nicklesu Reviews

Star Trek: Balance of Terror (1966) Season 1, Episode 14

Decent, but has problems

[9 April 2023]

Firstly, I'm old and have watched this (and most Trek) many times; I went to my first Star Trek convention back in 1976. This is just to confirm that I know a lot about the Trek universe.

This episode is, overall, good. Lots of tension, introduces the Romulans (and Mark Leonard), and as others have mentioned is basically a submarine show (love those, too). But that's where I have the biggest issue with this episode. At one point both ships "run silent" to hide themselves from their enemy. But that doesn't need to extend to the point of whispering. They could have the loudest rage party going on and it's not going to make a difference. They're IN SPACE! Sound doesn't travel in space.

(And on that point, the producers knew this. Originally there wasn't any sound as the Enterprise zooms past the camera; in tests nobody thought the ship was fast, so they added the "whoosh" to help convey speed to the television audience.)

I know (I can hear you now) that there are many points where Star Trek doesn't line up with science (as it was known in 1966, let alone in 2023), but really, this is just too far on that road to stupidity.

Return to Jupiter (1997– )

NSFA

[3/10 · 25 March 2023]

Not Safe for Anyone.

Ok, I'm definitely not the intended audience; I'm seriously assuming that the producers intended this for young Australian teens. But it's not good for anyone - well, maybe six-year-olds. Please note that this was a sequel for Escape from Jupiter - also for the same audience and many of the same actors (I didn't watch it). (Truthfully, I only watched four episodes, three of which were on in the background while writing this.)

So why did I watch it? Sonia Todd. She's generally a good actress. And in this show she's the best of the lot. What's surprising is that David Wenham, best known as Faramir in LOTR, is in this. He wears false teeth to give his character a buck-toothed nerd look and, along with wearing thick glasses at the tip of his nose, the whole affect just doesn't work. Both actors must have agreed to do this just for the paycheck.

The plot is simple: a bunch of pubescent teens and two adults head to Ganymede on a cargo ship. The kids tend not to listen and generally do stupid stuff to move the alleged plot along. Don't ignore that this was written by twelve-year-olds.

It's best to ignore *any* concerns regarding scientific or practical or logical realism. Ignore the CGI as well - it's low-budget made-for-tv SFX. Actuality, just ignore the entire show.

Bridge to Nowhere (1986)

Don't. Just...don't.

[3/10 · 16 March 2023]

Sooo many things wrong with this that it's difficult to know where to begin.

The plot. Five teenagers that you hope will head off into the woods to be hunted by a madman head off into the woods to be hunted by a madman. However, it's not until the end of the movie that the so-called madman has any real reason to hunt the kids. In fact, throughout much of the film, he intentionally misses killing them, instead just terrorizing them for some unexplained reason. Along the way, general stupidity ensues. At one point one of the guys shoots a stranger and happily exclaims, "woo hoo! I got one! I got one!" only to later be remorseful (while one of the girls smiles after taking a stick from the other girl - totally inappropriate for the scene and likely missed by everyone as she's just fooling around in the background). Truthfully, there's nothing else left to the plot.

The characters. The alpha male, Leon, is a loud obnoxious boor you hope gets killed quickly. Which he does. His best mate is not much better (although he doesn't try to rape anyone); this character (Gray) goes raving mad a few times. (The best parts of the movie are when Gray gets slapped around by Carl and later one of the girls; true laugh-out-loud moments!) One of the girls, Tanya, states that she loves the loud obnoxious boor, but we're left wondering why as he's a loud obnoxious boor. And he has a very slim grasp of sanity. The second girl, Julia, is almost a non-character she's so bland. The only decent kid of the bunch is the younger brother, Carl, who didn't want to come along on the trip anyway. Mac (Bruno Lawrence), is the recluse/madman, though neither adjective fits. Finally, we have Lise who has some undefined relationship with Mac; she quickly goes insane after killing Leon.

All of the dialogue sounds as if it's been dubbed over in an echo chamber. There are a few scenes where it would be natural to have an echo, but in most scenes not. It just does *not* sound good at all. Regarding the music, the only piece that's acceptable is during the last scene and credits; the rest is either inappropriate for the scene, or, in the case of the 80s music from the "ghetto blaster," just bad. One song, in particular, is repeated many times (one assumes the producer got a deal on that one).

On a related note, during a scene on the bridge after the attempted rape, the assault victim and her brother "dance" (their word) to a relatively slow song. But it's not dancing by any stretch - they literally hold hands while jumping in a circle. Ughhh.

The scenery may have been nice, but the forest colors seem to be desaturated. Additionally, there's something between the frame rate and the digitalization and/or streaming (I watched it on Prime) that makes even the slow panning nausea-inducing.

The best part of the movie is the climax where Mac is chasing down the three remaining teenagers. We finally have something resembling acting.

It's really a two-star movie, but I'm giving it three for purely base reasons - all of the girls get their kit off.

Aside: I believe the horse ridden by Mac is actually hurt during one stunt; it sure looks and sounds like it.

