joerg-nezmeskal Reviews

Masters of the Universe: Revelation (2021)

Butch Teela and the Masters of the Universe

[4/10 · 26 July 2021]

Well, that should have been the title and quite honest that would have been ok.

First off, the presentation of the series is quite good; the animation, the voice cast, the music. I especially loved the art at the beginning from the toy boxes, which is still gorgeous to look at.

Second, you have to give Smith credit for all the details and easter eggs he put into this one. He sure did his homework.

So what went wrong? Well, the fact that he promoted something and delivered something else entirely. Come on Kevin, you are the biggest fanboy himself, what were you expecting.

*spoiler* Of course the fans of the original series go mad when you kill the main character (twice).

And being so gleefully proud of yourself for that big swerve (which rather comes of as a big middlefinger to the fans) doesnt really help in that matter.

But he, it could have paid off if you would have made the replacement protagonist at least likeable or interesting. But Teela, the main character is just lazily written as a cold, self centered, b*tchy, untouchable super woman that is able to beat entire enemy armies with the help of her big biceps and the only thing she is affraid of is her own potential. Yaaawn.

She's still to stupid to find out Adams / He-Mans secret but she sure blames his parents for it then they find out about his sacrifice.

A class act.

Thing is with a better writing this could have even worked.

Instead of showing her throwing temper tantrums (and have the Villains pretty much to force her to save her world), make her show grief and regret for loosing a friend and put her on a journey to bring back He-Man.

And then after she archives it, you can kill him off so she can realize her potential to maybe become a Master of Universe herself?

Hard Target 2 (2016 Video)

Pretty good

[7/10 · 22 October 2016]

If you are a fan of Van Damme's "Hard Target" or Action movies in General you should see this one. It's not right up there with the original, lacking the style of John Woo and the Charisma of Van Damme but it makes up with great Locations (can't see all those movies shot in the same Areas of Eastern Europe or Canada any more), good Action setups (lots of shootouts and explosions) and a pretty fine cast. You have to give the Producers and the director credit not just to cash in on the Name of a hidden nostalgic Action gem but coming up with a pretty good flick, they seemingly invested a good amount of Money and work in. Oh, and Rhona Mitra is in it *swoon*.

Soldiers of Fortune (2012)

What the hell

[6/10 · 25 July 2012]

Seriously, to all those haters: what were you expecting from a recent dtv release starring ving rhames and Christian slater? If you were expecting anything else than an action packed B movie, than you, sir or madame, are a moron. But if you came in for a fun ride with a bunch of washed up actors doing their best to bring cardboard characters to live, a ridiculous plot, hammy jokes and some big bang for your buck, than you 're surely going to enjoy this one. The movie is fast paced, funny and incredibly well shot (it's always nice to see an action movie that's not shot in an Bulgarian backyard or an empty warehouse), there's plenty of action (some big explosions, shootouts with nasty guns, knife fights and even a jet ski chase) and those actionsetpieces are nicely shot, edited and lit that you can easily follow them and won't feel dizzy. It also helps that the cast is doing great and seems to be into the joke. The movie is a throwback to early 90's action flicks like Lundgren's "Men of War" or "Double Force" and it will surely satisfy the action fans till the big brother enter the theaters with "Expendables 2".

Never Back Down 2: The Beatdown (2011 Video)

Teenage Karate Tiger 2

[27 August 2011]

The first "Never Back Down" was a MTV inspired version of "Karate Tiger meets Beverly Hills 90210" with a lot of good looking kids (Amber Heard being one of them), some nice fight and training sequences and tons of bad acting and a cheesy script. Never Back Down 2 offers more of the same. Instead of suffering trough the "emotional journey" of one character, the focus is on 4 of them, everyone's motivations and storyline being a thin as the piece of paper, that one characters is hitting for 80 minutes (don't ask, watch it and you'll know). However the fights and training montages are great (especially the sequences with MJW, moving impressively fluid for a guy of his size, and the rad capoeira dances of Meraz) and MJW is as charismatic as ever in this underwritten role as a mentor with a troubled past. Overall the movie is enjoyable if you're not expecting too much and are a fan of MMA-related movies or of cheesy, "so bad that it's fun" 80's karate flicks.

Vanishing on 7th Street (2010)

Viewers are so damn lazy nowadays...

