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Eerie, Indiana (1991)
Eerie by name Eerie by nature
Having seen many kids horror shows. This has to be one of the best. In a similar manner to Twin Peaks it builds up convincing surrealistic community in its little town where everyone knows each other and one action has ramifications for the whole town.
I'm unsure if the writers took inspiration itself from Twin Peaks, but there are several references throughout the show. Characters seem to have unique traits in a similar way to characters of Twin Peaks.
The town itself is its own character form of the group opinions and traditions of the townsfolk who like a simple life and conservative views.
The episodes touch on a wide range of topics as viewed by kids. Notice how all the strange goings on occur once adults leave and the kid's imagination starts running to create a surrealistic universe. It could be argued perhaps that the boring life of a suburbs also inspires the kids to think of an alternative reality to escape to.
The writers also inject an interesting array of references to other media throughout to give an insight of what inspired the show and hence Town of Eerie. I wish more kid's shows did this now to give kids a view into the past and expand their minds.
Real shame this show was cancelled and has not been brought back. There is a distinct lack of kid's horror shows now, perhaps as most horror relies on cheap gore and jump scares that are hard to produce for a PG market, rather than psychological fears.
Hopefully this show at least gets a decent remaster at some point to buy with director's commentary!
Water (2019)
Water load of rubbish!
Just wanted to leave a review to say can we please have a 2 hour film of Big Brody recreating famous scenes from Arnold Schwarzenegger films? That impersonation was on point.
Oh yeah and this film is an absolute load of rubbish. Still not the worse film I've ever seen so it has that going for it
Birds of Prey and the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn (2020)
Anyone who crosses Harley Quinn is a complete Joker
Considering that as this film came out after the colossal success that was the Joker, I feel that this film was always going to disappoint some people and confuse others who might have thought it was set in the same timeline. Just to be clear this film is classic DC comic book film, nothing like the dark and gritty social commentary that was the Joker. This film doesn't even feature the Joker apart from in a short cartoon at the start. The film is more akin to Suicide Squad.
I was somewhat pleasantly surprised and marginally underwhelmed by Birds of Prey. The film started off as an interesting quirky story about Harlequin going it alone and learning a few things in the process. It was full of colour, cartoons and the odd joke. However the film slowly descends into a bland and drab picture with many missed opportunities, which left me disappointed as I genuinely enjoyed the characters in the film and would like to see more of them in a much more action packed, crazy, colourful adventure.
DC needs to be more bold here. If you're going to make a film about a quirky character then add lots of colour, humour, over the top action and WTF moments. Don't play it safe like this movie tried to do as that ultimately made the film underwhelming and tonally all over the place. For instance in one scene Harley Quinn is battling with some thugs in a police confiscated property office. The thugs shoot a pallet of drugs which causes everyone to get high. At this point I was expecting a massive drug fuelled fight scene with crazy colours, visions and over the top action. Instead what we got was a quite short and bland fight scene. This is one of many missed opportunities to really add some character to the film and give it that crazed Harley Quinn feel. But instead they opted for a weirdly bland fight in which people are getting their badly CGI legs broken. This is one of many missed opportunities throughout the film.
The pacing of the film was a major dampener as well as the film introduced a bit of action, humour or drama for about a few minutes then immediately cut away to something else with a completely different tone. It just meant that nothing felt impactful, nothing was really that memorable and the film never really built to anything. It also really undermined the humour in the film which was a real let down. The actors tried but they were given really bad dialogue and bland jokes which at most would get a small chuckle out of the audience at the cinema. Perhaps a longer run time would have allowed the characters and plot to have been developed more thoroughly as well as having longer and more varied fight scenes.
Also there were moments in the film where the cinematography changed to more of a comic book feel. These scenes always felt a bit out of place as the cinematography in the rest of the film was nothing special. This is something they should have added more into the film. Giving a unique comic book feel would have made the film more of a visual spectacular and given the film the right tone.
Onto the good. I really like Margot Robbie's quirky Harley Quinn interpretation and Mary Winstead as the Crossbow Killer, and thought the other actors did a decent job throughout the film although felt neither really had a good opportunity for character development in the film. We never really got to hear what they were thinking that much just them reacting to things around them. It leaves their characters feeling a bit underdeveloped and hollow.
I would like to see a sequel to this film where DC really ramp up the quirkiness, over the top action, surreal-ness and humour to really separate it from every other comic book film. I also would be interested in seeing a Crossbow Killer gritty and dark spin off with Mary Winstead. Something akin to the darkness of the Girl With The Dragon Tattoo to give the Crossbow Killer the dark and gritty world which I believe she deserves rather than the half badass assassin half awkward comic side relief they tried and failed to do in this film.
