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Reviews
Never Rest: A Drama About Farm Safety for Children (1993)
Not Apaches
Since PIFs have appeared on YouTube they have acquired a cult following amongst us over 50s for childhood nostalgia and scare reasons-There are so many to troll through from The Nightmare that is Jon Krishes "Searching "about children and matches in 1974 to Jo and Petunia being killed off with worn tyres a bit later -This previously hidden farm safety film Never rest is a homage to John Macenzies 70s farm fright fest Apaches with the same message, and with graphic violence if the warnings are unheeded -What lets it down though is the cinematography which looks like studio Instead of cold stark photography that gave the classic 70s PIFs their realism ,and no fade out crackles either!-Worth a look but not "Searching "first division !!....
Ten Pound Poms (2023)
Strewth !....
Awful Awful Awful-I started watching this as it seemed to be a premise regarding the practical difficulties of UK residents post war Emigrating to Australia to find a better life -What I discovered is that the main characters have been lifted out of a hysterical and screaming Eastenders plot and any "practical difficulties " they are having are purely self inflicted in the best traditions of soapland!(illegitimate babies /teenage pregnancy/ a distorted sense of self entitlement, paradoxically the same thing that we complain about with our own immigrants-21st century lack of values taken back in time to a place where if we hadn't had been so much more tenacious and determined, would never have made a success of living in Australia-The scriptwriters need exiling to Botany Bay for missing such a great opportunity, and the thing I fear is that this could become like retro Neighbours but with more unpleasant characters than Scott and Charlene ....
Face/Off (1997)
So bad it's good ,no it isn't.....
This is a film that's hung around for years waiting for me to watch it on a boring Saturday evening when there's nothing else on and you start searching your Firestick choices (let's face it theres a lot of these Saturdays now ),anyway,I should have waited another 20 years to avoid it as its probably the worst film I've ever watched ,and 2 hours plus is even more hard going -Lets face it ,Nicholas Cage has got to be (and seems to appear) on everyone's list of the worst actor ever ,and it must be a wrench for the family Coppola to have him in the fold -Also John Travolta was feted for greater things after his return to the big screen in Pulp Fiction, but sadly this was one choice he should have turned down-The plot ,the acting ,the characters, the casual designer violence and gory deaths (often of the good guys ) was hard to watch BUT ,at the end it left me in stitches and hence my review headline !-However I apply a simple yardstick to any film I see -"would I watch it again ?" the morning after ,and I think you can guess my answer -Castor Troy ?!,Try an overdose of Castor oil for the same effect of what this celluloid dog with fleas produces ..
Only Fools and Horses: Yuppy Love (1989)
I'll file his bloody fax !!
Up there with Basil thrashing the car ,and Morecambe and Wise dismantling Andre Privet (Preview),this episode is my favourite of all OFAH episodes and probably the best written and gag after gag ,line after line continuously funny from beginning to end -Its not just Del going through the bar that makes it ,it's also his taking Rodney apart when he tries to fool Cassandra that he lives in "a really nice drum ,like the Kings avenue?!"and Uncle Albert's observations about Rodney's incompetence with regard to Computer learning and his ambition-it also showcases the incredible poignancy of Dels character when he first reminds Rodney as to the reasons why he sent him to sell Gas conversion kits on an all electric housing estate,and then his wonderful soul searching pause when he remembers that he never saw the intended girlfriend again following this caper -This1st episode of the longer length episode series was the start of our love in with 2 of our greatest ever TV characters, and remains the reason why they remain so admired and remembered with fondness -Subsequent episodes may not have all reached this height ,but for anyone from outer space who's never heard of OFAH ,you can't start with a better one !
Mammals (2022)
Not so much the elephant in the room as the whale ...
Awful -Another vehicle for Cordon to be taken seriously and falling flat on his face ,all with arty French pretention that we used to be inundated with on 70s BBC 2 TV -How bad must it be to mess THAT up ?!!!!-Where have all the great screen writers gone ? Soil bearing a la Ricky Gervais (who himself has stopped writing humour that works ) seems to be all the fashion these days -Describing a state of mind narrative and wearing your heart on your sleeve is no substitute for a great plot with twists and turns (and sometimes mileage )if Breaking Bad was anything to go by-Like this review ,Mammals ran out of steam early on,but had to keep on to reach the requisite number of "characters ",!!!!
Twice Two (1933)
Sukiyaki !!
Not their best (Helpmates ,laughing Gravy ,Hogwild)but some classic lines with Stan getting his lines mixed up to hilarious effect (There's a clue in my title !)also the famous ice cream parlour sketch where Stan spends all the money ringing the wives up to ask which flavour they want !!!-Whenever I feel sad I always think of Ollies exasperated expression and sometimes far too funny put down lines ,and I'm back on track -The pair have never been bettered ,and funny as they were,Morecambe and Wise weren't even close to making me laugh til I have literally cried ..
Big Train (1998)
Eaten by the Artist formally know as Prince
The sketches didn't always work but ,the Jockeys ,the Policeman who runs away when called to duty (like today but it was a joke then ) and the smug superstud man who sleeps with his friends wives but can't even open a door properly ,and the blinking contest ,hold up as well today as then -I only wish that it hadn't resulted in someone thinking that Catherine Tate was funny enough to get a show on the strength of this ,but never mind ,still fondly remembered for edgy sketch comedy ...