[7/10 · 16 March 2011]

The plot have been described many times before but here it is again in a view sentences: During an evening in a crowded city, pretty much everyone seem to vanish during a blackout, seemingly taken by some things lurking in the darkness or the shadows themselves. Only a few people survive using certain light sources to carry them to safety into a bar, where they meet each other and try to make it out alive. First of all, this is not a movie for people, who need EVERYTHING explained to them and who are looking for answers so badly, that they are totally ignoring the fact who well and atmospheric this movie was made. From the great use of light, shadow and eerie sounds to the creepy score, the movie created an unsettling, apocalyptic setting. The actors were great as well. While I'm not a big fan of Hayden Christensen, I have to say that he really shined in this one as the unlikeable survivor-type. John Leguizamo and Thandue Newton played their roles well and young Jacob Latimore carried himself well as heart and center of the survivors. Overall this was a well shot,suspenseful movie with a great cast. But those who are too lazy or uninspired to come up with on theories and answers about the movie and especially the movie's ending (he, the whole "Roanoke"-case was never solved as well) should avoid this one like the group in the movie avoid dark corners!

Faster (2010)

what a waste...

[2/10 · 9 March 2011]

First of all, this is not an action film! I't some kind of talky drama/ensemble piece or whatever disguised as a testosterone-driven action epic, trying to lure fans of this sort of genre and of "The Rock" into the theaters (orto own the DVD). Here are a list of thins you might expect to see in this movie but which you won't get:

-Car chases: From a movie called "Faster", showcasing that nice muscle car in the trailer you would expect something like this. But he, there ain't none, Nada! -Shoutouts: Rocky's got a gun but what is he doing with it: Not that much, besides a short showdown with a killer there's nothing to write home about. The fact that the bad buys don't even think about fighting back made this whole thing felling very...anti-climatic. -Throwdowns: He, they've casted the Rock to play a guy hellbent on Revenge, so there's got to be some fists flying after all, right? No, not really. Dwayne, "I got lame" Johnson, got a short sparring session with a guy in a restroom, blink and you'll miss it. The whole stare down is ten times as long as the fight! -Bad Ass Villains: So after all, you want to see a revenge flick, to see some evil, sadistic, mustache twirling punks get that they deserve, right? You're out of luck again, chump! While the bad guys look really menacing in the flashbacks they look like a bunch of sissies as soon as The Driver faces them. There's a interesting character introduced (thing if Bruce Wayne have chosen to become a assassin instead of Batman), but somehow the writers managed to make even that character uninteresting, boring and downright bothersome!

But here are the thing you won't expect to see in this film but will get anyways: -Billy Bob Thornton phoning in his performance. He really sleepwalks through this movie and I don't blame him, he played that some characters in 500 other movies before (and most of them were better than this). -A whole lot of drama. Yeah, whatever they wanted you to believe in coming up with the first five minutes, pumping some adrenalin into your veins, this is pretty much the Emo-version of a revenge movie. Everyone is sorry about his/her actions, everyone cries, preaches an begs. I really wanted to shout "Damn it, I got the point, no shoot someone for god's sake!". -The script sucks, so do all the characters. Besides the main protagonist, who is barely on the screen, I cared about none of the characters. And i guess I should have or they wouldn't have had so much screen time after all, right? The Cop is pathetic loser, the killer is a self-centered dick, his love interest a snobbish bitch and so on...

If I could rename that garbage I would call it "The Suck" instead of "Faster", so at least everyone knows what to expect!

The Black Keys: Howlin' for You (2011 Music Video)

I would pay a ticket for this

[8/10 · 11 February 2011]

I don't know what on which drugs the other dude (reviewer) was or what movie he saw, 'cause the 3 Minute clip is the whole movie!!! And it's freaking awesome. This is what a wet dream of Robert Rodriguez must be look alike. Hot chicks, funky gadget and weapons. sleazy bad guys and mariachis (?) with chainsaws. What's not to love about it? Please give as more!!! Oh, and the music (which this one was probably all about) was pretty damn fine and fit that short flic like one of Diora Baird's glove! Damn fine! If there will be (I really, really hope so) a feature film result out of this, the "Black Keys" should score it with some fine hillbilly-rock, western-tunes!