The film also has a great almost all female cast without constantly beating you over the head to tell you how amazed you should be that they cast women as lead roles in comic book/action films for once (looking at you Captain Marvel). All good actors in their own right that deserve a better opportunity at creating the Harley Quinn universe than this films script gave them. Look forward to seeing more of them in hopefully the sequel with a much better story.
6.0/10
The Stream (2017)
Hideo Kojima Inspired
For a low budget horror film this isn't really bad at all. it's great at creating atmosphere and some good scares along the way. The premise of a haunted livestream is kind of interesting but sort of skipped over in the film, and only marginally touched upon here and there.
The film is about an hour long with the majority of that set in a single house, but the film does have random cut aways to other locations, which are used to pad out the backstory and add in some scares. The issue with this though is that the film can be a bit disorientating and it can be hard to keep up with what actually is going on and why.
The film is clearly inspired by Hideo Kojima's and Konami's P.T. video game, with a similar plot, use of radio, setting and some visuals. The film is also filmed in such a way to give it the appearance of a video game, including some moments which are filmed in first person. This is not necessarily a bad thing, as the video game was a critical success and sadly was cancelled before it's release so there is plenty of room to develop that lore further.
Overall the film was well put together and had the occasional impressive moment, but ultimately was a bit lackluster and didn't make much sense hence the low score.
Double Down (2005)
Experimental Masterpiece
From the mind of the genius Neil Breen comes this avante-garde classic that redefined the whole concept of cinema and film making. By throwing out the restrictive concepts such as competent story telling, acting and editing Neil was able to really break down what it means to make a film and produce something much more. This is a true piece of art full with a powerful message.
The main message of the film is a dystopian view of the advancing integration of electronics into everyday life. Are we truely safer with all these systems? As the film clearly shows, any gibbering idiot can break into a car, steal money or conduct nationwide simulataneous biochemical terrorist attacks in multiple cities using just a few mobile phones, unpowered laptops, anthrax and a few cans of tuna. Not even governments will be able to stop these people as they can also be hacked!
But the films also finds plenty of time to cover other serious topics such as love and loss. Unfortunately Neil's character Aaron loses his wife and parents, but has visions of them throughout the film. These visions take the form of surrealistic landscapes that rival those created by Salvador Dali. During the visions the audience is really left pondering what truly is going on...in life that is. What is the purpose of life? Is there an afterlife? Is there really a plot to this film?
There are also plenty of touching moments in this film, such as when unamed child #2 is diagnosed with brain cancer midway through the film. Thankfully Neil was on set and used his alien powers to cure the little girl. It wasn't even part of the movie but luckily they caught it on film and decided to add it in!
This film is a must see for all! So glad that Neil Breen is still making films and that the years really haven't ruined his vision. He still writes, directs and produces all of his work, which means that his genius isn't watered down like other amateur film makers. Hope to be seeing Neil producing films for another 15 years!
Escape Room (2017)
Sawfest meets borefest
This film really leaves a lot to be desired. Like others have said, this film really lacks just about everything.
So the basis for this movie is solid and done quite well in the other film of the same name Escape Room (2019), which is a fun little film. However everything else lets this film down.
The story is very weak. Here's the entire plot... Its Tyler's birthday so his wife Christen buys him and his friends tickets to an expensive escape room. But escape room bad and people die! One survives. The end. There you go, saved you 90 minutes.
How did she get these tickets and what's even the purpose of these rooms?
Who knows!
No further backstory is provided at who these characters are or who even makes these escape rooms and for what purpose. I think the plot was literally there's a serial killer and he makes escape rooms as in the start we hear what I assume is some of his other victims?
Comparing this with the Saw franchise, Jigsaw actually uses his traps to punish immoral people and make the worthy survivors grateful about living again. There's method in his madness, no matter how evil it is. In this film the killer has no morals, no motive or reason. They just appear near the end and use some very cliche dialogue to harass the survivor of the escape room.
With a plot as weak as this you really need some well designed traps or go down the saw route and have riduclous amounts of gore to make this film worth watching. This film did neither.
The film overall was quite bland and unimpactful. Characters with no backstory were killed off so we had minimal emtional attachment to them. Equally the characters weren't so bad we were glad when they were killed off, which is happens in other films and often used to provide some sort of social commentary.
To try to look at some positives. The set design was okay, the film was fairly technically competantly put together, and the escape room sequence did seem to last roughly 1 hour in one seemingly continuous flow which was fitting. But apart from those three things, can't think of anything else as this film was so bland and forgettable.
