The Smokers (2000)
2/10
Not funny enough to be a camp classic (spoilers)
30 December 2002
Warning: Spoilers
Completely laughable depiction of three private-school girls who, fed up with the domination boys have over them, decide on some violent revenge that ultimately backfires on them. At first, I assumed that the movie would be a dark-comedy satire -- which might have worked -- but instead it was a straight-up drama that will head directly to the Camp section of your local all-night video rental.

There is no one element of this movie that fails; the acting, script, cinematography, sound, music, and direction all stink. Busy Phillips as Karen is so over-the-top psycho you wonder why anyone else hangs around her. Keri Lynn Pratt simpers and whimpers as victim-for-life Lisa (take two big career steps backwards, Keri!). Dominique Swain as Jefferson is (I guess) the voice of reason between the two, and lends a completely unnecessary and ludicrous narration to the movie. Thora Birch attempts to out-psycho Phillips and succeeds, and both of them corner the market on Wal-Mart cosmetics. And those four were actually the best actors in the film!

The men were so much worse, especially Nicholas Loeb. He sleepwalks through his part as Jeremy the Dork Who Really Is A Great Guy and mumbles his lines and makes standing still and looking stupid a virtue. How did he get cast in this role, you may ask? Well, he did a gig as a waiter in "Primary Colors" ... and he was the producer for "The Smokers". Wow, a double whammy! He's a multi-tasking stinker! Oliver Hudson and Ryan Browning don't do a lot better, although one of them (who cares) gets to get shot by Miss Victim -- accidentally, of course -- after getting totally turned on by her secret identity as one of the three female rapists.

So our intrepid young female rapists don't actually rape anyone, but they wag their pistol in some male faces, which they deem equivalent to the way guys have sex with them. (This is the problem with sleeping with teen-age boys, by the way.) Karen flips out and gets more and more difficult to control, but it's Lisa who gets to blow someone away. While Jefferson attempts to create a diversion and Jeremy TDWRIAGG helps Lisa, Karen gets caught in a bathroom with a burning shower curtain and manages to die with the pistol. How convenient! How Deus Ex Machina can you get? Well ... the movie ends with narration as Jefferson tells us how everyone ends up ten or fifteen years down the road, despite the fact that everything in this movie looks like it's in present time.

In short, this movie manages to be misogynistic and demeaning while supposedly championing feminist impulses. Pseudo-rapes are eroticized to pander to hormonal audiences, while consensual sex is mostly portrayed as degrading. This film has absolutely no redeeming qualities whatsoever, which makes you wonder what the New York Independent Film & Video Festival was thinking when it gave this crap the Audience Award. Dreck like this is almost enough to make you avoid independent films altogether. I give it a 2; it would be camp except that it's not funny enough, a la Battlefield Earth, one of the great unintentional comedies of the last ten years.
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