if you have any brains, you respect it's life ending power and get back to your life when the power is back on and the flooding recedes.

Writers, you looked like horses asses with this episode. You couldn't ask someone who survived a hurricane for some tips?

Aurora Teagarden Mysteries: Honeymoon, Honeymurder (2021 TV Movie)

Nosey to the point of unstable.

[4/10 · 27 March 2022]

I certainly wouldn't want to be married to someone like Roe Teagarden.

Not only can't she let go of her ghoulish fascination to solve every murder she comes across and enjoy her honeymoon, or whatever it was, as she butts into everyone's lives and the law enforcement's investigation... because of her morbid obsession, she also gets both her and her husband Nick shot at!

I wonder how long a marriage like this will last. Poor Nick has been getting into physical confrontations and trying to protect her since they first met.

And even though she kept saying that she would let it go to enjoy their honeymoon, she didn't.

Because of her obsession, her friend Sally was strangled and left for dead in another episode, and so was her mother. Who has to die to finally get it through her thick head to stick with old cases and leave the crime solving to the professionals?

I would run to get this marriage annulled if I were him. He deserves better.

Monk: Mr. Monk on Wheels (2009) Season 7, Episode 11

Monk's true colors

[1/10 · 27 February 2022]

This episode shows Monk's true personality, unfortunately.

He has been showing it more and more through the years. Openly insulting Natalie, making her carry heavy boxes, then saying that he was helping her carry them when someone called, when he wouldn't even open the door for her! Insulting her. Telling her she doesn't matter and is surprised when she thinks she does.

He shows himself to be rude, cruel, insensitive, uncaring, self-serving and self involved, and someone that you couldn't pay me enough to be around.

Natalie was spunky in the first episodes of her time with Monk. Where did that person go? She should have put him in his place at least ten times per episode.

I used to like Monk, but just because he lost his wife to an unknown murderer is no excuse to treat anyone like that.

I'm sure that having OCD doesn't make you completely self involved and cruel.

He couldn't have been crueler in this episode, even after Stotlemeyer told him that he was going to lose her if he didn't knock it off.

I'm sick of him and his bad behavior. All those years of therapy and he is getting worse.

This POS character is doing a disservice to mental illnesses.

Monk: Mr. Monk and the Birds and the Bees (2007) Season 6, Episode 5

Inconsistent Monk

[8/10 · 22 February 2022]

Monk has many quirks, and is constantly asking for wipes, yet, we are to believe that he was able to touch the cremated remains of people in the morgue, scoop them up with his bare hands to return them to their containers, and not once act freaked out or desperately seek a wipe from Natalie?

Very inconsistent with the whole character of Monk and the series and not understandable as to why this glaring problem was not noticed by someone who could and should have remedied it.

Someone was not doing their job that day.

Castle: A Dance with Death (2012) Season 4, Episode 18

Suddenly an expert? I don't think so.

[8/10 · 22 February 2022]

Good episode, all except for Castle's daughter, Alexis, who is now working with the forensic pathologist, and she suddenly knows enough to figure out that the person was murdered and not dead from other causes.

Even giving all the physical findings?

Give me a break.

Cut, Color, Murder (2022 TV Movie)

Boring and a Waste of time.

[2/10 · 11 February 2022]

What an unlikable lead actress here.

She 'accidentally' spills hot coffee all over the new guy police officer, because he is doing his job and following procedure. Geez. Who does that?

She uses blackmail to get information from the head police chief, who, by the way, is her friend. Nice. 😠

She gathers information, on her own, and puts it in a plastic bag. Hello. She can't be trusted doing this, because, her sister is a suspect. And they take it!

She's so arrogant that she ups her hair trim price to $50.00 from $30.00 because she can't handle that his compliment was 'Not bad.' rather than 'Wow, fabulous, fantastic! You cut three hairs and now I'm perfection!'

What a pill she is. I personally, would never go back there again.

And let's talk about the hair salon and the pageant crap. Waay too much of that.

And, so many of the women looked alike, with medium length brown hair, that I had a hard time keeping them straight.

All in all, a bad movie. Unremarkable characters, and one that I do not recommend watching. And it looks like they are setting it up for a movie number two in this new franchise.

Don't waste your time.

Journey of My Heart (2021 TV Movie)

Boring, ridiculous, rehashed movie.

[2/10 · 23 January 2022]

He should be FIRED as a guide if he thinks that someone who tips over from a few ready to eat meals in her backpack is in any shape to "climb two mountains in one day".

Also, he asks her if she's in shape for it and she says she does yoga and is very flexible. It's obvious to a newborn that she's lying about her physical abilities at every step of the way.

Take her back to the cabin and send her packing back home to civilization.

Lawsuit avoided.

Love You Like Christmas (2016 TV Movie)

Bad boarding house.