In summary, don't bother. Just watch any of the other growing number of escape room themed horror films. I'm sure some of them will be good...
Haunter (2013)
Do not read anything about this film before viewing!!!
This film is absolutely fantastic. It tells a very unique murder mystery story from the otherside of the grave. The twists in this film are amazing and so you should not read anything about it before viewing!
Haunter is almost entirely set in the same house through different time periods as Lisa attempts to unravel the mystery of why her life keeps repeating itself. Things quickly become strange as Lisa becomes more aware of this, and soon threaten her existence.
The way in which the whole film is set from the afterlife and Lisa interacts with different victims through time is very unique, and also quite touching as we get to the untold stories of the many murder victims associated with the house.
The film is a bit of a slow burn, as days repeat themselves in the beginning of the film. However it quickly develops into an enthraling and confusing world which becomes clearer as Lisa solves more of mystery surrounding the house.
In my mind the acting, story and production are near flawless throughout. However this film might be a bit hit and miss for people, and won't be for everyone, but I thoroughly enjoyed every minute up of this including the emotional ending.
Also special mention for Abigail Breslin who's acting in this was incredible and outshone everyone else in the film (which is a good job as she's on screen the whole time).
Initially I was going to give this film a 7.5/10, but I think its so unique and well done that I bumped it up slightly even if it's not for everyone.
Birdemic: Shock and Terror (2010)
Actually caused me physical pain
This is one of those films on everyone's best of the worst film lists alongside The Room and Fateful Findings. However both of those films at least were somewhat competently produced and therefore can actually be enjoyed as the accidental comedies they are.
Birdemic's issue is that it is neither well put together or fun. The first hour or so is unbelievably boring. Nothing happens!
In the second half when stuff actually starts happening and the suicidal bomber birds turn up out of nowhere (not kidding) the sound design is so bad that it actually damaged my ears. The issue being that they clearly used one camera to record the audio and video at all times, even for wide shots. So in long shots no matter how loud your volume is you simply cannot hear what the actors are saying. This is usually followed up immediately by an unbelievably loud sound effect like a gun firing or a bird call which is deafening.
The editing of this film is pretty bad as well, as at one point a group of people are clapping in a meeting and it dies down. Then the camera angle changes and suddenly everyone is clapping again. This happens about five times in a row... This is like film making 101 and not something that you would find in the high quality productions of Tommy Wiseau and Neil Breen!
Everything else about this film like the plot and acting is also terrible, which is likely down to the fact that James Nguyen both wrote and directed this film.
There are some so bad they're good moments in the film, like the above mentioned suicide dive bombing birds, but none of it makes sitting through the rest of the film worthwhile. This is one of those films that is just worth skipping entirely. It's simply not worth your time when there's far better so bad they're good films like The Room and Fateful Findings. Highly recommend watching them or watching them again instead of this rubbish.
0/10
Jeruzalem (2015)
Judgement day... (for this film)
Just wanted to say that the main character Sarah is probably the worst person to have with you in an apocalypse.
First off, she is constantly fiddling with her glasses right from the start and doing her best Velma impression when they keep falling off. When she is asked to evacuate the inner city in Jeruzalem she makes several people take a detour into a mental asylum to find Kevin and puts them all in danger. When the group finally try to evacuate the inner city through caves she has to be constantly dragged along with the group. Then at one point it turns out Rachel has been infected and will turn evil and violent soon, but she refuses to let the group abandon her right up till the point that Rachel turns on them. Then to top that off she loses the group, panics and ends up killing the only person who knows how to traverse the caves... brilliant. For her next trick, it turns out that Sarah herself is infected and she eventually turns herself. She basically hit every bad cliche a horror character can have! Wouldn't be surprised if Sarah was the actual one who brought about the apocalypse in the first place!
If I was in the same situation I think I would probably find Sarah, then run as far away from her as possible!
Not criticizing the film too much or the characters, film was pretty good and had a unique angle with the Google glass (or whatever brand it was) found footage perspective. Characters were all pretty fun as well. Overall would give this film a good 5.5/10.
The Harvesters (2017)
Not bad for a low budget film!
Clearly some actual effort went into this low budget production. The introduction starts off strong with shots and text font remaniscent of the original Halloween films and sets up this movie well. Unfortunately after this comes a very slow film.
The actors tried their best but unfortunately the plot is nothing special, and is the same plot you can find in some other classic films (won't spoil anything). The film also spends way too long building up to the action at the end, so the film wasn't really able to hold my attention.
