john-3142 Reviews

Heroes: Chapter One 'Four Months Later...' (2007) Season 2, Episode 1

Oh dear me! Why????

[4/10 · 2 December 2007]

I admit it - I was compelled to watch the first season more out of curiosity rather than being a real fan of this genre. Like most people, the cliffhanger endings are hard to resist even though you know you're being crassly manipulated to continue to watch what is effectively a sub-standard show.

And..... accordingly I was inclined to watch the first installment of the new season.

And..... it was rubbish. Only this time, the cliffhanger involved some of the worst paddy-whackery since Tom Cruise said "Roight ye are boss" and "Top of the mournin' to ye" in "Far and Away". For God's sake, there are so many Irish actors out there, even those have been born in the UK or the US that can at least provide some level of authenticity, what is the point in this shameful parody? After all, they made such an effort with the Japanese aspects throughout the series! I'll have to sulk now for a while...

Transformers (2007)

About as bad as film as you will ever see...

[1/10 · 30 October 2007]

Look, I enjoy a silly sci-fi film as much as the next man, but this film was just terrible. There really is nothing else that can be said.

BUT, seeing as IMDb insist on at least ten lines before comments can be posted, here is a list of the problems with this film:

1. the script - George W. Bush might have done better;

2. the acting - about as convincing as an Irish politician;

3. the plot - again, Dubya might have had a hand in it;

4. the product placement - Cringe McCringe with extra cringe; and

5. the length - incredibly, the editors could not shorten this film, despite most of it being unnecessary fluff....

...just like everything after the second line of this review.

Death at a Funeral (2007)

I'm afraid it's just too crap...

[1/10 · 30 October 2007]

I should have known... Whenever the Brits (or the Irish for that matter) manage to staple together even a half-decent film, it's the subject of endless plaudits before it's released.

Well the pre-release silence was deafening for this one, and about five minutes from the start I began to see why. With its pathetic, charmless and tired clichés for characters, mixed with the usual borrowings from that 4 Weddings film, this is a movie to miss, notwithstanding the politely positive reviews that certain other irredeemably Anglophile IMDb members have given it.

As with so many similar comedy films of late, all the best gags are shown in the trailer, and the full length context does nothing but detract from them.

Moulin Rouge! (2001)

A Crime Against Humanity

[1/10 · 14 January 2006]

After seeing this film, I feel ashamed of the human race. I feel even more ashamed when I see how many people actually enjoyed it. One of the worst things about a film like this is that after watching it, you may never again be able to speak to people you know that did like it.

This film is nothing short of a crime against humanity. Not only are the characters utterly undeveloped, there is no plot (I repeat, there is absolutely no plot), it is an utter failure as a musical. The majority of the musical pieces are bastardised versions of contemporary pop (eg Smells Like Teen Spirit - so pretentious, it makes Tony Blair look genuine) and the original pieces are as nauseating as medium rare chicken breast sandwich.

The director might as well just have filmed himself masturbating. That goes for the rest of the crew, cast and production team.

I would rather mate with some fevered Turkish wild fowl than watch this travesty again.