Combat High (1986 TV Movie)
3/10
Aye Carumba! This movie sucks. (spoilers)
21 September 2004
Warning: Spoilers
I love Keith Gordon as a director (I highly recommend his films: 'The Chocolate War' and 'A Midnight Clear'), but as an actor, he just fails to engage, with the exception of his role in 'The Legend of Billie Jean.' He always comes off as this smart-ass, hopeless doofus and one that, at least in this movie, was already too old to play a high school teenager. This is not the kind of comedy on line with the Police Academy series, but more in gear with the unfunny 80s comedy, Bachelor Party. Sure, a few things here and there can belt you a laugh, but overall, when does the good stuff start happening? Well, never really. And this certainly isn't Keith Gordon's fault. There just weren't enough significant details in the story to make you care what happens.

The story goes like this: Keith Gordon is prankster and underachiever (except in the pranks department), Max. His buddy is stuttering, soft-spoken sidekick Perry (Wally Ward, who, by the way was great as Archie in 'The Chocolate War'). Both Max and Perry, who have pulled one prank too many, are shipped off to an uptight military school. Perry may be willing to succumb to the rules in order to avoid trouble, but Max isn't about to endure the punishment, and blows it off any order given to him. Superior officers have no meaning to Max. What's worse is, Max is going to have to work solo on this pranks project, since Perry gets interested in a girl (Tina Casparay from 'Can't Hardly Wait'), who likewise shows a similar interest and starts climbing the military ladder in order to impress her.

You've probably noticed George Clooney's name in the credits. He plays Max's bunkmate, Biff, who's father runs the school. Biff is the tough guy, but is more interested in getting his father to show some real affection towards him. You know, stop calling him 'Major' and start calling him 'Son.'

The ending, of course, is your typical 80s teen lesson in self-esteem, both for Perry and Biff, and even lonely Andrea (Dana Hill from 'National Lampoon's Vacation'), who has her eye on a rude schoolmate who doesn't care much about her. It has to do with a school wide game of capture the flag with the Russians. But neither of these sequences are fart-warming, let alone funny. Even the series of pranks aren't that funny. It's more like watching a movie from the makers of 'Police Academy' and waiting for Police Academy humor, but get nothing more than 'Ski Patrol' humor (a turkey movie by the same makers, although still much funnier than this). This one is just as big a turkey with your only laughs coming from Richard Moll who plays the seriously deranged science teacher.
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