Batman: Under the Red Hood (2010 Video)

There was a Batman before TDK

[10/10 · 2 August 2010]

Seriously, I can't listen (or in that case read) to this crap anymore, that the creators of this film were copying or stealing from Nolan. Listen guys, there have been a Batman before TDK and there were some pretty dark and violent stories told about him like "Killing Joke" Millers "Dark Knight returns", "Knightfall" or in this case: "A death in the family", which is pretty much the source material for this incredible satisfying story. There are a lot of characters and story lines packed in this very short film but thanks to a great script and a great pace by the director nothing felt rushed and every character had his moment to shine. The movie was awesome and at least in my opinion much more entertaining and satisfying than Nolan's over-hyped "The dark knight". While Nolan's film was dark and depressing and pretty much a showcase for Heath Ledger's incredible performance, this is dark and somber as well but tells a powerful, engaging story in which you feel for the characters. Especially the last scene showed that Batman is much more than just a "High Tech-Rambo in a leather suit" but a very conflicted, torn human being. For fans of the Batman-comics highly recommended.

Rampage (2009)

Falling Down this is not!!!

[2/10 · 6 June 2010]

I'm not quite sure what all you guys are smoking coming up with such glowing reviews. Comparing it to "Falling Down" or "Natural Born Killers"? Are you serious? OK, I have to admit, from the technical standpoint this may be Mr. Boll's most "mature" flick. No cheap FX, a solid cast and the use of the nowadays seemingly essential "shaky cam" give this trashy B-movie some sort of gritty reality style. But that's it! Everything else is just Uwe Boll: pointless script, pointless direction, pointless movie. Don't let yourself fool you, this is not a political movie or social commentary, even if there's a lot of talk what's wrong with the world today (but so very clichéd and simplified it's laughable). This is not a drama or character piece, cause all the characters in this one are as hollow and cardboard as possible. This is not a satire or black comedy, cause beside 1 good joke (the visit in the bingo center), there's nothing funny or even halfway smart in this to make you laugh or think about.When you really look through those shallow "social commentary" and those wannabe smart-ass political propaganda this is just another excuse for one hour and an half in video game violence. Hell, it's even shot sort of a 1st person shooter with the camera following the protagonist while shooting at every one in sight. I know some will see some intellectual intention in this as well, but sorry if there's no way to sympathize with the characters (killer or victims), there's no way anyone cares about how the story unfolds. That movie comes off like a glorified wet dream or immature masturbation fantasy of Uwe Boll caught on film, with him chasing and shooting down his many critics and wrongdoers in the world. Bottom line is that this whole thing falls apart as a cheap low brow affair of annoying self importance due to the very hot topic by a director who, beside running his mouth all the time, got nothing to say at all!!!

Icarus (I) (2010)

Pretty good B-movie action flic

[8/10 · 2 April 2010]

First of all, some reviewers should keep their hopes and expectations in check; this is not "True Lies 2", it doesn't even tries to. This is not a multimillion dollar action comedy with state of the art effects, stunts and actors. But if you're looking for a decent, entertaining little action flic with a small budget a story ripped right out of a 80's/90's script of a Golan/Globus production, this is for you. The story is really easy to tell: former KGB-agent turned husband and father turned assassin for the Russian Mob becomes a target and got to save his own skin. The mediocre script works thanks to a charming leading man in Lundgren and a capable director (Lundgren again) who focuses enough on the action bits to make you forget about the plot holes or some of the cringe-worthy dialogue. What keeps this movie from being a great nostalgic action trip is the lack of money. There are no big explosions or chase sequences but mostly gunbattles and fistfights (at least Dolph seem to make most of the stunts himself). And while the titular hit-man seems to travel the whole world from china to Hollywood, everything looks like shot in good ol'Canada. But with a bigger budget I'm quite sure Lundgren could give his buddy Stallone a run for his money as an director of old fashioned, testosterone fueled action-cinema. So maybe I've got to see a big budget sequel to "Red Scorpion" anytime soon! ;-)

Wonder Woman (2009 Video)

Watch out, Hollywood, this is what WW should looks alike!

