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Reviews
Road House (2024)
How can you play yourself badly?
I went into this with very little hope and didn't let myself down, it's tragically bad in every respect.
How McGregor manages to act so badly that he gets playing himself so wrong is just laughable, he should stick to fighting because (with any luck) he doesn't have a career in acting.
Wooden acting from just about everyone, bad CGI when it was used, poor script and the awful McGregor made this a painful watch. The fight scenes were few and far between, the whole point of the original film was you saw the transformation of the bar from being a trashed, violent dive that Dalton cleaned up, that is missing from this poor remake.
Could've been mildly entertaining but falls flat on its face.
Masters of the Air (2024)
Ruined with pathetic jibes
I was really looking forward to this but the constant digs at the British have sullied it for me. When will Hollywood learn that nobody cares about Americas fragile ego that needs to be constantly stroked, and trying to belittle people who lost their lives defending their country just comes across as sad and pathetic.
Wooden acting, bland characters and a script full of clichés and stereotypes makes for a bit of a boring watch. Just watch Memphis Belle, it's much better and will take up less of your time.
I've never watched band of brothers but I've spoken to people who have and they say this pales in comparison so do yourself a favour and watch that instead. Poor from Hanks and Spielberg, I expected better.
First Reformed (2017)
Boring, bland and pointless.
I've genuinely no idea how this film is so highly rated, it is mind numbingly boring, and I don't just mean boring, I mean nothing happens, literally nothing at all. 2 hours of religious ramblings and that's it.
It's not tense, it's not scary, the characters are bland and lack any kind of personality, pointless film.
Ethan Hawke and Amanda Seyfried are both wasted in this. He has proven to be an amazing actor over the years and she is both beautiful and talented, but Hawke's character feels empty and unlikeable and Seyfried is so beige that she is nothing more than background noise. Truly disappointed.
I'd give this no stars if I could, awful.
The Shack (2017)
Pretentious drivvle
This film palms itself off as a murder thriller, and for the first 40mins or so, it is, and not a bad one at that. But then it changes into the most ridiculous, pretentious crap I've ever watched. Religious nonsense, trying to explain how God is great. Sorry, but I didn't sign up for fairytale ramblings of the Bible. Genuinely angry that this film started off so promising and turned out to be so laughably pathetic. Unfortunately I can't give a 0/10.
SAS: Red Notice (2021)
Virtually unwatchable
This film is shockingly bad. The story is boring, the action is not very interesting, the depiction of how the SAS operate is so far from the truth that it's laughable, the main hero (posh guy, can't remember his name) is so cringy, I was routing for everyone to die just so the film would end. Terrible.
Great White (2021)
Don't, just don't.
There are so many things wrong with this film.
The CGI is laughable at times, the acting is wooden, the story is flimsy and has been made with no research or facts involved and you will want the main characters to die from the start.
I reckon you could make an entire film purely from the scenes where people are looking at other people, not saying a word, just staring or pulling odd expressions that you may or may not be able to work out because the acting is so poor.
My advice, watch Jaws or The Shallows.
Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard (2021)
Turned it off before the end.
The prequel was a decent flick, funny, action packed, this however is a different kettle of fish. How can you have Samuel L Jackson, Ryan Reynolds, Morgan Freeman and Salma Hayek in a movie and it not be half decent? The script was poor, it wasn't funny, the acting was cheesy and wooden and the CGI was terrible. The only saving grace is the eye candy that is Hayek, she still looks fantastic.
This film was a chore to endure and we turned it off after about 70mins as we were so bored by it. I wouldn't recommend it, even if there's nothing else to watch. Really poor.
The Poison Rose (2019)
I'm in a cinematically induced coma
What a painfully boring film to endure. I like Travolta, I like Freeman, I like Janssen.......but they all sucked in this energy draining, coma endusing film that had me drifting in and out of consciousness towards the end.
And I can never understand why researchers and continuity miss or get wrong the simplest of things. This film was set in the 70's but the daughter singing in the bar, her music sounded more like Kylie Minogue pop music from the 90's. The newspaper that featured a photo of a Baretta M9, that gun wasn't produced until 1985. The asylum owner gets shot with a shotgun while hugging Travolta, there is a massive exit wound yet Travolta doesn't have a scratch on him. It's dumb stuff like that which makes this film feel ever worse that it already is.
I definitely wouldn't recommend this, not even if you're bored.
Wonder Woman 1984 (2020)
DC screws up another movie.
I went into this film with very little hope and I was spot on, it's awful.
It's too long, nothing really happens, although she is the main character there is virtually no wonder woman in it and all the other characters are so bland you don't connect with them on any level.
