But to say that degrades Conan the Barbarian, which is a world with slut-goddesses and pagan idols of gore and bloodshed. But It's pretty clear early on that this is not a movie capable of that level of intelligence. The Scorpion King is so vapid, obvious, styleless, thoughtless, inconsequential, and derivative that it only wanders away from the action/adventure cookie-cutter to make jokes in the 'Indiana shoots the swordsman' kind. Acting would be less hollow if it were performed by a print mold. But i did learn some things:
Metallic blades are very sharp and loud(*shling*), humans sound very juicy. It's fun to carry around human heads to prove points in conversation. Nipples magnetically cling to human hair and clothing. Repeating jingles makes it ok when your friends die. No such thing as an ugly woman in Barbaria. Even nomad mercenaries need blithering smart asses and zany inventors as sidekicks. "Why is The Rock willing to die to kill the seethy villain? He killed who? Oh, I forgot about him.." Women will kick you.. you know where. Only virgins have special powers.
I've seen too many movies where a kid can disembowel someone and a second after look so "Aww don't you just wanna squeeze him and wobble his head he's so cute." This movie is as bad as Wild Wild West.
Metallic blades are very sharp and loud(*shling*), humans sound very juicy. It's fun to carry around human heads to prove points in conversation. Nipples magnetically cling to human hair and clothing. Repeating jingles makes it ok when your friends die. No such thing as an ugly woman in Barbaria. Even nomad mercenaries need blithering smart asses and zany inventors as sidekicks. "Why is The Rock willing to die to kill the seethy villain? He killed who? Oh, I forgot about him.." Women will kick you.. you know where. Only virgins have special powers.
I've seen too many movies where a kid can disembowel someone and a second after look so "Aww don't you just wanna squeeze him and wobble his head he's so cute." This movie is as bad as Wild Wild West.