Review of Scorcher

Scorcher (I) (2002)
2/10
Direct-to-video bomb -- waste of time
20 April 2003
This movie is an entirely forgettable low-budget production.

It's got dumb writing and obnoxious contrived characters and situations serving only as random obstacles to a paperthin 'plot' having to do with some world-threatening geological disorder, which, according to the Scientists, can be fixed only by nuking the city of Los Angeles. That's it! That's the whole movie: The President (Rutger Hauer) says go for it, so they go nuke L.A. Kaboom, The End. Except for those obstacles along the way, which are : 1) Traffic. They don't just fly the damn bomb in on a helicopter, they DRIVE IT from the airport. While the city is being EVACUATED. 2) Then there's Some Annoying Guy with a blowtorch, who wants to set fire to Some Chick, who is the daughter of the special forces Colonel assigned to nuking L.A.; she gets out of her mess by using some gratuitously product-placed pager to page (oh no sorry : INSTANT MESSAGE) Daddy. This pointless subplot grates on forever, but even that didn't quite manage to pad the movie to the intended length of 95 minutes, so they throw in obstacle number 3: Some Other Annoying Guy who annoys everyone for another 15 minutes or so, at which point the good guys blows up L.A along with the annoying guy and everybody's happy. Unbelievable piece of trash.

Oh, if you have to watch this, be sure to look for all the lifted pieces of footage from other films and the last L.A. riots. The cheapo F/X are pretty fun too.
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