DC should just give up making films now.
You Should Have Left (2020)
Meh, pretty average.
Unfortunately this is a bit of a nothing film. The premise is not very original but had potential to be a decent flick, it just falls a little short.
The devil is so pointless in all of it and yet he's kind of the main drive behind the plot. There's no bad acting, just a bit of a flimsy story.
The "time travelling" paradox is really annoying. Bacon knows someone wrote in his journal, it turns out it was him, yet he doesn't write a more personal message to get his family out of the house. That's just dumb.
The 15:17 to Paris (2018)
Good story, poorly executed.
Whilst I understand Eastwood using the real heroes for this film, the wooden acting really took something away from what could have been a fantastic movie. The bravery shown by these men was without a doubt astonishing, the quick thinking saved countless lives and the should be celebrated, but unfortunately this movie will be forgotten about purely because proper actors weren't used to tell the story. It's a shame but it really does fall short of what it could have been.
Dark Encounter (2019)
Surprisingly better than I thought
I went into this film expecting very little, but I was pleasantly surprised with the acting, the story, the script, it was all very engaging and intriguing.
My only gripe is that we saw the aliens, I think not knowing is sometimes better. Other than that, I'd definitely recommend watching it.
Dark Light (2019)
That is one big pile of s***
What started off as a reasonably bad movie with wooden acting and a bad script soon became laughable once the 70's Star Trek monsters started flashing people.
If it had been tongue in cheek it may have been amusing, but it was genuinely trying to be a serious film.
Don't do it to yourself, find something else to watch.
Bad Boys for Life (2020)
Utter crap
I think the reviews on here are through rose tinted spectacles and based on a lot of nostalgia, because this film is atrocious from start to finish.
Less than 5mins in and there's a jibe at "rich white folk" and making a point about being "not only black, but police officers", why? Pathetic comments that didn't need to be in the film.
Awful acting, very little humour, flimsy story and the few action scenes made no sense. (The Challenger exploding off the back of the tow truck?!)
One of the worst films I've seen this year.
Bloodshot (2020)
V.D phone home
With his glowing chest and constant fascination with going home, Vin Diesel is nothing more than an angry E.T in this film.
I feel like it was trying to be like the the game Prototype, with a bit of Power Rangers and Spider-Man thrown in, and it failed at every one of those things.
A typical, stupid, Vin Diesel film that requires no intelligence to watch. One for the fast and furious crowd.
Human Capital (2019)
Erm, that was pointless.
Time seemed to slow whilst watching this. I have no idea what the point of this film was, it's slow, incredibly boring and served no purpose whatsoever. Dull characters and an extremely bland story made this painful viewing.
Uncut Gems (2019)
I must have watched a different film.
Noise. 2 hours of noise. People shouting and talking over one another, that's all this film is. There is a good film in this mess somewhere, but I genuinely feel exhausted after listening to so much talking and shouting for the past couple of hours. Annoyingly a very mediocre movie.
Us (2019)
How is this currently 7.3???
I'm not sure what others have just watched, but I've just watched an absolute pile of crap!
Giving it a 1/10 is generous. Me and my other half both looked at one another after it finished, she said "even 'get out' was better than that, and that was awful."
I've lost all faith in IMDb ratings.
Aquaman (2018)
A cheesy, awful film
From the start this seemed like a joke of a film, and not in a tongue in cheek, humourous way, I mean awful effects, bad costumes taken straight from a power rangers TV movie, bad jokes, Amber Heard looking like a second rate Poison Ivy, Ant-Mans less fortunate cousin and a really boring storyline.
DC really need to stop making movies now, I doubt they'll ever get it right.
Bohemian Rhapsody (2018)
Stunning
What a movie. Malek is magnificent from start to finish, the rest of the actors were perfectly cast and obviously the soundtrack is superb.
Me and the Mrs came straight home and watched Live Aid after leaving the cinema and Freddie's mannerisms are performed perfectly by Malek.
We both agree it's the best film we've seen for some time and would highly recommend it to anyone.
Mile 22 (2018)
Awful. Just plain awful.
I lost count of how many camera angles were used in this headache endusing, mess of a film, matched only by how many words per second were spewed out by Mark "I love the sound of my own voice" Wahlberg.
One of the worst films I've watched this year. Story was pointless, action was really disjointed and so many camera switches that you couldn't see who was hitting who (not that it mattered) and every scene dominated by the whiney voice of Wahlberg spouting out some nonsense about God, USA or some other garbage that nobody outside the US cares about.
Hollyweird at its worst.