I had no interest in seeing JEEPERS CREEPERS II, but lately I've been in the mood for some horror containing thinly-disguised homoeroticism. Another spin of FRIGHT NIGHT wasn't gonna do it for me this time, so I rented THE BROTHERHOOD. But that's possibly the cheesiest, most boring horror movie of the last five years, so I looked for something else.
I didn't care for the first (I hesitate to say "original") JC. It had a terrific opening, but when the Creeper revealed himself, the movie sunk into a morass of tired horror clichés and incredulous plot points. No way would I sit through a sequel, I decided at the time. But when JC2 was released, I read all about the manflesh on display, which was not surprising considering who the director was. So I decided to give it a shot someday.
That day came yesterday. (I was in the mood for a newish horror flick, but CABIN FEVER--my first choice--was out.) But last week I finally got around to checking out FINAL DESTINATION 2, a sequel better than I expected (though inferior to the original). So, judging by that, I thought maybe JC2 wouldn't suck.
But I shouldn't have been so hopeful. Sure, the setup--kids trapped and isolated in the middle of nowhere with no means of escape (reminiscent of the best segment in CREEPSHOW II)--held promise, and there's plenty of male eye candy to go around, but the mediocre acting and wretched dialogue make it impossible to care about any of these teenagers (who, in grand cinematic tradition, are played by actors in their 20s). Their reactions to the horrors around them are maddingly mild; coaches and teammates are knocked off, but these kids barely whimper. There was one scene of honest emotion (one character begs for forgiveness about some racial nonsense), but this moment was frustratingly brief. And this movie seems to beg for mocking backtalk and helpful advice to be shouted at it. Examples: One character tries to become top dog by saying, "It's time to stop being polite..." I'm sure I'm not the first one who had a "Real World" flashback and responded with, "...and start getting real!" Other moments have been done to death in other similar movies, like when characters stop to stare at the bad guy instead of moving their asses. In JC2 a few kids find an abandoned truck in the middle of nowhere, but take a moment to watch the Creeper, um, creep toward them. Get in and get the hell outta there, ya idiots!
I'm tired of bad movies, but never get tired of bitching about them. So allow me to wonder where the law enforcement is where the Creeper stalks. A group of high school students fails to return from an out-of-town game, yet nobody comes looking for them. (And where are their parents?) Guess the movie's too chintzy (and too aware of its target audience) to hire any more adults than necessary. Which is too bad, since the bus driver--the only character that commanded my attention--was a grownup. At the time I didn't know what about her appealed to me, but a simple IMDb search made it clear. Aha! She was the faux stewardess ("it's my sister's uniform") in MIRACLE MILE, a movie I've always liked. (Since she was my favorite character in JC2, of course she wouldn't survive long.) And it was nice to see Laura Palmer's killer get work again, although this won't be a movie Ray Wise will happily include on his resumé. Near the end of JC2, during his final confrontation with the Creeper, he goes all Young Tommy Jarvis on the bat man, repeatedly stabbing his torso while wailing, "Die! Die!" Not a clip that'll be shown in the future Oscar Death Montage eulogizing him, I imagine.
But what about the Creeper? Forgive me for not remembering if this was covered in the first movie, but what is this creature? Where does it come from? How does one explain its physiology, or its ability to elude documentation of its existence? Doesn't this rural area think it's strange that there are a wave of missing person reports every twenty three years? And does this movie take place twenty three years after the first one? If so, then why are people still driving cars from the 1950s? (Maybe they're just supremely crafted American machinery, since the last scene in JC2 definitely takes place twenty three years later, yet these vehicles are still around.)
A less important question I had was what sport these kids played. It was never revealed, but, with the prevalence of black students on the team, I'm assuming it was basketball. Forgive my ignorance, but are there many black families in the rural farming communities of the northern plains (where I presume this movie is set)? Are high school hoopsmen this physically developed? And why are there only three cheerleaders along for the ride home?
I guess none of this matters to the filmmakers, since for some reason there's no title card affixed to the movie. Anyone seeing this movie without knowing it's a sequel would have no clue what it was. This inexplicable omission implies that this could be any random Dead Teenager movie, which, it turns out, would be the right call.