[4/10 · 19 December 2021]

This movie was okay, but what the frell was with that little girl? In what universe is it acceptable for some annoying child to just hang out in a renters room? I would have just politely asked the inn owner to please tell the parents of the child to get her out of my room. She had important work to do. And she isn't a baby sitter. Unbelievable.

The dog in her room. Yes. Little annoying girl. NO.

And another thing about the boarding house. The owner yells Hello Maddie to her and wakes her up! Why? It's not her family. Let the woman wake up when she chooses to wake up.

Definitely NOT the way to run a boarding house. She would get a bad Yelp review if it was me.

Christmas Cookies (2016 TV Movie)

Dumb ending.

[6/10 · 18 December 2021]

Excuse me, but WHO runs a business like that?!

I liked this movie until the ridiculous end, which made me almost yell at the TV, but restrained myself because of the sweet little kitty sleeping on my lap.

As I said, who in their right mind runs a business like that? Each person working there knows how to make their particular element and no one else knows. And, it's all in their head. Nothing written down... What if they die or become incapacitated in a swift and debilitating accident? The whole section of their job comes to a screeching halt! Sorry, no more chocolate chip cookies! Whats-her-name won't be in till she can walk, talk and bake again! I guess that just doesn't happen in Cookie Jar, huh?

And the ingredient that makes it truly "Wow" is LOVE? How many times have I seen this particular stupid aspect of baking. Love. And how exactly do you add that? What happens if your significant other just dumped you? And you're feeling ANYTHING but love the next day at work? Do they have to throw all of your shortbreads in the dumpster until you can feel love again and they can sell them to the waiting public?

Ah well. It's a Hallmark movie. What was I thinking?

In spite of it all, Jill Wagner did a compelling summation on that stage, if nothing else. Shows what a great actress she is. Saying those dumb words with conviction and heart. It's not her fault that those words were cringe-worthy. It's Christmas magic, I guess.

Sex and the City (2008)

Things that bother me about this movie.

[4/10 · 13 December 2021]

Okay, every time this movie is on, I google to see if there is anything written about the bridesmaid dresses for the wedding that wasn't.

I never find anything, so I've decided to write about it myself.

Those dresses that Charlotte, Samantha and Miranda are wearing are really ugly. And the colors? Black, blue and red. With not an attractive style between the three of them.

The only thing that I can figure is that Carrie, being the consummate narcissist, couldn't have anyone looking at anyone but her.

Okay, so be it.

But let's talk about something else that I thought was insane.

At the beautiful house they are in for the honeymoon that didn't happen, Carrie hasn't eaten or left the bed in days. Samantha comes in and actually feeds her. Puts the spoon in the food and into her mouth.

Really? I've been in so many heartbreaking situations and I NEVER have needed anyone to spoon feed me! How unbelievably ridiculous.

And, that ugly ass purse she buys for Louise! Sure, it's a designer bag, but the colors are atrocious, like someone vomited a pizza all over a perfectly good purse. I'd never use it, no matter who's name was on the label.

Well, those are basically the three things that have irked me about the first movie, and I'm glad that I finally got it off my chest. Not going to write anything about the putrid second movie. That drivel speaks for itself.

A Christmas Together with You (2021 TV Movie)

Meh.

[5/10 · 21 November 2021]

1971. Back in those days, he says, we asked a girl's father for her hand in marriage.

And had black and white photos...

Excuse me? I was 17 in 1971. We had Polaroid cameras. We had touch-tone phones. We were hippies. No one asked anyone's father for their hands in marriage. Free love was the name of the game. We didn't ask anyone for anything.

Geez, writers-at least get your facts right for the decade you're writing about.

It's these ridiculous glaring inaccuracies that takes us out of the story you are trying to tell. Try getting the little things right so we can get into the story without yelling at the TV.

And while I'm writing, she went to culinary school for a couple of years, makes a green bean casserole, and he tells her it looks amazing. What? A green been casserole? Every Tom, Dick and Judy can make one-with their eyes closed. Give me a break.

Couldn't get into the story because of some of the stupid dialogue.

I'll try it again to see if I feel the same way. I'm not holding my breath.

Lots of crappy Christmas movies made in 2021. Oh well. Maybe they're finally running out of good writers.

Home Economics (2021–2023)

Unbelievably boring

[1/10 · 18 November 2021]

I put this on to pass the time before the new CSI: Vegas.

What a waste of time, even as a filler to take up time.

I won't be keeping the television tuned to this unfunny clunker again, for any reason. What a bore.

I'd rather sit in the silence.

Do us a favor and cancel this unfunny trash. Aren't there any better writers in Hollywood any more?

Open by Christmas (2021 TV Movie)

Barely about the Christmas card.

[4/10 · 13 November 2021]

Why are they advertising this as an Alison Sweeny/Brennan Elliott movie? She was in it a bit at the beginning wondering about the card and who sent it, but it seemed like it was mostly about her friend.

