Cheesy, Yes, but Still Fun!
13 May 2003
Warning: Spoilers
SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS!

'Demetrius and the Gladiators', the sword-and-sandal sequel to 'The Robe', sets the tone from the opening frames, when the famous climax of the earlier film is repeated. As the emotionally-charged Alfred Newman theme is played, Jay Robinson as Caligula, hissing contempt, orders the execution of a stoic Diana and Marcellus (Jean Simmons and Richard Burton)...but wait! Up in the balcony are Susan Hayward and Barry Jones, as Messalina and Claudius, looking suitably imperious! As Diana directs a slave to give the robe of Jesus to "the big fisherman", only Messalina, at least 100 yards away, hears the instructions (she IS a crafty wench!), and the scene fades out, to be replaced by Franz Waxman's imperiously Roman theme music, and the title credits.

Demetrius (the ever-wooden Victor Mature), has assumed the position of second-in-command to Peter (again played, with dignity, by Michael Rennie), and has found happiness hanging around a pottery, where his love (played by Debra Paget), a young Christian girl (with VERY '50s makeup), works for her father. As Peter must make a trip to the north, he turns over the robe to the Greek, and tells the Christians to obey him. Unfortunately, Caligula, doing an 'about face' from the first film, decides he wants the robe, after all, and Messalina informs him where it is to be found. When Paget is pushed by a soldier, Demetrius jumps in, swinging, quickly getting himself arrested (so much for being a leader!), and, when he cannot prove he is a freed slave, he is assigned to Gladiator training, under gruff-but-likable Strabo (played by gruff-but-likable Ernest Borgnine!).

The school has all the usual stereotypes; Richard Egan (who would achieve '50s stardom being even MORE wooden than Mature!), is the sneering bully, William Marshall (with a Paul Robeson-like intensity), is the noble black ex-king turned gladiator who befriends Demetrius, etc. When Messalina visits, she immediately gets the hots for Demetrius, and decides she'll 'cure' his Christianity by making him fight his black friend to the death, for the Emperor's birthday. When, after winning (without, by the way, ANY gladiator training), the Greek refuses the Emperor's demand for 'No Mercy', and he then must fight three tigers (not being human, he CAN kill them!) Messalina, lust dripping from her pagan heart, orders the injured and unconscious Demetrius to be taken to her quarters, where she nurses him back to health.

Of course the noble Christian spurns her advances, but when his true love sneaks in to visit him during the next prefight orgy (a very G-rated affair!), Messalina, all jealous indignation, has Demetrius locked away, and the poor Christian girl is left to the mercy of Egan and his horny friends. The Greek prays for a miracle, the young girl swoons, and Anne Bancroft(!), another love slave, screams "She's DEAD!" Mature goes ballistic, blaming God for killing his love, and at last the film moves on into the Blood-and-Sex phase that everybody has been WAITING for! Demetrius kills Egan and his (actually innocent) buddies in the arena, rebukes Jesus and gives fealty to the Emperor, then shacks up for THREE MONTHS with Messalina, while her husband, Claudius, is ridiculed by Caligula! How the pious has fallen!

Finally Peter, escorted by Marshall, visits the sinning couple, and tells the sneering Demetrius to come to the pottery, if he wants to get Christ's robe for Caligula...and, SURPRISE!, Paget is NOT dead, only catatonic (actually, considering her performance, it's hard to tell the difference!) Naturally, the Greek prays for forgiveness, the girl recovers, and everything is as right as rain (other than the fact he's had a chance to savor Messalina's forbidden fruit for months!)

Caligula quickly RE-discovers the robe has no miraculous powers (his scene of commanding a murdered prisoner to rise, while wearing the robe, is a hoot!), and orders Strabo to kill Demetrius in the arena. Strabo is killed by a Praetorian Guard (only to REAPPEAR, alive, in the final scene...maybe the robe worked, after ALL!), then another Guardsman kills Caligula (acting schools around the country, REJOICE!), and Claudius is named Emperor. Messalina promises to be a good Empress, and not mess around with the hired help, anymore (yeah, right!), and Demetrius, Marshall (carrying the robe), and Peter leave the Palace, to the swell of Waxman's finale.

Seeing Bancroft, Julie Newmar (in an unbilled role as a court dancer), and Borgnine are added pleasures, but the REAL fun in this movie is watching Robinson define 'ham' as the scenery-chewing Emperor! While the moral message of "Have as MUCH fun as you can, THEN ask forgiveness" may have Christian ministers cringing, the film always maintains a '50s approach to sin and sex, always as implied rather than demonstrated, so it can be safely viewed by the entire family!

Cheesy? You bet! But ENJOYABLE cheese!
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