[Editors note: BEWARE, THIS COMMENT CONTAINS SPOILERS]
OK I realise this is meant to be a satire of sorts but satires are supposed to be intelligent. This was one of the dumbest movies I've seen for years, unless it was a fiendishly clever p*ss take of the Beverly Hills 90210 fans in the audience.
1. Near the beginning Carmen is flying her little spaceship at the limits of human skill *inside* a bigger ship, yet she's only a novice pilot. You'd have thought this would require at least some concentration yet all the actress can portray is a vacant grin.
2. Why is the fleet always crammed together like sardines? So much so that they seem to crash into each other whenever something unexpected happens. This is outer space y'know. There's *lots* of room out there.
3. The troopers spend ammo like popcorn seeming to never run out until the going gets *really* tough. Then someone says "Make every round count". Are you kidding me?
4. Hollywood pretty boys and girls trying to convince us that they're tough hombres/hombre-esses and not airheads. No sale.
5. Superior medicine seems to cure all at the beginning, but the captain asks to be killed near the end because his legs have been cut off. Hey what's the problem?
6. Carmen's had her chest skewered by a bug. Not only does she remain conscious and alert. But when the bug withdraws its talon she just carries on as though nothing has happened. Hey babe, you've lost a lung and probably had your aorta pierced, but you've got more energy than *I* have.
On the plus side, at least the film kept my attention and I watched it right to the end. The special effects were good, if repetitive. But why, oh why, use that cast? They were crap, Clancy Brown and Michael Ironside apart. They always give good value. You felt they were aware of the basic sillyness of the script. If only the same could be said for the younger cast members. They played it absolutely stony-faced straight. Dina Mayer and Jake Busey were not bad though. Casper Van Dien and Denise Richards should be fed to the brain bug. We might win then.
OK I realise this is meant to be a satire of sorts but satires are supposed to be intelligent. This was one of the dumbest movies I've seen for years, unless it was a fiendishly clever p*ss take of the Beverly Hills 90210 fans in the audience.
1. Near the beginning Carmen is flying her little spaceship at the limits of human skill *inside* a bigger ship, yet she's only a novice pilot. You'd have thought this would require at least some concentration yet all the actress can portray is a vacant grin.
2. Why is the fleet always crammed together like sardines? So much so that they seem to crash into each other whenever something unexpected happens. This is outer space y'know. There's *lots* of room out there.
3. The troopers spend ammo like popcorn seeming to never run out until the going gets *really* tough. Then someone says "Make every round count". Are you kidding me?
4. Hollywood pretty boys and girls trying to convince us that they're tough hombres/hombre-esses and not airheads. No sale.
5. Superior medicine seems to cure all at the beginning, but the captain asks to be killed near the end because his legs have been cut off. Hey what's the problem?
6. Carmen's had her chest skewered by a bug. Not only does she remain conscious and alert. But when the bug withdraws its talon she just carries on as though nothing has happened. Hey babe, you've lost a lung and probably had your aorta pierced, but you've got more energy than *I* have.
On the plus side, at least the film kept my attention and I watched it right to the end. The special effects were good, if repetitive. But why, oh why, use that cast? They were crap, Clancy Brown and Michael Ironside apart. They always give good value. You felt they were aware of the basic sillyness of the script. If only the same could be said for the younger cast members. They played it absolutely stony-faced straight. Dina Mayer and Jake Busey were not bad though. Casper Van Dien and Denise Richards should be fed to the brain bug. We might win then.