No way am I gonna see the inevitable JC3, unless, of course, there are more athletic, bare-chested young men to ogle.
I didn't care for the first (I hesitate to say "original") JC. It had a terrific opening, but when the Creeper revealed himself, the movie sunk into a morass of tired horror clichés and incredulous plot points. No way would I sit through a sequel, I decided at the time. But when JC2 was released, I read all about the manflesh on display, which was not surprising considering who the director was. So I decided to give it a shot someday.
That day came yesterday. (I was in the mood for a newish horror flick, but CABIN FEVER--my first choice--was out.) But last week I finally got around to checking out FINAL DESTINATION 2, a sequel better than I expected (though inferior to the original). So, judging by that, I thought maybe JC2 wouldn't suck.
But I shouldn't have been so hopeful. Sure, the setup--kids trapped and isolated in the middle of nowhere with no means of escape (reminiscent of the best segment in CREEPSHOW II)--held promise, and there's plenty of male eye candy to go around, but the mediocre acting and wretched dialogue make it impossible to care about any of these teenagers (who, in grand cinematic tradition, are played by actors in their 20s). Their reactions to the horrors around them are maddingly mild; coaches and teammates are knocked off, but these kids barely whimper. There was one scene of honest emotion (one character begs for forgiveness about some racial nonsense), but this moment was frustratingly brief. And this movie seems to beg for mocking backtalk and helpful advice to be shouted at it. Examples: One character tries to become top dog by saying, "It's time to stop being polite..." I'm sure I'm not the first one who had a "Real World" flashback and responded with, "...and start getting real!" Other moments have been done to death in other similar movies, like when characters stop to stare at the bad guy instead of moving their asses. In JC2 a few kids find an abandoned truck in the middle of nowhere, but take a moment to watch the Creeper, um, creep toward them. Get in and get the hell outta there, ya idiots!
I'm tired of bad movies, but never get tired of bitching about them. So allow me to wonder where the law enforcement is where the Creeper stalks. A group of high school students fails to return from an out-of-town game, yet nobody comes looking for them. (And where are their parents?) Guess the movie's too chintzy (and too aware of its target audience) to hire any more adults than necessary. Which is too bad, since the bus driver--the only character that commanded my attention--was a grownup. At the time I didn't know what about her appealed to me, but a simple IMDb search made it clear. Aha! She was the faux stewardess ("it's my sister's uniform") in MIRACLE MILE, a movie I've always liked. (Since she was my favorite character in JC2, of course she wouldn't survive long.) And it was nice to see Laura Palmer's killer get work again, although this won't be a movie Ray Wise will happily include on his resumé. Near the end of JC2, during his final confrontation with the Creeper, he goes all Young Tommy Jarvis on the bat man, repeatedly stabbing his torso while wailing, "Die! Die!" Not a clip that'll be shown in the future Oscar Death Montage eulogizing him, I imagine.
But what about the Creeper? Forgive me for not remembering if this was covered in the first movie, but what is this creature? Where does it come from? How does one explain its physiology, or its ability to elude documentation of its existence? Doesn't this rural area think it's strange that there are a wave of missing person reports every twenty three years? And does this movie take place twenty three years after the first one? If so, then why are people still driving cars from the 1950s? (Maybe they're just supremely crafted American machinery, since the last scene in JC2 definitely takes place twenty three years later, yet these vehicles are still around.)
A less important question I had was what sport these kids played. It was never revealed, but, with the prevalence of black students on the team, I'm assuming it was basketball. Forgive my ignorance, but are there many black families in the rural farming communities of the northern plains (where I presume this movie is set)? Are high school hoopsmen this physically developed? And why are there only three cheerleaders along for the ride home?
I guess none of this matters to the filmmakers, since for some reason there's no title card affixed to the movie. Anyone seeing this movie without knowing it's a sequel would have no clue what it was. This inexplicable omission implies that this could be any random Dead Teenager movie, which, it turns out, would be the right call.
No way am I gonna see the inevitable JC3, unless, of course, there are more athletic, bare-chested young men to ogle.