To look on the positives of this film, unlike some other low budget films this one actually did a fairly decent job at building up horror in key moments due to nice looking costumes, locations and sounds design. In fact the noise made by "the murderers" in this film almost made me bump the overall score to a 4/10 alone!
It would be interesting to see what the same film crew could do if they they got a larger budget and made a sequel.
Seeing Evil (2019)
Seeing the inside of my eye lids
Going into this movie, I expected something more akin to the film 'The Eye' due to the similar sounding plot. So was looking forward to a low budget horror flick. However what I got was a low budget romance film with some mild horror and sci-fi moments tacked on.
The movie itself wasn't too bad, it had a vision (no pun intended) and managed to successfully fulfill that despite its low budget. The world seemed realistic and believable right up until the end. Taylor Girard also did a good job of playing the classic homeless man cursed after being struck by lighting role that we've all seen before in other films and grown to love!
My main issue with the film is that it seems to sell itself as a horror film from both the plot, poster and title. The film also starts in this way with the main character seeing what was either dead people or evil schizophrenic visions. However the film then quickly turns into some sort of romance flick before attempting some sci-fi ending to explain away the entire film.
Despite the fact that some of the dialogue was often cringy and there were issues with the tone of the film, I thought it was actually a pleasant (albeit bland) low budget film with a feel good story about Will. This is the type of film you put on on a Sunday morning when you can't be bothered to get out of bed or off the sofa and just want something on in the background to zone in and out of.
Overall low score but not a bad film, just not good.
Cold Pursuit (2019)
Weak Outing From Neeson
Judging by Liam Neeson's previous films, it seems almost mandatory now that his character has to play a family man who has to deal with the death or kidnapping of his family. Maybe its a requirement of any new project he takes on.
Having recently watched 'The Commuter' which I vaguely enjoyed and often had some compelling moments, I was expecting something similar in Cold Pursuit. What I got was something much weaker.
In this story Liam neeson is an upstanding citizen of Kehoe, who works as a plough operator to clear roads to keep Kehoe alive. Neeson's character loses his son when local drug dealers working for the Viking murder him to cover up their drug smuggling operations through the Kehoe airport. Neeson discovers this and sets out to take revenge. Soon the Viking suspects a rival drug organisations run by White Bull is responsible and a turf war breaks out.
Like most Neeson films, 'The Commuter' is an action thriller and I was expecting something similar here. However what I got was a half baked dark comedy action film, where neither the comedy nor the action was particularly good. Not only was the script quite weak but also the pacing of the film was pretty poor. Often during action scenes there would either be several cuts or the the film would entirely skip from the start of a scene to the end where Neeson dispatched the drug dealers without anything in the middle. Similarly the film would keep cutting between serious, action and comedic scenes leading to plenty of jokes and dialogue falling flat.
The characters in this film are also pretty poor. The Viking turns out to be a knock off Joaquin Phoenix who somehow runs a drug gang despite being a whiney unlikeable brat who is okay with killing his own men at the drop of a hat. White Bull is also a dull character who just walks around staring at things and sighing.
Liam Neeson's character is barely developed at all during the start of the film and turns into basically an assassin without much of a second thought. Neeson's character is not developed beyond the fact he had a son and wants revenge. It's almost like the director knew this was such a stereotypical role for Liam Neeson he skipped the initial development and dropped a few familiar plot points like a family in danger with a sly wink to the audience and made no attempt to differentiate this from previous roles Neeson has Taken (wink).
Another issue with character development was that the film was split into chapters, each one focused on a different gang member being killed. This meant that often characters would appear and then be killed all in the space of 5 minutes then never mentioned again. That is not enough time to develop characters nor enough time for the audience to have any emotional attachment to characters when they are killed, whether that be because the character is good or bad. I didn't care when anyone was killed. I didn't care when Neeson's son was killed after being in the film for about 2 minutes nor did I care when any of the gang members were killed.
The film plays out as you would expect with one big action shoot out between the two rival gangs with all the bad guys dying then Neeson riding off into the sunset without any criminal charges, despite killing multiple people and kidnapping a child.
Would not recommend this film, not even when it comes to any streaming service. Even if its free to watch, its not worth the 2 hours of your life.
Alita: Battle Angel (2019)
Visual Masterpiece
This is the latest film in cinemas from James Cameron which brings to life the Japanese Manga of the same name. Together they were able to create a rich and diverse world in which the film takes place.