Boiling Point (2021)
Masterchef with swearing
I Like and admire Steven Graham's acting prowess ,particularly how he hid his barely concealed Scouse accent in Martin Scorceses the Irishman -I feel however that he must be on some contractual acting retainer (a bit like a Music artist who is advanced money and therefore obliged to make a certain amount of music ) as I can't think of any other reason he would appear in this -I have another issue ,if this is a "Thriller "then Ramseys Kitchen Nightmares must be positively Hitchcockesque as I am still waiting for something of an exciting sort to happen -This basically describes a night at a busy restaurant which ,barring the swearing, you could watch on the contestants challenge in any cookery competition-It was lazy ,mired in whining dialogue and the sort of art house pretension that would not have looked out of place in black and white with Czech subtitles.
After Life: Episode #3.6 (2022)
Death somehow loses its sting ....
Much as I admire Ricky Gervais as the creator of the Office and as a stand up comedian plus commentating on the foibles of modern life, he hasn't really moved on as a screen writer since David Brent -His trick in all his comedies is to create worse and more grotesque characters than the lead ,so as to make you feel empathy for the least dislikeable-In this series 3 he had reached his absolute nadir ,and the vile characters only matched with the filthy dialogue-If I was to watch this programme as someone recently bereaved looking for inspiration, I would think that his late wife has the better deal ,and none of Ricky's schoolboy earnestness which he has used to promote this programme on National networks, would convince me otherwise-Stick to stand up and commentating Ricky ,you are very good at that ...
The French Connection (1971)
Just Sublime
If you want your police with attitude,humour and not frightened to get their picked feet dirty ,then this is a must -Starting with Bullit Hollywood decided that this is how it wanted its cops to grab the audience (a fantastic plot line also helps )-Also the fact that you don't always get a happy ending eventually got weaved in to every 70s cop show from Kojak to The Sweeney-Anyway Gene Hackman and also Roy Schieder deserved all the plaudits for 2 brilliant performances as grizzled Narcotic policemen who embark on a wild goose chase of the highest order and action sequences that have rarely been matched or bettered-Watch New York in the 70s come alive contrasting the affluent and the effluent of the time oh and you get a mini cabaret performance by the 3 Degrees thrown in for good measure -A police thriller that I can't think has been bettered..
Sorry We Missed You (2019)
Predictable Downbeat Loach
OMG -Ken Loach -the champion of the working classes who immediately assumes we are all victims in every film he ever makes -As someone pushing 60 and who regards himself as working class,I have followed Kens seemingly law of diminishing returns downward spiral hard luck stories since Poor Cow. It may come as a surprise to some to know that downtrodden dole claimers can actually rise up and make something of their lives (I would love an ex coal miner turned film director from Huddersfield to make a film about Ken Loach )-Anyway the film starts off downbeat enough and goes through the downward and reverse gears until SPOILER ALERT Ken doesn't seem to know how to end it (affecienados will know how it usually goes )BUT this time we are left wondering-thanks Ken -Please stop patronising people who earn less than 25k a year and don't read the Guardian.
Roxy: The Movie (2015)
Bebop Hilarity
Frank Zappa was a fantastic musician who created his own world in a cult fan base that let him get away with anything -he wasn't to everyone's taste and he's musical marmite-To dedicated fans like me tho this is a real treat ,filmed in his what could loosely be defined as his "jazz rock "period where he summoned the assistance of some of the top musicians of the day to both hilarious and musically sublime effect-This is a live performance at the Roxy theatre and I would love to hear feed back from anyone who actually attended (particularly Lana the bikini clad dancer !)- Even musical fans who haven't heard of Frank Zappa should check out his stagecraft brilliance -this ain't no Coldplay concert !!!
Minder (1979)
Best of thee triumvirate
The series 3 that aired early 1982 had in my opinion the 3 best minder episodes in a row namely 1-Poetic Justice innit ?2-Back in Good old England and this gem In featuring Brian Cox as hard man Frank fresh from his appearance as Tony Mcgrath in Out (I think Euston Films were tributing their great success here )This episode has it all, big laughs at German police and the Scots reputation for fighting and being tight with money -Arthur is going to be potentially fitted up as "The Fulham connection "drug baron and enlists Terry to help him -After a very funny episode in which Poiice Constable Ricott ends up being humiliated by Arthur again it ends with the best staged punch up on a London bus between Dennis and Brian,that I have ever seen on any TV show -all done with great humour and humility in the end.
Villain (1971)
Rada High Jinks
A bad act off between Richard Burton Joss Ackand and the Hammeister himself Donald Sinden -some of the dialogue is a treat and Dick Clement /Ian Le Frenais script is almost their most unintentional best comedy!-one redeeming feature is the well staged heist scene but otherwise it's a miscast extraordinare -by the way Joss Ackland clearly hadn't learned his lesson not to play a villain when returning as one in an episode of The Sweeney 7 years later