I regret taking my grandkids to see this. Two of them fell asleep and got a $15 a head nap. This will go down as one of the best examples of why you should NEVER do a remake. The acting was dull, the colors were dark, the characters were annoying. I will never get the sound of that horrid "Scuttlebutt" song out of my head. I think I found my new alarm to motivate me to get up and shut it off. I guess they spent their entire CGI budget on making Ariel's hair appear straight and flowy because I figured that you'd get better effects after spending 1/3 of a billion dollars on a movie. My advice is that if you want to see a movie about a royal family that involves water and quirky creatures that you go see Avatar The Way of Water.
Reviews
27 Reviews
Trafficked with Mariana Van Zeller
(2020– )
Faker than a $3 bill!
23 January 2023
I only made through 15 minutes of the fentanyl episode before I shut it off. There is no way that Sinaloa cartel members would allow some nosy American "reporter" to film them doing anything much less showing where/how they get their chemicals. I like a good documentary as much as the next guy but don't lie to me and try to pass off some hammed up garbage as real. I mean she's supposed to driving around snooping in a dangerous country with cameras all over her car to capture footage of her wheels turning, drones flying in the air to show her driving down roads to meet confidential contacts, and a full crew of sound and video operators in tow capturing every second of it. If it's dramatized the tell us it's dramatized.
The Blackwell Ghost
(2017 Video)
FAKE! So fake.
2 December 2022
Warning: Spoilers
Listed as a documentary, but don't fall for it. Crap like this is part of the reason that people discount people that have actually had experiences with the paranormal as being kooks, liars, or attention seekers. This "documentary" was so boring. I fell asleep 3-4 times. Thankfully this crap was only about an hour long but is still an hour that I would have rather spent doing something else. The acting is better than other movies with the same theme but it's still just people lying to you. I'd rather watch a horror movie was based off of a real event instead of a documentary about a fake ghost.
Billion $ flop
20 October 2022
Funny. My original review got memory holed right on cue. I did have it rated at 2 stars but now I'm dropping it to 1. So as I was saying before I was so rudely deleted.... Just watched the first episode. It's boring, jumpy, and cheap looking. It's been hilarious watching them trying cover their own product by deleting negative reviews. We see what you've done. It's been documented. Typical. George Orwell would be amazed to see that the very things that he discussed in "1984" are happening in real life in 2022. You can try and play all the games that you want but in the end WE will win. They know they screwed up and they chose to double down and spit in the faces of the Tolkien fans.
This will go down in history as one of the most overrated money pits in entertainment history.
This will go down in history as one of the most overrated money pits in entertainment history.
In Russia gold dig you.
30 July 2022
The gold digger earned it. It was funny to see how her nosey friends defend her for lying, committing adultery, and scamming a fat loser just to get US citizenship. She wanted to have her cake and eat it too. She knew what the deal was and she took away a slot that some other 3rd worlder could've.
Jackass Forever
(2022)
Twigs and berries
16 May 2022
Warning: Spoilers
Do not watch with your kids. It makes the other Jackass movies look tame. Graphic closeups of of ballsacks, dongs, and b-holes. This seemed more like it was just an excuse for a bunch of middle aged men to expose themselves to people.
Besides the graphic male nudity there is the issue of non-Jackass people getting in on the skits. I realize that they're 2 members short but the randos just don't fit in. One replacement dude even brings his dad (supposedly a "bad ass" gangster named Dark Shark) in. This tough "gangsta'" screams like a girl and passes out when he has to deal with a spider. He also punks out and will not let a tamed vulture sit on his arm. Pathetic and cringe.
I quit watching when they said "15 gallons of pig semen".
Besides the graphic male nudity there is the issue of non-Jackass people getting in on the skits. I realize that they're 2 members short but the randos just don't fit in. One replacement dude even brings his dad (supposedly a "bad ass" gangster named Dark Shark) in. This tough "gangsta'" screams like a girl and passes out when he has to deal with a spider. He also punks out and will not let a tamed vulture sit on his arm. Pathetic and cringe.
I quit watching when they said "15 gallons of pig semen".
3 Day Weekend
(2019)
Hard pass
6 March 2022
Looks and feels like something somebody in film school got a B on.
Upside - it is less than the standard 1.5hours.
Downside - it jumps around so much that you lose focus on the ridiculous revenge plan. Resist the temptation to rewind. Just let it play or watching something else. It's not worth it.
Upside - it is less than the standard 1.5hours.
Downside - it jumps around so much that you lose focus on the ridiculous revenge plan. Resist the temptation to rewind. Just let it play or watching something else. It's not worth it.
Texas Chainsaw Massacre
(2022)
Dark Comedy
5 March 2022
I wanted to shut it off after the first 5 minutes because the protagonists were so annoying. Then I decided to wait around to see if they died violent deaths. One of the few slasher movies where you cheer for the killer. If you're a native Texan you can identify with the problem of Californian hipsters and liberals flooding into texas and trying to change the culture.
Chapelwaite
(2021–2023)
Meh
17 September 2021
Trying hard to like it but there are somethings that are making it hard to do so:
1. Brody's gravely "I'm Batman" voice. Half the time you can't understand what he's saying.
2. The modern dialogue and accents are distracting. It's 1850 in rural Maine for God's sake. Four episodes in and I have yet to hear anyone attempt a Maine accent.
3. The constant sour, disgusted look on the younger daughter's face. She looks like she stepped in dog poo.
4. The 2020 political agenda in a series set 170 years in the past. People are sick tired of politics 24/7. TV used to be our escape.
1. Brody's gravely "I'm Batman" voice. Half the time you can't understand what he's saying.
2. The modern dialogue and accents are distracting. It's 1850 in rural Maine for God's sake. Four episodes in and I have yet to hear anyone attempt a Maine accent.