Alita: Battle Angel follows the story of a cyborg nicknamed Alita who is found abandoned in a scrap yard in Iron City by Dr. Dyson Ido, who is able to successfully bring her back to life. Once revived Alita must start again experiencing the world a new and attempts to rediscover her lost past.
Alita herself was a very compelling protangonist and it was a pleasure to watch her grow and develop from the scrapyard and learn to live, love, laugh and cry again. Alita was both a strong female protangonist and a sensitive soul trying to improve the lives of those around her. She demonstrated that you can still be a strong lead while showing emotion, and despite the fact that she was a cyborg she was the most human character in this film.
Unfortunately the other characters were not nearly as well developed and often seemed hollow and boresome. For instance Alita's love interest Hugo seemed like a run of the mill young male character who's a bit of a rebel and shows Alita a different side to life. Characters other than Alita just seemed to disappear off screen for a while with minimal impact to the story. However luckily Alita herself was there to drive the story along and create compelling viewing. The range and interesting designs of the Hunter-Warrior characters present was a massive plus.
Part of the issue with the character development was down to the at times mediocre and cliche dialogue which fell flat. Some more character development for the side characters would have gone a long way and made certain scenes more emotive. However I understand that the film already had a long run time and some compromises have to be made during production.
Visually this film was very impressive. The world that has been created is full of life and stunning scenary; leading to some amazing scenes. However often scenes in the film were based inside rather dull and dark looking buildings and arenas meaning the audience didn't have enough time to take in and appreciate the whole of Iron City.
In terms of CGI it was top notch, especially the animation of characters such as Alita which looked flawless. However an underwater scene with Alita looked noticeably worse than the rest of the film, and the combination of real actors faces surrounded by obvious CGI was quite jarring at some times. But overall incredibly impressive and exciting if this is the new normal for CGI.
This film is absolutely packed with action. So much so that even when the story falls flat the audience is quickly taken to another action scene which helps distract from the often times mediocre dialogue and characters. The 2 hour run time of this film quickly passes as it is a quick paced film full of intense action scenes and combat, although there are some slower parts in order to give time to develop Alita.
I think overall this film deserves the praise it is getting and I am always happy to support new film ideas and projects which is why I bumped my score up from 7.5/10. Compelling viewing in the cinema but whether that translates to home viewing when you no longer have the impressive sound systems and massive scene is another matter.
The only question I have over this film is the ending. It seemed to be left on a cliffhanger which seems to suggest that a sequel was planned before the release of this film. This was a risky strategy as if the film bombed at the box office there probably wouldn't be one and the story would not have been concluded. Luckily it seems like the film is a reasonable success for Fox & Co. and a sequel seems likely which makes me happy.
The Christmas Light (1995)
Worst Thing I Have Ever Seen
Title says it all. Sitting through the 22 minute run time of this poorly animated 90's cartoon was absolute agony, so much so that I had to take a break half way through and decided to stop my weekly bad movie binge entirely afterwards.
The film focuses around a "mischevious" elf Burton Lemon who tries to improve the old process of toy making in Santa's workshop (see sweatshop) which would save the other elves months of hard work and provide much better presents to all the children of the world.
Instead of encouraging this productivity and innovation, the other elves band together to torment and bully this elf; leaving him isolated in his own cold desolate laboratory.
Unfortunately for Burton he hasn't fixed all the kinks in his new printing machine and the toys have a habit of exploding for absolutely no reason.
After years of torment from other elves and Santa shutting down his project, Burton finally loses it. Unfortunately for him things go from bad to worse as he is involved in a terrible accident where he is disintegrated and reforms as the hero of the film 'The Snowman' in terminator esc fashion with the addition of a cool tophat.
What follows is a bewildering nosensical plot where Santa and Burton battle it out. Santa battles Burton using his spaceship which he uses to abuct a young girl called Jennifer along the way, who has something called 'The Christmas Light'. As far as I can tell this is the pure spirit of Christmas, something Santa weirdly doesn't possess.
It was lucky that Santa ran into this girl as she is able to talk down Santa from murdering Burton by using his spaceship's rockets in this KIDS film. Instead the child is able to sing Burton back to his original form. The fact that Santa had to think about this decision for a while shows what sort of person he is in this film!
Apparently the lesson Burton learnt from this experience was that he shouldn't show off and that Santa & Isaak the elf were really his friends, ya know the very people who bullied and tormented him. Terrible moral lesson for kids.
Overall bad writing, animation, sound design, terrible characters and incredibly boring. Also looks nothing like Toy Story!
If you are into very bad movies or for some reason have a soft spot for mid-90's animation then is film is highly recommended. For anyone else protect your own sanity.