[9/10 · 11 May 2009]

Like many other viewers before, I didn't really cared about the character of Wonder Woman before the movie. She seemed to be pretty much an relict from the early days (1940's) of the upcoming feminism movement and therefore irrelevant or even "boring" (to state a overrated Hollywood pretty-face). But that movie really sold me, not just because of the wonderful, old-school animation the big, amazing fight scenes (Amazons vs. Monsters of the Greek mythology, Amazons vs. Zombie Amazons and so on), the cool mythological background and story that progresses out of it but mostly because of the characterization of Wonder Woman and Steve Trevor. Hell, even the bad guys and evil doers had their reasons and motivations and that's just good storytelling. However, Wonder Woman is portrayed as a kind hearted, sometimes naive, lovable female who's also a absolute bad ass 'cause of her heritage, if she needs to. I also loved that the movie didn't took itself too serious and fooled around with some of the more ridiculous things regarding the WW character (like WW considering Heels, Amazons referred as "armed supermodels", invisible missiles and pretty much everything with the lasso). I can't talk about the original voice cast 'cause I've seen that movie German dubbed (but IMO the German cast was spot on!). My only complaint is, that this movie was just too short. However, if DC should finally be able to produce a Wonder Woman-movie for the big screen, this is what it should feel and look alike!!!

Cohen and Tate (1988)

Great B-movie

[8/10 · 27 January 2009]

Just seen it tonight on TV and wanted to highly recommend it to any fan of gritty, tense road-movies and Thrillers. I won't say anything about the plot, you've already read it, I guess. The director, Eric Red (writer of "Hitcher" and "Near Dark", comes up with a really dark and nihilistic atmosphere and tone that fits perfect to the minimalistic approach. There are very few characters in this one, but they are awesomely written. The dialog is short and kept to a minimum but totally fits to the mood and the characters. The movie isn't stylishly cut or edited, there are a lot of closeups to the characters but so you can really approach the great acting of Baldwin and Scheider. There is not that much action in this one but when something happens, it's gritty, violent and culminates in very tense moments. So, it's not you're everyday, loud and fast Blockbuster but if you like the early works of John Carpenter or Walter Hill, you will surely love this one.

The Break-Up (2006)

More drama than comedy

[8/10 · 22 September 2008]

Seen the movie yesterday on TV and have to say I liked it a lot. Even though you shouldn't expect a balls-out fun romp (better rent "Old School" if you're an Vince Vaughn-fan), this one is more of a drama with some funny touches that your average romantic comedy. I liked the premise a lot, which shies away from the typical "boy meets girl, loose girl and try to catch her again-setup", instead it deals pretty realistic with problems of miscommunication in a relationship. Both, Aniston and Vaughn play their parts very well and the supporting cast really shine in their roles, (it's always a pleasure watching the "slackers" Vaughn and Jon Favreau on screen). So don't watch this movie if you expect a nonstop slapstick-show but rather a good movie with brain, humor and a great heart, you can talk about with your mate after wards.

Hatchet (2006)

A letdown.

[6/10 · 7 September 2007]

OK, the movie was OK. But what is all that hype about. Let's be serious for a moment. The gore was fine, some of the characters were fun, the setting was creepy and the movie showed boobs galore! But besides that the movie isn't really impressing. The background-story involving the monster, slasher whatever is very dull, the jokes are hit-and-miss most of the time and there is no tension or suspense or whatever. Sorry, the movie didn't worked on me as a kind of flashback to the old 80's slashers, 'cause these movie at least tried to take itself serious and tried to build up some tension (ok, most of the time they failed, but they did in a fun way). Here they go once more for cheap laughs then for thrills. So after all it was nothing spectacular, just one more parody on the genre, like "severance", the far more clever "behind the mask" and a lot of other similar movies. Surely not the reinvention of the genre as a lot of nerds seem to see it.

Gangster High (2006)

The reason to recommend it? Cause it's damn great!

[20 February 2007]

This movie does everything right! Yeah, it's just another "high school fight"-movie (whatever that means). But damn sure a classic in the making if it's come to this genre, like "the wanderers" or "rumble fish", over 20 years ago! The cast is damn great and due to the great characterization and the chemistry between the leads you're stuck with them towards the violent end of the movie, you laugh with them and damn sure suffer with them. The cinematography is great, nothing too stylish and fancy, it's shot very grounded but also with some artistic beauty shining trough. The soundtrack works as well really great in this movie. What else can I say without spoiling anything...oh I know: Just see it for yourself, if you love this sort of movie, you won't be disappointed!