Well, you'll tell me I should have known. It was shown on Channel 5 - wasn't that enough to warn me? (But they showed GOODFELLAS the other week). I could have mis-keyed the VideoPlus+ code. I could have run out of tapes. I could have posted a pop-tart into the VCR.
I could have spared myself.
But no. I had to tape it. And, having taped it, I had to watch it. And now - I don't known when I'm going to be able to drive that terrible image from my mind.
Sometimes - for whole minutes at a time - it's as if it never happened. But it's just when you think that you have overcome the effects of the trauma that you realise that it's still with you; haunting your memory, staining your life.
That's how it is with me.
And here I am, in the clear light of morning, knowing that the image that maimed my night-time dreams has not gone away, will not go away, may never go away.
That sight. It's rising up before me now, obscuring my vision. I can't stop it.
It's Denise Richards. She's turning towards me (oh no). She's opening her mouth (please, no). She's looking straight at me (why me?)
SHE'S GRINNING AT ME! NOT AGAIN!! PLEASE STOP!!! DO SOMETHING ELSE, WOMAN. SNEER, FROWN, SMILE, ANYTHING BUT THAT AWFUL GRIN!!!
Sign me up for 20 years service in the Federation. Let my brain be eaten by Bugs. Give me Double Administrative Punishment. Anything. But never, ever again make me suffer that grin, those teeth...
And then I'll be happy. Happy, I tell you. The way I was before IT happened. Happy - and sane again.
I could have spared myself.
But no. I had to tape it. And, having taped it, I had to watch it. And now - I don't known when I'm going to be able to drive that terrible image from my mind.
Sometimes - for whole minutes at a time - it's as if it never happened. But it's just when you think that you have overcome the effects of the trauma that you realise that it's still with you; haunting your memory, staining your life.
That's how it is with me.
And here I am, in the clear light of morning, knowing that the image that maimed my night-time dreams has not gone away, will not go away, may never go away.
That sight. It's rising up before me now, obscuring my vision. I can't stop it.
It's Denise Richards. She's turning towards me (oh no). She's opening her mouth (please, no). She's looking straight at me (why me?)
SHE'S GRINNING AT ME! NOT AGAIN!! PLEASE STOP!!! DO SOMETHING ELSE, WOMAN. SNEER, FROWN, SMILE, ANYTHING BUT THAT AWFUL GRIN!!!
Sign me up for 20 years service in the Federation. Let my brain be eaten by Bugs. Give me Double Administrative Punishment. Anything. But never, ever again make me suffer that grin, those teeth...
And then I'll be happy. Happy, I tell you. The way I was before IT happened. Happy - and sane again.