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MerrittTheFerret
Reviews
Bob the Butler (2005)
Excuse me Master Rascall...
I got a call from my Grandma who asked me to come down to her house and watch a Tom Green movie with her. After I hang up, I'm sitting there thinking, "Tom Green, as in 'Freddy Got Fingered?!'" And so me, my Dad and Brother go down to her house to investigate and we end up watching this hilarious little kid's movie with Tom Green, yeah, TOM GREEN.
The movie is about a guy who needs a job, badly, because he's going through the yellow pages of the phone book, starting with the 'A' section, then the 'B' section, finally when he gets to the end of the 'Bs' he comes to 'Butlering,' and decides, "Okay I'll try that." So he gets into butler training, then is hired by a family to be their butler, and hilarity ensues.
I usually don't watch newer kid's movies, I feel old (I'm 18) and like to stick to the old ones (Home Alone, The Nightmare Before Christmas, etc...), but this was a genuine classic on a stick. I laughed and the movie really teaches a lot of good morals, too. I felt Tom Green was not being himself yet still being very funny, which in the end, turned out to be a good thing. It was like when Arnold Schwartzennager did kid's movies, we all liked them, we just don't admit it.
There's really nothing offensive in the movie that won't go over children's head's e.g. Rocky & Bullwinkle or Pee Wee's Playhouse. I don't think that there's a single bad word in the whole movie and if my Grandma liked it, then it's definitely suitable for the whole fun filled family, trust me on that one.
All in all, the movie gets a 9/10. Tom Green should do more like this, it may not suit him, but it's good for him. Not saying that the dirty Tom Green isn't funny, he's hilarious, but this Tom Green just goes to show that there's more to comedy than poop jokes.
~ Art At War
The Hills Have Eyes (1977)
Wow this sucked...
This is a horrible movie.
I rented this a week before going to see the theatrical remake of 'The Hills Have Eyes' in theaters, I have come to the conclusion that with the exception of one movie (A Nightmare on Elm Street), Wes Craven cannot make a movie to save his life.
Let's start with the story (OOH OOH SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT). For those of you haven't already seen the movie, don't read past this point... Okay. The story starts off with a family in some desert going somewhere they stop at a diner in the middle of nowhere and meet up with a hillbilly. The hillbilly talks with them for the longest time and then finally tells them to go somewhere. Here's my first gripe with this movie, it's way too long and way too talky. Every other scene is Johnny or Billy or Susie talking about how the roast is doing in the oven... UGH! Onward and downward with this mess of a 'film...'
Long story short, family meets up with a bunch of inbred hicks living in the mountains who want to eat them and so they have a big chase scene and the wimpy guy stabs the ugly guy to death... THE END!
Seriously, that's how the movie ends, there's no ending. I don't know whether it was a joke, or if Craven ran out ideas or what, but it's like... "Stab Stab, Stab, Stab Stab Stab!" THE END!
I'll be totally honest with you, there are three reasons I hate this movie...
1. "Beauty!" (Kid in Short Shorts.) 2. Poor Film Quality 3. No Ending.
That's it. That's the review, like the movie, it has no ending.
The Last Man on Earth (1964)
Such a good movie...
I bought this movie in a 50 pack of movies, I had seen it once when I was little, but i wasn't old enough to appreciate it back then. So I took it out of the box and watched, and watched it, and watched it...
First of all, this little movie is based upon the book "I AM LEGEND" by Richard Matheson, author of the book "Stir of Echoes." He also wrote the book "What Dreams May Come" later made into the Robin Williams movie...
Anyway, the movie starts out with our hero, Robert Morgan (Vincent Price) waking up to another day in the life of being the last man on earth who is not infected by the killer vampire virus...
He goes about narrating his daily chores, telling us how he's the last one left and how 'they' come by night. He lives in a barricaded house in what appears to be Los Angeles after a devastating war.
I don't want to give anything away, so that's all I'll say about the story. But if you watch it, it's very similar to the movie "NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD," made four years later.
In fact, upon interview the director of NOTLD admitted that this film was the inspiration for his famous NOTLD, but instead of vampires, the director took a turn with a new creature: The Zombie.
Also, it should be noted that this movie was remade in 1971, as "THE OMEGA MAN," starring Charlton Heston, I haven't seen it yet, but I've heard good things about it.
And, as if that wasn't enough, the movie is being remade AGAIN, this time as "I AM LEGEND" starring Will Smith and Johnny Depp! That should be interesting to see, I'm excited. Coming out next year...
Anyway, back to the subject of this movie, it's very good and it's fun to watch, I'll never grow bored of watching Vincent Price getting mad at the record player, that's really priceless.
All in all, I give this little movie a 10/10 because it's a classic that shouldn't be forgotten. If you see this movie, I promise you, you'll never forget it, it makes quite an impact on your life.
Super Mario Bros. (1993)
All in all, an OK flick...
It was summer, 1997.
I was just becoming a video gamer then, and when my Dad told me the Super Mario Bros Movie was on TV, I nearly had a lapse of sanity, I was like "THERE'S A MOVIE?!" And so I sat down and watched it. Then, I rented it endlessly. After which my parents finally bought me a VHS copy for Christmas in winter of '98. I have studied this movie to no end, I have watched it so many times I have lost count. But it's also not as bad as people make it out to be.
Let's look at the facts.
Mario is Italian, right? Mario is from Brooklyn, right?