I don't know the actress who played the friend. I don't like when they advertise a movie and then they pull the old bait and switch and make it about something else.

Unlocking Christmas (2020 TV Movie)

Unflirty, hostile banter is more like it.

[4/10 · 6 November 2021]

If that's what passes for flirty banter these days I'll be surprised if anyone ever gets together.

I couldn't tell by Steve Lund's face that he was going for flirtation. It looked weirdly hostile and aggressive. If I ran across this at a coffee shop and doctor's office, that would be the last time that I spoke to him.

Come on, writers! Haven't you ever flirted with a stranger that you found attractive? No? Can you ask someone who has?

Cross Country Christmas (2020 TV Movie)

Attention wardrobe department.

[7/10 · 2 November 2021]

I liked this movie. Sure, it has some ridiculous elements in it, and some things that do not make sense, but, hey, it's a Hallmark movie.

What I can't understand is why the wardrobe people keep choosing jackets with animal fur trim on them. Hello-it's 2021. Don't we all know by now how these animals are kept in small wire cages before being inhumanly killed and skinned just to make a hood trim on a winter coat?

All I kept thinking about was the poor long haired dog, like a German Shepherd, that was killed for the useless trim. What's wrong with fake fur, anyway?

Come on Hallmark. Get your act together. Please.

Aurora Teagarden Mysteries: How to Con a Con (2021 TV Movie)

Poor Nick

[4/10 · 25 September 2021]

I enjoy these movies but it makes me wonder...why would anyone want Aurora Teagarden as a girlfriend?

Nick is constantly in physical fights with the villains in these movies. Maybe as a professor, he enjoys this? Maybe not.

My thought is always this: one day they are both going to get killed by bad guys because they constantly put themselves in danger because of Roe's macabre obsession.

Sally has already been injured and left unconscious in a driveway in one movie and her mother was strangled and left for dead in this one.

When will enough be enough for Roe?

Finding Love in Mountain View (2020)

A good story

[7/10 · 20 September 2021]

This is not your typical Hallmark movie that has been common for the two Hallmark channels.

I found this enjoyable. Not at all what I expected from viewing the trailer for the past few weeks.

It didn't have the typical music, the cookie cutter children, the same old romance story. It had depth and realism. With a story that was actually touching.

I certainly hope that it means that Hallmark is moving away from their usual fare and are returning to the meaningful movies with different stories that they showed when Hallmark was younger.

Good for them. Keep it up.

B Positive (2020–2022)

Just bad

[3/10 · 26 February 2021]

I was surprised to see that this is a Chuck Lorre show.

Judging by this, Chuck has lost his golden streak.

Just cancel this already. It's probably the most unfunny show I've seen in a while.

Crossword Mysteries: Proposing Murder (2019 TV Movie)

Obvious mistake

[6/10 · 2 January 2021]

This is supposed to be set in New York City, but a cab had a white Ontario license plate. It's filmed in Toronto.

The cars being used by the people involved in the scenes had NY plates.

Guess they forgot to change the cab.

On a different note, Brennan's hair looks better in this second installment than as short as it was in the first one. I also like that he's not dressed in a suit and tie, but is dressed more casually.

Lacey's hair is better, too. They got rid of those long extensions.

Too bad they killed off Harris in the first one, though. He was a good actor.

Christmas List (2016 TV Movie)

Good movie, some odd elements

[7/10 · 2 January 2021]

I like this movie. I've watched it many times but this is the first time that I noticed that in the first scene, she had a dog. He was a big red setter type dog, with longish fur.

If her mother is so OCD that she can't stand the mess of a live Christmas tree, which is only inside for a few weeks, then how can she stand the mess that a shedding, big dog will inevitably make?

That was a weird element that didn't fit, and didn't need to be in the story. She could have been talking to herself or her snow globe when she said she'd like to have a real tree one day.

The dog didn't fit at all.

Who's job is it to pay attention to these inconsistencies in the stories? Someone isn't paying attention to their job title.

So what else is new in the Hallmark Christmas movies? Someone isn't paying attention to obviously incongruities in the writing process.

Christmas in Evergreen (2017 TV Movie)

Okay movie, tiny ice rink

[5/10 · 28 December 2020]

Okay movie with yet another Hallmark "ice rink" so small that no one can actually ice skate in a straight line.

Can't they find an actual ice rink that is bigger than a postage stamp?

It looks ridiculous.

Also, kudos to the most clueless dad ever written for a Hallmark movie! Zoe has been telling him from the start that she wants to stay in Evergreen. That she loves it there.

For this father to claim that he's trying to make this first Christmas after the mother died special for her, what does it take to get him to actually listen to her and figure out that, duh, she wants to stay in Evergreen for Christmas!

Wow. Wake up dad.