3. The constant sour, disgusted look on the younger daughter's face. She looks like she stepped in dog poo.
4. The 2020 political agenda in a series set 170 years in the past. People are sick tired of politics 24/7. TV used to be our escape.
When Calls the Heart
(2014– )
Drivel.
13 March 2021
Simple minded show for simple minded people. If you like bad writing, cheesy actors, and crappy sets then this is the show for you. Imagine Doctor Who meets Doctor Quinn Medicine Woman meets the G rated version of 50 Shades of Gray. The upside is that diversity hasn't reared its ugly head.
Can it just end already?
12 March 2021
This show is like an injured race horse limping around on its last lap around the track. Just dismount the jockey, put up the euthanasia tent and plug Sea Biscuit between the eyes with a .45. This was one of the worst episodes of all the seasons. What was the point of it? Vanessa is getting old and Mike and Joe trade jabs. Run the laugh track to remind people that they're supposed to laugh. The writing for the past three seasons has been garbage.
Worst episode of the worst season.
21 February 2021
"Tonight on a very special Last Man Standing.... the cast confronts racism.". This show has been dying a slow agonizing death for the last three seasons. Can't wait to see what kind of train wreck finale is around the corner.
The Stand
(2020–2021)
Dumpster Fire. Avoid.
7 January 2021
The Stand is a classic book that deserved better treatment than this. Spend the precious hours of your life doing something productive, don't waste it by watching this garbage. The original series did much more with 3 episodes than this sad excuse was able to do with 7. The final insult was having the saintly Mother Abigail played by the foul mouthed, twisted harpy, Whoopi Goldberg. Maybe there will be a better remake in another 30 years. Until then, read the book.
Barbarians
(2020–2022)
What history dramas should be like
5 January 2021
The story of Arminius and the Battle of Teutoburg Forest is an amazing piece of history. It was great to see it told without the baggage that permeates other history dramas. No token Moors roaming around England (looking at you The B@stard Executioner), no flipping the script and making the Christian knights out to be evil and the Muslim assassins to be the "good guys" (looking at you Knightfall), no opium dealing Chinese princesses, exotic snakes that tolerate sub zero temps, lesbian shield maidens, or muslim friendly devotees to Loki (looking at you Vikings). Just a straight up Eurocentric story of one of the most important points in Anglo/Germanic history. Thankfully the SJWs were left out of this one. The only down point is that they had to condense the scale of the battle. Kind of hard to show 15,000 or more Roman legionaries fighting 30k-60k Germanic tribesmen over 3 days. Sadly the Chinese flu will probably ensure that season 2 will never be made. That or they'll be forced to "diversify" the script with a Nubian, paraplegic, gender fluid, berserker that becomes the first kang of Germania.
Unleashed
(2020)
WMs are going extinct
2 November 2020
Typical show for the 2020s. Annoying (we're all winners) judges giving out nothing but positivity, even if the kid's pet goat runs around on stage and eats paper instead of doing what ever stupid trick it was supposed to do. If an alien species watched this they would that the young white male variety of human was nearly extinct. Either that or having an average IQ above 110 prevents them from being on a stupid show like this.
Chaos in Court
(2020– )
Prepare to stare into the void...
17 October 2020
Typical "shock video" show. Thirty second clips broken up into snippets that are looped over and over. Annoying experts provide their commentary and interpretations. The most disturbing part is having to stare into the massive nose holes of Ecleynne Mercy. Seriously someone adjust her camera so that we don't have to stare up into her brain.
Expedition Unknown
(2015– )
Ok so long as you don't think too much
22 August 2020
If you are looking for great discoveries or mysteries to be solved then watch something else. This show is just a boondoggle for the host to get to travel. Everywhere he goes he runs into suspicious villagers where one of them just so happens to speaks perfect English. The "danger" angle is always way overhyped. There is always a "discovery" that he finds that nobody else has seen even though people have been searching the sites for decades and there is a whole camera crew and site prep team that has just stomped through the area days in advance. One that I will never forget was the search for the lost city in the Kalahari desert. Supposedly he had to take a kayak down a river because there were no roads. Then we get treated to footage of a well traveled dirt road, a bit later he runs into two primitive villagers, one of which speaks fluent English.
Strange Evidence
(2017– )
Prepare to lose some IQ points
2 August 2020
Warning: Spoilers
They take 3-4 video clips, pretend that the "mysteries" haven't already been solved by the people that recorded it, the police, or local governments. Then add in their own "experts" with stupid commentary. One of them is a redneck professor with a stupid looking mullet.
Most of the theories are always aliens, ghosts, or secret military experiments. Anyone with average intelligence would be able to see right through them and figure them out in seconds
A prime example was a video shot in Thailand of a metal silo roof that got blown off the top of a building by wind, hit a power line and landed in the road. What did their experts say? One said space debris, one blamed explosive concrete.
Most of the theories are always aliens, ghosts, or secret military experiments. Anyone with average intelligence would be able to see right through them and figure them out in seconds
A prime example was a video shot in Thailand of a metal silo roof that got blown off the top of a building by wind, hit a power line and landed in the road. What did their experts say? One said space debris, one blamed explosive concrete.
Ridiculousness
(2011– )
Garbage show
23 July 2020
What's the show like? Take a 50 year old has been skater, a token black friend, a ditzy blonde with a stupid laugh, and a random drugged up rapper/white chick guest. Take all that and then overlay it with 3 minutes of viral videos and 7 minutes of commercials you have yourself a cash cow.
The Lion King
(2019)
My favorite pro nationalism movie
14 June 2020
If you want to teach your children the value of nationalism then get this into their regular watch list. The funny thing is that the lib filled cast had their heads so far in the clouds that they couldn't see what they were making.
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