Beyond Paradise: Episode #1.3 (2023) Season 1, Episode 3

Ughhh

[1/10 · 14 March 2023]

Regarding the show, I think Kris Marshall is fine; I've liked him in other productions. Liked him in Death in Paradise as well. And the first two episodes of this show were nice, too. But this one? Clunker.

If the viewer had half a brain, they could see, as I did, the solution before the problem arose. One could immediately see that the painting was going to be stolen, that the disagreeable current owner would be the thief, and that it would never leave the building as it was somehow stashed in the display or frame. The "clues" that he (the owner) was mixed up with illusionists and that he was eager to get the display only confirmed what was already known. The final bit with the sheep was also telegraphed early. Very poor writing.

Windmills of the Gods (1988)

Ughhh

[1/10 · 2 November 2022]

Ok, I *may* have seen this on tv when it first aired, and if I did I *may* have liked it. I do like many of the actors involved. But watching it now in 2022 it's terrible.

My first impression was about the music. Worst. "Music." Ever. Then I decided to lookup what year it was made - 1988 - as it really feels like it was the late seventies; not in clothing styles nor anything else obviously seventies, but just how it feels.

Again, coming at it from 2022 it's just sooo unbelievably plotted that it's nearly unwatchable. Add to that that it's on streaming platform Freevee with poorly placed commercials every few minutes and it becomes entirely unwatchable.

Avoid this made-for-tv pablum from a bygone era.

The Circuit (2007–2010)

Season One

[2 October 2022]

It's difficult for me to properly rate this season as I could only bare to finish one episode (episode 4).

I must agree with another reviewer in his or her comment that the style of the camera work is highly distracting. In all truth, within the first few minutes of watching the first episode, I began to get a headache due to the crash zooms, sudden pans, deliberately shaky hand-held shots, and the quick cuts. I realize that this was a popular technique for a few years and many directors had a go with it, but director Catriona McKenzie seems to have embraced it thoroughly. Thankfully, that fad was short-lived and will hopefully never rear its ugly head again.

Episode four is the only episode in season one that wasn't directed by Catriona McKenzie or Richard Frankland (who it seems also followed this methodology). The story is fine, along with the acting, etc. However, when skipping so many episodes one is left, unfortunately, to decide which is worse: missing character stories or risking a possible stroke.

Secret Headquarters (2022)

NSFA

[2/10 · 16 August 2022]

Not safe for adults. (Probably not safe for children as well.) Side effects WILL include wasting time, loss of brain cells, and complete disillusionment of everyone involved in this.

The Banana Splits Movie (2019)

Don't - just don't

[1/10 · 11 July 2022]

Full disclosure: I was a card-carrying member of the Official Banana Splits Club back in the day.

After watching the trailer, I was expecting (and excited to see) a comedy/horror story about the Banana Spits. No such luck. This had soooo much potential to be just that, but the "creative" team behind this failed miserably.

It really wasn't horror and certainly not comedic - just a big mess! Spend your time and money better by going to your local ice cream shop and buying a real banana split.

The Relic (1997)

Lights?

[4/10 · 16 March 2022]

I remember reading the novel a few decades back (before the movie was released) and enjoyed it. This adaption - not so much. It wasn't the plot, the acting, or the creature that lowered my rating, it was the lighting.

One expects that underground tunnels, basements, and just about anything after a power cut would be poorly lit, but the entire film is dark. All of the following are pre-power cut yet it's very dark: when folks are working in the lab (during the day); all of the gala scenes; Margo's office; autopsy room; museum archives (aside: I've seen a lot of museum archives - never one with so many jars). You get the picture (or don't as it's sooo dark).

This alone spoiled the entire film - hence the low rating.

Encounter (II) (2018)

Ughhh

[2/10 · 30 March 2021]

I'll get right to it - this is pretty bad. Unfortunately it's not so bad as to be good.

Let's start with the script. This is supposed to be a group of friends, but they are continually threatening to beat the crap out of each other; they practically come to blows over who's going to take first watch. The "alpha" male, Brent, is obviously verbally abusive (and possibly physically as well) to his wife. She is the sister of the Hemsworth character and Brent also threatens Hemsworth, yet they're friends? The FBI break into a character's apartment; when he arrives home they question him, but he never questions their presence nor how they got in. That character also threatens to beat the FBI. What's up with all the threats? The script also tries to be deep and thoughtful, but fails miserably. And tell me, please, how does the biologist determine, with only a microscope, that the alien is gathering Hemsworth's DNA?

The acting. Some of the actors are way over-the-top in their portrays. Glenn Keogh was the worst.

The production. The lighting is terrible; when the FBI is in the apartment interviewing Doyle, the lighting goes back & forth between daytime to evening many times. We see in one scene that the garage has nice lighting, but the majority of the scenes in there are very dark. The staging as nearly as bad, but honestly I don't have the energy to write much more about this.

So why two stars instead of one? The Kiwi actress who plays Jess is attractive.

Broke (I) (2020)

Shocked at the rating!

[1/10 · 11 April 2020]

At the time of this writing, the show has a rating of 3.4 here on IMDB. I'm truly stunned - that it's so high.