Well, they got half that right, getting a British actor (Hoskins) to play the part of Mario with a New York Accent. I thought that was OK, but in the long run, Mario should have been played by Danny DeVito. That's really the only person who could have played him, because DeVito's both Italian AND a New Yorker (at least, he acts like it...)
Luigi is Italian, right? Luigi is from Brooklyn, right?
Again, something they got half right. John Leguizamo, a young Hispanic man, to play the part of an Italian Plumber. At least John acts like a New Yorker, a convincing New Yorker, nonetheless, but not an Italian Plumber. Also, Luigi should have had a mustache, there's no excuse for him not having a mustache in that movie, but for some reason...
Koopa. Koopa is a dinosaur.
Okay, they totally blew this one, but hey, it was 1992 when they made the movie, for Chrissake! There was no such thing as CGI back then and even if there had been, we'd all complain to this day about 'How fake Bowser looked.' So they did the next best thing, they made Koopa a really mean politician, I can see the humor in that now...
Daisy. Daisy is the Princess of Sarasaland.
OK, they blew this one too, but here's the lowdown on Mario and the Princess, I don't know if you know this, but Mario doesn't go out with Peach in the games, he goes out with Pauline, the girl from Donkey Kong, an earlier model for Peach. But now, Pauline and Peach exist in the same plain, so there is no reason to have Mario have a relationship with a young princess when it can go to Luigi, a character that kids can relate to.
Goombas. Goombas...
Again, there was no CGI back in those days and even if there was it was very primitive (T2) and it could not have made the illusion of many little characters on screen. So they did the next best thing, they had over-sized (God knows why) zombie-like creatures who had once been members of the Mushroom Kingdom act out they're part, unfortunately, probably taking a lot of the budget up...
And Finally, Toad. Toad, Toad, Toad...
Toad is supposed to be a body guard of the princess, right? Well he's Peach's body guard, not Daisy's and he must have been out of a job or something in this movie because I have no idea why he was even in this film...
I hope this helps you understand the Mario Bros Movie a little better. I like to think of it as "Mario in Wario's World," which would've made a cool sequel, but again, the movie bombed at the box office... I have now, and always will enjoy this movie, but the flaws are hard to look past. But if you can manage to watch the movie and just have fun, then I salute you, because it's Mario, and everybody loves Mario, no matter what they say.
UPDATE: After revisiting the world of the Mario Bros, I came to realize what made me fall in love with this movie in the first place...
I don't know why, but I've always been attracted to this movie, it will always hold a special place in my heart and it's number 2 on my top ten list (With FIGHT CLUB being number 1.) When I was little, I watched this movie, over and over and over again until three in the morning every weekend until my parents split up... The reason I love it so much isn't because it's about my favorite video game character, or that it stars my favorite actors (Bob Hoskins, Dennis Hopper), but because it's a gritty, dark, violent balls to the wall science fiction movie. Even with a PG rating, this movie is "PG-13" by today's standards, lol But I know everything about this movie. The only thing is, I wish they'd come out with a special edition DVD with some special features, it is the FIRST movie to be based upon a video game, after all...
All in all, there are only 2 things I'd change about this wonderful little movie...
1. Luigi would have a mustache. 2. Mario Bros would be in Mario Bros Red and Green Uniforms whole movie.
That's all I have to say, really, I can't express what a fun and entertaining movie this is, even if you don't think it's true to the video game (which it is, to a big extent), still watch it, and enjoy it as the most violent, gritty PG-Rated Science Fiction Film ever made. I love you Mario, Luigi, your okay, too.
~ Art At War
Silent Hill (2006)
Welcome Home.
This is probably the number three best video game adaptation on my list.
The movie starts out with a women searching for her daughter in the woods, then when she finds her, she says 'Silent Hill,' and they decide to go on a road trip! A road trip to Hell...
So they go off, some stuff happens and they get split up in the deserted town of Silent Hill (which looks suspiciously like the town of Centralia near my town...), then the Rose (Main Character) searches for answers.
Some more stuff happens which leads to Rose being handcuffed (I don't want to give it away) and she gets lost in the school after dark, then, bad things happen. She manges to get out alive though.
The rest is for you to see, the movie definitely has a message, and that message is "DONT BE AN EXTREMIST!" It will just get us all messed up in the long run, especially if your extreme for religion.
See it, it's good.
~ Alex Paine
Dawn of the Dead (1978)
There's no more room in Hell...
I saw this movie in 2004, before the remake came out.
Wow, breathtaking. This film is simply, breathtaking. It's the sequel to 1968's 'Night of the Living Dead,' but it's also something much, much more. It's a message in a bottle.
The movie starts off three weeks after the zombie outbreak that was made famous in the little black and white indie film back in the 60s. Some reporters argue about social issues and zombies and other stuff while two people decide they're going to leave. They do, and then there's a gunfight at an old apartment building where people are refusing to kill the zombies. Another pair of people team up and decide to leave. They do. Soon the two pairs meet and get in a helicopter and head for a mall in Pittsburg. Then, the fun begins.
The movie's message, is that if we let ourselves succumb to the comforts of the modern assets of everyday living, we will become nothing more than helpless creatures who cannot fight for ourselves. It's about commercialism. How commercializing everything isn't right. How putting a label on Coke and Pepsi and telling people to buy one or the other because the one's better but they're really just the same thing, you know? That's all, I hope you found this review entertaining.
~ Alex Paine.